When should i contact an OLD guy...who hasn't responded?

[Realitynut]

No Krankor...it makes me NOT as interested when someone doesn't contact me! Maybe I'm weird. If I was your gf...I would have loved it if you had texted me after you left her.

 

Last fall, my on again/off again bf...now ex...wanted me back. He was crazy over me. (cuz he thought I was moving on....the 'not having me' worked on him! ) So for the first month he was perfect! He kept telling me...I hope I'm not smothering you! WHAT? I was loving it!! lol

 

Part of me wants to meet this guy. Because, honestly, I never see anyone that ticks even half the boxes, much less all. But like everyone says, you never know until you meet. But even then, I don't trust that anymore. I believe in getting to know them as friends...because that is how I was with ex. It was his humor....and the fact he didn't annoy me...lol...that attracted him to me. Plus...he liked me.

 

But a big part of me is hesitant, because of the distance. I invested almost 4 years of my life traveling 4 hours to see ex-fiancé. He very seldom came down here, because I was self-employed. It was a new business, and at the end, I was staying with him 2 weeks, and come back home to work 4-5 days. Needless to say, I LOST business...not built it up. I would like a bf that I could see after work if I wanted.

 

The other thing is...I DON'T want to become emotionally invested. I don't want a rebound. I still Do have feelings for ex. So if things don't work out with this new guy...eh. So be it. But if we can hang out every few weeks, kayak, hike, do all those things...and throw a few laughs in there while we're at it....why not?

 

I'm sad. I'm lonely.

 

Going hiking with a seemingly nice guy, doesn't sound all that bad to me at the moment!

[janut1]

 

The other thing is...I DON'T want to become emotionally invested. I don't want a rebound. I still Do have feelings for ex. So if things don't work out with this new guy...eh. So be it. But if we can hang out every few weeks, kayak, hike, do all those things...and throw a few laughs in there while we're at it....why not?

 

I'm sad. I'm lonely.

 

Going hiking with a seemingly nice guy, doesn't sound all that bad to me at the moment!

 

Thats where it gets tricky - you are sad and lonely, so he could be a rebound. I would NOT stay there the whole weekend and set a goal to only meet him, hike talk, then leave.

 

Also, this guy may be willing to travel to meet you too. If you do see him again, make sure you are not the one always offering to drive. Meeting half way works too.

 

I am excited for you that you have a date. I do hope it goes well. Keep us posted.

[Heather Dawn]

You're meeting him for the first time, alone, at a campground?

[janut1]

How are you feelling about this meeting tomorrow? Are you nervous? Is it on?

[Realitynut]

You're meeting him for the first time, alone, at a campground?

 

 

lol.....I've had them over to my house to EAT before on first meets. lol...usual I go for walks. You have to realize we're old. He's bringing a camper and some kayaks. He asked if I wanted to spend the night...I said no...I would drive the 45 min. home. If things go well...I was to go back on Sunday.

 

To be honest....while I was texting this guy...the night I was making this post....the ex came over. For 2 1/2 hours. He acted like the new woman wasn't going to be in his life for long. He said...how can I be seeing her, when all I think of is you.

 

Amongst other things.

 

I will skip the gory details...but the next day, he went back true to form. The old Hot/Cold Tom. Next day I texted...I hope you're not feeling guilty...or I'll be sad.

 

Ugh. Finally I asked...so you aren't ending things with her??? He paused....and just said "no".

 

I feel so stupid.

 

So yesterday I was all depressed (thur) and today (Friday) I heard from this new guy. First time on the phone. Wasn't thrilled with his voice. Didn't like the fact he had to pick a campground with showers. He said he gets 'itchy' after hiking. "WUSS"

 

On a different thread I said:

 

I want a manly man. Who can hike and camp and wrestle bears.....and not have to take a shower afterwards! lol

 

Heather.....people thought I was going to be found dead in a ditch when I was in my 20's. Now that I'm 61...I doubt I/they have much to worry about!

[saluk]

It sounds like you are not over your ex and complications there are still ongoing. I don't think you are emotionally available, and probably shouldn't be dating anyone until you know you are ready. You said even in your first post that you didn't think you were, but you junped at this email because of how well his profile matched up. I would listen to your head on this one.

 

Ticking all of the boxes on a profile doesn't mean a whole lot. Even if it's rare. It's the boxes that they tick or don't tick in reality that matter, and many of those will never make it onto a profile.

 

He probably thought you were joking about the showers. Or doesn't remember it buried in all of your excessively long textual communication! I think you should worry less about whether your guy likes to camp the right way, and more about whether or not he will treat you right and be there for you in a way your ex was not.

[Silverbirch]

Hugs RN. I can't believe I missed this thread. Wish you had mailed me to let me know. Now I will go read all of it before I post. Xx

[Silverbirch]

Well, I hope he is okay when you meet. You really can't tell until you've met them in person. Which Ai could kick To. Up the ass.

[Silverbirch]

Oh Hoyt the shower, I can get hives from different grasses so if I'm exposed, really have to shower, but maybe this guy wants to smell good for you!

[Heather Dawn]

Wow, had no clue you were 61!

[Realitynut]

Wow, had no clue you were 61!

 

lol....yeah...I certainly don't SOUND or act like it! I'm still waiting for maturity to set in!

 

I must not be too excited to meet him. I'm sure he's already there. It's 10:00 and I'm sitting in my bathrobe next to a stinking dog. I guess I'll take my bath...then bathe her.

 

Oh...the other thing about not ticking off ALL the boxes...he asked about bringing food. I said I was making my famous Potato salad.

He paused. I asked..."do you like potato salad"? He said it's growing on him.

 

lol NEXT!!!!

 

Well...maybe not. He said he's bringing steaks. I never had a guy bring me a steak before!!! lol

 

I have a headache.

[Realitynut]

maybe this guy wants to smell good for you!

 

geez SB...I replied to this but it never showed up!

 

When I said something about showers, he said he wanted to smell good for a cute gal. I said I wouldn't get that close!

 

And that I didn't need to tell you about his little ole' thread...cuz you already know everything about me!!!!

[janut1]

Oh boy RN! The X came back to you again???? You are never going to get over him if you keep letting him come over and have sex with you then treat you like garbage the next day. You deserve so much better then that. If you start saying NO, you might be able to get over him someday, otherwise its going to be a long painful process of being a yoyo and being treated bad. The reason he keeps coming back is because he knows you love him and he knows he can use you. He obviously is not committed to the new gal either and she would be really hurt if she knew he was sleeping with you. This guy is not someone who can commit to anyone!

 

You need to get over him first for sure. This new guy wanting a shower is a good thing. I rather have a nice smelling guy then a dirty camping guy. LOL And so what if he doesn't like potato salad? Not everyone likes everything thats what makes us all unique.

[Silverbirch]

Wow, had no clue you were 61!

 

She doesn't look it. She's a beautiful blonde who is young at heart and funny as!

[Silverbirch]

Hang on, the potato salad could be a deal- breaker. lol! But his response was ok

[boltnrun]

Hopefully, eventually you will realize the "ex" uses you for sex and to stroke his own ego, but sugar coats it by telling you he "loves" you.

 

Would you EVER treat someone you love the way he treats you?

 

If not, why do you allow him to use you?

 

As for the new guy, you're nit-picking. Which means you want to want to like him but you really don't. And your attempts to convince yourself to like him aren't working. And it's not the potato salad or the shower. You're just annoyed that he's not your "ex". But that should be a good thing, not a negative!

[Realitynut]

And now I find out he doesn't like onions! aaaargh Or coconut!!!!!

 

Anyway I'm home. But i'm suppose to be driving back tomorrow. He wanted me to spend the night in the camper....2 separate beds...but of course I said NO! He's ok. I found myself wishing I was back home. Not good when you'd rather be alone, than hanging with someone else.

We sat by the campfire and he talked about his 2 marriages...I probably talked about Tom...lol. I tried not too....so much.

 

On the way home I happened to pass by Tom's house. She was there with a kayak on top of her jeep. I'm so happy for her! (It was 1 a.m.)

 

He didn't even make me chuckle once. You see....I saw Tom about 5 times before he ever opened his mouth! And then when he did....we connected. Of course, I was in a better frame of mind. Open.

 

This guy is way better looking than tom....but he burped (many times...and never said excuse me) Then actually farted. eh. Nothing. It was a quiet fart...so maybe he didn't think I heard it!

 

Too bad my hearing is so good!

[Realitynut]

Art...the one guy I saw for 2 months...and 1 month exclusively (the only time I never saw Tom a year and a half ago) annoyed me cuz he licked his fingers!

 

And he was cheap too!

 

I think it's time I'm alone.....and just paint my house.