Asking a girl out at work

[Mikedupont]

Hi, I'm a 25 year old guy that for some reason has always been shy towards the ladies.. I went to an Albertsons next to my gym (not my regular grocery store) and saw a really cute cashier that I slightly started to get to know through small talk in the checkout line on a few different occasions. I noticed she had a ring on so I asked if she was married. She said no. So then i said oh so it must be a promise ring then, right? She said " no my grandma got me this ring, but I wear it on this finger to keep guys from asking me out. She went on to explain how her and a co worker used it earlier to deter a guy. I decided not to ask her out because of all the customers behind me and the bagger that was also involved in the conversation. I went back out to the parking lot and decided that I need to ask her. She had always seemed giggly when talking to me and seemed as if she might be interested. I went back into the store and decided that instead of making it awkward and asking her out right, I would just buy a card and write it down. Being that it was the day before valentines, I bought I generic happy Valentine's Day card. I went through her checkout line, and she said "you're back!" And I said yeah I just forgot one thing. I payed for the card, and asked if i could borrow a pen and told her I'd bring it right back. I went to the front where she couldn't see me, and wrote in the card "hey, it's super hard for me to ask you this in front of your co workers and customers, but I think you're really pretty and was wondering if I could take you out some time" put my name and number and wrote her name on the envelope. When I came back to drop it off I set the card and pen on her checkout stand but she was busy scanning. I left and second guessed myself that I put the wrong phone number so I went back again and said "hey I think I left my card here" she pulled it out of her drawer and said "but I haven't read it yet" she handed it to me and I saw the phone number was correct. So I said "just kidding, I just thought I wrote something down wrong". She laughed and said ok. I haven't heard from her since and it's been 4 days. Should I not return to this store? Did I go about it wrong?

[Betterwithout]

I admire this approach. Kinda inventive.

Give her until Sunday to respond and don't go to the store until after Sunday.

Return the same day you saw her first (Monday) and act super casual as you go through buying your stuff, don't bring it up. See if SHE brings it up.

If she doesn't acknowledge, it likely wasn't meant to be.

[Scoe141]

I highly commend you for the courage. I thought that was a good idea and don't think you went at it wrong. If she's interested in you, the delivery really shouldn't matter too much.

 

That being said, if she doesn't reach out to you, then you know it probably wasn't meant to be. (Unless she's getting over a breakup.)

 

I wouldn't second guess yourself. In fact, I rarely think of the times I've been rejected. However, I do think about the times when I didn't even try. Those seem to bug me more. At the end of the day if it doesn't work out, you can walk away with confidence knowing that you gave it your best.

 

Good luck.

[Betterwithout]

Good advice Scoe141 about rejection and regret. As Wayne Gretzky said: "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"

[DancingFool]

It was very sweet and cute. I am certain she is flattered and pleasantly surprised. I know I would be.

 

Asking her out was a very nice gesture and nothing wrong with that. As for 4 days and silence, perhaps she isn't interested or maybe not single. Rejection happens, but no reason to feel bad about asking her out and certainly no reason to avoid the store. Just act like a normal customer and like nothing happened. Continue to be friendly and polite, just no more reason to pick her line at check out. She is just another cashier to you.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry, it was a bit too over the top. Yeah wait to hear from her and lay back.

I bought I generic happy Valentine's Day card. and wrote in the card "hey, it's super hard for me to ask you this in front of your co workers and customers, but I think you're really pretty and was wondering if I could take you out some time" I haven't heard from her since and it's been 4 days.

]

[Dahl]

Hello, Mike, and welcome to the forum.

 

For what it's worth, your story provoked a dreamy 'aww!' from me.

 

I strongly agree with the above posters to now wait-and-see, all the same. And I realize that can be agonizing.. But I maintain it's better than the alternative.

 

I don't think you did anything wrong. If this woman isn't attracted to your approach, fair enough, but I can't see a problem with your endeavor.

 

Plus, you know. Aww..

 

I wish you the best of luck!

[SooSad33]

I noticed she had a ring on so I asked if she was married. She said no. So then i said oh so it must be a promise ring then, right? She said " no my grandma got me this ring, but I wear it on this finger to keep guys from asking me out. She went on to explain how her and a co worker used it earlier to deter a guy.

- This stood out with me. You asked.. she explained and now you know.

 

You made this attempt.. try no more.

4 days of silence means she's thinking about it.. or avoiding/not wanting it.

 

If you don't hear from her and don't frequent that store, I'd stay away for a while and NOT indicate any form of following/harassment.

 

Let things settle.. and move on if you hear nothing.

[musicman777]

Hello mikedupont, welcome to ENA. I laughed at your story because I got a similar dilemma going on right now, if you read my post "odd reaction asking a woman out today" a few posts below yours under the dating thread. Something about women working at grocery stores, eh?... I know it's VERY hard and difficult to ask women out at their job. It's often hard to tell if they are just being kind for their job or actually interested in you, and it's also very difficult and awkward to speak to them when there are other customers and things in line.

Like everyone else here, I hugely commend you for at least trying Some people mope and complain they are single and whatnot, but few have the guts to actually try and speak/ask people out. For some of us in the world, maybe you're in the same boat as me, I don't meet that many women so if I find people working at a place like a grocery store or whatever I just go for it. What's the most they'll do, say no? Unfortunately I am willing to get they get flirted with a lot, and the fact that she intentionally wears a ring to deter guys isn't a good sign.

 

Here is my thoughts on your situation. I didn't quite go "awww" at the card idea like everyone else; I think it was just a little bit too much. You don't know this woman at all and such a small gesture can come off very strong. One thing I have learned is they get spooked very easily and over overthink/over-analyze such moves. I hate to break it to you, but I also don't think she's interested... it's been four days and she hasn't called or texted or anything. If you really like someone and you have their number, you don't sit around waiting several days to contact them. I've played that game before, you can sit there waiting days/weeks (or even months sometimes) and never hear back. You can wait it out a few more days, but if it goes over a week with no contact I would assume she's not interested.

Some general advice from you, and I think other guys here would agree. Next time, try and ask a woman out face-to-face, not with a card. I know it's hard with other people working there and things, but sometimes you have to be ambitious and find a good time to go in when they're not as busy or something to talk more privately. It has ten times more meaning (and sincerity) to it when they see/hear it coming from you directly, rather than with a card. They know you're not a player or something then. Also, ask for their phone number. I learned that the hard way; often times in the past when I would give women my number I would never hear from them, and you play the forever waiting game wondering if they're even gonna call or text. If they give you their number, you know they're really interested, and it gives you command over the situation. I would also ask/suggest a simple date, ask her for coffee or lunch or something, don't just say you want to take her out, it leaves too much room for interpretation. Again, these freaking women over-speculate everything these days, maybe she things you want to take her to some fancy, overkill restaurant. Suggest a low-key date upfront just to get to know them, see how they respond.

 

If she's not interested or never contacts you, by no means do you have to avoid going to this store if you want to continue shopping there as a regular customer. Just don't hound this girl over dating her. I will say, if it bothers you enough, you could go back one more time and ask her about what she thought of the card and whatnot; she'll probably tell you what you don't want to hear but you could try, you never know.

[CrystalBNY]

I personally find gestures like what you did cheesy and kind of corny but cute, lol. I would've gave you a call if you did not come back after you dropped the card off. I think when you came back to check the card and stated that you thought you wrote something down wrong it made the situation too "extra". I know you wanted to make sure but you should've double checked beforehand. I understand you were nervous and A little nerves aren't bad but too much nerves can mess you up. Great attempt though but I'm not sure if she'll be calling. You can always try again but with more confidence next time

[Wiseman2]

I would go there in few days and do some shopping.

I went to an Albertsons not my regular grocery store

[Jibralta]

I went back into the store and decided that instead of making it awkward and asking her out right, I would just buy a card and write it down. Being that it was the day before valentines, I bought I generic happy Valentine's Day card. I went through her checkout line, and she said "you're back!" And I said yeah I just forgot one thing. I payed for the card, and asked if i could borrow a pen and told her I'd bring it right back. I went to the front where she couldn't see me, and wrote in the card "hey, it's super hard for me to ask you this in front of your co workers and customers, but I think you're really pretty and was wondering if I could take you out some time" put my name and number and wrote her name on the envelope. When I came back to drop it off I set the card and pen on her checkout stand but she was busy scanning. I left and second guessed myself that I put the wrong phone number so I went back again and said "hey I think I left my card here" she pulled it out of her drawer and said "but I haven't read it yet" she handed it to me and I saw the phone number was correct. So I said "just kidding, I just thought I wrote something down wrong". She laughed and said ok. I haven't heard from her since and it's been 4 days. Should I not return to this store? Did I go about it wrong?

 

I think that was a great move. Maybe go back in an do a little shopping one of these days.

[Mikedupont]

Thanks for all of your advice and opinions on the situation. Coincidentally, she ended up texting me later that day. She said "Hey Mikey, that was really sweet of you to give me a card, but I'm so sorry for the misunderstanding. These rings may not be from my boyfriend but I do have one. I don't want things to be awkward between us when you come in to buy things so don't be afraid to talk to me lol I don't bite. Just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean we can't be friends. Well I hope you enjoy the rest of your day I'm sorry once again." I replied, " no worries! My fault for assuming that just because it wasn't a promise ring that you don't have a boyfriend 😂 Thanks for getting back to me. I'll see you around!" She replies, "it's all good! No problem. I'll see you around too mikey!". I left it at that

[Mikedupont]

Later that day meaning yesterday when I posted this

[Dahl]

Boo that it didn't work out, precisely, but yay, yay, yay to you for the effort!!

 

And you behaved like a real class act in your reply to her response.

 

I can only see good things coming your way. You certainly deserve it!

 

Go you!

[Betterwithout]

Sorry it didn't work out. There are 3.5 billion women left. Move on to the next one!

 

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[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that but your efforts were good on this.

These rings may not be from my boyfriend but I do have one. Just because I have a boyfriend doesn't mean we can't be friends.

[Scoe141]

That's solid man. Great job. Not to mention you never know what may happen. This shows you a few things. She's classy for getting back to you. She's loyal to her boyfriend (afayk) and there are no hard feelings. You may have planted a seed, it may or may not blossom, but at the end of the day I think you did the right thing.

[KantSleep]

I liked the way you asked her out. Very sweet. Sorry she isn't available. It happens. Good luck with the next one.