Found a guy sending my girlfriend inappropriate pictures. Take a step back?

[HeartGoesOn]

She now has more time to think about how to find a better way to cover her tracks, the next time around.

[boltnrun]

Three hours. Hmmm...

 

Did you have sex with her while she was there?

 

Remember I said she'd try sex? Wonder if she did and it worked.

[jmann45]

Three hours. Hmmm...

 

Did you have sex with her while she was there?

 

Remember I said she'd try sex? Wonder if she did and it worked.

 

No. If you read my reply carefully, it says that we didn't have sex. We just talked. And then ended up getting distracted by a movie that was on. Then she just fell asleep. When she woke up, she said that stopping sex for a while will help or relationship. I agreed.

 

(We normally had sex multiple times almost every time we saw each other) I think stopping that will clarify some things.

[jmann45]

I noticed some of you asking about our age, we are both in our early 20's

[mustlovedogs]

Dude! She manipulated you!!! This thread is incredibly frustrating - you CHOOSE to be blind to the consensus of a dozen strangers!

[jmann45]

Dude! She manipulated you!!! This thread is incredibly frustrating - you CHOOSE to be blind to the consensus of a dozen strangers!

 

In all honesty I have a feeling that I'll end it pretty soon. I thought that this new insecurity that formed in my head after I saw the guy sending her pics would go away after we talked about it. But she and I talked for a long time last night and I still feel insecure. It didn't go away. I will probably end it very soon.

 

We usually hang out every day but ever since this thing happened, we didn't see each other for 2 days. Which killed her inside. And today I made plans with my friends. We're both pretty busy for the next few days, I think that'll help me get some distance.

[mustlovedogs]

....

 

If it will end, just man up and end it!!

 

It doesn't change that she's manipulating you.

 

My goodness.

 

I'm out. Good luck. Do your thing, watch it implode, come here and complain afterwards, etc etc. have fun.

[jmann45]

Thank you for your help. All you are right. I'm just not the type of person to say no to someone who cries in front of me. That's something I need to work on. But for now, im going to drag it along contacting her minimally and not hanging out. She'll get the hint

[boltnrun]

Well, at least she knows now she can continue receiving penis pics and do whatever else she wants, because all she has to do is cry and you'll backpedal.

 

She actually has YOU feeling sorry for HER!

[Hollyj]

Well, at least she knows now she can continue receiving penis pics and do whatever else she wants, because all she has to do is cry and you'll backpedal.

 

She actually has YOU feeling sorry for HER!

 

The whole scenario is ridiculous!

[RainyCoast]

i agree with everyone of course. to a t.

 

i also understand that, although that's likely the most unnecessarily painful way to go about it, you feel like you need to see more. that you are easily guilt-tripped at your age, manipulated, and that you understand nevertheless that her behavior is inappropriate and the she is not heartbroken, she is simply devastated over losing narcissistic supply, and that you want to see a disgusting, unsavory something that'll be the final straw and you can walk away with no second thoughts. keep reading the responses on here until it sinks in that it has already been incredibly unsavory what she has done. without the denial (she is simply heartbroken so she must love me, she drove all the way here so she must love me...nah, she fears losing validation- you are a wonderful source as you've put up with her crap, let her have her way, and she was still able to get it elsewhere all she wanted. perfect) and without accepting the responsibility for her narcissistic fear.

what the final straw is is highly individual. most of us would've walked as soon as we found out about the pics. many would rationalize and look for excuses. many have learned they owe others comfort, and stay with manipulative people despite not wanting to. you are not in a abusive situation, but i think it would do you good to read the threads in the abuse section. read how people are cooked into accepting bad treatment and believing they are bad for wanting better treatment and for wanting to leave. print out bolt's words: she has gotten you to feel sorry for her. i remember you once asked if you were narcissistic and i couldn't for the life of me find any sign of that in your post- it seems to me you are easy for some people to project into, that you accept and introject the responsibility which they eschew as your own. i think it makes you susceptible to situations like this.

 

there may not be a final scene you expect. she has learned she needs to hide things better, she has learned that you'll carry the burden like a proper donkey and she can take you for a ride as long as she combines it with pity, waterworks, female charm and sex- which she is now withdrawing as punishment, as in, if she plays so hurt that she can't be intimate with you she'll make you "behave" (not hold her accountable, and instead coddle her poor hurt self) because you'll want to "earn" the sex.

 

 

J, i don't want you feeling criticized or fearing that we will be harsh or fed up if you need to talk more about this, which you will.

people are upset by what she is doing to you, and the fact that a 20 something boy is willing to subject himself to this.

 

whatever you do or don't do- keep coming back on here.

[Hollyj]

................

[jmann45]

I read the whole post by rainy and couldn't agree more. I'm learning as I go and through this relationship, I've learned that

 

I'm scared to lose people who find a liking to me, so I do anything to keep them around.

 

I'm manipulated easily.

 

I have less than enough self respect for myself to know that if something is hurting me, I need to let go.

 

Last night we were hanging out and she handed me her phone to go through her posts on a social media website because she said she posts funny things. As I was going through the posts, I saw on fine print to the side tab that she simply "liked" a picture of new tattoo on a guys chest. I don't think that she thought I would see t.

 

I read the guys name and it was a name she had mentioned when we just met. I remember her telling me that they're were f buddies for about 3 months but he has a gf now.

 

I'm 100% sure that was the same guy considering the description (school, location, etc) right under his name. I acknowledged that I saw it, and made sure she saw me see it, I paused on the "like" notification. I continued scrolling then I simply handed her phone back and told her that I had to leave back home in a few minutes. She started questioning why so suddenly. I didn't really answer. She called again this morning and asked me if I saw something on her phone last night before I left that made me act the way I did. I told her it was nothing.

 

And now she's wanted to take me to this day rager tomorrow where the whole city/surrounding schools usually gathers up and celebrate and party.

 

I told her I'll let her know.

 

With all this being said and reading everyone's replies, I thought about if I would ever marry this girl. Am I planning on staying with her for life? No. Do I see myself with her for a long time? No. So why not just keep her around as a f buddy and for fun? And detach my feelings to the point where I won't mind these little things. And continue seeing other people, without telling her.

 

She never told me what she was doing behind my back, it's only fair.

[jmann45]

But I will continue to read the posts and replies on here and repeatedly go through the thread until I feel more detached from her. It does help me think rationally.

[boltnrun]

Treat others how you would like to be treated.

 

It doesn't matter if they did this or that to hurt you. When you start doing behaviors that are immoral or selfish or just plain not nice, YOU become immoral, selfish and just plain not nice.

 

Who do you want to see when you look into a mirror? A straightforward, honest man? Or a man who uses women for his own personal pleasure and gain?

 

The better thing to do is stop with the "hanging out" with her (thought you were taking time off to think? How does "hanging out" with her go along with that??), let her know that he behavior is unacceptable and therefore you are ending the relationship, then walk away for good. Do it over the phone because obviously she will turn on the waterworks and get you feeling sorry for her.

 

Then, go ahead and meet other girls. Certainly there are girls you can date who aren't receiving penis pics from other guys and admiring other guys' chests.

[Hollyj]

I read the whole post by rainy and couldn't agree more. I'm learning as I go and through this relationship, I've learned that

 

I'm scared to lose people who find a liking to me, so I do anything to keep them around.

 

I'm manipulated easily.

 

I have less than enough self respect for myself to know that if something is hurting me, I need to let go.

 

Last night we were hanging out and she handed me her phone to go through her posts on a social media website because she said she posts funny things. As I was going through the posts, I saw on fine print to the side tab that she simply "liked" a picture of new tattoo on a guys chest. I don't think that she thought I would see t.

 

I read the guys name and it was a name she had mentioned when we just met. I remember her telling me that they're were f buddies for about 3 months but he has a gf now.

 

I'm 100% sure that was the same guy considering the description (school, location, etc) right under his name. I acknowledged that I saw it, and made sure she saw me see it, I paused on the "like" notification. I continued scrolling then I simply handed her phone back and told her that I had to leave back home in a few minutes. She started questioning why so suddenly. I didn't really answer. She called again this morning and asked me if I saw something on her phone last night before I left that made me act the way I did. I told her it was nothing.

 

And now she's wanted to take me to this day rager tomorrow where the whole city/surrounding schools usually gathers up and celebrate and party.

 

I told her I'll let her know.

 

With all this being said and reading everyone's replies, I thought about if I would ever marry this girl. Am I planning on staying with her for life? No. Do I see myself with her for a long time? No. So why not just keep her around as a f buddy and for fun? And detach my feelings to the point where I won't mind these little things. And continue seeing other people, without telling her.

 

She never told me what she was doing behind my back, it's only fair.

 

Now, you are sounding like a jerk. Why do you enjoy so much drama. EVERYONE HAS ADVISED YOU TO FINISH THIS! I don't understand what you get out of this? You are not a victim, but choosing to stay involved.

 

You have only been dating two months, and you have put so much energy into this. You were thinking about marrying someone you don't even know? Good grief!

 

I'm done. This is simply ridiculous!

[SadSadgirl]

soo much sh*t for a girl you've only dated 2 months. just let her go.. is it really that hard to leave someone like her??

[chitown9]

This girl just has a propensity for validation by men. Just think....you only learned about it by pure chance. You could have invested far more time in the relationship before this unpleasant discovery was made. She is just sorry that she was caught. She would not stop it on her own even when she knew that you were well aware of it. That speaks volumes.....she was testing your boundaries. When she did final put a stop to it by using the block feature, it was already to little and too late. None of this is normal. When a woman loves a man she does not entertain this nonsense. You should not be conflicted here at all. Why spend any time with someone that will not result in a meaningful relationship. To say that you would use her as a booty call is silly.... for tat stuff, and a waste of your time. She is not wife material...so move on. chi

[Doofus]

I'm not sure you're getting good advice here. On one hand, you've only been dating for 2 months, so, ending it is not a big deal. On the other hand, you've only been dating for two months! There's a very strong, irrational bias on here favoring exclusivity in relationships after only a very short time and in favor of dating people only if 'you can see a future together'. Yes, she's probably keeping some options open while she's getting to know you and to feel a bit more comfortable being in a relationship with you. I think that's natural. It doesn't mean that she's always going to be that way. Expecting her to commit unreservedly in just a few weeks is NUTS!

 

And even apart from whether she's encouraging these other **ck-pic-sending-dudes, she's in her early twenties - you have to be really unusual these days to be a woman in her early twenties not getting pic like that. Maybe she cares so little about them that she doesn't even bother to delete. Maybe she does like them, but uses them like porn. Are you still looking at porn sometimes?

 

She's making a huge effort to hang on to you because she still wants to see where this is going, she still thinks it could be something good. So did you before you saw the pics and before you came on here, I think. My advice is to be direct. Ask her to block those guys. And stick it out for a while longer. If it doesn't work out for other reasons, then, so be it. But don't end it because some jack-a**es are sending her pictures of their junk. Also? There's a good chance she has nothing to do with it, other than being a young woman in a sexist world.

[jmann45]

I'm not sure you're getting good advice here. On one hand, you've only been dating for 2 months, so, ending it is not a big deal. On the other hand, you've only been dating for two months! There's a very strong, irrational bias on here favoring exclusivity in relationships after only a very short time and in favor of dating people only if 'you can see a future together'. Yes, she's probably keeping some options open while she's getting to know you and to feel a bit more comfortable being in a relationship with you. I think that's natural. It doesn't mean that she's always going to be that way. Expecting her to commit unreservedly in just a few weeks is NUTS!

 

And even apart from whether she's encouraging these other **ck-pic-sending-dudes, she's in her early twenties - you have to be really unusual these days to be a woman in her early twenties not getting pic like that. Maybe she cares so little about them that she doesn't even bother to delete. Maybe she does like them, but uses them like porn. Are you still looking at porn sometimes?

 

She's making a huge effort to hang on to you because she still wants to see where this is going, she still thinks it could be something good. So did you before you saw the pics and before you came on here, I think. My advice is to be direct. Ask her to block those guys. And stick it out for a while longer. If it doesn't work out for other reasons, then, so be it. But don't end it because some jack-a**es are sending her pictures of their junk. Also? There's a good chance she has nothing to do with it, other than being a young woman in a sexist world.

 

This was my mentality until 20 people on here told me otherwise. I'm not sure what's the right thing to do and the wrong (stupid) thing to do.

[mustlovedogs]

This was my mentality until 20 people on here told me otherwise. I'm not sure what's the right thing to do and the wrong (stupid) thing to do.

 

If I got pics like that, I would shut it down. Especially if I was seeing someone - and called him my boyfriend.

 

She called you that, right? That indicates exclusivity. Who cares what timeframe. That means she can't keep her options open anymore.

[Doofus]

There are so many people who will do anything to avoid pain, avoid being embarrassed, including passing up the chance at something good. My advice is to not go through life letting fear govern your behavior. If you still like this woman, then stay with her. Is there a chance she's playing you? Yes. But there will always be a chance that anyone you're with is playing you, might hurt you. Don't give in to that fear. If you like her, keep dating her. If you don't like her, stop. It's that simple.

[Hollyj]

Good grief!

 

"you have to be really unusual these days to be a woman in her early twenties not getting pic like that. Maybe she cares so little about them that she doesn't even bother to delete. Maybe she does like them, but uses them like porn. Are you still looking at porn sometimes?"

Most women would be offended by these types of photos, and would delete and block. It is disrespectful, unless you simply wants a hookup. Maybe, that is what she is looking for.

 

Clearly, he has an issue with it, and considered them to be in a relationship - he called her his gf. And, I think that if she thought it were so casual, she would have told him to hit the road. I suggest you reread.

 

Women do not use pics of d@cks to get off. You should know this.

 

He should not have to ask. He is not her parent.

[jmann45]

I talked with one of my co workers today and she said it's so common for girls to receive dic* pics at random times from guys they haven't talked to in months-years. I have never asked a girl this before but that's what I was told.

[mustlovedogs]

I talked with one of my co workers today and she said it's so common for girls to receive dic* pics at random times from guys they haven't talked to in months-years. I have never asked a girl this before but that's what I was told.

 

It being COMMON doesn't mean you allow it to happen - if some dumb*** sent me one, I would tell him off and block him faster than he could put it back in his pants.

 

THAT is the issue. Don't you see that? She not only ACCEPTED these pictures but ALLOWED and ENCOURAGED them.

 

You're being incredibly naive.