How to get out of going to a destination bachelorette party?

[sailsup555]

im a bridesmaid in my cousins wedding but we really don't get along too well its more of a frenemy situation and I have been trying to distance myself from her. its the type of the thing where she wants me to fail and only wants to hear bad stories, nothing good about my life.

 

She has been demanding and pushing a destination bachelorette party, first saying a cruise, then Florida, the other girls had said no they cant afford it and I said a cruise is a bit much. At the same time her fiancé booked a destination bachelor party which just lit a fire under her because as she says she has to beat him and wont be sitting around here doing the same thing while he's on a vacation. so she went crazy and pushing Nashville, I was at work and not looking at my phone and had like ten texts saying they're waiting for me and everyone else is on board to book it (this was week before New years eve) At this time I was having bad headaches and didn't feel like dealing with her bachelorette party and was on my way to have an MRI done. I caved and said fine just book it.

 

However I really really don't want to go, I have had issues with drinking and i'm honestly scared to go and drink, and that is what the entire trip will be, pub crawls and late nights. I also don't have anyone there who will be supportive of me that I can go back early with or even talk to really. I think I would be more willing to go if it was a good friend that I had felt like I could trust and would do the same for me but she really wouldn't. We never even see eachother and she is always trying to compete with me and put me down.

 

Is there anyway I can not go without causing a huge issue? (I would still pay for my plane ticket, then they got a house so maybe not that part?) I also don't even know what I would say. I could never say I'm nervous to drink because it would become a huge gossip topic in my family. In the past she has spread gossip about me even when she had a boyfriend and I didn't saying I'm jealous of her (which I wasn't at all, I was mad at her for dropping me the second she got a boyfriend) and just fully twisting the truth with situations.

[journeynow]

I would simply say I cannot do a destination event. AND leave it at that. Don't worry about defending yourself or explaining. Don't join in any drama, just be kind.

[Jibralta]

I agree with Journeynow.

 

There are other options, too. For example, pay your share and get sick at the last minute. Or go to Nashville, do dinner with the girls, but go back to your room when the partying starts.

 

Whatever you choose, don't do something that you're not comfortable with.

[DancingFool]

Why would you pay for the plane ticket when you don't plan on going? Other way around, pitch in for the house and then get violently ill last minute and so can't go. Problem solved in that you didn't leave them in a lurch, but at the same time, you aren't going and don't need to deal with their drama.

 

She is competing with her own fiance.....lmao....that will be a "happy" marriage......

[abitbroken]

I agree. Keep it simple. Say it sounds awesome, but you are not able to go, and hope that they have a really great time. Just be pleasant and short and to the point. Use a smiley emoji to make sure they know what your tone is.

[JaggerJim]

Cancel the trip, and cancel being a bridesmaid! She dosn't even like you!

[Scoe141]

Exactly like others have said. Don't do something you're not comfortable with. It sounds like the trip is going to be a circus anyway.

 

Tell her that you don't feel up to going and that if you do go you won't be any fun. Stick by it. What is she going to do if you don't go? Not talk to you? =D>

 

Since she wants to "one up her husband" ask to throw another party for her locally. This way friends who couldn't travel could attend that. For example, rent a room at a restaurant and have dinner there.

 

Good luck.

[Snny]

its the type of the thing where she wants me to fail and only wants to hear bad stories, nothing good about my life.

If I were you, I wouldn't have accepted the offer to be her bridesmaid knowing this is the kind of relationship I had with her. Being a bridesmaid can get very expensive because you're paying for hair/makeup, dress, and any prewedding trips- and all of that is going to depend on the bride's tastes.

 

If she is a drama and attention seeker, she will behave that way around her wedding. This is not going to go away and it's going to make you miserable around her.

 

I was a bridesmaid for a bride who was a big spender and very entitled just like your cousin, and after her wedding I ended my friendship with her. I was not treated well and she kept using the excuse "WELL ITS MY DAAAAAAYYYY" to justify her self entitlement.

 

She has been demanding and pushing a destination bachelorette party, first saying a cruise, then Florida, the other girls had said no they cant afford it and I said a cruise is a bit much.

She is so entitled. Pre-wedding parties are not a guarantee. You either get one or you don't- and it is in poor taste to plan your own bachelorette/ bachelor party. She can demand all she wants but she doesn't eat to plan them- that is up to the MOH and bridesmaids.

 

What she should do is list a couple ideas that she would like... but demanding a cruise when bridesmaids can't afford it screams she needs to cool her t*ts.

 

At the same time her fiancé booked a destination bachelor party which just lit a fire under her because as she says she has to beat him.

Wait, her fiancé PLANNED his bachelor party? Gross. Talk about lack of tact.

 

 

 

The issue here is not backing out of the party. You need to back out of being a bridesmaid for this bridezilla. She has little regard about you as a person, what you are able to afford, and your comfort to celebrate her wedding. She has asked you to be in it as a prop for her wedding photos.

 

Seriously, drop out. It ain't worth it.