Struggling29 Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Met a guy year a go before meeting my husband. We fell in love but he was married. We saw each other for a couple of months but couldn't handle being the other. So I left so he could try to fix his marriage. After a couple of years I met my husband. I fell in love but never stopped loving the other guy. When I was engaged he called saying he was living his wife. He still loved me and wanted to be with me. I couldn't break it up with my husband and married him. We've been married for almost 3 years. He's amazing and such a great guy but I'm not happy I want to be with the one I truly love. I've cheated on my husband with this guy. I've tried so hard to stay away but I'm drawn to him. He makes me whole. I want to leave my husband but it's so hard because of my kids. It's not fair for my husband and I don't want to live unhappy. Advice please... Link to comment
Clinton Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Forget him, fix your marriage. Your children will thank you Link to comment
Struggling29 Posted April 29, 2016 Author Share Posted April 29, 2016 How can I make myself love him. I don't feel attracted to him anymore. I can't even take his kisses... Link to comment
Clinton Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Cut the other guy off totally and go to counselling. You have children and owe it to them to make every effort to save your marriage Link to comment
DoF Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Core of the issue = communicating with ex. If you didn't do it, you would've never cheated. Simple as that. While in a marriage/relationship it's your responsibility to NOT put yourself in risky type of situations.....like the one you did. You do not love this guy, and he doesn't love you. It's called infatuation.......and if you leave your husband you do NOT know if you will actually end up loving him. Also, look in to 80/20 relationship rule......you are doing it! Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Unless I'm missing something, the other guy is married. If this is true, what are you expecting from this? Link to comment
Struggling29 Posted April 29, 2016 Author Share Posted April 29, 2016 He's not married anymore. He left her about 3 years ago Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Sorry, I misunderstood that. Either way, you need to make a choice, before that choice is made for you...so to speak. Keep in mind, you have a lot to lose here. Link to comment
musicman777 Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 Can I add in here? I've never been married and probably never will be. But I'd like to think that, if you don't really love your husband, there's no point in continuing this marriage. You know, I hear the people saying "you owe it to your kids to make it work". I have to say, not really. I don't think it sets a good example for children to watch two people try to be together that don't love each other. Divorced, they can still see both of their parents. There are ways to amicably do this. I just don't think it's good to live a lie, and especially to set that example for your children. If you are just "going through the motions" with your husband, well, they are going to notice it eventually. As they get older and wiser, they will notice you are pretending. That's just my two cents. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 You have no room to love your husband when you are showering that love on another man. Also, I am going to bet that if you left your husband, this man would disappear. If you confess to your husband and your husband leaves you, I have a feeling that your relationship with the other man will be short lived. He will only play with you when one of you is not available. If he was an honorable man, he would admit cheating with you was a mistake and then left you alone once you were engaged out of respect for your marriage - an institution he doesn't respect. I think that you need to cut all contact with this man and choose to love your husband. If you do, then genuine love with come back. You need to work on your marriage and get rid of this guy. If it were me, I would confess your cheating and go to counseling. Your husband does not deserve this and should have the right to choose. But if you do, still cut the other man off. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 He makes me whole. Nope. He just makes you sexually excited and gives you the thrill of sneaking around. If you were in his everyday life, were with him when he was in his torn underwear burping and farting or was having a bad day, you might change your tune. You only see him at his very best. And the reason you can't kiss your husband may be because of your guilt. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 I have read your post 3 times and your timeline doesn't add up. From what you have written you have been cheating on your husband from almost the wedding day. Do your husband a huge favor and tell him you no longer love him and are going to divorce him. Make the divorce as easy on him as possible, give him the majority of the assets, plenty of custody of the kids and be as gracious as you can. Then you can be with the love of your life and live happily ever after. Good luck Lost Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 You have no room to love your husband when you are showering that love on another man. Also, I am going to bet that if you left your husband, this man would disappear. If you confess to your husband and your husband leaves you, I have a feeling that your relationship with the other man will be short lived. He will only play with you when one of you is not available. If he was an honorable man, he would admit cheating with you was a mistake and then left you alone once you were engaged out of respect for your marriage - an institution he doesn't respect. I think that you need to cut all contact with this man and choose to love your husband. If you do, then genuine love with come back. You need to work on your marriage and get rid of this guy. If it were me, I would confess your cheating and go to counseling. Your husband does not deserve this and should have the right to choose. But if you do, still cut the other man off. I second this entire post. OP, at the very least, you owe your marriage a trial run at a marriage counselor. Your husband does NOT deserve this, and least of all your children. It is time to put your own family first and make an effort to sort things out, sort yourself out. Starting by full NC with the other guy and then immediately make an appointment with a marriage counselor. At least make an effort. Link to comment
Struggling29 Posted April 29, 2016 Author Share Posted April 29, 2016 Thank you for all your comments. I really appreciated. I completely understand what all of you are saying and it seems like the best thing to do for all of us is to cut contact with the other guy. I understand that my husband doesn't deserve this. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted May 1, 2016 Share Posted May 1, 2016 Are you even sure the children are your husbands and not your bf? You have misled your husband for so long and are in love with your bf so deeply how on earth do you think you will just cut contact with your bf and not end right back in bed with him in 3 months? What are you willing to do to make this right? Lost Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.