Approaching on the street (or probably not)

[winniethepooh]

And first, allow me to express my gratitude to you for taking the time to write that.

You're welcome, I have a faint hope I really am talking to Mr Beeblebrox .

 

Wait - you were dating when you were 8? You old stud.

Haha. I said to my mum there was a girl in my class I liked. She advised me to invite her for tea and biscuits after school. In the end the outcome was similar to your primary school story. It was decades before I started dating again.

 

So wait, she refused your invitation for coffee initially? Tell me more.

Yes. She had a bf. The lesson I learnt was don't take 6 months to give a girl an opportunity to say if she's in a relationship.

 

This is the whole point of this thread. No appropriate window. I guess it's a "You had to be there" kind of situation.

I hear you, ditto for the other bits.

 

Really, to see my sticking point, you have to read the whole thread which would have probably been quite boring.

I did ... sort of. But I'm old and suffer from short term memory loss ... and long term for that matter ...

 

And the follow up ...

 

I'm sensing "Stroppy" here somewhere. She did not seem to like the fact that I'd come in.

 

I dunno, perhaps nothing to do with me?

 

There are off the top of my head, a handful of possibilities here. To guess which it is would just be speculation without evidence at this point.

 

No Mr. Pooh, before you say anything, I don't think she's browned off because I haven't asked her for her number. I can sense those thoughts from here - although it doesn't discount it as a possibility, to be fair.

 

Ah well, maybe she was just tired or something. She was I swear downright flouncy with me though. Could have been in my head.

Is her name Trillian? Maybe it was this ...

 

Zaphod: Why so edgy, baby doll? Relax.

 

Trillian: Why so edgy? You wanna know why I'm edgy? (fires Point-Of View gun at Zaphod)

 

Zaphod: Of course you're edgy. Your planet's been blown up and you've been tooling round the galaxy with the guy who signed the order. You actually wanted to know the question because you always wondered if there was more to life and now you're crushed because you find out there really isn't.

Good luck with Pub Girl .

[youareworthy]

Dear Winnie the Pooh,

 

Thanks for the great laugh with the above-quoted Trillian/Zaphod conversation!

 

If it took decades for you to date again after that tragic rejection at age 8, then you didn't date again until, minimum, age 28? She must have been a real heartbreaker, that 8-year-old classmate!

 

Zaphod,

 

Thanks for the further insights into the angst of trying to get to know us lot (women).

 

I admire your tenacity. I am amused by the level of overthinking... (all the more because it reminds me forcibly of myself!).

 

Youareworthy

[winniethepooh]

Dear Winnie the Pooh,

 

Thanks for the great laugh with the above-quoted Trillian/Zaphod conversation!

 

If it took decades for you to date again after that tragic rejection at age 8, then you didn't date again until, minimum, age 28? She must have been a real heartbreaker, that 8-year-old classmate!

Haha yeah, 28 ... and then some. I somehow managed to get into relationships without dating ... for a while.

[youareworthy]

Haha yeah, 28 ... and then some. I somehow managed to get into relationships without dating ... for a while.

 

Hey, is that a thing? Please tell me how to do that.

 

Youareworthy

[winniethepooh]

Hey, is that a thing? Please tell me how to do that.

Situations which got intimate before actually having proper dates with them ... but I think I've derailed this thread enough.

 

This one belongs to Cake Girl .

[redpages]

LMFAO.

 

Thirty cakes later - "And this one's for my dog's aunt's boyfriend's cat's owner's neighbour. "

 

Hahah, you know I reckon she'd actually become accustomed to you if you did that, and maybe you could then be a more familiar face if you approached her on the street. The sappy romantic in me wouldn't discourage you from this course of action. Worth a short no?

[Zaphod]

Hahah, you know I reckon she'd actually become accustomed to you if you did that, and maybe you could then be a more familiar face if you approached her on the street. The sappy romantic in me wouldn't discourage you from this course of action. Worth a short no?

 

After the last bit of (perceived on my part anyway) "stroppiness" from her when I went in the other day, I decided to hibernate into cryogenic stasis for a short while, which also accounts for the tumbleweed on here.

 

I'll try hitting her up some time this week, and see what the deal is. Currently, the situation is similar to the centre of a black hole, no one quite knows what's there, and the temperature is rumoured to be either very hot or very cold.

 

WinnieThePooh - Most of my relationships have started without dating as it goes, guess they've gotta have a piece of the Zaph before the formalities begin. Usually it's been on their request, too ** polishes fingernails ***. This maybe accounts for the fact that I'm a bit rusty in this situation. I seem to be forced on to the straight and narrow, and I'm a little confused by it. But you know, it's quite fun as it goes. I fancy something which is slow burning, rather than fireworks followed by the ice age. I've had enough of that from various women over the years.

 

Don't worry about chatting on the thread - I said earlier people are welcome to do that. Soon as I have an update, we'll be back on course for the original coordinates.

 

]

[Zaphod]

Ok people,

 

I've not seen her since the last stroppy shop time I mention above. I've actually been slightly busy and not gone in for cakes, although I spotted her kind of arranging the shop when it was closed, just before opening time a few days ago. For some reason due to her stroppiness last time I went in, I kind of get the feeling I'm not welcome in the shop anymore, in her eyes anyway. Perhaps this is just in my imagination. But I'm one of those guys that knows when he ain't wanted.

 

I have been following my normal routine of shopping myself, which is where I would normally bump into her on the street, but there's not a sign of her.

 

Unfortunately, I'm getting that "evaporated into thin air" feeling. Don't quite know what's happened. Although it's probably just coincidence that I haven't seen her for a while, I get the impression something's afoot. Perhaps avoiding me?

 

I'm a bit stumped now. I wonder whether the approach I made to her on the street a few weeks ago freaked her out a little and she's gone off the boil? Or whether in her eyes, I've done something else wrong?

 

Any road, I'm kind of a bit tired of it now. I get the impression I'm chasing thin air. I never did phone the pub girl, actually spotted her again down the pub the other day and meh, didn't fancy her so much. So looks like I'm down to a big fat zero now.

 

I wonder what's going on. I hate it when this happens, something starts cooking, then bang, vanishes, and you're left holding a big fat handful of nothing, like some kind of reverse-conjuring trick.

 

Anyone got any theories as to what's going on? He says, hopefully. Although I guess it's impossible to judge based on just posts.

 

Sorry about the anti-climactic situation, folks.

[Wiseman2]

Boyvriend is visiting?

[Zaphod]

Boyvriend is visiting?

 

Well it would certainly account for the sudden cold treatment. It is a possible hypothesis.

[musicman777]

Hey Zaphod,

I seen you replying on some other threads and remembered your thread here and had to check back, haha. You reminder me of, well, me, lol. I like this story and your rather positive attitude towards most of this. At least you were optimistic and kept your head up talking to this cake girl.

I re-read all your posts and new updates to catch up on this story. I laughed at the comments about buying too many flapjacks! I got in the same situation for the coffee shop girl I liked, I ended up having three dozen boxes of fracking donuts in the kitchen and couldn't eat them all. Hey, gotta do what you gotta do! The grocery girl was same situation, except it was milk and yogurt lol. The stuff we do to get to talk to a women, eh? I wish someone would go out of their way to talk to me or you like that.

 

I'm sorry the cake girl never contacted you. That's a real bummer. Kind of lame she treated you in the flapjack shop as well. That's definitely off-putting and I wouldn't pursue this any further after that. That tells me she's either not interested or she's taken, women don't behave that way if they are into a guy, even on the worst of days she probably would have gave you a moment or a sign. I for one also don't think you really did anything wrong, especially catching her on the street the way you did. You don't get anywhere in life by not going for what you want, I would say women included. And well, most women aren't "stupid", she could probably tell if you are a genuine guy and just wanted her attention. I don't think there was anything "creepy" about it or anything.

I think Winnie made some absolutely great advice. I totally agree with him on getting the girls number and NOT the other way around. Because I have also been put in that situation; you can wait forever to hear from that girl and never get a call or anything. It's best to ask them for their number. If they are interested, they WILL give it to you, and you can control the flow of things from there. I also agree on the "doing this all in page 1 of the diary" part. I do think this dragged on a bit long, but I understand because this wasn't someone you had much control over seeing; you had to intentionally go to a flapjack shop and talk to her in front of her boss/coworkers/customers which is a pain in the arse.

 

I read a lot of stories on here like this from both genders and often times they don't work out. I think something else to take from this is to not ask women (or guys out) at their jobs (eg. restaurants, bakeries, coffee shops, grocery stores). It's tough to know if people at their jobs are just being friendly/courteous or if there is something more to it. It also makes it forever awkward going back to that place of business. Unfortunately some of us don't meet people out in the wild all too much so that's easier said than done. I hope you find someone else, though, you sound like a pretty cool guy at least on here.

[Zaphod]

^^ Thanks for your post, musicman,

 

Yeah now it's a few weeks after, and I have the power of hindsight, and she still appears to be in the area, what would have probably been better would to be over time, ramp up the conversations while bumping into her in the street, and then shoot for her phone number. This is probably what I usually might have done (or if it was a more conifdent girl, go for the number sooner I guess).

 

The thinking at the time, which was playing on my mind, was that she might get a job somewhere else, or leave the area, and this was making me a little concerned I might never see her again. Coupled with the fact that I thought I would never get her number from her, having virtually never spoken to her, so I figured it would put her more at ease to give her my number, if you see what I mean. I guess this was sparked off by the fact that for a while previously I hadn't seen her. At one point I thought she had gone, then suddenly I started seeing her around again (maybe she went back to Eastern Europe for a bit or something).

 

I told my sister about my approach, as it goes, and she fed back to me from a woman's point of view that actually she thought it sounded ok, said there was nothing wrong with it, etc. etc. - said the same thing, at least I'd done something about it etc.

 

I get a bit impatient with this "slowly getting to know them" bit, I can imagine it taking six months, also I wanted to do it at the beginning of the summer, I hate getting together with birds in the winter, as I get really grumpy with the cold weather.

 

I reckon I hit the cake girl with a slightly too high-energy blast, which for most women might be impressive, but if she's shy anyway, perhaps it overwhelmed her a bit. It was a calculated risk, I guess, either do that or potentially never see her again.

 

What I've done now is to cool right off about it, kind of forget about it and move on (I'm a bit bored with it now anyway

 

Funnily enough though, a few days ago, a got a hesitant wave from her from across the road again. Guess now if I bump into her, I'll just be friendly (and probably get friendzoned in the process but what the hell). It's easier to be naturally friendly when you know there's nothing going on.

 

Edit - at least she knows I fancy her now, I guess that's something. And it's all practise. I know I've still got my cheeky side, should I ever need it.

[Wiseman2]

If she were not into you, she'd ignore you, right?

a few days ago, a got a hesitant wave from her from across the road again. - at least she knows I fancy her now, I guess that's something.

[Zaphod]

If she were not into you, she'd ignore you, right?

 

I kind of waved simultaneously, we clocked each other. Maybe she did because I did, or feels she has to in order to not be unfriendly.

 

Look, I'm making excuses for her now.

 

Well, maybe you're right. But for now, I'm gonna assume she's not interested, and in my experience with women, as soon as you turn off from them, guess what happens. Haha. I've had this happen a few times.

 

I'll try chatting to her in a genuinely gentle friendly way if I see her again, without the pressure of wanting to ask her out. Maybe slowly try and get to know her a bit. I'm quite good at kind of turning it off when I need to. Perhaps she does need more familiarity or something. Who could blame her, being in a foreign country and all that.

 

I'm not one of these guys that starts being unfriendly when they get a rejection, I always think that's a bit off, as it goes. Usually I carry on being friendly to them.

 

"Backburner" I think is the phrase I'm looking for. Right?

[Jibralta]

I'll try chatting to her in a genuinely gentle friendly way if I see her again, without the pressure of wanting to ask her out. Maybe slowly try and get to know her a bit. I'm quite good at kind of turning it off when I need to. Perhaps she does need more familiarity or something. Who could blame her, being in a foreign country and all that.

 

I'm not one of these guys that starts being unfriendly when they get a rejection, I always think that's a bit off, as it goes. Usually I carry on being friendly to them.

 

Good plan, and good for you!

 

Let me give you some more female perspective:

 

I need more familiarity, and I'm not even in a foreign country!

 

I don't like to feel hunted or herded. Never did, never will. It makes me downright defensive to the point where I will fight. BUT: if the same guy that cornered me can then recover and treat me like a normal human being, it speaks volumes about his character. It shows strength, resilience, and respect, and to me, those are two attractive qualities in a man. I can definitely forgive any initial abruptness or awkwardness, and may even come to appreciate it. I'm just not going to be pushed around. Cake-girl may have a similar disposition. Just go slowly.

 

On the other hand, when a guy gets angry at me (or sullen or whatever) for "rejecting" him, it makes me feel sorry for him and a little disgusted by his weakness. No attraction there. And I put "rejection" in quotes because it's not actually rejection so much as it is me reacting and pushing back at a displeasing situation with my own special brand of social awkwardness.

[Zaphod]

Slightly pertaining to the post above, bumped into her earlier, albeit very fleetingly, tried a very lighthearted "Hi, how are you" and all was friendly, got the same in return. I'm gonna concentrate on being cool and friendly with her from now on, so she feels at ease. Ain't no thang. Don't seem to bump into each other so much anymore, which is maybe good in a way.

 

Er...didn't fancy her quite so much either. But I'm like that, as soon as I know they're not interested, I don't fancy them as much. If I know they are, I fancy them more. In fact, I think this phenomena has been observed and documented.

 

Two things :

 

Looks like we're back on friendly terms again, which is nice. She doesn't seem stroppy any more.

 

She strikes me actually as timid as a Dormouse. Maybe she's only like this with people she doesn't know, but y'know, there's me a few weeks ago hittin' her up with the "Oi, Luv, wanna go coffee with teh Zaph?" - it probably was too much for her in retrospect (would work with some women).

 

Anyway, boring update, I've gone off the boil with this one now, but hey, at least she doesn't seem stroppy with me anymore.

 

And sorry folks, that appears to be about it. Things have reset to what they were before I started writing all this. Thanks for jumping on the train, but unfortunately we're now approaching Boringsville, which is the terminus. But I'll let you know if anything interesting happens.

 

At least us lot had a laugh on this thread - thank you, it's been emotional.

 

I ended up having three dozen boxes of fracking donuts in the kitchen

 

Oooooo you just reminded me. I picked up a donut earlier from Igor's Intergalactic Donut Emporium, forgot all about it. Gonna get my donut on, as they say in American language. Gotta make a coffee as well to go with it.

 

*Ahem - clears throat*

 

"Gawn get me mah kwoffee an' donut awn..."

[FlashEng1]

I love your grammar, Zaphod, where are you from again!?

[Zaphod]

I love your grammar, Zaphod, where are you from again!?

 

UK mate.

 

Fish and chips. Scones and tea. Bowler hats. Driving on the wrong side of the road. Queuing up and saying sorry when someone jumps in.

 

We're a bit like the Canadaians except we don't get legal "herbs" (yet). And we play cricket and lawn bowls instead of ice hockey.

[WithLove]

What are lawn bowls?

[Wiseman2]

What are lawn bowls?

 

[video=youtube;PonGXrse4MU] ]

[youareworthy]

That was fun!

[Zaphod]

That was fun!

 

Oh you wait until you experience the full-on cut-n-thrust and pure adrenalin-fuelled nail-biting pant-wetting excitement of a darts tournament.

 

The 80's was when the guys were at their most dashingly handsome and the sport was at its apex :

 

[video=youtube;nIH436lnJ2U] ]

 

You thought lawn bowls was exciting? It pales in comparison.

[mylolita]

Just discovered this thread!

 

What an emotional roller coaster ride - what the hell Zaphod!!! Brush yourself off and go get the next one - I feel dirty after reading about your flapjacks for 13 threads straight.

 

Lo x

[Zaphod]

Just discovered this thread!

 

What an emotional roller coaster ride - what the hell Zaphod!!! Brush yourself off and go get the next one

 

Yeah for sure, it started off as a simple "Can't find a window with this one" type quick query, and turned into this. I thought that I'd kind of develop it into an amusing free-for-all because I overcame the window question weeks back, when I approached her. Since then it's developed into a bit of a laugh.

 

Even though now I'm friendly to her (and why not) - I kind of moved past this in my mind what seems like an eternity ago. It worries me how easily I forgot about it actually (I almost feel a bit guilty about it lol), but then again I am a bloke - there's been a couple of not bad ones I've talked to since, which I may work on a bit.

 

 

 

- I feel dirty after reading about your flapjacks for 13 threads straight.

 

Lo x

 

I got some really cheap and nasty UHT cream to go with them.

[mylolita]

Even though now I'm friendly to her (and why not) - I kind of moved past this in my mind what seems like an eternity ago. It worries me how easily I forgot about it actually (I almost feel a bit guilty about it lol), but then again I am a bloke - there's been a couple of not bad ones I've talked to since, which I may work on a bit.

 

Go Zaphod! I am rooting for you and am looking forward to the next chapter! The banter on this post has been too good