Why can't guys just be my friend?

[Lovelorn22]

This probably sounds like a pathetic thing to complain about, I don't know. But it's starting to make me physically sick that guys can't just be friends with me. I feel SO lonely sometimes, I don't have a single true friend. All of the guys that I thought were friends all showed their true colors and tried to make moves on me. Even the guy who told me I was a sister to him admitted to having sexual fantasies about me and "hoping they'll come true one day". Why can't I have one person who cares about me for me and not as a potential love interest?

 

The saddest part is, it's not just guys who can't truly be friends with me. My female friends always end up becoming my frenemies. Why? They start competing against me and pushing me down so they can be pushed up. I'm always kind and sweet to them and put them first but it doesn't matter, I become nothing but a rival punching bag to them no matter what.

 

Am I just a weak little doormat who guys know they can get and girls know they can be better than? Am I too nice? I'm really getting sick of this.

[Wiseman2]

You don't need to be a doormat to make friends. Friends have mutual respect.

I'm always kind and sweet to them and put them first but it doesn't matter.

[j.man]

Befriending men as a woman is always going to be a game of stacked odds. It can happen, but if you're single and engaging with them on a one-on-one basis, and especially if you're attractive, you're just setting yourself up for frustration because... hormones. If you insist on trying, avoid one-on-one dynamics and center the friendship around an activity rather than an emotional bond. Coed sports are generally a good way to go... for meeting both guy and girl friends.

 

How are you meeting all these friends you're struggling with?

[lostandhurt]

You are recently single and hurting and are seeking friendship in men? I don't think that is such a good idea unless some of these men are gay.

 

You are vulnerable and still getting over a relationship where the guy treated you like crap so perhaps trying to make friends with single guys is not the best path at the moment.

 

If you are trying hard to be friendly with these guys can you see how they might take even the smallest of pleasantries as you are interested in them other than friendship?

 

Friendships are a relationship just like a romantic one so if it isn't balanced and respectful it needs to be worked on or ended. Just because these guys find you attractive and want to date you doesn't mean there is something wrong with you or them. It is simply the Birds and the Bees in action. There are tons of women who wish they had your problem...

 

Lost

[DancingFool]

Friendship with the opposite sex always comes with the inherent risk that either you or him will develop an attachment and want more than just friendship. That doesn't make either one of you a bad person. You just need to expect that it might happen, there is nothing dirty about it. If it does happen, either the feeling is mutual and you go on to dating or it's not, and your friendship will need to end, or at least take a break until the attraction is gone and things return to purely platonic.

 

As for girls....not sure what to say. You are the common denominator and you are picking those kinds of friends. So maybe change your criteria for what kind of people you befriend or find new ways to meet them, like hobbies, sports, etc. Not all women are catty frenemies by far.

[Wiseman2]

Agree...follow your interests to find like minded people. Volunteer for a cause you like. Join clubs or groups. Take cooking or yoga or Spanish or whatever classes, etc..

Coed sports are generally a good way to go... for meeting both guy and girl friends.

[Matt3939]

I would only start to worry if you start converting gay men. Then you might have a problem.

[Capricorn3]

If both men and women are not warming to you, then clearly YOU are the common denominator. You need to look within (and be very honest) - what are you doing, or not doing, which causes people to back off? Perhaps try counseling to help you dig deeper to get the bottom of what is really going on figure out where you're going wrong.

[kamurj]

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.