I need a shove.... can I get a shove please? aka "Facebook is the devil!!"

[gypsybird87]

I need to block my ex on facebook.

 

On the night I put NC in place, I unfriended him, which I told him I was going to do. That was 10 days ago. Since then I have looked at his page a few times. Today I looked again, and I feel physically ill. So many great photos of him there, smiling and happy. He's handsome, probably the best looking guy I've ever been with, and seeing pictures of him just makes my heart clench. There's nothing new visible, though I did notice something. He has it set up so you can see not only his current profile pic, but all the prior ones as well. The entire time I've known him, the oldest pic in that file has been a cozy one of him and his ex-wife. It hadn't been his active pic in a very long time, but it was still on there. If you followed my main thread in ex-bf/gf relationships, you know that him not being fully over her was a big issue.

 

Anyway.... the pic is now gone. I find that, I don't know... interesting? disturbing? sad? Like I helped him get over her, as wise catfeeder keeps telling me, and now he's on his merry way to love someone else, and leaving me and my love for him in the dust. There were lots of other old photos of her and them together in his facebook albums. He's still quite close with her family and he said he didn't want to remove them since it might upset her family. (a lot of them are family photos) I never really bought that because her family adores him and they were very upset with her for cheating and then leaving him. So wouldn't they understand his desire to remove them? Obviously... he didn't remove them because he wasn't remotely over her. Since we are unfriended now I can no longer see those albums, but I wonder if those pics are gone now too.

 

Incidentally, his current profile pic is a photo I took, which he posted 8 months ago. That bothers me as well. Take a new f'ing pic already. It's a goofy picture, and when I see it I remember the fun we were having when I took it, and how much fun he always was to be around. He has a great sense of humor, and we laughed a lot. We laughed until we cried sometimes. We laughed in public until people stared at us and thought we were weird. We just had so much FUN together, and I'm so pissed that it's gone now. I miss laughing. I miss the sound of his laugh.

 

I don't care about him seeing my fb page, though I doubt he ever looks at it. It's pretty locked down, very little open to public view, and we have no common fb friends. I need to block for ME. So I don't look at his page anymore. I know I need to do this, and I know I should have done it the same night I unfriended him. But I can't seem to pull the trigger. It took me a week of agonizing to block on Pinterest, and that's a lot less comprehensive- ie we can still see each others pages if we want to, it just stopped the following and alert features.

 

Please give me a shove. Tell me I need to do this. If you did it and feel better, tell me about it. If you did it and regret it, I'd like to hear about that too. I know it's just social media. I know it shouldn't be a big deal. But every tie I sever feels like a blade to the heart. Not his. Mine.

[Pixels]

You're putting this much energy into facebook... Even in its best, facebook is pretty much a waste of time and energy, and offers nothing you wouldn't miss if you just stopped...

 

This post is sort of a sad indication of what the social landscape has degenerated into...

 

Take a break from facebook and ground yourself in something that isn't an endless self-absorbed s***-stream...

 

There's your push. Now run. You'll be happier for it.

[limichelle]

My ex doesn't have a Facebook but his brother in law does and it's open! I occasionally glance at it but luckily he doesn't post any updates on my ex. It still hurts because I'm no longer part of that world.

 

I think what would help you if you searched for old friends from high school or other people to keep you distracted from his profile. Then it gets less into your feed his profile.

 

You are going to make yourself worse so please do stop!

 

This is a time for healing.

 

Lisa

[nasdaq]

BLOCK HIM.

I promise it's the best thing. Don't worry, I'm struggling with this too. Went 10 days without looking at my ex's social media and thought I was doing pretty well. Had an urge to check it, did and now I'm back to square one feeling awful. It's not worth it. Social media is the devil when it comes to break ups. But also remember a lot of what is on there is false, not many people are going to post how sad and depressed they are after a break up - I know I haven't. If you looked at mine you'd see a smiling girl enjoying her college graduation when in reality it was hell on earth.

 

If you can't trust yourself enough to keep away from his fb, block him AND deactivate. That's what I did! Gives me 2x the chance to stop and think "do I really want to do this?"

[Wiseman2]

Oh but you should. Why should he still be privy to your life in any way?

I don't care about him seeing my fb page.

[Seymore]

Take it from someone who's foregone Facebook a few months back - deleting Facebook makes life a little easier and makes your battery last a LOT longer.

[nutbrownhare]

Don't just unfriend - BLOCK. Block any other means by which you might see or contact him, too. If necessary, put a post-it on your phone saying 'DON'T'.

 

I did it, and felt much better. It also meant I wasn't pulling the scab off my own healing on a regular basis. Remind yourself that every time you look at his page, you'll be setting up to sever the tie again - a bit like the lady who was going to have her puppy's tail docked, but asked "Couldn't we just cut it off a bit at a time, so he has a chance to get used to it?"

 

Except you're doing it to yourself. Don't be that girl.

 

Also, if you haven't seen it already, here's a useful article: [url="

[gypsybird87]

Oh but you should. Why should he still be privy to your life in any way?

 

I don't want him to see info my life. Definitely not. But there is nothing to see on my page. Just my current profile pic, current city and hometown. The rest is locked down, no friends visible, nothing. I did that after a longgggggg ago prior ex came sniffing around last Christmas. A difficult situation that the current ex supported me through, by the way. Sigh. But yeah, I'm not concerned because there's literally nothing to see.

[Cecilia724]

As someone who also dragged their feet with this, do it! Seriously you'll feel a thousand times better, I promise! I thought I would feel sad and miss him. Guess what? I dont. When we were still friends on FB I kept up this stupid charade of posting happy statuses and photos, a kinda "screw you see how happy I am? I'm totally not upset by this breakup lol!" And it was really stressful looking back to put up this fake happiness, now I feel like I can just breathe and be myself on my fb feed again. I dont have to worry how him and his friends might interrupt every action I do because I got rid of them all. They'll never be in my life again and my ex doesnt get the privilege of seeing what I'm up to.

[adviceplease2]

Facebook is the downfall of modern society.

[Hermes]

Aahh, a kindred spirit, AdviceP.!!

 

 

Wastebook.

[gypsybird87]

Don't just unfriend - BLOCK. Block any other means by which you might see or contact him, too. If necessary, put a post-it on your phone saying 'DON'T'.

 

I did it, and felt much better. It also meant I wasn't pulling the scab off my own healing on a regular basis. Remind yourself that every time you look at his page, you'll be setting up to sever the tie again - a bit like the lady who was going to have her puppy's tail docked, but asked "Couldn't we just cut it off a bit at a time, so he has a chance to get used to it?"

 

Except you're doing it to yourself. Don't be that girl.

 

Also, if you haven't seen it already, here's a useful article: [url="

 

First off, aww... the poor puppy! That's a sad analogy, but helpful. Thank you.

 

Thanks also for the web link. Great advice there and I will read more later.

 

Unfriending was not enough. I know that. I need to block. Part of my hesitation is that everything was left up to me about are we staying friends or not. If he does notice I've done this, he may take that as a declaration of not ever being friends. Which is probably for the best and why do I care anyway and crap why is this so hard?! And round and round my brain goes....

[boltnrun]

You not blocking him is your way to try to stay connected. And if you stay connected, how are you going to move on?

 

Don't want to move on? Why not? Does the idea of feeling the way you do today for the rest of your life sound appealing to you?

 

It's totally unsafe to drive while looking in the rear view mirror. And it's a bad idea to live your life that way too. You'll trip, fall down, possibly do some permanent damage. No bueno.

 

OK, you are now officially shoved!

[Jibralta]

He's handsome, probably the best looking guy I've ever been with, and seeing pictures of him just makes my heart clench.

 

It's makes it so much worse when they're drop-dead, I know.

 

Can you just disable your account for a while? It worked for me. I took a month or two off and it helped a lot. I eventually deleted the thing altogether, but that's a different story and a much happier one.

 

Anyway.... the pic is now gone. I find that, I don't know... interesting? disturbing? sad? Like I helped him get over her, as wise catfeeder keeps telling me, and now he's on his merry way to love someone else, and leaving me and my love for him in the dust.

 

Kind of like a vampire. He drained your blood and discarded your husk of a shell. Not very nice.

[gypsybird87]

I went to his page. Hovered over the block button... having a bit of an anxiety attack now. Hands clammy, can't breathe. W.t.f. I am stronger than this!! Err.. right?

 

Maybe I should deactivate my account for awhile instead. I never considered that option. Maybe it would be easier.

[Jibralta]

Dooooooooooooo iiiiiitttttttttttt

[regretgirl]

Do it!

 

I also struggled with the thought of eliminating my ex off of social media but guess what... They eliminated you out of their LIFE let alone social media!!! It honestly feels so much better when you aren't able to keep tabs on them.

 

Just imagine facebook stalking him one day and finding a photo of your gorgeous ex with a shiny new woman! That would kill you. Ignorance is bliss in situations like this and will save you lots of future pain. Out of sight out of mind sister!

[gypsybird87]

Done. Blocked. I feel absolutely SICK. And crying, for the first time in about three days. What a completely stupid thing to cry over, right? This just feels incredibly final. Nail. Coffin. Relationship. Dead.

[boltnrun]

Of course blocking him didn't end the relationship!

 

Nope, he put the nail in the coffin when he chose to date you when he wasn't "over" his ex. And then selfishly insisted on being "friends" when he knew darn well you felt much more than "friendly" toward him.

 

This isn't a nail in a coffin. This is the seed planted to start your life without looking into the past, but rather into the future. A future that doesn't include wishing for someone who wasn't right for you.

[Cecilia724]

Of course blocking him didn't end the relationship!

 

Nope, he put the nail in the coffin when he chose to date you when he wasn't "over" his ex. And then selfishly insisted on being "friends" when he knew darn well you felt much more than "friendly" toward him.

 

This isn't a nail in a coffin. This is the seed planted to start your life without looking into the past, but rather into the future. A future that doesn't include wishing for someone who wasn't right for you.

 

This this this!!! He put the final nail in the coffin, not you! My ex did the same thing, dated me when he wasnt over his ex then blindsided me with that info months later. We deserve better, we deserve a partner who has their sh*t together and doesnt screw over another person becauss of their unresolved pasts. You deserve better and you will find better! You're moving on to better things and I'm proud of you for blocking him.

[adviceplease2]

Indeed Hermes. Facebook rots peoples brains. People use it so much it turns them into facebook zombies.

 

Its amazing how much facebook can hurt people...those that use it and those that dont but are pulled in because of those they are close to.

 

People hurt each other so much its amazing.

[Movingforward3]

Getting off Facebook is the best thing you will ever do! If you can't block, you edit so you don't follow them any longer and don't get any updates. This is your half measure choice if you don't wish to unfriend.

[Laughingthru]

Do it. No good comes from FB creeping. Too hard on your heart and keeps you stuck in the past. Our healing process wasn't designed to handle social media. Take care of yourself!

[gypsybird87]

Getting off Facebook is the best thing you will ever do! If you can't block, you edit so you don't follow them any longer and don't get any updates. This is your half measure choice if you don't wish to unfriend.

 

Unfriended awhile ago, and blocked today. I thought about deactivating my account, but there are long distance friends and family I keep contact with that way. Also, people would ask what's up. And I can't explain this breakup to anyone else right now. My "inner circle" knows. That's enough.

[BeHeard]

You should really just wean off of FB altogether. I used to be really posty, and I ended up having huge regrets. And following my breakup, I realized a lot of people knew a lot of things about me. That aside, the constant feed of people putting out there what they "want" people to see (their best face forward), doesn't do anything for a fragile state of mind.