Timing for Dates

[akrngrl]

I was wondering what everyone's thoughts were on "last minute" date plans or tentative plans that aren't confirmed until last minute.

 

I'm a planner by nature and I feel like anything less is disrespectful of my time. I also think planning in advance shows a little intention. Usually I want to know by Wednesday/Thursday if I have Saturday plans (a date, friends I'm more flexible with) so I can figure out my weekend.

 

The dating pool now, or by me just doesn't seem to favor this and I've been hearing a lot lately that passing up a last minute date (a good date defined by legitimate plans outside of either home and not just a "hang out") could mean you're missing out on a great opportunity.

 

For example, I've been talking to this gentleman who I know has a weird schedule so I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt, but still. We were hoping he'd be off earlier in the week, and initially he told me mid week he'd have a better idea of his schedule. Mid week I check in and he has no real idea and makes an offhanded comment that I "really like to plan". He's called and we've texted and yesterday he tells me he knows for sure he'll be off today and that he definitely wants to see me, but doesn't actually try to start putting something together.

 

I checked in a few hours later and we were looking for the halfway point for a meet up and he said "okay I'll have to think of some places" and that he'd be home in an hour. Thought that meant he'd text me when he got home and found a place, but he never did. So now I'm wondering if I should still accept a date for today if I do hear from him or just politely decline and say other plans came up since I didn't hear from him soon enough.

 

Normally I'd write this off since there are no confirmed plans and despite him saying he's definitely wanted to meet me (more than once) he hasn't initiated the actual steps to set it up. He's like the twentieth or so guy to do this though so I'm wondering if I need to change my approach or ease up the reigns.

 

How do you/did you deal with these types of up in the air or last minute plans? Disrespectful time waster or willing to go along with it if you're available?

[Andrina]

It's plain rude behavior. A guy who was really into you would've said: I get home at xxx and can get ready in 30 minutes, so let's meet at this place and then we'll figure out what we want to do. You teach people how to treat you. If you accept a date with him today, you will teach him that treating you with rudeness is acceptable to you. Finding a good man is like sifting through a lot of sand until you find the treasure. Keep on sifting. If you are attracted to the same type of man over and over, figure out why and how to change your choices. Good luck.

[akrngrl]

It's plain rude behavior. A guy who was really into you would've said: I get home at xxx and can get ready in 30 minutes, so let's meet at this place and then we'll figure out what we want to do. You teach people how to treat you. If you accept a date with him today, you will teach him that treating you with rudeness is acceptable to you. Finding a good man is like sifting through a lot of sand until you find the treasure. Keep on sifting. If you are attracted to the same type of man over and over, figure out why and how to change your choices. Good luck.

 

Thank you. This is how I felt too initially and I'm glad I'm not being told that I'm "expecting too much"!

[katrina1980]

Thank you. This is how I felt too initially and I'm glad I'm not being told that I'm "expecting too much"!

 

First off, I think it's real important to be flexible and get rid of rigid unreasonable expectations.

 

From what I read you had a definite date and he was going to think of some places to go for that date (the following day). Sounds good to me!

 

You had a convo agreeing to that date and he said he would be home in an hour and you "thought" that meant he would call you then with the plan.

 

Your mistake is *assuming* he would call you when he got home even though he never said he would.

 

Ideally, it would have been nice if he did, but maybe something came up and he figured he would simply contact you the next day (the day of the date) with where to go for the date.

 

But since he didn't do what you *assumed* and *expected* and (call when he got home even though he never said he would), you want to blow him off. And tell him since he didn't call you soon enough with the plan for your date, *you* made other plans. Good grief!

 

If it were me, I would think "we have a definite date and we will touch base the day of and decide where to meet.".

 

I do not agree with Andrina that the fact he didn't call when you expected him to means he is not into you.

 

In his mind, I am sure it never occurred to him that you would blow him off, all because he didn't call at a specific time with where to meet.

 

You guys had a definite date!

 

The only reason I would blow a guy off for not calling *soon enough" is to use it as an excuse not to go because I wasn't that into him!

 

Which begs the question, are YOU into HIM!

[Jibralta]

He falls into the disrespectful time waster category. If he had the plans all laid out ahead of time and all you had to do was show up, it would be a different story.

[akrngrl]

First off, I think it's real important to be flexible and get rid of rigid unreasonable expectations.

 

From what I read you had a definite date and he was going to think of some places to go for that date (the following day). Sounds good to me!

 

You had a convo agreeing to that date and he said he would be home in an hour and you "thought" that meant he would call you then with the plan.

 

Your mistake is *assuming* he would call you when he got home even though he never said he would.

 

Ideally, it would have been nice if he did, but maybe something came up and he figured he would simply contact you the next day (the day of the date) with where to go for the date.

 

But since he didn't do what you *assumed* and *expected* and (call when he got home even though he never said he would), you want to blow him off. And tell him since he didn't call you soon with the plan for your date, you made other plans. Geez, girl chill out!

 

If it were me, I would think " we have a definite date and we will touch base the day of and decide where to meet..

 

I do not agree with Andrina that the fact he didn't call when you expected him to means he is not into you.

 

In his mind, I am sure it never occurred to him that you would blow him off, all because he didn't call at a specific time with where to meet.

 

You guys had a definite date!

 

I can understand where you're coming from and I appreciate your input. My only issue is I have no set time and no set place to meet him today and I've had to kind of push everything in regards to setting things up.

 

He was more than willing to say "I'm definitely off tomorrow", but then never made the effort to actually make plans. I had to say "great, let me know if you still want to get together tomorrow and set something up" and then after he expressed interest in seeing me, a few hours later I had to again be like "okay, what do you want to do?"

 

I guess I just feel like I'm pulling teeth as much as he's expressing interest and as time passes and I'm not hearing from him I'm becoming less inclined to go. Then again, that may be me being too rigid.

[katrina1980]

Yeah, I'm really spontaneous myself, so that type of last minute planning does not bother me in the least.

 

As long as the date was set (which in this case it was), I would be happy to figure out where we go later, even the day of.

 

But heck, if it bothers you that he didn't call the day prior with the *plan* then don't go! Who cares what anyone else thinks?

[katrina1980]

I can understand where you're coming from and I appreciate your input. My only issue is I have no set time and no set place to meet him today and I've had to kind of push everything in regards to setting things up.

 

He was more than willing to say "I'm definitely off tomorrow", but then never made the effort to actually make plans. I had to say "great, let me know if you still want to get together tomorrow and set something up" and then after he expressed interest in seeing me, a few hours later I had to again be like "okay, what do you want to do?"

 

I guess I just feel like I'm pulling teeth as much as he's expressing interest and as time passes and I'm not hearing from him I'm becoming less inclined to go. Then again, that may be me being too rigid.

 

Bottom line, you are not compatible.

 

You are a planner and he is more spontaneous.

 

He even mentioned your being a planner, so he noticed.

 

Perhaps he figured you weren't compatible, maybe because he is more spontaneous so he thought you might be a bit too rigid for HIM in what you *expected* him to do.

 

Sounds like HE may have lost a little interest which explains why he is not making much effort.

 

So Andrina is right after all, he's not that into you.

 

No wrong or right here, you guys are just different.

 

For all those reasons, it is probably best to break the date.

[akrngrl]

Yeah, I'm really spontaneous myself, so that type of last minute planning does not bother me in the least.

 

As long as the date was set (which in this case it was), I would be happy to figure out where we go later, even the day of.

 

But heck, if it bothers you OP that he didn't call the day prior with the *plan* then don't go! Who cares what anyone else thinks?

 

It's not so much that he didn't call, but more so everything leading up to it. Not that it's specifically him. He's the most recent on a long list of people who have similarly made last minute plans or "maybe" plans that never actually materialized. That's sort of why I'm questioning if it's "just the way it is" or I'm just happening to come across those types of people.

[j.man]

Here's the thing. He hasn't told you that you need to sit around twiddling your thumbs until he gets back to you. His style isn't my own, and were I in your position, I'd likely have told him even before now that it'd be best to wait until another day when we can get something more concrete organized. But I wouldn't necessarily say he's being disrespectful. Keep doing your thing and if it so happens you've started a load of laundry and can't leave for another 45 minutes after he calls you, so be it.

 

If you're a "planner by nature," then stick to that. Being a busy guy himself, I'm sure he could muster up some understanding if you let him know that you're likewise a very busy person and that you'd love to meet with him, but your schedule doesn't really permit so much flexibility / spontaneity. -

 

Are you two a distance apart? Why's there gotta be the effort for finding a halfway point?

[katrina1980]

It's not so much that he didn't call, but more so everything leading up to it. Not that it's specifically him. He's the most recent on a long list of people who have similarly made last minute plans or "maybe" plans that never actually materialized. That's sort of why I'm questioning if it's "just the way it is" or I'm just happening to come across those types of people.

 

It's okay I understand. Pls read my post after the one you quoted.

 

You guys are very different I think.

 

And yeah people can be flakey too.

 

So if you want to call it off, then you should.

 

But going forward, as I said I do think a little more flexibility would serve you well.

 

It's always served me very well, but then again, you gotta do you too.

 

In this case, since you clarified further, the events leading up to this, sounds like he IS a bit flakey, disinterested, so I agree you should break the date.

 

Next and continue your search.

[greta96]

I think this depends on the type of person you are. As you saw above, Katrina1980 is a more spontaneous person and she sees no issue with the lack of advance planning. Andrina on the other hand is all for planning in advance, just like you. So it all comes down to compatibility, the former would hit it off great with your guy, the latter would not.

I also belong in the "advance planning" category, simply because I am not exactly the "up and go" type of person. I need to know what I am going to do tomorrow (as much as humanly possible of course) because I want to plan my schedule around, my outfit, washing my hair, a myriad of other little things.

Plus let's face it, some people do this last minute planning not because they are too busy, but because they are juggling a few people and they don't want to commit to plans with one until they see all the options available.

My point is that there is no right or wrong, it's what you perceive as right or wrong. If your dating pattern are so different, then there is no point in continuing seeing him because it will only make you frustrated and second guess his interest in you.

[akrngrl]

Here's the thing. He hasn't told you that you need to sit around twiddling your thumbs until he gets back to you. His style isn't my own, and were I in your position, I'd likely have told him even before now that it'd be best to wait until another day when we can get something more concrete organized. But I wouldn't necessarily say he's being disrespectful. Keep doing your thing and if it so happens you've started a load of laundry and can't leave for another 45 minutes after he calls you, so be it.

 

If you're a "planner by nature," then stick to that. Being a busy guy himself, I'm sure he could muster up some understanding if you let him know that you're likewise a very busy person and that you'd love to meet with him, but your schedule doesn't really permit so much flexibility / spontaneity. -

 

Are you two a distance apart? Why's there gotta be the effort for finding a halfway point?

 

We're about an hour apart so I had initially suggested we meet up halfway for coffee as a kind of meet and greet to see if we hit it off in person and then take it from there if things went well.

 

This is actually the rescheduled date haha. He texted last Friday afternoon to meet that evening, but I had family in town for the holidays and he said he wouldn't be free until this Friday, which ended up not being until today, which was fine because that's his job and he was thoughtful enough to keep me in the loop.

 

You're right about going about my day though and I definitely intend to that in this scenario and any future scenarios as well.

[Jibralta]

I'm not exactly a planner, but I do value my time and dislike having it wasted by other people. If I were in his shoes, I would at least shoot a text to the other person giving them some sort of idea of a plan. Even just a time to meet. The two of you don't know each other at all. He doesn't know what your schedule is like, or if you're a planner or spontaneous. In my opinion, it shows a self-centeredness and a general lack of consideration for other people.

[akrngrl]

I think this depends on the type of person you are. As you saw above, Katrina1980 is a more spontaneous person and she sees no issue with the lack of advance planning. Andrina on the other hand is all for planning in advance, just like you. So it all comes down to compatibility, the former would hit it off great with your guy, the latter would not.

I also belong in the "advance planning" category, simply because I am not exactly the "up and go" type of person. I need to know what I am going to do tomorrow (as much as humanly possible of course) because I want to plan my schedule around, my outfit, washing my hair, a myriad of other little things.

Plus let's face it, some people do this last minute planning not because they are too busy, but because they are juggling a few people and they don't want to commit to plans with one until they see all the options available.

My point is that there is no right or wrong, it's what you perceive as right or wrong. If your dating pattern are so different, then there is no point in continuing seeing him because it will only make you frustrated and second guess his interest in you.

 

I'm SO glad you mentioned the washing hair thing haha. My hair is up in a messy bun if I'm just around the house, but I'd like it to look more presentable if I'm going on a last minute first date.

[katrina1980]

I'm SO glad you mentioned the washing hair thing haha. My hair is up in a messy bun if I'm just around the house, but I'd like it to look more presentable if I'm going on a last minute first date.

 

Fair enough, but it's not like you were wondering whether or not you had a date.

 

The date was set, it was just where to meet you had not decided on.

 

As such, get ready for the date. Wash and style your hair, choose your outfit, etc.

 

Were you worried he would blow you off? Because he hadn't contacted you the day prior with where to meet?

 

As for me, I shower and wash my hair every day, or nearly every day (dry shampoo is handy when I don't lol) whether I have a date or not, cause I am usually out and about doing something.

 

I don't need much time deciding on what to wear, I usually have a general idea.

 

Also, I actually hate planning.

 

This may sound weird, but I may want to head somewhere Thursday (on Friday) and Friday change my mind and go somewhere else!

 

If a man has a plan in advance, I am pretty open to whatever he decides though.

 

When I went traveling through Europe a few years back, we didn't even have an itinerary!

 

We literally figured it out as we went along, often times waking up and saying "so which country should we head to today"?

 

Catch the train (we had Eurail-Pass) and go!

 

Super fun!

 

No wrong or right, everyone is different!

[akrngrl]

Fair enough, but it's not like you were wondering whether or not you had a date.

 

The date was set, it was just where to meet you had not decided on.

 

As such, get ready for the date. Wash and style your hair, choose your outfit, etc.

 

Were you worried he would blow you off? Because he hadn't contacted you the day prior with where to meet?

 

As for me, I shower and wash my hair every day, or nearly every day (dry shampoo is handy when I don't lol) whether I have a date or not, cause I am usually out and about doing something.

 

I don't need much time deciding on what to wear, I usually have a general idea.

 

Also, I actually hate planning.

 

This may sound weird, but I may want to head somewhere Thursday (on Friday) and Friday change my mind and go somewhere else!

 

If a man has a plan in advance, I am pretty open to whatever he decides though.

 

When I went traveling through Europe a few years back, we didn't even have an itinerary!

 

We literally figured it out as we went along, often times waking up and saying "so which country should we head to today"?

 

Catch the train (we had Eurail-Pass) and go!

 

Super fun!

 

No wrong or right, everyone is different!

 

I suppose I'm a little concerned that I might be blown off as he hasn't been in contact with a time and place. I've gotten all ready for a handful of similarly planned dates in the past where it's never actually happened and/or the guy tries to text me that night and completely ignore the fact that he flaked.

 

I hate to say I need to know exactly what I'm doing because I feel like a general idea is fine or just a time/place and we figure out exactly "what" from there (barring me wearing a dress and finding out it's a surprise hiking date haha). Just knowing that I have to be ready and done by xyz time saves me from being knee deep in scouring out the refrigerator when I get a "hey meet me in an hour" text

 

See traveling like that I feel like I'd be totally fine without plans. That actually sounds like a lot of fun! I guess I should say I'm more of a "I need to know to be here at this time" type of lady or else I'll get wrapped up in other things.

[katrina1980]

I understand.

 

If I had a few guys blow off a scheduled date with me (not call or call that night or next day) not even acknowledging that he blew off the date, I would be leery too!

 

That's just rude and IS disrespectful.

 

Follow your gut. This whole thing sounds OFF tbh. From the beginning.

 

Do what feels right for you. If you don't want to go, that is your prerogative, but if that's the case, shoot him a text asap telling him you can't make it, and wish him well.

 

Don't just blow HIM off, he may have every intention of going on the date and contacting you later with where to meet.

[Andrina]

I've re-read your post with more concentration now. One thing stuck out to me, both in bold below:

 

"We were hoping he'd be off earlier in the week, and initially he told me mid week he'd have a better idea of his schedule. Mid week I check in and he has no real idea and makes an offhanded comment that I "really like to plan". He's called and we've texted and yesterday he tells me he knows for sure he'll be off today and that he definitely wants to see me, but doesn't actually try to start putting something together.

 

I checked in a few hours later and we were looking for the halfway point for a meet up and he said "okay I'll have to think of some places" and that he'd be home in an hour.

 

Basically, you are putting in too much effort at the beginning, when you haven't even had a date yet. I know it's the 21st century, but I believe it's best to let the guy make most of the effort (at the beginning only) to gauge his interest. It was you who checked in on plans because he hadn't informed you or made anything clear. If it was a cowardly guy who really had no interest in making plans, he might respond because you keep contacting him and he doesn't have the guts to tell you he's not interested. When a guy is interested, he will make that clear and will make sure he gets to see you. If he is lacking in social skills, he will learn that he needs to plan accordingly to have the pleasure of your company.

[missmarple]

I'm a planner and I don't understand people who wait until the last moment to schedule the time and place for a date...to me, that is only ok when I'm in an established relationship with someone or it's a close friend.

I've tried to be more flexible at times but it never worked...even if the guy turned out to be a very nice person, I just can't operate like that..and since I can't change and I can't ask others to change for my sake, I prefer to just date men who are like me.

In this particular situation, I would probably cancel the date.

[akrngrl]

I've re-read your post with more concentration now. One thing stuck out to me, both in bold below:

 

"We were hoping he'd be off earlier in the week, and initially he told me mid week he'd have a better idea of his schedule. Mid week I check in and he has no real idea and makes an offhanded comment that I "really like to plan". He's called and we've texted and yesterday he tells me he knows for sure he'll be off today and that he definitely wants to see me, but doesn't actually try to start putting something together.

 

I checked in a few hours later and we were looking for the halfway point for a meet up and he said "okay I'll have to think of some places" and that he'd be home in an hour.

 

Basically, you are putting in too much effort at the beginning, when you haven't even had a date yet. I know it's the 21st century, but I believe it's best to let the guy make most of the effort (at the beginning only) to gauge his interest. It was you who checked in on plans because he hadn't informed you or made anything clear. If it was a cowardly guy who really had no interest in making plans, he might respond because you keep contacting him and he doesn't have the guts to tell you he's not interested. When a guy is interested, he will make that clear and will make sure he gets to see you. If he is lacking in social skills, he will learn that he needs to plan accordingly to have the pleasure of your company.

 

I found that strange as well. Every time I've tried to end extra conversation by saying "okay well if you actually want to meet let me know and we'll set something up" it's always (from him and others) been like "I definitely want to get together" and I'm sitting there thinking "...AND..." haha. I know I can't project myself onto everyone, but if I were to say that I'd follow up with a date or at least a "what's your schedule like on xyz?"

 

I allow a little conversation, but I'm pretty up front with not wanting a "texting buddy". Also with this man in particular I haven't had the time to reach out to him. He's either texted (or even called) first to touch base or let me know about his schedule (that's usually when I do the check in because I can't imagine why anyone would be telling me a detailed schedule if at the end it wasn't to firm up some sort of plan lol).

[Zaphod]

I'm neither a planner nor a spontaneous person, or both, whichever way you look at it, but I have found generally that planned stuff has usually worked out more enjoyable than spontaneous stuff, although not entirely, about a ratio of 80/20.

 

I think if you are going to be spontaneous, you need to be kind of clear thinking with it, or it then just degrades into blind guesswork. But that can be fun, depending on what you're doing.

 

I've also met quite a few self-proclaimed "spontaneous" people who seemed to use it as some kind of reason why they were more interesting people, but actually the opposite seemed to be true when it came down to it. On the other hand, I have one friend in particular where everything is about as last minute as possible and I always have a great laugh with him. Because he really knows the score and we're on the same wavelength I think.

 

I'm not really a "It's raining, let's go for a walk. Come on, it'll be spontaneous" kind of person, but I am a "There's a massive party tonight, wanna come?" kind of person. But in general, spontaneous people make me a bit edgy, so that probably puts me in the category generally of "planner". I don't think there's anything wrong with planning, it builds anticipation and excitement up to a point.

 

I think there's this kind of myth that being spontaneous is somehow more exciting than planning stuff due to its nature. But I haven't really found that to be true, to be honest. An exciting activity is an exciting activity, whether planned or not, in my eyes.

[katrina1980]

I don't think it's an "either/or" type of thing. Either you are spontaneous and not a planner OR a planner and not spontaneous. Not at all.

 

Many people are BOTH.

 

Speaking personally, I am perfectly capable of planning and do. When another person invites me someplace and has a plan, I will accept and keep that commitment too.

 

Only to say that I (and others who share this same spirit) am also very open to being spontaneous and have no problem with a last minute date, assuming I am available and I have strong interest.

 

I don't assign any sort of "hidden meaning" that he is not that into me or whatevs because he called last minute. Perhaps he had other plans that fell through, or he felt a spur of the moment desire to see me, spend time with me. I understand that as I have often felt the same way myself!

 

I don't find it disrespectful. IF he never showed or made a date in advance and never contacted to follow up, THAT, to me, is disrespectful. And tbh a dealbreaker.

 

But not him wanting to see me last minute. I have the option to say no if I have other plans, or don't feel like it, or tired, which he has understood.

 

TBH, some of the best dates I have had were last minute and spontaneous. We had a blast and continued dating.

 

An hour or two is really all I need..... as I said IF I am available and really dig a guy, I have no problem with it.

 

Just me, again everyone is different.

[ParisPaulette]

Usually when there's that much back and forth it means the other person is simply trying to figure out which "option" they have on their end to go with. But they have kind of a hoarder mentality, so they'll try to keep everyone on the line until they decide. And it's rude and does not bode well for the kind of person they are, because if he can't even plan one date even on the day he's home, what on earth makes you think he'd be able to plan having a life together?

 

I worked weird schedules, I worked on-call 24/7 schedules. When I wanted to see someone, I made firm plans and kept to them even yes if it meant I went without a bit of sleep. When I wanted to see someone or go on that date, I would make it happen.

 

Wishy-washy is not acceptable, ever for any reason, and it will drive you crazy. And yes, it happens a lot in online dating. It's not a sign of the times, it's a sign that there are people who just are lonely and want someone to talk to or maybe they're catfishing you or maybe they have a girlfriend or wife they can't get rid of or some other reason for never making concrete plans with you to meet them in person, but they still want someone to chat with online.

 

My hard fast rule used to be a) if they seem wishy-washy and have a crazy schedule it's probably always going to be that way, so next or b) if they kept trying to talk to me, but within a week to two weeks they couldn't line it up I was wasting my time. And I'd then block and delete them after sending a text that said something like, "I don't really enjoy electronic conversations. I want real-life dates and so this isn't going to work out, goodbye."

 

And I would move on. And yes, you will get a lot of flakes and timewasters, especially with online dating as it seems to be sort of a magnet for people who want some contact, but don't want it to be live in-date contact. That's just kind of how it is and you need to develop really strong boundaries to find the ones who do want what you want. And take it from there.

 

This doesn't mean I am never spontaneous. It does mean if someone is a stranger to me and we're on a dating site with the express purpose of dating, which means in person, then for me it was a waste of time if that wasn't going to happen within a week to two-week absolute max time. Because I wasn't on there to do text chatting all day long, for sure. It's a manners thing, they either want to ask you out and they ask or you ask them out, and then you both figure out when and where to meet and then you go on that date.

 

Also keep the electronic contact to a minimum and if they want to take a long time chatting with you online just be too busy. You can tell them something like, "I don't really have a lot of time to do this online, we can talk more about that if we meet in person, so when are you available and would you like to go out?." And you kind of keep to that as well, because long hours of texting or chatting or whatever also build up a false sense of intimacy and hope that will make you tend to excuse you things you wouldn't normally.

 

I would have been done with this fellow by now. Blocked, deleted, and moved on. The way to do online dating is to have multiple options and whoever is available to date you and willing to make plans gets to the head of the line, the others get shed quickly to go waste someone else's time. And you hold to that pattern, brutal as that may sound, because otherwise you can end up wasting weeks and months or worse tied up with someone you never meet and are convinced is the love of your life when the truth is you don't even know if they are who they say they are.

 

This all just kind of goes with the territory of dating total strangers, sorry. You have to develop your own boundaries and standards and stick by those, because there will always be that person who talks a great game, but can't do anything beyond that. All hat and no cattle is the expression in my neck of the woods.

[katrina1980]

I think people just need to do what feels right for them.

 

The first few dates with my current bf were often last minute. And still often are, specifically those during the week as he often doesn't know when he will finish work or his schedule (he is an attorney and often dines with clients for bus development purposes).

 

Our first date was initiated by ME since I had ended things back in early March (see my earlier threads re that). It was last minute (sort of - the morning of the date that evening).

 

I asked him for a drink, he kicked it up to dinner. We had a blast and have been dating ever since .

 

He often swings by my office (works next office over - different firm) late in the afternoon and asks if I want to grab dinner that night. If I have no plans and am not too tired I am always up for it and we have a great time. Many (not all) of our early dates were the same.

 

He appreciated my flexibility as again he often didn't know his schedule or even how he would feel after a busy hectic day. I understand this as I am the same (not knowing how I will feel).

 

I preferred this actually rather than him scheduling in advance and then having to break it, as soooooo many people tend to do.

 

He also plans stuff in advance, i.e. he planned a weekend getaway for us in the mountains which was also fun.

 

Reading these responses from the women, looks like I am in the minority on this though.

 

Which is okay, as I said it is important to do what feels right and comfortable for us and be true to ourselves.