Partner says they won't miss you while on trip, how bad is that?

[Mfic99]

You're welcome. Good for you for pushing yourself to find your way out of negative self talk. I find that has been the key to many of the good things that have remained in my own life, so I see this as an essential act that you have just done. Good on ya.

 

I am thinking negatively. Trying to find the hidden meaning of the I'll probably think of you, which she may not even mean that as a dig, she may think that's a positive like hey I'll be thinking of if we were on this trip together. Like you said in your post. I'm taking it negatively when it may not have meant to be that way.

[Ms Darcy]

Your wife's mother is dying and you want to lecture her about not being 100% tethered to you? Try a bit more compassion.

 

I'm sorry, I have to agree with this.

[Ms Darcy]

Astounding but she did make the changes. She did get help. And we have been having sex 3-4 times a week for the last few months. Says she is happier then ever and that things are great. She does make an effort and I see that.

 

If this is the case (that she has tried very hard), and given that you have chosen to stay with this woman no matter what (infidelity, etc), AND given that her mother is dying, there is more than enough reason to let this episode go.

[Mfic99]

If this is the case (that she has tried very hard), and given that you have chosen to stay with this woman no matter what (infidelity, etc), AND given that her mother is dying, there is more than enough reason to let this episode go.

 

Will do. Thank you. After all the advice I've let it go I hope she contacts me on her last day, but other then that I'm letting it go.

[Mfic99]

One last question. If she she says she didn't miss me or think about me while she was gone, does that mean she doesn't really care about the relationship? I feel that if I was of value to her she would think about us, and the joy of having a life together but if she doesn't miss that, does that mean she's not really into the relationship?

[Wiseman2]

The only reason she would say this is because you will ask. Not to be harsh, but this is an almost narcissistic level of need for it being all about you.

If she she says she didn't miss me or think about me while she was gone

[Ms Darcy]

One last question. If she she says she didn't miss me or think about me while she was gone, does that mean she doesn't really care about the relationship?

 

I'm not trying to put you down here, but I think this speaks to your underlying insecurity about the relationship. And this has never gone away since she had the affair six years ago. Because for every step forward (the work you say she's done), there are two steps back (other stuff she's done to hurt your feelings.) I would strongly advise you to get therapy for yourself. If you choose to stay, you have to find some way to believe the person who is with you wants to be with you.

 

That's security that strangers cannot give you.

[Mfic99]

I'm not trying to put you down here, but I think this speaks to your underlying insecurity about the relationship. And this has never gone away since she had the affair six years ago. Because for every step forward (the work you say she's done), there are two steps back (other stuff she's done to hurt your feelings.) I would strongly advise you to get therapy for yourself. If you choose to stay, you have to find some way to believe the person who is with you wants to be with you.

 

That's security that strangers cannot give you.

 

Thinking about this I was never like this before that time, but it's obvious I am now even though I don't realize how I got here

[tattoobunnie]

I have never been able to contact someone on international waters with their cell phone. Are you sure she wasn't kidding?

[abitbroken]

One last question. If she she says she didn't miss me or think about me while she was gone, does that mean she doesn't really care about the relationship? I feel that if I was of value to her she would think about us, and the joy of having a life together but if she doesn't miss that, does that mean she's not really into the relationship?

 

Please don't ask!

 

Sometimes when you don't "miss" someone - it doesn't mean that you don't care. It may mean that you are confident in that you will see them again at the prescribed time. If she went away with no definite return time (went to stay with mom in her final days) it would be more natural for her to miss you in the quiet hours - but like everyone said here - if her focus wasn't 100% on her mom, it would be unfortunate. And she doesn't have to "miss what you have" because you HAVE it - she is just with her mom right now. "Missing what you have" is after you break up with someone or someone moves away for 6 months for school. You can't miss what is still occurring.

 

Stop being butthurt. Insecurity wrecks relationships.

[Hermes]

The OP's original post......

 

I was hugging her and instinctively said I'll miss you. She didn't say anything when we separated she said I won't miss you, but I might think about you.

[tattoobunnie]

I have never missed my hubby when I'm away on business trips. But I think he's the hottest most awesome man, and the love of my life. I don't know. To me, it sounds like she's expressing a welcomed vacation with time with her mom that she never gets to see. I went to China with my mom a few years ago, and it was the most amazing trip I've ever taken. I wouldn't see her statement as culminating - probably didn't think you'd bug out over a statement like the one she made.

[Mfic99]

An update! I knew today she would be in land for the last two days and she had said I'll message you. I knew she had reception now so I called as I hadn't heard and wanted to make sure she's ok, she is very timely when she says something and doesn't not do what she says, I didn't panic or anything but she will always text if she says she will and I didn't get it so I called. She picked up, I said hey I just wanted to make sure you guys are okay I hadn't heard from you. She said oh I tried to message must not have gone thru, I said ok glad your ok, she said yep then said I wasn't going to pick up, then said she's they are doing well, her mom isn't moving around that great but is hanging in and they are having fun and the seas were very rough so happy they are in land now. I said ok il see you in a couple days. Have fun and be safe. She said ok. Love you and that was it. My only thing is she saying I wasn't going to pick up. Have no idea why she would even say that. If that's true, why say that? She didn't have to say that. I'm just as puzzled as before lol

 

Maybe all these years I just never know what she's getting at or says some of the most off putting comments ever. I'm like wth. Wasn't even necessary to say that at all. I feel like she likes to take little jabs at me and I don't know why. Like someone said earlier, if our relationship was strong, she wouldn't do that.

[Hermes]

Mfic.

 

"I feel like she likes to take little jabs at me and I don't know why"

 

That was my VERY first thought when I read you original post here.

 

Seems she likes rattling your cage. Utterly childish.

[Wiseman2]

She is trying to enjoy this trip with her mother without constant interruption. She did have to say that so you know not to call a lot, worry and ask. Maybe there is a tour scheduled for meals, activities, etc. that keeps them busy. Try not to undermine her trip with her mother with these "worries".

said I wasn't going to pick up. She said ok. Love you

[Mfic99]

She is trying to enjoy this trip with her mother without constant interruption. She did have to say that so you know not to call a lot, worry and ask. Maybe there is a tour scheduled for meals, activities, etc. that keeps them busy. Try not to undermine her trip with her mother with these "worries".

 

I'm not. A 3 min call. She text couple minutes ago thanks for the call, I love you, wish you were here. I replied have a great couple days, enjoy! See you soon

[Mfic99]

She is trying to enjoy this trip with her mother without constant interruption. She did have to say that so you know not to call a lot, worry and ask. Maybe there is a tour scheduled for meals, activities, etc. that keeps them busy. Try not to undermine her trip with her mother with these "worries".

 

Another thing is I'm seeing it from her side, if I contact more then the once, it might look like I don't trust her or keeping tabs, which is not the case at all, but I do see how it can look that way. I won't be messaging her or calling. She let me know they are good and I'm content with that. I contacted one time, one time is enough.

[Hermes]

Don't lose any sleep over it Mfic.

 

A perfectly normal situation where a spouse keeps in touch (maybe once a day) with the other spouse has been turned into this very strange exchange.

 

Once again, with feeling, it is plain good manners, if travelling, to say hello, I'm OK ONCE day to the other spouse.

 

What's not to like about that. Geeze, over-analyzing

[Mfic99]

Don't lose any sleep over it Mfic.

 

A perfectly normal situation where a spouse keeps in touch (maybe once a day) with the other spouse has been turned into this very strange exchange.

 

Once again, with feeling, it is plain good manners, if travelling, to say hello, I'm OK ONCE day to the other spouse.

 

What's not to like about that. Geeze, over-analyzing

 

Thank you! And I do over analyze lol

[notalady]

Mfic.

 

"I feel like she likes to take little jabs at me and I don't know why"

 

That was my VERY first thought when I read you original post here.

 

Seems she likes rattling your cage. Utterly childish.

 

Yea I get the same feeling with both those two comments.. It seems too small to bring up as an issue but hurts your feelings. Maybe it's her subtle way of pushing you away? My ex used to do that, make all kinds of little comments / jokes that jabs at me and with an underlying message of "you're not wanted", and it seems like I'd be overreacting if I took offence yet it just doesn't feel quite right.

[Mfic99]

Yea I get the same feeling with both those two comments.. It seems too small to bring up as an issue but hurts your feelings. Maybe it's her subtle way of pushing you away? My ex used to do that, make all kinds of little comments / jokes that jabs at me and with an underlying message of "you're not wanted", and it seems like I'd be overreacting if I took offence yet it just doesn't feel quite right.

 

Exactly! I'll say hey that's not cool and she'll say your taking it wrong. Every time that's her response. She'll say that's not what I intended or your taking it literal, uh yea cause that's what you said. To me if I say something I mean it. I don't say anything I don't mean. I expect the same, but that doesn't happen. Her mother does that to her step father and I'm positive that's where she learned it. I've told her examples of it, and she even admits, yes I see your point. But then does it anyways lol. I guess either I take it as is or i don't. She won't change so I guess at this point I accept it or I don't.

[abitbroken]

An update! I knew today she would be in land for the last two days and she had said I'll message you. I knew she had reception now so I called as I hadn't heard and wanted to make sure she's ok, she is very timely when she says something and doesn't not do what she says, I didn't panic or anything but she will always text if she says she will and I didn't get it so I called. She picked up, I said hey I just wanted to make sure you guys are okay I hadn't heard from you. She said oh I tried to message must not have gone thru, I said ok glad your ok, she said yep then said I wasn't going to pick up, then said she's they are doing well, her mom isn't moving around that great but is hanging in and they are having fun and the seas were very rough so happy they are in land now. I said ok il see you in a couple days. Have fun and be safe. She said ok. Love you and that was it. My only thing is she saying I wasn't going to pick up. Have no idea why she would even say that. If that's true, why say that? She didn't have to say that. I'm just as puzzled as before lol

 

Maybe all these years I just never know what she's getting at or says some of the most off putting comments ever. I'm like wth. Wasn't even necessary to say that at all. I feel like she likes to take little jabs at me and I don't know why. Like someone said earlier, if our relationship was strong, she wouldn't do that.

 

She wasn't going to pick up because the roaming charges would be astronomical perhaps and was going to wait for you to text. Or she heard it ringing and didn't know who it was (the caller id part didn't come through). Who knows. You can analyze it to death and hurt your marriage, or let it go. I didn't talk to ANYONE when I was on a cruise. Let her enjoy the time she has with her mom and don't sit and stew about what she is doing and not. You would be better served to have the house clean, go shopping to have a favorite meal in the house and prepare to make it for her when she comes home or if she is too tired, the next day - in otherwords, welcome her home. Don't sit like a striking cobra.

[Mfic99]

She wasn't going to pick up because the roaming charges would be astronomical perhaps and was going to wait for you to text. Or she heard it ringing and didn't know who it was (the caller id part didn't come through). Who knows. You can analyze it to death and hurt your marriage, or let it go. I didn't talk to ANYONE when I was on a cruise. Let her enjoy the time she has with her mom and don't sit and stew about what she is doing and not. You would be better served to have the house clean, go shopping to have a favorite meal in the house and prepare to make it for her when she comes home or if she is too tired, the next day - in otherwords, welcome her home. Don't sit like a striking cobra.

 

Thank you. I let it go this morning since she texted me. She sent another one few minutes ago said exactly what you said that she was worried about the phone charges but got a text from sprint saying texts are free internationally but delayed. Said they just stopped at a pub that reminded her of our trip to Scotland, said id want you here with me, that she missed me, is having a great time, and to have fun tonight ( I'm going out to dinner with friends )

 

Apparently I have been all worked up for nothing trying to figure out what she meant or what she means when apparently she didn't mean anything by what she said before she left. As someone else said in this thread I'm analyzing a misuse of words that doesn't even need to be analyzed. Guess I'm more screwed up then I thought or at 12 years I still don't know how to interpret her.

[abitbroken]

Thank you. I let it go this morning since she texted me. She sent another one few minutes ago said exactly what you said that she was worried about the phone charges but got a text from sprint saying texts are free internationally but delayed. Said they just stopped at a pub that reminded her of our trip to Scotland, said id want you here with me, that she missed me, is having a great time, and to have fun tonight ( I'm going out to dinner with friends )

 

Apparently I have been all worked up for nothing trying to figure out what she meant or what she means when apparently she didn't mean anything by what she said before she left. As someone else said in this thread I'm analyzing a misuse of words that doesn't even need to be analyzed. Guess I'm more screwed up then I thought or at 12 years I still don't know how to interpret her.

 

See??

 

If you do not give someone the space and opportunity to miss you or to share their feelings organically, and question them on what they don't say, etc - they don't ever have the opportunity to actually do so. You didn't push her on the phone - and now she NATURALLY happened upon an instance where she missed you. So just relax - don't try to twist every word.

[Mfic99]

See??

 

If you do not give someone the space and opportunity to miss you or to share their feelings organically, and question them on what they don't say, etc - they don't ever have the opportunity to actually do so. You didn't push her on the phone - and now she NATURALLY happened upon an instance where she missed you. So just relax - don't try to twist every word.

 

Thank you! Your so right. i jumped ahead based on our previous issues. She is beyond that, I better catch up. I have work to do!