Just ignoring me..

[Hermes]

It's OK Bunzana.

 

We're a real riot in here on ENA. Well, most of the time anyhow......

[pippy longstocking]

weeey heeyyyyy what a fab read ... xx

 

just going back to the original point ..he was watching the game .. my ex didnt answer if he had the footie on ..it's no biggy darling ...more of an eye roll lol x

[bunzana]

weeey heeyyyyy what a fab read ... xx

 

just going back to the original point ..he was watching the game .. my ex didnt answer if he had the footie on ..it's no biggy darling ...more of an eye roll lol x

 

You're right Pippy, I'm more upset about how he's been dealing with the issue since...haven't heard from him at all. And I don't expect I will for a while.

[SkellyWoozle]

and completely sane... MWAHAHAHAHA!

 

Go and have a fab night! X

[pippy longstocking]

You're right Pippy, I'm more upset about how he's been dealing with the issue since...haven't heard from him at all. And I don't expect I will for a while.

 

yeah I hear you ..which is why these lovely girls on here are so right ..you get your party shoes on and go for it .... I so know he will be a little shocked that you can actually get on without him !!!! you'll see ...he will have been expecting you to do what you nearly did ...but he wont be expecting you to just get on and go to the party , ohh I feel empowered for you ..I am puffing my chest out and alsorts here hehe

[bunzana]

yeah I hear you ..which is why these lovely girls on here are so right ..you get your party shoes on and go for it .... I so know he will be a little shocked that you can actually get on without him !!!! you'll see ...he will have been expecting you to do what you nearly did ...but he wont be expecting you to just get on and go to the party , ohh I feel empowered for you ..I am puffing my chest out and alsorts here hehe

 

you have no idea how right you are Pippy! I can't stand being in a fight with him, and usually will always be the one to break first, and beg him to talk/see eachother etc... I can guarantee you that he is sure that I will do the same this time. Which is partly why he probably believes he can do these things and I will still be there, waiting.

[Hermes]

Harking back to your other threads, Bunzana, (and leaving today and tonight out of it altogether), do you not think that perhaps this "relationship" is not really right for you at all. Begging someone, about anything, is not a good place to be, ever, B.

[bunzana]

Harking back to your other threads, Bunzana, (and leaving today and tonight out of it altogether), do you not think that perhaps this "relationship" is not really right for you at all. Begging someone, about anything, is not a good place to be, ever, B.

 

Definitely Hermes, but I cannot say I am innocent in all this. I have gotten mad irrationally, and am really trying to work on it. I am getting better with his help and understanding, but perhaps its starting to affect how he feels about me..

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately repeatedly bothering someone when they have stated they are trying to enjoy a game is a recipe for failure. Timing and respect have a lot to do with things. If you want undivided attention, wait until you are in person and then discuss what's on your mind.

 

If you need to talk to someone immediately, call a friend, if it's an emergency say so, but calling during a live game repeatedly for a relationship talk makes no sense. It sounds like a test and a set up to make him look like a bad guy.

he was watching a baseball game, and I called him once or twice. Each time he would not answer and instead responded with a text. I proceeded to call him a few more times to talk things out, but he just ignored my calls.

[Gary Snyder]

Read the Book Men ARE FROM MARS WOMEN FROM VENUS, it explains how men and women argue differently.

[bunzana]

Read the Book Men ARE FROM MARS WOMEN FROM VENUS, it explains how men and women argue differently.

 

I have that book actually...felt like it was all pretty much common sense. I spoke with him, he explained that he didn't feel like dealing with the argument. Do all men deal with fights in this way? I need to talk about things, but it appears that he likes to shove them to the back of his mind and ignore them.

[Wiseman2]

In mature relationships timing is respected and impulsiveness is avoided. When you try to force a conversation on someone who stated they were watching a game, you will fail.

 

What was so urgent? Why couldn't it wait until you see each other in person if it's so important? Calling him up during the game sounds like you were mad he was not with you, so you decided to blow up his phone to pick a fight? Maybe he already knows this about you?

 

Pick your battles and speak to receptive people.

I spoke with him, he explained that he didn't feel like dealing with the argument.I need to talk about things, but it appears that he likes to shove them to the back of his mind and ignore them.

[Hermes]

Once more with feeling, Bunzana. Yes, you need to talk about "things" we all do, but please, as I remarked before, talk to someone else, sort out your issues with a counsellor or trusted person. Why do you refer to "talking" as "fights". Why do you have to fight?

 

A man, your BF, my husband, everyone's spouse, is NOT, repeat NOT, a sort of male girl-friend. And by the same token neither are they supposed to be the "other's" therapist.

 

Here's a far more sensible book:

 

"Why do I do That". by Dr. Joseph Burgo (you can google it on Amazon)

 

and it is easy reading.

 

Website:

 

 

A reviewer said:

 

It is a clear and enlightening book that does not promise instant relief, overnight success or absolution. It is a book that allows us to understand the underlying mechanics of why we behave out of defence, avoidance and self perpetuated resistance.

[bunzana]

Definitely going to pick up that book. Thanks Hermes.

[bunzana]

I didn't want to talk about anything in particular, just wanted to say "hi, ,love you..." like we normally do. He didn't answer, at which point I admit I got pissy with him, and sent him a snarky text. He responded to this by ignoring me, and my phone calls even after the game was done. I just don't appreciate how he deals with issues sometimes.

[Wiseman2]

Stop begging for attention then resorting to blowing up a phone, getting snarky,etc. Get some friends, interests, anything. but becoming increasingly obsessive about getting attention when you know he's watching a game is quite self-defeating.

 

Unfortunately it sounds like you are incompatible on so many levels. To be honest you can do better than this guy, he keeps you at arms length feeding all your insecurities.

just wanted to say "hi, ,love you..." like we normally do. He didn't answer, at which point I admit I got pissy with him, and sent him a snarky text. He responded to this by ignoring me

[HeartGoesOn]

Bunzana...The best way to get someone else's attention, is to stop giving them yours. Of course this depends on if you feel the relationship is worth your time and effort.

 

Otherwise I agree with others...Get out there tonight and have a blast!

[bunzana]

Bunzana...The best way to get someone else's attention, is to stop giving them yours. Of course this depends on if you feel the relationship is worth your time and effort.

 

Otherwise I agree with others...Get out there tonight and have a blast!

 

 

Thank you all so much for your replies. And you are right, I need to pull back and stop giving him so much attention. I just can't help it. When I'm in a relationship I give it my all. Maybe it can be too intense sometimes. I really do want it to work, because when it's good its amazing. I want to build a life with this man.

[zeino]

Immediate problem: Knowingly or unknowingly, he is punishing you with the worst kind of punishment that exists, silent treatment. People say this is the worst kind because we actually cannot do anything against it. Do not take this for whatever reason. Put a boundary, follow with your consequences. It doesn't have to be vlack and white. You two can design a time frame in which he can come to his senses and communicate with you. But you mustn't push this one under the rug.

 

Inability on behalf of your boyfriend: He is unable to support you when you are stressed. Distracts and turns it against you and in he meantime your issue gets ignored. If this way one of the narcs I know, they would also be broken-hearted (how can you think this about them, you really hurt them, apologize now This is abusive, you've got to run for the hills. Narcs also have no patience for any problem you may have like this but will be good when you are doing what they want. But some people just feel helpless sometimes and come up with this reaction. To understand what happens here, you must hear his perspective. I wouldn't try to convince him to talk, I would request him to talk so that I can understand things and know where I am standing. I would be ready to listen. Not judge, not discuss, just listen. I would try to assure my partner about this in a kind, loving way. If this is rejected, I would leave. He isn't available whether he knows this or not. At least, not avaiable for problem solving, which is at the core of any relationship with some substance.

 

Please beware. If you have started questioning whether you are a nag etc, it means that his behaviour is slowly shaking your belief in your natural and genuine reactions. That is you may be losing confidence in yourself. Try to look at yourself positively. You are not a nag. You are doing and feeling what everyone would do and feel.

[Gary Snyder]

Women like to talk about it - men like to work things out on their own, that's the jist of it. It would be much easier if they would talk, but I'm dreamin', lol

 

But honestly, I would not take text too seriously.... make dates and talk there WHERE IT'S REAL. Intuition does not work well over text and Spacebook, and intuition is one of the major aspects of communication. I think people should be happy if someone replies to their text within 24 hours. If you want more, get into the real world and go on a date.

[zeino]

Thank you all so much for your replies. And you are right, I need to pull back and stop giving him so much attention. I just can't help it. When I'm in a relationship I give it my all. Maybe it can be too intense sometimes. I really do want it to work, because when it's good its amazing. I want to build a life with this man.

 

You, or maybe you two can work on your attachment styles. It seems that his perceived or real unavailability is triggering some kind of anxiety in you, which you may be trying to soothe by pushing more and more. Then he may be pulling back more and more. There are free attachment style tests on the Internet that may give you some clues about your dynamic.

[SkellyWoozle]

Hey, girlie, I thought you were going to a party anyway? X

[notalady]

Wiseman, indeed you are. I think all of wiseman's posts are spot on.

 

OP, I think you need more going on in your life outside of this relationship, when a relationship becomes your everything, life becomes awfully small and suffocating, for you and the other person.

 

If my boyfriend is watching sports, I wouldn't even bother calling him, I might text but wouldn't expect a response until the game is finished. You say he doesn't respect you but do you respect him? If I'm sitting at home watching my favourite show (I don't watch sports), and my partner calls and I missed it because I'm OBVIOUSLY focusing on something else and not staring at my phone, and I get a passive aggressive accusatory text like "you always pick up the phone when your friends call but you ignore me!!" I would be really annoyed.

 

And to blow up his phone afterwards is just not cool. You accuse him of bad communication (which is true given how he's dealing with it afterwards) but your own communication skills are atrocious. Just because you want to TALK doesn't mean you want to COMMUNICATE, you're trying to talk to soothe your own insecurity, you're trying to get him on the phone and continue with accusations and venting, that is not communication.

 

If you feel there's an issue with the relationship, gather your thoughts and ask him calmly if you could talk, then talk calmly and objectively, no accusations, no "you always" or "you never". Cut the emotions out of it, nobody likes drama. State your boundaries but also own your part in this dynamic, and work out a solution together on how to improve things. If it doesn't work for you, then you always have the option to walk away from this relationship, no need to continue torturing yourself and him.

[Capricorn3]

Stop begging for attention then resorting to blowing up a phone, getting snarky,etc. Get some friends, interests, anything. but becoming increasingly obsessive about getting attention when you know he's watching a game is quite self-defeating.

 

Unfortunately it sounds like you are incompatible on so many levels. To be honest you can do better than this guy, he keeps you at arms length feeding all your insecurities.

I second this post. I get the impression the guy feels smothered and you are too needy, clingy and insecure (and in your own words, paranoia/crazy) which is a recipe for disaster in any relationship. If these tiny, inconsequential things cause such issues and drama, then I can't imagine how it must be when there are REAL issues to be dealt with.

 

When he watches his games, you go out with your girlfriends. It's very healthy in any relationship for each one to have their own space, friends, hobbies etc etc. Forget about the whole issue over nothing. Let it go. Bury it. There's far more important things out there.

[Rising100]

Thank you all so much for your replies. And you are right, I need to pull back and stop giving him so much attention. I just can't help it. When I'm in a relationship I give it my all. Maybe it can be too intense sometimes. I really do want it to work, because when it's good its amazing. I want to build a life with this man.

 

Relationships are supposed to be that way, you give it your all.

However some people just give in "when they feel like it" or not at all.

Honestly I cant advice you on what to do, but I do tell you he is doing wrong and shouldnt be ignoring his significant other that way.

Even talking for a bit or a few short messages could have done.