am I good or bad of person?

[tyler876]

I have been dating this man for 2 years I was really horrible at first but when we almost broke up I realised how much he meant to me. I have lived all my life with people treating me like the secondary role in their lives. I hated everything when my grandmother died and I suffered a health issue and almost suicided and no body cared. I adapted to being the villan in people lives but then this man comes and change everything he believes in me and makes me the star of his life. He had given me a reason to love myself. I love him so much that I changed for him. I learned to show affection and be grateful and to be kind and he accepted the new me like he knew i was able to be like this the whole time. But every body else still treat me the same. As if im a horrible selfish and suffocating person? But I try to make everyone feel better and to support them and encourage them and I try go be as caring as possible. And I try to treat my boyfriend as a king. But still only my bf treats me as a good person and appreciate what I do. So am I a good person or a bad person?

[Wiseman2]

Excellent. If a relationship was a catalyst for change that's great but it's about you who changed yourself, he was just a muse or inspiration.

 

Who treats you like you suffocate them, currently? Make sure you are not giving unsolicited advice or pity or moralizing or trying to fix, change or rescue anyone. People find that condescending and suffocating.

I learned to show affection and be grateful and to be kind and he accepted the new me like he knew i was able to be like this the whole time. I try to make everyone feel better and to support them and encourage them and I try go be as caring as possible.

[moodindigo91]

Good or bad is all relative. If you think you are a good person and you're treating people right and you're happier for it, other people will catch on and treat you differently in time. If you spent your whole life being a villain, it might be hard for people to warm up to your new demeanor, they might be skeptical, but don't let it get you down. Keep yourself on this track, and hopefully you can get to the point where you won't need a man to love yourself.

[ParisPaulette]

I would say you're a good person, because a truly bad person does not have the capacity to even know they need to change.

 

That said, if you have been hurtful to people in the past they will often continue to expect that of you. All you can do is apologize, tell them you've seen how you treated them was wrong and then you back off, and you need to let them decide for themselves if you have changed or haven't. Also there's something to be said for turning over a new leaf with getting new friends and establishing a new beginning for yourself.

 

Plus, you need to stop thinking in terms of good or bad and think more in terms of, "What are the things I've done or am doing that make people upset?" Here is where you need to take the time to really look at your actions overall and to work on changing any habits you may have picked up, ones you possibly are not aware you even continue to do. And if need be seeing a counselor can help with these issues, but also just journaling can help. You write things down then you go back and read them and you see, "Well, I do that thing a lot and I get people would be upset by that, what can I do to change it?"

 

Also, I'm going to say this as gently as I can, but you need to flip the script inside your head that you were bad (although I'm not sure what that means exactly) because of life treating you crappy. Life treats all of us crappy sooner or later, I hate to tell you, but that's kind of beside the point. You always have the power to change yourself and to change how you think of life and yourself in relation to it. So maybe instead of focusing on the past you can focus on the here and now and the future. And the fact that while some bad things happened to you, in the here and now those things no longer apply and you've survived and are changing for the better.

 

This is the attitude that will push you forward out of the past and out of thinking yourself a victim of fate when really you are the captain of your own fate and it sounds to me like you're getting out of past bad habits and behaviors. It's just you are learning how to do that and it will sometimes be a bumpy ride and not everyone can or even will believe you've changed, you don't always I'm sure, and you have to let all of that go and focus on what makes you happy and makes you move forward with your life.

 

You have someone who believes in you and you're conscious you need to change. That's more than half the battle, so patience and learning and understanding change doesn't happen overnight will continue to carry your forward.

[giraffeprint]

Such a blessing that you changed your lifestyle around, I'm only hoping that I could see the same results in my loved one. I think you're a great person just by seeing that you needed to make a change and you did the courageous act of doing so. Those other folks in your life may not see the progress you've made the same way your man sees it or even the way you see it. But they don't matter as long as you are aware of your progress then you not at all a bad person

[tyler876]

My best friend treat like I suffocate her when I hug as she is sad and every time I try to comfort her she ends up insulting me saying I never know what she wants but later she yells at me and say im not kind and blame me for not comforting her while she is sad

[tyler876]

Thanks so much for saying that

[tyler876]

Thanks alot it really helped to read your reply

[tyler876]

Thanks alot your words are comforting