First date: drunk and sex. Medicine had amplified alcohol effects.

[gp11a]

Trying to keep this short. Normally wouldn't ask advice after a first date, but it's a unique experience for me, so thought I'd share.

 

Met this girl online whose profile was still new (She's 24, I'm 31) (I had messaged her when she had a blank profile, but saw her captions under her pictures and her many questions were a 97% match)... When she replied to me, she had filled in her profile and I still liked what she had to say. A few days later, we exchanged numbers and set up a date 2 days later. She cancelled on me 1 hour before our date saying something had come up, I acknowledged it (feeling like, I'll leave it open, but not count on it), and then to my surprise... she texted me a few hours later asking if I was still up for drinks (she apologized a lot, explained what had happened, etc). I said I was up for it! We had both disabled our profiles before the date for different reasons before our date, we had learned (she got lots of repeated messages from much older men and it had become a time drainer for me while I'm in grad school).

 

So we ended up talking and having drinks for about 2.5 hours at a bar at 11pm (we are both night owls, she works late, so I said I'd be open to doing a late date early on). She then wanted to check out this other place next door where the bartender ended up being friendly and gave us free shots... I was gone. Totally drunk after that. I realized medicine I had taken way earlier in the day must've impacted me. What a mistake.

 

I said I could get an Uber, but she offered to drive me home (she had kept up with me in drinking, but I think the medicine really amplified the alcohol). When she pulled into my driveway, I thought that as the end of the night, we just immediately started making out, she came in, we had sex, and she stayed over. In the morning, we cuddled/kissed some, and she drove me back to my car... Though, when she dropped me off, my car was on a busy road and I felt kind of rushed as we were at a red light.

 

She specifically mentioned on her profile she was not looking for one night stands but also wasn't ready to settle down... someone to have fun with... (obviously, I'm not ready to settle down, I am getting a divorce) (and our answers pretty much matched in what we were looking for with our 97% match), we got along really well (good conversation, conversation in the morning, sharing details about each other, making jokes). I've never had sex with someone I had just met so quick (I just got out of a 10 year relationship and have been separated for a while - she knows that too. It's also not the first date or sex I've had since the separation. I've actually had success in online dating and saw 2 girls pretty often, who I had to break it off because it wasn't fair that I wasn't ready to make them a priority. After a long relationship, really helped my self-esteem here... This was the first date I've had after a long break of dating after that point when I felt I was ready).

 

I texted her not long after she dropped me off to say I had a great time with her the previous night, thanked her for giving me a ride, and joked to stay awake since we were up very very late... She had to work at noon, I had to work at 9am. All-in-all, our first date lasted 9 hours.

 

I did not get a response, but 3 days later, I texted that we should go exploring and get dinner next week, and asked if she's up for it (sans lots of drinks and shots this time, jokingly)... and that I'd like to see her again. I'm waiting on that now, but it's been about 12 hours since I sent that text and she works nights, so I'll give it time. She also moved into a new apartment. And she is still going to college.

 

I've never had a one-night stand, but there did seem to be a good connection. I don't think this was one, though... We cuddled, flirted, we complimented each other, etc. I asked a friend and he said that I would probably see her again.

 

I really want to tell her how I don't normally have sex on a first date (I'm 31 and my number is small, due to my previous long relationship/marriage) and that the medicine I had taken earlier in the day impacted me (towards the end of the sex, I pretty much passed out I think and had a few memory gaps, but remember 90%). My performance wasn't my 100% for sure. But if she doesn't respond, it doesn't give me that chance to explain what the deal was. I'd rather mention it in person. I don't know if she's fine, if she is annoyed, or indifferent. Seemed fine on the car ride in the morning, but she explained she was waking up and it was long night. We're both not morning people.

 

Not sure where her mind is right now. If I don't hear from her within the next week, thinking I'll just put it out there that I don't normally do that and I had taken some medicine which made me much more drunk... and then leave it once and for all. A last ditch explanation and move on, as I don't want to send that over text now and seem so serious.

 

It's funny how the dating world has changed, I had been used to calling. Texts and waiting can be kind of cruel sometimes. I guess feel like I care more and am looking for advice because I feel like I have something to explain.

[Robin2904]

Let it go, don't text again. Even texting the second time when you didn't get a response made me cringe a little for you. It seems really obvious she just wrote this off as a one night stand after a night of drinking. Doesn't matter why it happened, that you don't normally do those sort of things, whatever the case I don't think she wants to take it beyond that. The fact that she asked to meet up late in the night like that at a bar in the first place seems kind of like she may have been hoping for a hookup anyway.

 

Let it go, don't text again, she isn't interested in anything more.

[Wiseman2]

Don't worry about sex on the first date. She was a willing participant. As far as being wasted...performance...she probably figured that out, since she had to drive you home and you passed out. See if she responds to a second date.

Met this girl online few days later, we exchanged numbers and set up a date 2 days later.

So we ended up talking and having drinks for about 2.5 hours at a bar at 11pm Totally drunk after that. I said I could get an Uber, but she offered to drive me home.she came in, we had sex, and she stayed over.

 

I texted her not long after she dropped me off to say I had a great time with her the previous night, I did not get a response, but 3 days later, I texted that we should go exploring and get dinner next week

 

I really want to tell her that the medicine I had taken earlier in the day impacted me (towards the end of the sex, I pretty much passed out I think and had a few memory gaps, but remember 90%). My performance wasn't my 100% for sure.

[gp11a]

Let it go, don't text again. Even texting the second time when you didn't get a response made me cringe a little for you.

 

Yeah, I normally wouldn't do that, but atleast I have a question out there. That should answer if she wants anything more. I'll just let hang out there and move on.

 

Don't worry about sex on the first date. She was a willing participant. As far as being wasted...performance...she probably figured that out, since she had to drive you home and you passed out. See if she responds to a second date.

Haha, yeah... That's true. Was thinking she was wondering since she had the exact same number of drinks as me. Kind of sucks, because we were both into it. I'll wait it out now that I put a second date out there.

[Hollyj]

" If I don't hear from her within the next week, thinking I'll just put it out there that I don't normally do that and I had taken some medicine which made me much more drunk... "

 

DO NOT DO THIS!!!! It will make you look desperate and weak!

 

Also, I think her lack of response is clear. She is not interested. Do not reach out again.

[Ms Darcy]

Stop texting. It's just your ego talking right now more than anything. If she's interested she will respond.

 

Also I am feeling sorry for your other two flings. Of course someone going through a divorce is not ready for anything serious and is happy for sex boost.

[gp11a]

Stop texting. It's just your ego talking right now more than anything. If she's interested she will respond.

 

Also I am feeling sorry for your other two flings. Of course someone going through a divorce is not ready for anything serious and is happy for sex boost.

 

Thanks for these responses. You're right.

 

And, yes... In both of those situations, it was unexpected and we ended up on different pages. One was also going through a divorce and the other wasn't looking for a relationship when we met. Guess you can never tell what is going to happen sometimes.

[Sportster2005]

You're trying to fix a problem you're assuming happened. She doesn't need to know your business. If she's interested she'll be back. If she's not she won't. Probably not by the sounds of it. It was just a drunken night out. Leave it at that.

[gp11a]

You're trying to fix a problem you're assuming happened. She doesn't need to know your business. If she's interested she'll be back. If she's not she won't. Probably not by the sounds of it. It was just a drunken night out. Leave it at that.

 

Yeah, I suppose I am. I guess I felt a little more invested in it because we seemed to get along so well, it was about the highest match with me on this site, and she was so good looking. I liked her. No obvious deal-breakers. And then with the drunkenness and sex, not sure where that left things. I didn't have the standard date, have a good feeling where things left off at the end, and then follow-up... It got a little cloudy for me... haha.

[irka000]

I would wait a bit and text her again...something like " would like to clarify few things over dinner - are you still interested? "

I, personally would like that....no harm in trying again. If after that she wont respond - you do move on.

[catfeeder]

I would wait a bit and text her again...something like " would like to clarify few things over dinner - are you still interested? "

I, personally would like that....no harm in trying again. If after that she wont respond - you do move on.

 

Naaah.... It's not like she ignored some dumb, "Hey, whassup?" If she's already not responded to a friendly, non-threatening invitation, why would she be up for any discussions about clarity?

 

Sometimes a drunken fling just feels lousy--regardless of whether it was fun at the time. There can be a dismal feeling of waking to a stranger the next morning, regardless of how it went down. If she wants to get past that, she will, but there's zero enticement to rehash what was voluntary on her part.