Men. Getting your heart broke for the 1st time.

[a.d.c.]

I honestly believe you're not the man you need to be until you've gotten your heart broken for the first time by the one you love.

 

"The one you gave your very heart and soul to trust." That's from a Dave Hollister song.

 

Anyways I feel that once it happens to a man, it makes him stronger. It's an important lesson in life for us. Especially for the ones who have alot of pride in them(I was this way). It changes some of us. I know it's made me a better man for my next relationship and it had to happen to make me change for the better.

 

Although my ex and I finally spoke after 3 months of NC, we will not get back together due to difficult circumstances in her life. But now we know if we could we would try again.

 

It did bring closure though. It brings me happiness to have told her in person what ways I bettered myself, to have shown her how I've changed, and to forgive each other for the hurt we caused one another. It's one more lesson in life. But more valuable than the others I've learned.

 

I love my ex-girlfriend(there were others but this was the 1st true love) and I thank God for bringing her into my life for over 2 years and taking her away from me. I'll never forget the impact she had in my life. And I wish the best for her. She deserves it.

 

Getting your heart broken for the first time is a step closer to becoming a real man. What do you guys think about that statement?

 

It took me till my 23rd year of life to experience it.

 

Thanks in advance for any replies

PEACE

[annie24]

Well.... I'm not a guy, but I'll give you my two cents. You sound very wise, mature, and yes, very strong. It sounds like you have acquired this very powerful knowledge, and your future relationships will be good as a result. Plus, you're pretty cute!!! Good luck in the future!

[nikhilgore]

What about when you get your heart broken more than once.....do you become an even better man?

[clodhopper]

I think everyone has to experience getting their heart broken to know what it is to truly live. I hoped that I would never have my heart broken, but I have, and although it's been one of the hardest experiences of my life, it is completely necessary for everyone to go through this. Life is about happiness and heartbreak, love and losing love...

[melrich]

I don't think it is absolutely necessary to make you a man (whatever that means) but I think it does round you out as a human being. You learn a lot from it, gain some humility and empathy. Very few people would go through life without having their heart broken at least once.

[boredguy]

i couldnt agree more. as guys society percieves us to be rockhearted and not feel any emotion(well show any outward emotion at least). But the fact of the matter is, we get hurt more than women because we are 'supposed' to keep our pain closed in and in a sense not feel that kind of pain at all. I personally believe that we are not truly men until we have felt the pain of losing love or the pain of unrequited love and all those types of pain that fall into this category. u knw wat i mean.

i remember seeing someones sig, i really wish i could remember who u are. if u knw who u are...(yeah that makes a whole lot of sense) but this is it:

"He who walks without a scar on his heart is not yet a man."

that is so very true. whoevers sig that is. kudos to you!

but bak to the point. the pain we as men feel is further magnified by having to hide it for society. i put forth this question. who is society? US. you and i. WE are society so WE have the power to change the views rite..? well thats my two pennies...or cents...watever...

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

 

Heard of Alanis Morissette song, titled 'You Learn'? Thats a great song. The lyrics reflect a lot about life.

[Guarana Galrok]

I disagree. I've been through it twice and I'm a worse person for it. I think it damages self-esteem and causes depression. If by 'becoming a man', you're implying that you start to become more shallow and after sex more implicitly, then I suppose you're right, but I don't think that's at all what you mean.

 

-GG

[HajiMaji]

I agree. I love the term becoming a man as well. Growin up with some family members that thought i was a man because i was really good at sports always baffled me. I like to reclaim the term.

 

Getting your heart broken SUCKS. Im still going through it i believe, but its amazing how much ive taken away. Aside from romantic relationships you also learn a great deal.

 

I feel like now ill make a better father now. A year ago i was still a really awesome person, but i didnt understand these sorta things. I feel like i have more i can teach and give. I feel like a bigger individual. Also, i get to be there for friends who go through this stuff!! A buddy of mine got his heart broken for his first time and i get to tell him all the stuff people told me Giving like that is good even when it came from a painful situation.

 

I still want to be with my ex though I can still have a rough go 6 months into it.

[just jeff]

Life is a learning experience; and love is simply a part of life. We gain knowledge through life experiences, with knowledge we grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The lessons love gives us are at times overwhelming; from masterful highs, when we perceive everything is just perfect, too gut wrenching lows, where we feel the weight of the worlds on our shoulders.

 

How you react to these life experiences will determine if you come out a better person or a bitter person. Learning to deal with disappointment is critical to your self development. Whether its school, work, sports or love…you name it; it shapes and molds you. Life isn't about winning at very endeavor you undertake; it's about surviving and growing from lessons gained.

 

Use sports as an analogy; how many NFL/NBA teams go undefeated? How many boxers go undefeated? You will win and you will lose; it's the natural order of life. But if you allow a loss to keep you sitting on the sidelines because you're afraid of losing, your life will be wasted and fear will become your ruler.

 

Life is for living, experiencing the good and the bad; life isn't fair, no one has ever said it was. When we loose at the game of love…do we want to play that game over one more time so that we can win? If we win them back and then dump them…have we won? Do we then play 2 out of 3?

 

Most of the lessons that life gives you will make you a better person; male or female. We should learn from our mistakes…even the ones where you feel you were used. Armed with that knowledge you will approach the next romance a bit more cautious.

 

Learn to live and love…better to have played and lost than to sit in the bleachers wishing you were in the game. "some come into your life for a reason, some come into your life for a season and some come into your life for a lifetime.

 

Later down life's path people…

[a.d.c.]

You sound very wise, mature, and yes, very strong. It sounds like you have acquired this very powerful knowledge, and your future relationships will be good as a result.

 

Thanks for the compliments annie.

 

Plus, you're pretty cute!!!

 

But that one especially made my day. Thank you.

 

 

And boredguy. You understood perfectly what I was trying to get accross. I wasn't specfic enough. But you nailed it. Thanks

[DragonGirl724]

I honestly believe you're not the man you need to be until you've gotten your heart broken for the first time by the one you love.

 

i agree. we all grow from our pitfalls. it makes us stronger, makes our skin a little thicker, & it mentally prepares us for hardtimes to come. those who always get what they want will indeed suffer in the end. even if its at an older age, they'll feel absolutly lost & confused. its something we all must endure at one point or another...its a learning & growing experience. i havent been the same since. eachtime something upsetting happens, its a test...and it prepares you for the next obstacle. (and yes there will be more, it may not necessarily mean another broken heart, but other hardships in general.)

 

in order to have a broken heart, you must have at one point had a heart to share with that person. if it was real, its gonna hurt. those who bail a relationship before their mate breaks it off does it simply for control & to not 'feel the burn' as much. deep down theyre probably afraid they wont be able to handle it. its just common sense, if a person meant so much to you for a certain amount of time...it will hurt to lose them. unless they were fake about everything & more than likely they meant more to you then you meant to them...those who avoid confrontation & emotion usually bail first in relationships...& 9 times out of 10 its strictly out of fear from their inability to cope....and that doesnt sound like 'a man' to me.

 

-DG724

[ut_longhorn]

i just wanted to bump this thread as it put things into a bit of perspective for me.

[bobo85]

This is a great post. I never really understood real pain and heartbreak until my first love ended things with me. Its only been about a month but i can tell you that i learned so much about myself this past month than i did in the last couple years. Falling in love and losing love was such a great experience for me. I just can't wait until i fall in love again.

[thursday]

This is a great post. I never really understood real pain and heartbreak until my first love ended things with me. Its only been about a month but i can tell you that i learned so much about myself this past month than i did in the last couple years. Falling in love and losing love was such a great experience for me. I just can't wait until i fall in love again.

 

So true! I'm feeling exactly the same!

 

Except I'm still loving my ex very much.. I think we are 'meant to be'.. Though I can't be sure of anything.. I got alot of these 'signs' lately that tell me it wasn't just the end of our relationship a month ago..

 

If we do get this second chance I'll look at it very different from the start of it. Just 'friendly' dating in the beginning & if we still feel attracted to eachother & she can really see I'm changed in alot of different levels than it might evolve into a loverelationship though I won't get my hopes up right now..

[eleanorrigby1]

It isnt the experience that changes us, but how we deal with it and what we learn from it.

 

so all the people leaving sarcastic posts about does it make them even better if they have been * * * * on more than once, or how bitter and twisted they have now become because of it...well thats your opinion.

 

I had my heart broken, im a woman not a man, but it hurt like hell and I became bitter for a while and I became angry and I lost my self esteen and my confidence and my trust totally, sometimes things like this are what wake us up to actually think about our needs and our wants and who we are? why was my trust damaged? because I loved someone and they didnt love me back? big deal, how many people have loved me who I havent loved? was it my fault I didnt love them?

[Dako]

eleanor,

Good observations!

I'm in bitterland but hope to catch up with you someday.

[Daddy Bear]

great thread! i always say i'm grateful for any experience that comes my way. when real stand-on-the-edge-of-a-high-rooftop heartbreak finally visited me i thought i had bitten off more than i could chew. but it brought me some badly needed insight and humility, AND it seems to have improved my music-writing skills somewhat. can't say i'm not slightlybent over the way it all went down but i am fully more whole for having walked through the fire and survived.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Ive been throw it and My ex ran so fast so far away that She has not talked to me in 13 years. I carry the pain around like a lump of lead and Im sick of still after all this time feeling upset about this time in my past. Endlesy going over each moment and thinking if only.

 

I lost my Mind back then did things I will regrat all my life haurt so meny over this I was Soooo F^&^% up by it thats I wish I was dead.

 

So tell me how dos endless pain and a death wish make you a better man?

Im so damged it has messed up all of my relation ships since.

 

I know its all my own doing but please tell me how to tell that part of my self that keeps doing this to me to stop and let it go.

[Spawn]

I dunno about the strong man thing, but i have learned few things about me and relationships in general.

 

What would in my opinion make me a stronger and a better person is when i actually use this experience and don't make the same mistakes again.

 

Just the other day i had some news came from the ex side almost after one month, that she has moved on, i really think women support system is pretty strong compared to men.

 

I felt like somethin hit me very hard. Anyways she is my first and if there are somebody like her out there i wouldn't want to date ever.

 

The way she has stopped all contact with me ( i like it though), if she had shown the same commitment in stopping all contact with her first ex, things would have been different, probably we would have been still together.....aah it just so much sucks when you take loads of crap from someone whom you love a lot.

 

As you can feel i am pretty low today.......take care people.

[Rainz]

I'm a woman and I've experienced heartbreak more than once in my life and it's not something I'm keen to embrace when it happens.

My very first heartbreak was the deepest and longest from, even when I thought I was over it looking back I don't think I ever was.

I'd agree that it does seem to be after going through heartbreaking experiences that's when we get to know ourselves the most and grow and evolve.

 

Spawn

I totally disagree that women have a stronger support system than men when it comes to coping with heartbreak. I think it's the other way around.

In my own experiences and those of my women friends around me. To the point where we still talk about this subject amongst ourselves. We cannot believe the way "men just move on" as though we never existed in their lives in the first place.

[Dako]

Men or women can have an existing supporting network of friends or not. I doubt any gender difference makes us more or less understanding or helpful. From what I've seen, men are pretty helpful to each other.

[jman311]

I totally disagree that women have a stronger support system than men when it comes to coping with heartbreak. I think it's the other way around.

In my own experiences and those of my women friends around me. To the point where we still talk about this subject amongst ourselves. We cannot believe the way "men just move on" as though we never existed in their lives in the first place.

 

I think you have a point, I think a lot of men are not as deeply emotional as women, and can have an easier time moving on (generally speaking of course). But I also think women have more outlets (primarily other women they can relate to), as guys don't tend to support each other as well when a guy friend is down after a heartbreak. Most of the support I've ever gotten has been from women (be it in my family or female friends). Guys will just take you out for a beer or try to get you to go to a strip club and say "dude get over it". Yes I'm completely generalizing here of course...

[Dako]

I had a different experience:

My male friends were there for me without exception. I already had good friends before, but found how good they were when my life crashed around me. Last week one of the guys in my group admitted he is a junkie. We all expressed our support for him and his recovery, and all want to see him more often. Tears were shed, hugs exchanged. This guy is a gnarly, profane tobacco chewing plumber.

[deejay74]

well, since all my close friends are guys anyway, i had an all-male support group of friends. luckily my friends are not the "macho" types and were very supportive for me, and still are. i mean, there are some who say that i should have gotten over it by now (which i kind of agree and wish i was), but i also have a few who still are there for me and still listen when i need to talk about it.

 

the only females that have been supportive have been my mom and sister.

 

i almost wish i had more female friends who i could talk to about this to get more perspectives from women, but i guess that's one of the reasons why i post here a lot.