NEED QUICK REPLY!! I have to contact my narcissistic ex girlfriend again

[Lucas]

Hi guys,

 

So my ex girlfriend cheated on me and then dumped me through text all in the same day, we had a vacation booked for 2 weeks coming after the break up, I obviously canceled it, even tho she still wanted to go as friend (because she's a selfish *****)

 

Anyway I just received an email from the travel agent that was sent to both of us saying our refund had been processed and we can collect the cheque , there is only one cheque so we will have cash it and split the money.

 

I know it seems immature but I'm at 21 days of no contact with her and trying to heal. I've cried and been very upset every day since no contact. I really don't want to see her because I'm still in love with her , have very strong feelings for her and I'm afraid she will hurt me, she is a full blown narcissist and only cares about herself, hurting me and winning this break up, I really just don't want to be set back she's already destroyed my life. We were together for 2 years and she always told me I was the best boyfriend ever and I always dealt with her narcissistic antics all the way until the end , I was weak but becoming stronger. I already know she is off with a new guy/guys and I'm not strong enough to face her just yet. Plus it doesn't help that is hot as **** and charming.

 

Do I let her collect the cheque and hope her brings the money to me or sends it to me and let her reach out to me (I don't think she will steal my money but I wouldn't put it past her she does a lot of evil ****).....or......do I collect the money and just post her the half I owe her ? And not contact her?

 

I really think if I get the money and send it to her she will get a really big ego boost knowing she still owns me , and that I went through the trouble of collecting the money. she thinks she's gods gift to the world and I find her hard to handle when she wants to be in control, she's very manipulative. I've only realised all of this during no contact and I'm learning more every day. I was so weak and blind but I'm working on myself and have improved a lot. I really don't want to break no contact I'm doing so well.

 

Help please !!

[TMifune]

Go get the check. Cash it. Mail her a check for her half with no other exposition or comment. To hell with what she thinks about it. You're returning the money because it's the right thing to do not because you want to talk to her.

 

I'd advise against letting her collect the money because then she has the fact that she owes you money to try to suck you back in if she's ever of a mind to.

[Wiseman2]

Have it sent to you then send her her half. Don't try to use this to play games, provoke contact, etc.

I collect the money and just post her the half I owe her ?

[No1]

Why dont you collect the check, put her amount on a money order then mail the check to her certified mail. That way you get your money, you know she gets her money and you dont have to contact her.

[luisannalui]

What I will do is collect the money and send her part via mail or with a friend. I'll do the mail with a confirmation, or do a chase quick pay? or western union? You don't need to see her or contact her, the only interest here is the money. And in reality won't do any good for you to see her again.

[Clinton]

Just get the cheque and send her the portion she's owed. It doesn't have to be a big deal. I really don't understand how doing that makes her think she owns you.

 

PS

Unless she's actually been clinically diagnosed as a narcissist, she probably isn't. They aren't that common.

[ParisPaulette]

do I collect the money and just post her the half I owe her ? And not contact her?

 

This, go get the money ASAP. Post hers to her, be done.

 

You need to undo the idea that what she does or doesn't think, that any control over the entire thing and her is a moot point. You are no longer together.

 

I know it hurts. I know our hearts suck at getting the memo "this person is bad for you/no longer loves you/should not be a part of your life at all" long before our heads and brains and common sense do.

 

Right now, listen to your common sense. Put aside any and all ideas about who is winning or not, because frankly in a break up no one wins. It's not a contest. It's two people realizing they cannot live together regardless and need to go their separate ways to find their own path again, the right one.

 

Keep that in mind. And no, if you let her collect the check she will likely use it, you will keep staying sucked into the game of "control" over it, so don't.

 

You've come this far, keep moving forward, leave her behind. Love of a toxic person does fade and die if you make a conscious effort to let it do so and let time and your friends and family and your life do the rest. And no contact is vital. So is finishing those last dregs of unfinished business.

 

So finish this and be done and good luck on never looking back. You will make it.

[Lucas]

You don't understand , this girl is a narcissist, i have to be very careful, once before I broke up with her because she was always acting crazy and wouldn't let me go out with my friends or she would threaten to dump or cheat on me, so when I ended it she kept texting me saying she is going to bring me to court and accuse me of raping her.....I was so shocked , so I have to be careful this girl is smarter and stronger than me and has no morals or boundaries , she owns me , whether she knows it or not, I know it's weak but I'm very weak right now.

 

She works close to the travel agent so I'm afraid she'll make the choice for me and collect it first thing in the morning and I can't collect it for a few days because I'm in work working office hours

[Lucas]

Thanks, I'm going to try to do this, I'm just afraid she will collect it first as she is very close to the place and has a lot more time than me as I work full time office hours and she works part time and I 100% know you're right about the game playing, it's like she doesn't know she's doing it and it's all fun for her , she won't stop hurting me , she just wants the upper hand all of the time and I just want to forget about her and I've come so far and I still think about her every day

[luisannalui]

I don't see how she's going to affect you by you returning the money. I think you like this type of people, and you need to evaluate yourself. if that what you want in life. Forget about what she's thinking or not thinking, doing or not doing if you want to give her money back do it, if you are so afraid of doing so don't do it and save the money some where if she ask for it back again- if she takes you to court, than say you had no way to deliver the money to her- but calm down. I think you are to excited about the possibility to contact her and not thinking rational.

[jennylove]

Yeah, it's really simple. Continue with NC and send her a certified check the same day you pick up/deposit the check from the travel agent.

[melancholy123]

This is actually very simple and you are making it hard. Be first to get that cheque and then mail her 1/2 and do NOT contact her. She does not own you. She sounds like a really screwed up mess, so you are well to be done with her.

 

Should she get the cheque first and doesnt give you half, consider it money well spent to have her out of your life. That's the worst thing that can happen, that you get beat out of your half of the money.