just feeling like im not ment for this

[tattoobunnie]

Time to open up yourself - only way you will stay sane!

 

Not sure if you're in the US, but I made all my mom friends (all my old friends in the area don't have kids, so had to make friends) through a group I found through meetup.com. Very happy! The one I belong to, they have day and weekend events, Moms night out, stuff based on age of the kids, outdoor events for the dads to join, museums, at home playdates, cool kid venues. I've made lots of good friends there for myself and my kids. Even if it's just one a week, it helps to socialize your kid. And takes the burden of having to stimulate them 24/7 when they get to interact with new friends and environments.

[Seraphim]

You have to do so for your kids so you can teach them how to have friends and how to build a support network for themselves when they're older . Not having a support network is very very painful and causes so many problems . I knew NO ONE but my husband and my son when we moved to our new home . I got very depressed and sat home crying daily. Finally I started volunteering at our community centre and that led to a job there. I know it is hard and scary but you will feel so much better when you break out of the box .

[itsallgrand]

I don't have kids myself. I've been volunteering at community centres for over ten years. You'd and your children would be welcomed with open arms.

It's ok to let other people help and share - promise! It's good for everyone. We all need community.

[tattoobunnie]

its not easy to build with me always being so reserved, i tried but i really just cant talk to ppl like that, i get nervous, loose words and can't think right and when im actually working its all men around me unless theres a trunaround then you see a few women, which after the turnaround they are gone, not like i would ever approach them anyway, I've been trying to break myself of this for years, i would really love to have a friend or two but its soooo hard

 

Yeah, but it's not about you anymore. You have to do it for your kids. Friendship comes with familiarity. I would meet other moms, and over time you get to know each other.

 

I find when making friends, all you need to share is a small something special about yourself. Give a little, and the other person winds up sharing a lot. Always remember, we are ALL in the same boat. We are all nervous. I find that some moms are also more outgoing, and like to yap - it's just really meeting the right moms. Cuz trust me, talking about your kids can go on for days. So you already have something in common with them. Other times, it's talking about a movie or tv show you liked. Or what you use to do before being a mom. Or just how hard it is with the two kids - cuz it is. It so is!!!!! So, don't think you are alone in this thinking.

 

If I didn't sometimes lock the door to go number two (when my hubby's home of course, it's two kids in the bathroom with me at the same time). When I have to take a work call, or put out a fire, I hide from them. So please - being fed up and exhausted, and overhwhelmed - it's normal. Thank God, they get less annoying when they leave for college (kidding - well maybe, my 2nd brother who's not 42 is still a big baby - hahah).

 

You need friends - you need to get out. That anger you feel brewing is because you feel isolated and are going crazy for it. This week, go find mom groups and check it out - go a few times - for your kids at least to start.

[lonleygal1989]

Time to open up yourself - only way you will stay sane!

 

Not sure if you're in the US, but I made all my mom friends (all my old friends in the area don't have kids, so had to make friends) through a group I found through meetup.com. Very happy! The one I belong to, they have day and weekend events, Moms night out, stuff based on age of the kids, outdoor events for the dads to join, museums, at home playdates, cool kid venues. I've made lots of good friends there for myself and my kids. Even if it's just one a week, it helps to socialize your kid. And takes the burden of having to stimulate them 24/7 when they get to interact with new friends and environments.

 

thanks a ton im going look at meetup right now

[Cheetarah]

I met a mom friend at the park a few months back. She has one my son's age, two step kids a bit older. One of them shares the same disability as my son and all of them get on well. When we first met we kind of talked each other's ears off, and she was like "I'm sorry, this is like the only adult interaction I get, I probably am coming off as a socially awkward weirdo." And that's how I felt! It was a total ice breaker. So don't even worry about it. In fact, that's happened more than one time(a parent making that sort of comment, including me).

 

We both breathe easier when we take our kids out(not so much now because of the cold, but we did go sledding). We know the kids play well together and we can have much needed adult convo. Trust me, you need this sort of thing in your life. It's a win-win.

[Batya33]

I think it's fine -when they're older - to share your human sides meaning "I'm very tired right now so my patience isn't as good as it always is. Please give me some space" or "your choices made me very upset with you. I need to step away for a moment and we can talk about consequences later". In real life your children will experience other children and adults who have a range of emotions -sadness/anger/irritable etc - so rather than hide those emotions show your children how despite those emotions you will continue to keep it together as best you can. And yes if the anger has nothing to do with them then you don't need to discuss it- or subject them to it -especially if it's too "adult" for them to handle.

 

But that's for older kids -he is only 1 so I agree with the others.

 

I highly recommend the mom acquaintances/friends - agree with Tattoo Bunnie and all the others- and I highly recommend you read Toddler 101 (book) and anything by Janet Lansbury.

 

I am 50 with one child -almost 8 -and married - and we live comfortably and it is still so hard, frustrating,etc. I do probably raise my voice too often but I work on that every single day and sometimes more than that. It is work, it is a job and don't be foolish and get all defensive about "perfect" parents and "parenting comes naturally to you" -it takes a village, accept constructive feedback and also criticism, and learn from what you see out there in the world -and get out there. Every single day get those kids outside even if only for an half hour. You must for your sanity.

[lonleygal1989]

There's always the option to work outside the house and have hubby take turns with you staying home with the kids. Plenty of people manage arrangements like that - either out of necessity ( both parents HAVE to work) or preference.

I'd go insane staying home as a parent and that's it.

There are ways to make it work - lots of good suggestions here. But don't forget it isn't absolutely necessary for anyone to be a SAHM. Studies support that what is most important is a secure, loving, healthy environment for children - not dependent on a parent staying full time at all.

 

trust me im not use to being a stay at home mom at all, before being home i worked plants as a combo welder, and i loved my job but my bf makes enough money to support us and we both dont want a daycare or even family raising our kids, we want to be their influence as much as possible, i miss working but its the only way we get the outcome we want, i tried working after the first and i barely got to see my bf or my kid plus pumping while working was horrid, i would love to go back to work but this is my sacrifice for my kids. it is taking some major adjusting all around

[Seraphim]

OK ,but family babysitting your smallest baby once in a while so that you can spend time with your older baby is not someone "raising your kids ." And if you want it to be your influence most of all don't you want it to be a good influence ? Not yelling and a smack in the rump because you're so frustrated ? That's not a good influence .

 

I'm 50 and my son is 19 now . ( He is special needs ) but I am a child care provider in a daycare and I see babies and toddlers every single day .

 

Having someone in your family look after your little baby so you can spend good quality time with your older baby is not someone raising your kids . Plus it gives your older baby a good influence not an angry unhappy mom who is frustrated .

[tattoobunnie]

Being an angry, exhausted, and mean mom at your current state - not sure if that's the best influence at the moment. I just think when you say that you want others to influence them is an excuse for you stay in your isolation. It can be really daunting to put yourself out there.

 

And to clarify. I have daycare for my youngest, and with my oldest, he's with my dad twice a week, and pre-school the other days, and and their teachers aren't raising them. My husband and I are. We both work full-time, and we are are full-time parents. I'm not sure if your company was keeping you on overtime, and that's why you didn't get to see your family often, but daycare is daycare - not parent substitutes. It's like you believe their art, music, or swimming instructor are raising them - they're not.

 

I support people choosing to stay at home with kids - but I hope you understand the distinction - having family or daycare or nannies or babysitters watch your kids at times, or having them enrolled in programs does not mean other people are raising your kids. It's enriching their circle and exposure and knowledge of the world around them.

[qwaspolk82]

so i recently had my second child, and i feel like im slowly losing it, i feel like i have lost all patients my 1 1/2yr old is driving me nuts, he's always in a crap mood he wakes up every single day screaming his butt off like he got hurt or sumthing, and walks around all day crying for every single thing and waking up everyday to that is wearing on me, and i feel like a failure as a mom because i cant control my anger, im so tired between seeing to the newborn through the night and both through the day, and not to mention having to see to daddy when hes home aswell and my little boy just constantly picks all day long and i might sound crazy saying a 1yr is picking but let me get this out that my little boy is very smart, he knows what he can and cant do around the house, he recently got this little bubble mower and thinks its the funniest thing to run into you with it, i told him to stop lastnight and he just looked at me until i went to spank him and went on before i could, running around with it and coming back every now and then bringing it just close enough before hitting me and turning away, is this normal behavior, do i just suck that bad at this i really love my kids but im going off the deep end, and i really think i need help managing my anger i feel so bad when i spank him i put him down for a nap and he just started screaming and i gave him a pop and i felt so bad when he woke up from his nap i just held him and apologized for a good while what am i doing wrong with him or just what am i doing wrong period

 

You realize this is normal especially when you have two young children, right? Most parents feel like complete failures on a daily basis.

 

He's one year old. He is not "picking." He wants attention because there's a baby. You spanked him because he gave you a funny look? Do you really think that's conducive to getting him to respond to you? He's ONE. Not 10. He doesn't really understand what's going on with a new baby in the house. Oh sorry 1 1/2. 18 months old what do you expect him to think? That's how 18 month olds act. Yes it's normal. He's just being a toddler.

 

You do need help managing your anger. Big time. Talk to your husband/significant other about how you feel and that you need more help with the kids.

 

All parents snap at their kids at the wrong time. I've yelled at my daughter before and I felt bad about it. It happens.

 

You need the dad to help you out more. You need to find time for yourself once in awhile and you need some kind of stress relief and some anger management.

[qwaspolk82]

the first part of your comment is not needed DaNgeR, i never said anything about kids being a walk in the park and, you can keep your sympathy because thats not what im asking for and god forbid im not a perfect parent like you, god forbid ppl are different and handle things differently, im sorry i dont have a natural talent for parenting like you do, and im sorry for trying to figure it out how to be better for me and my kids, but really thanks for all the rest of it, because i just may need some time out on my own as i always have my kids in tow, and for the cuddle time i admit there can be a bit more but i dont deny him, i let him help with baby brother as much as he wants and try to show him how to be gentle with baby brother, dad is around and is great help when hes home from work, but has admitted he rather go to work than deal with the kids like i have to everyday, yes he wakes cranky but after feeding changing and letting him bath like he ask for and put his shows on and sing and dance to them with him and he's still just crying crying what can i do, i cant possibly just see to him all day theres a whole house and another baby to care for

 

I don't think Danger ever said anything about being a perfect parent nor will anyone else on here say that. Yeah people do handle things differently - some handle things the wrong way. Spanking out of anger is the wrong way especially an 18 month old.

 

Have you taken him to the doctor to see if there's something medical causing him to cry all the time?

 

As others said there are resources for you. Find them in your area and utilize them.

[qwaspolk82]

i have family that would love to come help but are just not in a position to, i feel like i should be better than this, and i was until i got pregnant with my second and it's probly due to the fact that i couldn't play with my first baby because i was sick and uncomfortable most of my pregnancy that he just started behaving badly, or maybe it was just me because i wasn't feeling well.

 

He is NOT behaving "badly." He's being a toddler!! That's what they do. He's just learning and pushing his boundaries. So stop saying or thinking that he's acting up.

[qwaspolk82]

trust me im not use to being a stay at home mom at all, before being home i worked plants as a combo welder, and i loved my job but my bf makes enough money to support us and we both dont want a daycare or even family raising our kids, we want to be their influence as much as possible, i miss working but its the only way we get the outcome we want, i tried working after the first and i barely got to see my bf or my kid plus pumping while working was horrid, i would love to go back to work but this is my sacrifice for my kids. it is taking some major adjusting all around

 

You want to influence your kids but you get mad at everything the 18 month old does...see the contradiction there? Right now you're not making a good influence by making him think that he's a bad kid.

 

You could find some part time work possibly -that might help your stress and you can meet people at work to try to hang out with. It's a possibility.

 

Having a babysitter isn't a bad thing once in awhile either.

[lonleygal1989]

i know me being angry and frustrated is not a good influence, which is why im here asking questions I've seen alot of great advice here and the pass two days have been better, but my bf has also been home handling the kids for me and taking care of me because he see how stressed im getting but i will definitely make it my mission to find a few mommy friends and spend more time with my oldest.

[Batya33]

Also check out Janet Lansbury's web site and writings.

[lonleygal1989]

Also check out Janet Lansbury's web site and writings.

 

will do thank 😃😃

[surfdiva]

What about a Mom's group where you get together with other moms and let the kids play. You get to interact with other moms and your 18 month old gets to play. I did that when my son was little (he's 15 now) and it was awesome and I'm still friends with some of the moms I met. When my son was age-appropriate I was with a mommy surfing group. One group of moms would get out in the water while the other moms watched the kids on the beach and vise versa. As mom's we can't loose who we are and it's good for the kids to!

 

Also, what about a "mommy's helper"? I had a teenager come to the house a few times a week so I could have someone play with my son while I did things like cook dinner, vacuum the house....stuff I couldn't do when my toddler was needing my attention throughout the day.

 

I know it's tough, hang in there and get some help!

[lonleygal1989]

What about a Mom's group where you get together with other moms and let the kids play. You get to interact with other moms and your 18 month old gets to play. I did that when my son was little (he's 15 now) and it was awesome and I'm still friends with some of the moms I met. When my son was age-appropriate I was with a mommy surfing group. One group of moms would get out in the water while the other moms watched the kids on the beach and vise versa. As mom's we can't loose who we are and it's good for the kids to!

 

Also, what about a "mommy's helper"? I had a teenager come to the house a few times a week so I could have someone play with my son while I did things like cook dinner, vacuum the house....stuff I couldn't do when my toddler was needing my attention throughout the day.

 

I know it's tough, hang in there and get some help!

 

we don't have many things here by way of mommy groups, i got on this meet up thing that another poster mentioned and it's hardly anything in my or surrounding areas, and the little group i did find won't respond to me

but there is this really nice girl at wal mart she's very easy to talk to, so i been trying to catch her at work to give her my info to see if she wants to meet up for a play date.