my boyfriend (ex) of 4 years left me for another girl

[al2124]

My boyfriend of 4 years ended our relationship. I guess you could say I cant really understand anything and Im left without answers. Somehow I ended on here and wanted to seek some advice/help. I have dated this man 4 years, he was the best thing that could of happen to me. I dont think anyone loved me as much as he has, well at least I thought so. He would of given me the world if he could, we traveled together a lot and have some pretty good time together. You could say our relationship was like the one you only see in movies. Well thats what has me left confused and questioning everything. He is 26 years old and I am 28, he is pretty good looking man, tall and muscular. I on the other hand you could say catch an eye of every guy that walks by.. sometimes it bothered him of the attention i was getting but i always made it sure to show everyone we were together. In the last 6 months ive struggled a lot. I suddenly lost my dad who was killed in a car accident and I became different, distant and in my own world. I was angry at everyone and everything, I would start fights with the boyfriend but he always stayed calmed and pulled me back together. Until a month ago. Let me mention we had long distance relationship. He lives 2 hours away, but came to me every other day and it worked fine because his work would send him to the city I live in. Anyway it all started on March 25th, we had plans for dinner and a movie.. that day everything seemed normal and in the evening we went to bed and he tried to hug me and i was hot, so I moved and told him to get away.. then i tried to cuddle him and he wouldn't, I got mad at him and the next day i didnt talk to him all day. I asked him to leave and take all his stuff that we are done. He did and I was upset and fell asleep. When I woke up he was gone, I called him to come back, he was 1.5 hours away but he still came back. He came back different person, he wouldn't look at me, he wouldn't talk to me..even after i apologized so many times and said i was going to change and make us work. He agreed to make us work, but the next 2 weeks he just wasn't the same. We had sex 2 times a day but he just wasn't mentally there and he told me he didnt know what he felt for me anymore. He said he loved me, but he wasn't sure about his feelings. We agreed to go on 2 week no contact, however I couldnt do it and kept texting him. He got very upset with me and said we are over. Whenever I asked him if he still loved me he wouldn't answer. Just a couple days ago I found out about a girl he has been seeing. She told me, they have been talking since end of March and just made it official 2 weeks ago. So he left me and ran to her, how did this just happen? why did this happen? He took all our photos of Instagram and blocked me, he blocked my number and told me we are never getting back together. One thing I cant understand why is he treating me this way when he loved me as much as he did? how did this love just vanish? And this new girl he is seeing is not attractive at all, everyone including his friends cant believe he hooked up with someone like that. I understand not everything is about the looks, but i dont know how he just stopped loving me? Will he ever try to contact me again? Has anyone had anything similar to this!

[boltnrun]

"I was angry at everyone and everything, I would start fights with the boyfriend"

"he tried to hug me and i was hot, so I moved and told him to get away."

"I got mad at him and the next day i didnt talk to him all day. I asked him to leave and take all his stuff that we are done."

 

"he wasn't sure about his feelings. We agreed to go on 2 week no contact, however I couldnt do it and kept texting him. He got very upset with me and said we are over. Whenever I asked him if he still loved me he wouldn't answer."

 

Do you think maybe the first three events above maybe cause the fourth one to happen?

 

Why aren't you taking any responsibility for how badly you treated him?

 

I understand that losing your dad is a terrible tragedy (my condolences to you), but you took it out on someone who loved you.

 

There's only so much a person can take before they give up.

 

And bagging on the new girl's looks is pretty shallow. Maybe she's a nice person who is loving and supportive toward him.

 

I would focus on dealing with the loss of your father first and foremost. That's tough to handle. Don't be afraid to ask for help from a caring family member or friend, or even a professional if you need it.

[Wiseman2]

From your description you ended it by asking him to get out and tell him you're done, even though you tried to get back together after that. It sounds like things have been turbulent for at least 6 mos. and have been eroding due to fights and anger and break-ups.

 

It sounds like he is also finally done after all this and the best thing both of you can do is no contact.

I asked him to leave and take all his stuff that we are done.

[al2124]

Totally understand what you are saying, I shouldnt have treated him the way I did and I couldnt see that until now. He never sat down and told me what I was doing was bad. Sometimes we become blind and self centered..thats what happened to me. If he had spoken up and made me realize, Im sure I would of changed the way I was acting. Instead he told me I pulled the last straw and thats it. And About the new girl, I got nothing against her looks.. just said she isnt attractive because knowing him, I would never thought he would hook up with something like that.

[al2124]

Do you think he will try to contact me eventually? We have a lot of things together, most bills are in our both names!

[j.man]

"I asked him to leave and take all his stuff that we are done."

 

Guy didn't play along with your drama. Don't know what to tell ya.

[Cope]

Totally understand what you are saying, I shouldnt have treated him the way I did and I couldnt see that until now. He never sat down and told me what I was doing was bad. Sometimes we become blind and self centered..thats what happened to me. If he had spoken up and made me realize, Im sure I would of changed the way I was acting. Instead he told me I pulled the last straw and thats it. And About the new girl, I got nothing against her looks.. just said she isnt attractive because knowing him, I would never thought he would hook up with something like that.

 

 

You are still not owning up on your actions. I understand it is hard, i also know what it is like to lose a Father. Everything went downhill for me after loosing mine. Be careful, start taking responsibilities and take care of yourself. You really have to deal with the loss of your father and then the one of your boyfriend, this can be tricky, so be prepared and ask for help!

 

Take care!

[Wiseman2]

Get his name off and sever these accounts, you kicked him out.

[boltnrun]

"Something like that"???

 

She's a "thing"?

 

You know, looks only go so far. Ugly can be on the inside even if pretty is on the outside.

 

And he should have told you that how you were acting was bad? You mean you had no idea that it's not nice to act like that?

 

Just wow. "Pretty Girl Syndrome" is alive and well, apparently.

[Ms Darcy]

Totally understand what you are saying, I shouldnt have treated him the way I did and I couldnt see that until now. He never sat down and told me what I was doing was bad. Sometimes we become blind and self centered..thats what happened to me. If he had spoken up and made me realize, Im sure I would of changed the way I was acting.

 

I think there comes a time as adults where we have to recognize when we are being jerks. It's one thing to act a little passive aggressively, but you were starting fights and kicked the dude out of your house saying it was over. Obvious stuff where you know you were acting badly.

 

What surprised you is that he just stopped taking it.

[surfdiva]

First, I'm very VERY sorry about the loss of your father. So unexpected and tragic, that's terrible.

 

However, it sounds like you told him you were done. He heard what you said and it sounds like he was done with the drama. Yes, he moved on...probably a little too quickly but it sounds like he's taken a beating emotionally. And to say "how could he fall for something like that". Ouch, it seems you put a lot of emphasis on looks.

 

Honestly, it's time for you to move on. Get his names off the bills, go NC and recover from the loss of your father and the loss of this relationship, you'll be OK.

[reinventmyself]

I think there comes a time as adults where we have to recognize when we are being jerks. It's one thing to act a little passive aggressively, but you were starting fights and kicked the dude out of your house saying it was over. Obvious stuff where you know you were acting badly.

 

What surprised you is that he just stopped taking it.

 

And somehow you it felt it was his responsibility to point it out to you. . ?

 

What comes to mind are these are the things you are now able to account for.

I just can't help but wonder what all he might be able to add to the story.

 

I am sorry you have lost your father but you have taken out your pain on the very person who was there for you.

 

he tried to hug me and i was hot, so I moved and told him to get away.. then i tried to cuddle him and he wouldn't, I got mad at him and the next day i didnt talk to him all day. I asked him to leave and take all his stuff that we are done.

 

You told him to get away and when you decided it suited you, you wanted him to cuddle. I can only guess he was hurt, but you told him to get his stuff and leave and told him you were done? Seriously, am I reading this correctly?

And now you are upset because he won't come back and you don't understand why.

Based on your story it's no mystery.

[j.man]

EDIT: j.man didn't need to write this post.