When should i contact an OLD guy...who hasn't responded?

[Realitynut]

Geez...haven't made my own thread for so long...I don't even know HOW!

 

Anyway, as most of you know...my ex has broken up with me NUMEROUS times in the past 2 years. Mostly just by disappearing...or even worse...unfriended/blocked me on fb. Only to come back a week or 2 later all lovey-dovey.

 

So now he's met another woman...going on 6 weeks...but we had *sex* 2 1/2 weeks ago....when I then told him never to contact me...or speak to me...or LOOK at me ever again! He kissed me goodbye and left. Next day was with new woman and told a mutual friend, that I should "move on".

 

Soooo...I wasn't going to even LOOK for another guy for Months...I was just going to play it by ear, and if someone get's dropped in my lap...so be it!

 

well.....someone got dropped in my lap.

 

OKC. A guy emailed me. I hadn't seen it for a few days, because I wasn't looking. He was perfect on paper. Nice looking. My age. All the qualities I liked in a guy. 89% match. 15% enemy...and the enemy question wasn't a deal breaker...lol

 

Anyway, we emailed lengthy messages back and forth. One a day. Then Friday he texted me. I texted back. Sat. a text or two. Sunday we exchanged pics of our back yards...lol. Then he said he had to get to work. I said..OK. I had emailed him something on cupid...but he wouldn't get it until Monday. His computer and internet is not at his Home...but where he works.

 

So Monday, I figured I'd get a response from him. Nothing. He had been online. He also has a POF account. He's been on.

 

He knows I like Kayaking...and he went and bought two kayaks on Friday...so I thought that showed a LOT of interest.

I told him that he was the only one I was writing to...and he knows I just got out of a relationship and was still healing from that.

 

Soooo...since I was the last person who texted Sunday...with ok...goodbye. Have a good day. I was going to wait for HIM to initiate. He had initiated the very first text on Friday, but Sunday I initiated.

 

I was also waiting to see if he'd respond to my email on cupid. I did say that I had every weekend booked up until June with Hiking and kayaking. But that I made arrangements to have THIS Sat. free. And that it sounded as if this was the weekend he had free also. (helping his daughter move next weekend)

 

Last weekend we couldn't meet. I was kayaking Sat. and he was laying a floor on Sunday.

 

I have this thing...that so many guys drop off the face of the earth at 10 days. So I counted...and yep...10 days exactly.

 

OK...that was the background. lol (and yes...I wrote to him, like I write HERE! )

 

So my question is.....Since this is the second day of hearing nothing from him, and I was hoping we would meet this sat. should I shoot him a text? He did email me last Friday saying he was hoping he had this weekend free.

 

Or did he meet someone better? And I should just drop it.

 

Part of me is so disappointed. I NEVER see anyone I'm interested in...and I was showing everyone his profile and exclaiming...isn't he perfect? He even mentioned a few places he'd like to visit (calling his name, he said) and it's where I'd like to go also. He refurbishes old houses...and rents them out. I live in a Victorian built in 1889...and work on houses also.

 

His profile was the BEST. It made me actually cry, cuz I didn't think there was anyone out there that was "like me".

 

But then again, he did live 1 1/2 hr. away...which doesn't thrill me. He said that in his first email....that he hoped it wasn't a deterrent.

 

The part of me that has walls up, wants to say...."found someone new?" Which of course is wrong. Could I say...are you still interested??? Or could I just text....Hope you're having a wonderful day! (he would text/email me...have a fantastic time...etc.)

 

Or should I just let it be. I know I should heal from this last ex...but I don't want to let a good one get away. My sis says if he's that perfect, someone else is gonna scoop him up.

 

Usually I can make my own decisions...but I would like input.

 

1. Text him tonite saying...Hi...haven't heard from you. Are you still interested? (the direct approach)

2. Text and say....Hope you're doing great, and your back doesn't hurt from laying your floor down! (the happy approach.)

3. Ignore and hope he contacts me. (the cowardly approach)

 

I really would like a guy to PURSUE me! Already with him not contacting me back for 2 days...after hearing from him all last week....my interest level has dropped considerably!

 

Ugh. I hate dating.

[notalady]

Why all the overthinking? And you sound way too invested in someone you haven't even met. I would say dial down your expectations. Many guys I've met online that had "perfect" profile and I thought was going to have so much in common with me, we didn't hit it off on first meet (or second when there was one). So I would say don't have any expectations based on profile.

 

As for messaging, I would shoot him a text and say hey are you still wanting to meet on Saturday? That's the direct approach to me. The answer is either yes (so you proceed to meeting) or some excuse without rescheduling (which is a no so you can stop wasting time and move on) or silence (which is also a signal for you to move on). Saying "are you still interested" sound more needy than direct.

 

I also don't consider this as one pursuing the other, since you haven't even met, it's technically a first meet not a date. He's free to ask you on a date after you meet.

[Realitynut]

Well...after an hour and a half drive...im sure it was gonna be a date...rather than just a 'meet'...lol

 

And the only reason I'm overthinking is....I don't want to text him and look desperate. We only vaguely mentioned this weekend we were free...no date set up. And because I AM invested in it. lol No one has really caught my interest....except ex...in 5 years. And I've met up with 40 guys before the ex...and at least 10 guys during the 'cold' periods of dating the ex.

 

So out of 50 guys....nada. And the pickings are very slim in my area.

 

I was just wondering what everyone thought! Just chill? And wait it out? or contact?

[Realitynut]

I will wait until tonite...and text....still interested in meeting this weekend? I'm free if you are!

[Sportster2005]

 

Or should I just let it be. I know I should heal from this last ex...but I don't want to let a good one get away. My sis says if he's that perfect, someone else is gonna scoop him up.

 

Usually I can make my own decisions...but I would like input.

 

1. Text him tonite saying...Hi...haven't heard from you. Are you still interested? (the direct approach)

2. Text and say....Hope you're doing great, and your back doesn't hurt from laying your floor down! (the happy approach.)

3. Ignore and hope he contacts me. (the cowardly approach)

 

I really would like a guy to PURSUE me! Already with him not contacting me back for 2 days...after hearing from him all last week....my interest level has dropped considerably!

 

Ugh. I hate dating.

 

First off tell your sister to get bent. With friends like that..... you are just as perfect as he is.

 

2. Text and say....Hope you're doing great, and your back doesn't hurt from laying your floor down! (the happy approach.)

 

And stop telling yourself he's so rare. You're creating scarcity when none exists. I wish I had a dime for every time I thought I found the "one". I'd be freakin rich.

 

You're just out of a relationship. The tendency is to be a little erratic. Not everyone. Just an observation. You might be rebounding or feeling desperate. That's not criticism. I think we can/do screw up a bit after a fresh cut.

[Realitynut]

LOL Sportster...that's the thing. I NEVER see anyone that does tick all the boxes! If I did...I wouldn't be this conflicted. Or have to drive a fricken hour and a half! lol Actually, we had discussed him driving 50 min. and I would drive 40....and pick him up...and take him to one of my favorite parks. He said that sounded fun!

 

That was 5/6 days ago...lots could have changed by then in the land of OLD!!!

[janut1]

I agree with Sportster. I would text Hope you're doing great, and your back doesn't hurt from laying your floor down! But I also think you need to slooowww down. You are just out of a relationship and you know I know how that feels. Sometimes we reach out in this state just to confirm that we are desirable and to feel better about ourselves because we are hurt. You don't want to come off needy with him either. Im sure he has flaws like every other human out there and he is far from "perfect". You might not even like him.

 

So go slow, take a deep breath and let it out. If he does not respond to your text or message, you have your answer. Keep us posted.

[JA0371]

I agree with Sportster. Dial wayyy back. This guy is just a guy. Not a God.

 

I met up with someone recently for lunch after abreakup 7 months ago. It was nice, he was nice and fun .....but I am simply not ready. He is still texting ...still wants to see me....but I know if I were gung Ho his response likely would be different. I am being my authentic self. I could care less if I date or meet someone and I know the paradox is that is appealing to people. I truly just don't care. Try that approach.

[lilygirl]

It is hard not to get excited, this I know, but try your best not to. If I were you, I would not text him. If you do, I would follow Sportster's suggestion, keep it light, and do not, I repeat do not ask if he is interested, and I would wait another day or two. In my experience, the only time the direct approach works is if one is pursuing something casual, fwb, etc.

[Sportster2005]

LOL Sportster...that's the thing. I NEVER see anyone that does tick all the boxes! If I did...I wouldn't be this conflicted. Or have to drive a fricken hour and a half! lol Actually, we had discussed him driving 50 min. and I would drive 40....and pick him up...and take him to one of my favorite parks. He said that sounded fun!

 

That was 5/6 days ago...lots could have changed by then in the land of OLD!!!

 

Don't get anxious. You won't have any new information until you text him, or he texts you. We are sometimes evil to ourselves, rejecting ourselves before the other person does. Don't do it. And yes, do as I say, not as I do

[Realitynut]

It's so funny. Tom was more interested in me ( I think) cuz I wasn't that into him. So he pursued. At the beginning...if a guy seems all interested ...and then cools waaaay back...then I cool waaay back. I was into Tom...for many reasons, but one, because he was so into me. And I knew it.

 

Now he deny's it of course.

 

I'm gonna text the guy....the 'happy' text. Friday night I texted him really late at night....cuz I hadn't seen his text earlier in the eve. and I got a favorable response. Then Sat. night...I texted him really late at night...and he texted back something funny. We texted back and forth Sunday...with him saying he had to lay his floor...and me saying...ok...enjoy your day.

 

So wth......maybe he's waiting for me to text. Or ....he just doesn't care! lol

 

Maybe it will be a good thing if I don't hear back. Then I can go about my life like I had planned. Just trying to get over the ex!!! And wait a good long while to meet anyone new.

[janut1]

It's so funny. Tom was more interested in me ( I think) cuz I wasn't that into him. So he pursued. At the beginning...if a guy seems all interested ...and then cools waaaay back...then I cool waaay back. I was into Tom...for many reasons, but one, because he was so into me. And I knew it.

 

Now he deny's it of course.

 

I'm gonna text the guy....the 'happy' text. Friday night I texted him really late at night....cuz I hadn't seen his text earlier in the eve. and I got a favorable response. Then Sat. night...I texted him really late at night...and he texted back something funny. We texted back and forth Sunday...with him saying he had to lay his floor...and me saying...ok...enjoy your day.

 

So wth......maybe he's waiting for me to text. Or ....he just doesn't care! lol

 

Maybe it will be a good thing if I don't hear back. Then I can go about my life like I had planned. Just trying to get over the ex!!! And wait a good long while to meet anyone new.

 

 

Thats a good attitude. If its meant to be, it will be.

[Realitynut]

Ok...I just texted:

 

Hi K! Just checking in to say Howdy and hope your back isn't hurting from laying down the floor! Did you get it all finished and looking good?

 

Asked a question....now I just have to sit back and wait.

 

I already don't care....

[notalady]

It's so funny. Tom was more interested in me ( I think) cuz I wasn't that into him. So he pursued. At the beginning...if a guy seems all interested ...and then cools waaaay back...then I cool waaay back. I was into Tom...for many reasons, but one, because he was so into me. And I knew it.

 

Now he deny's it of course.

 

I'm gonna text the guy....the 'happy' text. Friday night I texted him really late at night....cuz I hadn't seen his text earlier in the eve. and I got a favorable response. Then Sat. night...I texted him really late at night...and he texted back something funny. We texted back and forth Sunday...with him saying he had to lay his floor...and me saying...ok...enjoy your day.

 

So wth......maybe he's waiting for me to text. Or ....he just doesn't care! lol

 

Maybe it will be a good thing if I don't hear back. Then I can go about my life like I had planned. Just trying to get over the ex!!! And wait a good long while to meet anyone new.

 

Neither lack of interest nor a hot pursuit is a good start. A balanced approach and mindset is a good place to start.

[Realitynut]

Ok...he texted back in 8 minutes with a picture of his floor and he said:

 

Hi C. Floor is coming along, but a long way to go. Maybe half done this room, but I have 3 more bedrooms and the hallway also. I think I need a massage! And more Tylenol! ;-)

 

Don't know if he knows i'm a massage therapist or not. I imagine he must. Somewhere I must have mentioned it in the 1000+ questions I answered.

 

So I responded:

 

Ugh. I'm not envying you! I'll let you know when I find a good massage therapist. ;-)

 

I never mentioned meeting up....but then he sent this text:

 

It will be nice when it's done. You mentioned WildCat Den before. What kind of campgrounds does it have?

 

I said..ok campground...no electrical.

 

Now we're talking bathrooms....so I guess i'm glad I texted. But why the HELLLL didn't he first? Maybe he thought when I said I was busy every weekend until June....I wasn't interested. who knows.

[Realitynut]

He said, I think I need a break from this floor. I think you said you had plans one day. the other open?

 

Sounds good. I'm glad I made the text.

[Realitynut]

He ended things with....

 

"thanks for the info. Time for shower and sleep. Chat tomorrow?"

 

men.

[notalady]

So you told him which day you're free and he didn't make a date?

[Realitynut]

My sister's birthday is that Friday. I told him I was going to ask her if there were any plans for her birthday that weekend. ....lol She only lives 6 miles from the park. He is thinking of camping there the whole weekend...so it wouldn't matter what day. I just have to say 'when'....

 

I skipped a few texts between those two....I figured you're all getting bored with the whole thing! lol

[notalady]

I'm a little confused, so did he or you suggest a date or not? If not, why not? I feel like it's a waste of time to keep chatting (you're not friends catching up on what's going on in each other's lives), I rather just say do you want to meet? If so, let's decide on a date. And not be dragging on further.

[Realitynut]

Oh yeah....he's camping there probably this weekend. Said he was going to look it up on the internet tomorrow. He asked what day I had open. I said I'd see if my sis was celebrating her birthday one day. I said otherwise it wouldn't matter which day.

 

We had been having long texts/emails to each other for a full week. That is why I was confused why I hadn't heard from him yesterday or today.

 

This was the only Sat. I had free until June....And he's busy also. Plus the distance thing....I don't mind the emails and texts. I just was wondering if he was doing the 10 day fade out....

 

edit: So my brother texted me since then, and asked me over for dinner Sat. night. My sis, and family were invited.

I declined, and said I was meeting a new guy.

[notalady]

I would get back to him ASAP on which days you can or can't meet and leave the ball in his court to make a date (since he's the busy one). If he doesn't do it soon, I would stop communicating, as he clearly has no intention to do so.

[Realitynut]

The scary thing is....the ex lives about 4 or 5 miles from there...and he goes there all the time to hike! I certainly hope I don't run into him and his new girlie.

[Realitynut]

LOL....he's trying to go camping there SAT. AND Sunday. I told him that I could be there one of those days. Doesn't matter now...i'm free both those days. Maybe I'll hang out the whole weekend with him!!! Kidding.

I'm the busy one. This was the only sat. I had free. He's taking out time from doing his floors to meet me. I canceled plans with another girl...and my brother ...to meet him.

 

I'd say we are meeting. We started talking about this last week.

 

Plus...he said...chat tomorrow.

 

We have 3 days to firm up plans. He knows that Kayaking is my favorite thing to do...and he then went Friday and bought 2 kayaks. Sounds like he's interested. Don't know why he didn't text me yesterday.

 

Maybe he didn't want to seem too eager!!!

[Krankor]

[quote=Realitynut;6536503Maybe he didn't want to seem too eager!!!

 

That would be my guess--that's one of the most common bits of dating advice we guys get--don't come off to eager, needy, or desperate. Let her initiate the contact sometimes. I still find myself doing that with my girlfriend. After I left my girlfriend's house today I wanted to text her just a quick little message but thought, "Nah...we just spent several hours together. She doesn't need to think I have nothing better to do with the rest of my evening than to sit and think about her. Let's see if she texts me." She did. Silly little game, probably, but maybe it kind of works? Maybe him not texting you made you want to meet up with him just a tad bit more?

 

It seems as if maybe you are already getting a little too invested in this guy; I'd try to reign it in just a tad. But it does sound as if he's interested. Hopefully when you meet up things go well. I wish you luck.