Girlfriend seems to be cooling off all of sudden

[Krankor]

So I'm 40, and I met my 35 year old girlfriend online a little over 4 months ago. We seemed to hit it off well and within about 6 weeks of dating we agreed to an exclusive relationship.

 

The dynamic has been somewhat strange because right after we met I ended up completely tearing one achilles tendon and partially tearing the other. I had surgery on the one and was in a wheelchair because I couldn't weight bear on either. So the relationship has mainly been multiple texts (good morning, good night, and several flirty ones in between) daily with her coming to see me when she's able. She's seemed to accept the situation just fine as is for now and has expressed how much she's looking forward to me being mobile again so we can do more stuff. She's seemed very enthusiastic about me and everything's been great.

 

Last week I got the green light to start walking again in cam boots. Last week was also both of our birthdays, her's the day after mine, actually. I emailed her a gift card on her birthday which she seemed to really like. Our schedules hadn't lined up so we hadn't seen each other in a couple of weeks, but last Friday she made plans to come see me. Right up until she came everything was like it always had been, she was talking about how much she misses me and can't wait to see me, etc.

 

So she shows up, gives me a birthday present, and we talk like we always do, there's cuddling, heavy kissing, etc. Then she straddles me and starts making out with me, then announces that we can't have sex because she wasn't able to get her birth control. That strikes me as slightly odd but I don't question it. Even though the affection never quit something seems just a little off to me. I also mention something about seeing her next week when we are both off and she seems non-commital. She leaves when she normally would, texts me goodnight when she gets home. I still feel like something's a little off but decide that I'm probably just reading too much into it.

 

But for the past couple of days while she's been texting me I can sense a drop in enthusiasm. It's usually flirty with a lot of "honey" and "babe" and heart and kissing emoticons. That's gone and it's just way more matter of fact and clipped.

 

I've cooled off the texting too--I know better than to chase her right now. I tried a couple of times to send flirty texts but they weren't reciprocated, so I stopped and am mostly just giving her space now. But I just can't imagine what changed; it was obviously something when she came to see me but I can't imagine what. My appearance is the same, my hygiene as good as ever, and the way I interacted with her was the same. The only thing I can think of was that seeing me walking again but in cam boots for some reason weirded her out, but that seems odd. I'm also wondering if this is the beginning of a slow fade out or if she just needs a little space and will be back. And even though I won't chase her, if things don't change I wonder if I should ask in a couple of days something like "Things seem off. Is everything OK?"

[Ms Darcy]

It may be something; it may be nothing.

 

For example, I don't think 30 something year olds should measure any part of their relationship with text enthusiasm. Texting is just typing ... and it gets old after a while for most folks.

 

But you have noted a couple of things are in person that are worth thinking about. I would give it more time before talking to her. Allow for some time to be in person with each other for a while.

 

If you still feel this way after 2-3 more visits, talk to her about your feelings IN PERSON and observe her reactions.

 

Four months is awfully early in.

[jujusamples]

Nothing wrong with asking her "is everything OK?" Communications is key. No point in assuming or wondering. Something could be bothering her that she's not telling you about. Yes, I say talk to her.

[SherrySher]

Is she seeing anyone else or possible has another interest elsewhere? That's the vibe I got.

But yes, ask her, communication is always good and and hopefully you will get to the bottom of it.

[Krankor]

It may be something; it may be nothing.

 

For example, I don't think 30 something year olds should measure any part of their relationship with text enthusiasm. Texting is just typing ... and it gets old after a while for most folks.

 

But you have noted a couple of things are in person that are worth thinking about. I would give it more time before talking to her. Allow for some time to be in person with each other for a while.

 

If you still feel this way after 2-3 more visits, talk to her about your feelings IN PERSON and observe her reactions.

 

Four months is awfully early in.

I would agree with the texting part except that this has been part of our dynamic from the start. Texting is both of our preferred forms of communication--neither of us are much for talking on the phone-- and she seems to like it more than me. The drop in enthusiasm seemed to coincide directly with her visit.

 

Four months is when my last girlfriend got distant in the last week, then dumped me. Hopefully this is just a bump in the road and I don't have some shelf life of 4 months of being able to keep a woman interested I think I'll follow your advice though and if there's a next time we get together see how it is.

[Krankor]

Is she seeing anyone else or possible has another interest elsewhere? That's the vibe I got.

But yes, ask her, communication is always good and and hopefully you will get to the bottom of it.

I don't think she's seeing anyone else. She texts me a lot and even though I don't keep tabs on her I usually know what she's doing.

 

I have thought about GIGS as a possibility, but the vibe with her has been the same and all good until she saw me last. Either she saw me and realized she wasn't really feeling it or maybe I accidentally offended her somehow, but I'm definitely getting more of a waning interest than an angry vibe. It could be though that she has a case of the GIGS and seeing me only reinforced it.

[SherrySher]

Seems strange though for her interest to drop so quickly when you didn't even do anything, which is why I was thinking her interest went elsewhere.

[Waraqqa]

Was it her first visit over to your place? Maybe she saw something in your flat that she didn't like? I once cooled off on a guy after he came to my place and we ate together - he made a huge mess everywhere on the table, and was just kind of really messy in the kitchen in general, and didn't offer to help cleaning up. I don't think that makes anyone a bad person, but just for me personally it is difficult to seriously consider myself with a messy person - even if they are a wonderful one. We all have our dealbreakers, however silly they may sometimes be.

[Wiseman2]

Ok, at 4 mos, it sounds like you two are shifting from dating mode to relationship mode from all the bonding, etc. No don't ask if things are off. Maybe this isn't even about you and she's just not feeling great whatever. Just act the same and naturally and maybe invite her for dinner or go out...perk things up in person.

for the past couple of days while she's been texting me I can sense a drop in enthusiasm. It's usually flirty with a lot of "honey" and "babe" and heart and kissing emoticons.

[Betterwithout]

I just responded to another post about that magical dating period of 1-3 months (in your case 4 months) where things take a turn towards "is this the right match" and seeing each others true personalities. Three things are at play IMO:

1) She is moving past the texting honeymoon with all the emojis and hunny bunnys into a more established relationship structure

2) It's only been two days! Maybe she is very busy with another life event....give it a week.

3) She is second guessing the relationship and its future

 

My bet is she is #1 or #2. Try to be optimistic and don't worry if it's #3, even though it happened to you previously. The last thing you want to do is come off as "needy"

[Ms Darcy]

I would agree with the texting part except that this has been part of our dynamic from the start. Texting is both of our preferred forms of communication--neither of us are much for talking on the phone-- and she seems to like it more than me. The drop in enthusiasm seemed to coincide directly with her visit.

 

Four months is when my last girlfriend got distant in the last week, then dumped me. Hopefully this is just a bump in the road and I don't have some shelf life of 4 months of being able to keep a woman interested I think I'll follow your advice though and if there's a next time we get together see how it is.

 

Well, I hope not being "much for talking on the phone" doesn't also mean that ya'll will actually be able to talk about important stuff in person. Thus far, seeming not.

 

Sad.

[Krankor]

Thanks everyone for the advice. Update, today she is totally back to normal and has almost doubled down on the "hunny bunny" stuff. Maybe she was just in a little bit of a mood and needed her space for a day or two.

 

I'm kind of paranoid and sensitive to signs that a woman is losing interest. I am glad that I didn't freak out and start pursuing.

[Ms Darcy]

That's the spirit.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent!

Update, today she is totally back to normal and has almost doubled down on the "hunny bunny" stuff.

 

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