Pretzel Posted February 9, 2017 Share Posted February 9, 2017 A couple of months ago, I had told my boyfriend I was moving out in March into my flat (that is currently rented). I live with my parents right now and he doesn't like that I do (I'm 27, female). But I told him today that it looks like it might be later, because I have credit card balances to clear from last year and I want to be in a financially strong position before I move out into my flat. I thought he would respect that. It turns out he didn't, it was the opposite. We were in bed together being sweet after a great evening and I was on cloud 9 etc, you know the drill. And then when this topic came up and I explained that it *might* now be May at the latest, he suddenly changed, he became tense, disconnected, detached, said he was disappointed, that he was looking forward to me moving out, that i didn't do what I said I would do. He then asked me again lots of questions about my finances (this is something we already had a dispute about 4 weeks ago- I felt he was being intrusive and asking too much about my credit card debt and how I spend my money) and i was answering his questions but just felt very caught off guard. He was asking a LOT of specific things. By the way, when I say debt, it's about £6k that i can clear after a few pay cheques and on an interest free balance transfer. So, I know solidly that I'm not being irresponsible about this. I have never paid card interest in my life and know what I'm doing. What frustrates me is his lack of trust in how i am managing my money. Anyway, he threw this big strop about it and was talking to me like a disappointed school teacher, that I don't see it as much of a priority as I should to move out. I said I do, but paying off my debt and saving money while being at home is a pre-requisite. He disagreed. He also disagreed that I found his whole way of raising this disrespectful. I said is it fair to make such a big deal out of this while we are in bed together? And he said: "yes, if i was in a pickle, I'd want someone to give me a kick up the back*** too and it would motivate me." And i said well I don't work that way and don't like to be spoken to like that and I'm wondering how i'll deal with it if this is his way of communicating. I feel mainly angry and frustrated that he doesn't respect or trust what i am doing. I can't believe he can't just wait another 2 months until I move out. His excuse was that he's "invested" in us and that I've misled him. We just don't seem to be able to agree. I left because it got late and the argument was going around in circles. But I'm feeling very unsettled and unhappy about this. He said when I was leaving that he believes that we can resolve this. I don't feel as sure, and it upsets me. His reaction has made me insecure in the relationship, and I don't like that he feels he can lecture me like how he did. What do I do? Is he right? Do I just need to maybe just take in what he said and not get so upset about it? Link to comment
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