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Online Dating Descripton Sets Off Red Flags For Me, But Maybe Not for Others?

BeHeard

By BeHeard
in Dating Advice

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IAmFCA Grand Master

IAmFCA

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Lesson by analogy:

 

I have affixed to my car bumper an acronym. I now know it means I have a specific interpersonal preference. To me, it stands for a sweet childhood memory. These two meanings could not be more disparate.

 

When we read on line profiles, it helps to remember that language is imprecise and tone, even more so.

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Fudgie Grand Master

Fudgie

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I don't see any real red flags in his profile...but that's me.

 

I am not telling you to give him a chance. I'm just saying that I don't see any red flags and if I were OLD and saw this, I wouldn't think much of it - just would have to see what other things he had on his profile. It doesn't make me go "wow" but it doesn't make me "no" either...kinda neutral.

 

If you read someone's profile and you get a funny feeling in your gut, just do not pursue them. It's so highly individual. Don't rely on us if your gut is telling you "no".

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Jibralta Grand Master

Jibralta

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You dont really know.. until you meet them.

 

Agreed.

 

For some reason, I missed this. Actually, none of these are what I would have picked out.

 

Same. The only part that raised anything that resembled a flag for me was where he said, "I can and will compromise." Made me wonder what that was all about.

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

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He's too short, bald and not good looking(for you), and his profile is not to your liking. What's your question again?

 

I agree. Too much belaboring. Either a profile inspires your to invest 20 minutes to meet for coffee, or it does not. If you err on the side of meeting and he turns out to be a dud, then you've enjoyed a cup with a stranger you'll never see again. No big deal.

 

If you're not ready to do this, then you're not. That's no big deal, either. If you are, then line up a few quick meets with several men and check them out and get checked out. This way, you aren't overly invested in any one profile--which, incidentally, is all they are unless and until you meet the guy. Trying to read teal leaves all over them is just a wheel spin of time and energy.

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Jmon Newbie

Jmon

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I have someone who has been giving me attention with Online Dating (yes, I thought I'd give it a gentle go. Dip my toe in the water even though I was against OLD). He is not really my type... on the short side, bald, not particularly dashing. However, I am interested (we seem to have a lot of commonality and mutual interests) and I want to whole heartedly respond, but his written description of himself is bugging me. Maybe I'm just overly cautious because of my personal past experiences, I'm not certain. But the description is averting me enough not to engage with him as much as I would like. So, I thought, why not post it on here and see if anyone gets the same spidey vibe I do:

 

" Okay... this is the part that I do not like much, describing a little about myself. I would say that I'm a laid back person who tends to be on the shy side until I get to know people. I believe that I have a lot to offer the right person and will not settle in a relationship just to have someone in my life. I can and will compromise in the relationship.

 

I do not like the bar scene that much anymore, but will go from time to time. Not a very big drinker, maybe a Makers Mark and coke every now and then. I could go on and on here I'm sure, but some things are best learned in an actual conversation, not read in a description of ones self, plus if I told you everything here what fun would it be to take a walk in the park or have a Sunday afternoon brunch and not have a word to say?

 

What I'm looking for in a woman... well I want a woman who is kind, sincere and honest/trustworthy. I want to find that someone who compliments my life, who I cannot stand to be away from for more than a few days at a time (everyone needs some space every now and then), someone that when I walk into a crowded room she is the first person I look for. Someone who will support me in my life's ups/downs and adventures just as I will support hers."

 

So what do you think? Or am I just being weird and paranoid?

 

I would honestly give him a chance u know u can still keep ur guard up and give him a chance I mean if u don't you'll always wonder what if I would have given him a chance. Who knows he might be a really great guy and treat u like u want

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SoulTaker Collaborator

SoulTaker

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[/i]"Okay... this is the part that I do not like much, describing a little about myself. I would say that I'm a laid back person who tends to be on the shy side until I get to know people. I believe that I have a lot to offer the right person and will not settle in a relationship just to have someone in my life. I can and will compromise in the relationship.

 

I do not like the bar scene that much anymore, but will go from time to time. Not a very big drinker, maybe a Makers Mark and coke every now and then. I could go on and on here I'm sure, but some things are best learned in an actual conversation, not read in a description of ones self, plus if I told you everything here what fun would it be to take a walk in the park or have a Sunday afternoon brunch and not have a word to say?

 

What I'm looking for in a woman... well I want a woman who is kind, sincere and honest/trustworthy. I want to find that someone who compliments my life, who I cannot stand to be away from for more than a few days at a time (everyone needs some space every now and then), someone that when I walk into a crowded room she is the first person I look for. Someone who will support me in my life's ups/downs and adventures just as I will support hers."[/i]

 

Thanks I'm going to use this guy's profile since I'm bald and a bit overweight at least I'm tall though. Mine hasn't worked at all.

 

This looks like it was nicely scripted. As though it can from (a profile website, other profiles,....). As Matt3939 has stated, it's good enough to be copied. With all that said, this profile on its own means absolutely nothing. It could be genuine, or a fake. The only profiles that interest me are the ones where there's distinctive info that I would see as a show-stopper (e.g. "he has to be taller then me wearing 6 in heels").

 

Now, a profile will have value when the actual dates occur, where you can compare it with the person's actual personality/character to see if they match.

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ParisPaulette Rising Star

ParisPaulette

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what Paris pointed out (emotional unavailability and/or codependency)

 

Hmm, that's actually not what I was saying. Just for me the whole "I can't bear to be away from you more than a couple of days" is something I wouldn't like, so just wouldn't ever respond in the first place. And that's just me and my own aversion to the potential of clingy people. Plus yeah, this particular profile for me is too flowery, trying to hard to hit every single base without really saying anything about the person at all.

 

But this is my own personal preferences. I have no idea what yours are. The bottom line is you need to ask yourself why you're lingering over just this one profile when there must be what, hundreds if not thousands of fellow's profiles out there, and trying to analyze someone you've never met.

 

Either accept a coffee date and see if there's anything there or move on to the next. Keep in mind that dating is how we even find out if there is something there are not. And if you see red flags during the coffee date, just get up and walk out of the date right then and there. Go home, block, start over.

 

And if you find there is something there you can then it's a win-win too. Either way there's coffee if you choose to go and what could ever be bad about that?

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gp11a Rookie

gp11a

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Aside from what can be interpreted, the profile is incredibly generic. Just bland and flat. Good for you for giving him a chance since you said he isn't your type physically.

 

Since you're on the fence... I'd give him a chance in-person, no pressure, and stop chatting online much longer. He might be right, he might be better at talking in-person.

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