Travelingheart Posted April 26, 2017 Share Posted April 26, 2017 I'm going to try to make this as short as possible, so here goes. My girlfriend and I have known each other since high school, so about a little over a decade. We never dated then, and I had a terrible home-life, so my main focus was to just get out. Which I did after my mom passed away out of nowhere when I was 16. I moved to a different state and did my best to start over with people who knew nothing of my past. And it was everything I could have ever wished for. I got my GED, enrolled in college, bought a car, bought a house, at this point I should tell you that I am a lesbian, and my family hated me for it. I had never been with a man, and had no intentions or desires to ever be with one. Well in my messed up mind I thought that maybe if I sucked it up and married a man (my best guy friend) that maybe I would win my family over. Obviously that didn't work like I had hoped it would. I was miserable, he was a great guy, but.. well.. I just wasn't attracted to him. However I have always wanted kids, so I decided to try to stick it out. We conceived. My body failed me. I lost my little girl at 19 weeks. Afterwards I found out he had been cheating on me with my best friend along with 2 other women. Which honestly didn't even phase me much, I filed for divorce and he moved out. Sweet, simple and to the point. During this time my current girlfriend and I started talking more. We had never actually lost contact since my move, her move, my marriage & divorce, her deployments, we were always talking and I would make random visits to see her and my best friend. However the first time I visited after separating from my husband was different. I stayed the night and then the next day as we were texting, the idea of us being in a relationship came up. Fast forward a year, we had plans for her to move down to where I lived... until I decided that I didn't want to take her away from her family, and since I didn't have any family, we decided that I should move up. Looking back, it's probably the worst mistake I've ever made. I went from living in a city that I loved with friends that I loved and knew very little about my past, to the small town that I grew up in that knew everything about me. Soon after moving, my depression that I thought I had overcome returned in full force, along with anxiety and just the overall feeling of not being good enough. And no matter what I do, I can't seem to get through to her that I'm not okay. I'm constantly reminded of all of her ex girlfriends and of my abusive childhood. I have one friend here that I see from time to time, other than that, anything and everything we do revolves around her and her family. But then she gets upset when I want to come along on some random outing. I know she needs her alone time, and I give her as much as I possibly can. But I can't seem to make her realize that I am constantly feeling alone and out of place. I feel like I've become nothing but a burden. I'm on medication for anxiety, depression, insomnia, and high blood pressure. I also have a future appointment with a counselor. My main question here, is what can I do to get through to her that she is not the only one in this relationship and that she is hurting me by leaving me out of things? Link to comment
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