jmann45 Posted April 19, 2017 Author Share Posted April 19, 2017 Thank you all. Im seeing her tonight to tell her that its officially over. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 Thank you all. Im seeing her tonight to tell her that its officially over. Just be prepared for tears and a big "poor ME!!!" routine. Wonder if she'll even try sex. Anyway, if she puts on a big production ask her this: "If I hadn't seen that ONE message, would you have blocked them on your own? Or would you just keep letting them send you d*ck pics?" See what she says. And make sure she answers the question without deflecting. Link to comment
jmann45 Posted April 19, 2017 Author Share Posted April 19, 2017 Just be prepared for tears and a big "poor ME!!!" routine. Wonder if she'll even try sex. Anyway, if she puts on a big production ask her this: "If I hadn't seen that ONE message, would you have blocked them on your own? Or would you just keep letting them send you d*ck pics?" See what she says. And make sure she answers the question without deflecting. I figured. If she says that yes she would have blocked them on her own, should I reconsider anything? Or should my main goal still be to break it up. I dont understand what the purpose of that question would be. And of course i do plan to, as soon as i see her, tell her to let me see that she's blocked those guys. There's a chance that she hasn't, and that'll probably be the easiest way out. but if she hands me her phone without hesitation and allows me to look at her blocked list, i know this relationship will never again be the same. She's already ruined the trust. Where should I go from there? Link to comment
SadSadgirl Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 I figured. If she says that yes she would have blocked them on her own, should I reconsider anything? she's only telling you what you want to hear. if that was really the case, she would've done it already Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 If she would have blocked them on her own...what was she waiting for? Was she waiting for just one more pic of their penises before she blocked them? You know, one more to add to her personal collection? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 I figured. If she says that yes she would have blocked them on her own, should I reconsider anything? Or should my main goal still be to break it up. I dont understand what the purpose of that question would be. And of course i do plan to, as soon as i see her, tell her to let me see that she's blocked those guys. There's a chance that she hasn't, and that'll probably be the easiest way out. but if she hands me her phone without hesitation and allows me to look at her blocked list, i know this relationship will never again be the same. She's already ruined the trust. Where should I go from there? Good grief! We have advised you over and over. How many times do we have to tell you the same thing! I don't understand what you want from us!!! Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 i agree the question wouldn't change anything. if she wanted to she would've blocked them the moment they sent the pics/texts. she can say anything now and it wouldn't mean squat. so i wouldn't ask. i wouldn't ask to see her blocked list either. if they are blocked it was because she did it with clenched teeth as she had no other options, you don't know the number of present past and future guys she does the same with who have never and will never be blocked, and there are men literally everywhere and she'd have no boundaries with them either. what you do know is that she values their validation, and the only heartbreak she knows is narcissistic injury in form of disinterest or a turndown as the ultimate message she's nothing of the sort a man with standards would want. i wouldn't discuss anything, because she has shown everything. i'm sure there's more pathetic stuff where her last poor me salad came from, but it's nothing i'd be interested in hearing. be selective with what needs to be both said and heard. filter out the nonsense, and there's nothing left. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted April 19, 2017 Share Posted April 19, 2017 Agreed - dump her, move on. She owes you nothing, including showing you the blocked list. Link to comment
jmann45 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Share Posted April 20, 2017 Dumped her on the phone just now. She was crying. She even offered to delete her Snapchat and what not. Said she was extremely sorry that she ed up. After I hung up I received massive texts from her stating that she can't and won't stop thinking about me. She's never felt that way about anyone else yadayada. Says that all she wants is for me to be happy and was hoping that we can work through this little issue. I haven't replied. But I feel bad. I feel like her offering to delete her social media was a huge thing to say. I'm just kinda lost right now. Not sure if I did the right thing after hearing everything she had to say. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 You shouldn't have to police her for correct behavior. You should be with someone who respects you without being forced to. Link to comment
jmann45 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Share Posted April 20, 2017 You shouldn't have to police her for correct behavior. You should be with someone who respects you without being forced to. That's exactly what I told her. I'm not going to babysit her through this relationship. But her response just made me think twice and I felt like she genuinely understood that she made a mistake and was willing to do anything to fix it. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 I read everyone's replies and advice, but right after I read it, I received these messages from her. Which is making me second guess. She did vent to me yesterday saying that she is always in fear that I might find someone new and leave her for them. Could it be that through this fear, she wants to keep these guys around in case I leave ? That's an excuse. Don't second guess yourself. She's now justifying eceiving them when before she had no control over it? I'm a woman that has received unsolicited pics from men and I attest to the fact that I can shut it down in one flat second. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 That's exactly what I told her. I'm not going to babysit her through this relationship. But her response just made me think twice and I felt like she genuinely understood that she made a mistake and was willing to do anything to fix it. You're allowed to have second thoughts! I can tell you're trying to be rational but your heart doesn't want to allow it. That's normal - just keep persevering. You'll find someone sweet and considerate! Link to comment
jmann45 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Share Posted April 20, 2017 [ATTACH]11380[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]11381[/ATTACH][ATTACH]11382[/ATTACH] Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 You have an iPhone obviously. You don't necessarily need to block her - although it would be good - but at the very least tap the little i by her name on her texts and switch it to Do Not Disturb so you don't get notified of messages Link to comment
jmann45 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Share Posted April 20, 2017 She just messaged me saying that she's headed over right now. She lives about 45 minutes away. I'm not sure what to do at this point. She said she can't take it and needs to see me. I'm thinking about just acting like I'm asleep and not respond when she's here. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 Why didn't you tell her not to come? You make things so difficult for yourself. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 of course she turned on the waterworks. she did the last time too- and both times she was broken over losing a source of validation, both times she minimized her behavior ("little issue"?!) and both times she made it about her (poor her, SHE can't handle being broken up with, she is coming over to be consoled, even though you just dumped her). you made her feel so good, you made her bad days good ones, ahhh this pain she's in, it hurts her. she cared jacksh-- about how hurtful it was to do this to you, and appreciated you enough to entertain dikpikers, and would continue to if not caught, and if she blocked everyone she'd be hoeing around wherever there were men is my guess, given the appeal that attention has for her. argh. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 As I read all of this I keep wondering how old this girl/woman is? Some people just do not know how to be in a secure, loving and respectful relationship. Seeing potential in them doesn't mean you should be the one to teach them how to treat the person they say they love. This will be a lesson learned for both of you. Does she rate a second chance? Her past behaviors and choices pretty much tell that story. Perhaps next time when you get into a relationship you can talk to your partner about your expectations for the relationship. Just spell out what you think makes a healthy and happy relationship and see if they agree or not, don't tell them like you are stating rules, just explain your thoughts on it. Of course you will mention that you believe once a person is in a committed relationship allowing people to send inappropriate pics and texts isn't something you would accept. Lost Link to comment
eldasensei Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 OP this one needs a lot of attention Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 He has been quiet. I have a bad feeling. Link to comment
jmann45 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Share Posted April 20, 2017 She came to my house and called and we met up and she whined and kept saying she was sorry and kept saying she'll do anything to keep me and that she feels like shi** for what she did. I can't see anyone like that so I told her to just let me think. We talked about what we should/shouldn't be doing and our outlook on "relationships". We clarified lots of things that should have been clarified when we just started this relationship. I told her that I'm going to take a step back until I'm comfortable enough to get back into it. And I'm not sure when that will be or if i will ever be comfortable again. She started pouting again like a little kid and I ignored it. That's where we left things. We then just hung out for about 3 hours. Didn't have sex. She did drive 30-45 mins to come to my house, it must mean something to her. I haven't been in too many relationships at all but I think when someone is doing as much as she did when I dumped her, it must have meant a lot to her. She also mentioned that she couldn't sleep, or focus on anything. I just felt allitle bit of empathy for her. With all this being said, ever since last night, I still feel like it won't work out for some reason. Deep down I know I'm going to tell her in a week or 2 that I just can't do it. I'm already feeling insecure about everything now. She messed it all up Link to comment
jmann45 Posted April 20, 2017 Author Share Posted April 20, 2017 Why didn't you tell her not to come? You make things so difficult for yourself. I saw the texts after she had left and I messaged her not to come but she said she was driving and saw them when she got here. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 I can't believe you hung out for three hours. Why are you prolonging this? I think that that is a bit sadistic. Even if you weren't dating, I question the judgment of any women accepting pics. I mean, how disrespectful for a man to send these things. She has no boundaries! The fact that she was in a relationship and entertaining any type of attention from guys - most especially the pics - says a lot about her. Value yourself, and choose better quality girls. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted April 20, 2017 Share Posted April 20, 2017 You are trying to be nice but you're actually being awful. "Hang out until I decide I want to be with you... if I do" Be better than this. Pick a side. Commit. She's playing you, man. Link to comment
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