How do I tell him

[Qbos21]

So I been in a toxic relationship for the past four years and I finally decided to leave him alone. Now I have someone else in my life who I could potentially see myself with in the future but I'm still intimate with my ex . How do I tell my ex boyfriend I'm done and I am moving on ??

[rosephase]

Have you already broken up with him? Because if you have you don't need to tell him anything.

 

Are you asking how to break up with him? Do you live with him? Do you have somewhere to stay? Are you scared of violence?

[qwaspolk82]

So I been in a toxic relationship for the past four years and I finally decided to leave him alone. Now I have someone else in my life who I could potentially see myself with in the future but I'm still intimate with my ex . How do I tell my ex boyfriend I'm done and I am moving on ??

 

If you broke up with him stop having sex with him. That's step 1. Then step 2 is don't contact him ever again.

[Wiseman2]

Why have sex with a toxic man when you are trying to date. Makes no sense. Yes stop immediately and block delete and go no contact. It will mess with your head and dating chances by hanging onto this.

So I been in a toxic relationship but I'm still intimate with my ex

[SooSad33]

he is toxic.. he is an EX... you owe him NOTHING!

 

Why would ya be involved with this one... still??

 

No more contact..... move on..... get healed and then, move forward.

 

Dont bring damage into another relationship, though.

 

I was involved with a toxic one for only short term.. and still took over 4 months on my own to heal from it.

[ParisPaulette]

What the others said, but it concerns me that you're still involved with an ex while trying to start something with someone else.

 

You will likely learn the hard way you should end things completely with the ex, and then spend a period of time, we're talking six months or more, alone learning from the experience, learning why you got into a toxic relationship and why you stayed so long and can't let go even after the breakup BEFORE you get involved with someone else.

 

Otherwise you're just kind of swapping out one bad relationship potentially for another one, because you don't yet know this new man that well and yes he could turn out to be abusive or just not what you need at all. But there's no way to know that or discern that if you're still embroiled with the ex.

 

My advice, tell the ex it's over for good, never contact him, block and delete him. Then tell the new man you need to time, like months to be free and learn how to stand on your own before you'll get involved or date anyone. If he's truly a good guy he'll get that and give you the time and space you need to move on. In fact you'll be doing him a giant favor.

 

You need time by yourself to recover from a relationship, doubly so if it was an abusive one. I learned that the hard way, you don't have to, so my advice is neither fellow is right for you and you need to learn to live for yourself, not having to have a guy to validate your existence or live your life alone for.

[Capricorn3]

Now I have someone else in my life who I could potentially see myself with in the future but I'm still intimate with my ex

So, you're already cheating on the new guy who you "could potentially see myself with in the future" ??

[browser]

So, you're already cheating on the new guy who you "could potentially see myself with in the future" ??

 

Not seeing where she said they're exclusive or even serious.

[Capricorn3]

Not seeing where she said they're exclusive.

 

Well hopefully she'll clarify.

[browser]

That would be helpful.

[j.man]

Pay for one of those planes to do the little smoke message that says "I'm moving on, nerd."

[RainyCoast]

he is your kid's father, cheats on you frequently, has issues controlling his anger and is disrespectful. you owe him nothing, not even a final word.

 

what happened to the therapy suggestion from your last thread?

 

you're obviously too codependent to leave him on your own. too codependent to even be on your own, there you go monkey branching. does that not convince you to seek help, or the fact your child is raised with paternal anger, neglect, maternal victimhood and the idea that life is too frightening to take on one's own and aggression even is a better option?

 

what do you expect from the new guy? because i can assure you even if he's the bees knees he can do little for your happiness if you do nothing.

 

at least be clear about your situation with the guy you're dating.

[Qbos21]

Not seeing where she said they're exclusive or even serious.

 

Thank you, because it's nothing too exclusive yet we literally just started talking

[Qbos21]

he is your kid's father, cheats on you frequently, has issues controlling his anger and is disrespectful. you owe him nothing, not even a final word.

 

what happened to the therapy suggestion from your last thread?

 

you're obviously too codependent to leave him on your own. too codependent to even be on your own, there you go monkey branching. does that not convince you to seek help, or the fact your child is raised with paternal anger, neglect, maternal victimhood and the idea that life is too frightening to take on one's own and aggression even is a better option?

 

what do you expect from the new guy? because i can assure you even if he's the bees knees he can do little for your happiness if you do nothing.

 

at least be clear about your situation with the guy you're dating.

Umm I broke yo with him 5 months ago, I am seeking help and I also explained to my new friend that I refuse to jump into a relationship right away but is more open to just being friends right now I have only been in two relationships in my whole life and they bother where long termed so monkey branching ? NO i don't think so but thanks

[Qbos21]

So, you're already cheating on the new guy who you "could potentially see myself with in the future" ??

 

Yes your right and thank you for pointing that out

[JaggerJim]

Do you know why your still sleeping with him after dumping him 5 months ago?

[Qbos21]

What the others said, but it concerns me that you're still involved with an ex while trying to start something with someone else.

 

You will likely learn the hard way you should end things completely with the ex, and then spend a period of time, we're talking six months or more, alone learning from the experience, learning why you got into a toxic relationship and why you stayed so long and can't let go even after the breakup BEFORE you get involved with someone else.

 

Otherwise you're just kind of swapping out one bad relationship potentially for another one, because you don't yet know this new man that well and yes he could turn out to be abusive or just not what you need at all. But there's no way to know that or discern that if you're still embroiled with the ex.

 

My advice, tell the ex it's over for good, never contact him, block and delete him. Then tell the new man you need to time, like months to be free and learn how to stand on your own before you'll get involved or date anyone. If he's truly a good guy he'll get that and give you the time and space you need to move on. In fact you'll be doing him a giant favor.

 

You need time by yourself to recover from a relationship, doubly so if it was an abusive one. I learned that the hard way, you don't have to, so my advice is neither fellow is right for you and you need to learn to live for yourself, not having to have a guy to validate your existence or live your life alone for.

 

Is 5 months long enough ? I knew I needed time to recover but I am scared to enter in another one is that normal? My friend totally understands I need time I did express that too him but do I cut him off completely as well even it only is a friendship right now ?

[RainyCoast]

I've been on and off with my kids father for almost four years I always thought maybe if I left him for a few weeks he would change or eventually come around to be a better man for me and his children but all he does is go back and forth between me and which ever girl is convenient I'm tired of waiting for him to get it together but I love him

well ten days ago when you posted this you didn't sound like you're done with him, and you don't now either. if this is a brand new abusive jerk, your problem is even worse.

 

not sure i get what you're expecting here tbh. if you want to feel better, get counseling. if you don't, do whatever else you want to do. noone can force you into anything-- but then the consequences of your choices are entirely yours too so you can't get upset with people for suggesting the obvious solution and not commiserating when you choose to disregard it.

 

anyway. good luck. you need it.

[Qbos21]

Have you already broken up with him? Because if you have you don't need to tell him anything.

 

Are you asking how to break up with him? Do you live with him? Do you have somewhere to stay? Are you scared of violence?

 

No I'm not scared at all and we don't live together and yes I broke up with him 5 months ago but he don't get the picture I think it's cause we're still intimate

[RainyCoast]

No I'm not scared at all and we don't live together and yes I broke up with him 5 months ago but he don't get the picture I think it's cause we're still intimate

 

this must be a joke. you're intimate (and to you that's saying "it's all just friendly now"), and HE doesn't get the picture. lol.

[JaggerJim]

No I'm not scared at all and we don't live together and yes I broke up with him 5 months ago but he don't get the picture I think it's cause we're still intimate

 

You have a funny way of breaking up with people.

[Qbos21]

well ten days ago when you posted this you didn't sound like you're done with him, and you don't now either. if this is a brand new abusive jerk, your problem is even worse.

 

not sure i get what you're expecting here tbh. if you want to feel better, get counseling. if you don't, do whatever else you want to do. noone can force you into anything-- but then the consequences of your choices are entirely yours too so you can't get upset with people for suggesting the obvious solution and not commiserating when you choose to disregard it.

 

anyway. good luck. you need it.

 

Again thank yoouuu

[browser]

I think what several people are missing is that she used to be in an exclusive committed relationship with him, now they're just casual f$%k buddies, no strings attached and no expectations, they're both free to date whomever they please.

 

It might not be healthy but at least it's clarified.

 

I feel bad for the next guy who gets involved with her. She'll either outright lie and not share the fact that she's still intimate with her ex, and/or it will be a rebound relationship, found to fail and the poor guy won't know what hit him. There's also a good chance she'll cheat on the new guy with her ex because he's a lot more difficult to get over than she realizes.