Anxiety

[Heather Dawn]

Hi everyone,

 

I've always had anxiety surrounding the health and safety of loved ones (both human and animal). I don't have any other real anxiety - just that.

 

Since becoming pregnant, I've been nervous - on and off - about something happening. And the thing is, I'm low-risk, every single test and scan we've had has been fantastic.

 

Yet, as soon as I read a pregnancy horror story that ends in tragedy, I start obsessing over the "what-ifs." Then I start reading more, and before I know it, down the rabbit hole I've gone. (And let me tell you, if you post anything like this on pregnancy forums or FB groups, you get people all too willing to compound your fears by sharing more horror stories - even though your entire post is explicitly about how anxious you already are.)

 

For example, I'm now at a little over 22 weeks. I just read about someone who lost their baby at 22 weeks, and another who lost hers at 26.

 

I thought when I passed the first trimester I'd calm down - and I have, considerably. But here I am, a month from the third trimester and now I can't stop worrying about pre-term labor or stillbirth.

 

My mom has said, "Sure, it happens. It also happens that people walk outside and get hit by a car. It doesn't mean it's going to happen to you." That makes sense, intellectually, but emotionally I can't stop worrying.

 

My OBGYN practice has said it may be a good idea to look into some prenatal counseling to control the anxiety - but I just don't have time right now. We're moving, I'm working, I'm not sleeping well due to hip pain (pregnancy related) and I just would rather avoid it. (I have nothing against therapy - I've been in it previously for trauma-related issues - I just don't want to do it right now.)

 

Any advice? And please, please, please - no horror stories of your own.

[Seraphim]

Some anxiety while pregnant is entirely normal. I am sure your baby will be just fine.

[Heather Dawn]

Some anxiety while pregnant is entirely normal. I am sure your baby will be just fine.

 

I have no reason to believe he won't, I just wish I could stop stressing about it! (I go in waves - I'll be fine for weeks, then something crosses my path, gets me worrying, and I'm a stress ball for a few days.)

 

Thanks, Vic.

[Seraphim]

I would stop reading things online and being part of online groups that feed the anxiety. I have never found online groups about health to be very beneficial to people with anxiety. It just feeds the anxiety spiral. Just listen to your dr and what happens at your appointments. I am thankful there was no online when I had my son.

[Heather Dawn]

I would stop reading things online and being part of online groups that feed the anxiety. I have never found online groups about health to be very beneficial to people with anxiety. It just feeds the anxiety spiral. Just listen to your dr and what happens at your appointments. I am thankful there was no online when I had my son.

 

You're so right. I really need to stay away.

 

My doctor, at my last exam, said, "I know you're a worrier, but this is a low-risk pregnancy, your tests and scans have all been perfect and you have no prior history of anything that would make us worry. Do you think you can try and relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy?"

 

I should just listen to her.

[Cheetarah]

I used to ask my OB the most worst case scenario questions. I remember asking about something that could have happened due to a pregnancy condition I had(I'm sparing you the deets), even though I knew it was like 1 in 10,000,000. And he said, "Listen...You have a better chance of this ceiling crashing down on your head and the building collapsing on us as I speak. Stop it and go home. When I worry, then you can worry. Save it." It wasn't rude, it was just his way and I found a lot of comfort in his ways. He was really blunt about stuff, and he had this way of knocking you back down to earth. Even when there really was scary stuff, he was very grounded and I fed off of it.

 

So feed off your OB's attitude. You're probably still going to experience anxiety and that's just the way of it, but try to put some confidence in her. No, they can't see the future but if you trust her(and if you don't, get a new OB), trust that she will take care of you and the baby with her expertise and anyone else's, if need be.

[Heather Dawn]

Thanks, Cheetarah!

 

Honestly, I love when people tell me not to worry in a way that seems harsh or blunt - I find it comforting.

 

I do trust my OB team (my practice takes a team approach, so you meet with different team members throughout your pregnancy). They're part of a team at the hospital where I'll be delivering and it was named Best Hospital for Obstetrics in MA. They seem to be quite ahead of things in terms of technology and knowledge, and they're always on the ball with things for me (which, as a control freak, makes me feel like I can breathe a little easier because I trust them to not drop said ball).

 

Truly, I think I would be fine if I stayed off any pregnancy-related Internet sites/forums/groups.

[Hermes]

All will go well, Heather Dawn. And keep interacting with the grounded people.

 

I can never understand the prurient drive some people have of pewking out horror stories online or in 3D about their (perceived) awful experiences. Their lives must be indeed drab if that is all they have to talk about.

 

All the very best with your pregnancy and happy times ahead, Heather.

[Batya33]

I would not let myself go online - I chose 2 books that worked for me -What to Expect and The Pregnancy Bible - and that is it. I remember I was about 3 months behind my husband's friend and she lacks a filter -told me about a follow up high risk test that changed the (good) results of the first one -and that was the first I heard about even needing another test, so that was a sleepless night. I had to stop communicating with her about pregnancy. I remember going to my doctor for some routine visit and asking about some pelvic condition -she asked why I was asking and I said it was because I'd read that that was the typical complication at that stage. She gave me a strange look of course!

 

I was very anxious and had a normal pregnancy -and I was 42 (nothing invasive -no amnio or CVS).

 

I'll share one anecdote just to cheer you up. I had a business lunch and realized after that my sandwich had bleu cheese dressing and was from a gourmet place - oh no, what if wasn't pasteurized -what if it was a listeria risk??? So, I got the number of the gourmet place and explained my issue. I was transferred a few times until the owner got on and he said, kind of morosely "um it is Kraft" (not sure if this is just a USA thing - Kraft is a typical supermarket brand of bleu cheese salad dressing -totally pasteurized/totally non-gourmet LOL).

[annie24]

I definitely agree with getting counseling now to help with your anxiety. Not to give you another source of worry, but my good friend studies maternal stress during pregnancy and finds that it is not good for the baby and its development! Really, try to relax, and if something does come up, you can deal with the issue then.

 

hang in there.

[Heather Dawn]

All will go well, Heather Dawn. And keep interacting with the grounded people.

 

I can never understand the prurient drive some people have of pewking out horror stories online or in 3D about their (perceived) awful experiences. Their lives must be indeed drab if that is all they have to talk about.

 

All the very best with your pregnancy and happy times ahead, Heather.

 

Thank you so much.

[Heather Dawn]

I would not let myself go online - I chose 2 books that worked for me -What to Expect and The Pregnancy Bible - and that is it. I remember I was about 3 months behind my husband's friend and she lacks a filter -told me about a follow up high risk test that changed the (good) results of the first one -and that was the first I heard about even needing another test, so that was a sleepless night. I had to stop communicating with her about pregnancy. I remember going to my doctor for some routine visit and asking about some pelvic condition -she asked why I was asking and I said it was because I'd read that that was the typical complication at that stage. She gave me a strange look of course!

 

I was very anxious and had a normal pregnancy -and I was 42 (nothing invasive -no amnio or CVS).

 

I'll share one anecdote just to cheer you up. I had a business lunch and realized after that my sandwich had bleu cheese dressing and was from a gourmet place - oh no, what if wasn't pasteurized -what if it was a listeria risk??? So, I got the number of the gourmet place and explained my issue. I was transferred a few times until the owner got on and he said, kind of morosely "um it is Kraft" (not sure if this is just a USA thing - Kraft is a typical supermarket brand of bleu cheese salad dressing -totally pasteurized/totally non-gourmet LOL).

 

OMG, I've been crazed with the listeria fear...it's ridiculous. I've learned that most shelf items like dressing are pasteurized due to federal law, but I still freak out. I remember being in the UK in March and realizing I'd had some spicy mustard on a burger - and freaking out that it may have been house-made and not pasteurized. It's crazy-making.

 

Then there are people like my friend who ate whatever she wanted (cold cuts, especially) during her pregnancy and was just fine.

 

Also, I had a similar experience with my OB. I asked about something I'd read about and she was like, "Why are you even worrying about that??" That made me feel better...

[Hermes]

Heh heh Heather. Keep away from the drama-rama queens!

[Heather Dawn]

I definitely agree with getting counseling now to help with your anxiety. Not to give you another source of worry, but my good friend studies maternal stress during pregnancy and finds that it is not good for the baby and its development! Really, try to relax, and if something does come up, you can deal with the issue then.

 

hang in there.

 

 

Thank you.

 

I've actually been pretty OK and MOSTLY stress-free - these things just come up and I'll be stressed for a few days, then fine again for weeks. Blah!

[Heather Dawn]

Heh heh Heather. Keep away from the drama-rama queens!

 

Sabbatical from pregnancy groups/forums starting now!

[catfeeder]

You're so right. I really need to stay away.

 

My doctor, at my last exam, said, "I know you're a worrier, but this is a low-risk pregnancy, your tests and scans have all been perfect and you have no prior history of anything that would make us worry. Do you think you can try and relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy?"

 

I should just listen to her.

 

Yes, it would be best for you and for your baby if you'll consider exploring relaxation techniques and turn your mind into a relaxation device for your body rather than a saboteur.

 

Isn't the goal to be healthy on behalf of your babe? Well, working yourself up isn't the way to do that.

 

Breathe deeply and consider all the great evidence of mind over body--and use it well.

[Heather Dawn]

Yes, it would be best for you and for your baby if you'll consider exploring relaxation techniques and turn your mind into a relaxation device for your body rather than a saboteur.

 

Isn't the goal to be healthy on behalf of your babe? Well, working yourself up isn't the way to do that.

 

Breathe deeply and consider all the great evidence of mind over body--and use it well.

 

Agree, and that's why step one is to avoid the places that trigger the anxiety!

 

Step two is to learn to trust in my body to do the right thing...

[Seraphim]

Think about it this way. Women in totally totally deplorable conditions around the world with no sanitation have babies. We are a pretty hearty species .

[Heather Dawn]

Think about it this way. Women in totally totally deplorable conditions around the world with no sanitation have babies. We are a pretty hearty species .

 

That's what both my fiance and my friend said to me. LOL It definitely made me feel better.

[catfeeder]

Agree, and that's why step one is to avoid the places that trigger the anxiety!

 

Step two is to learn to trust in my body to do the right thing...

 

Step three is a basic challenge that will serve you well to master as a good Mom. Train your mind. Recognize that you are not at the mercy of controlling what others express around you or even your exposure to it. You are capable of learning skills guided by your own highest intelligence. Explore that, and you'll learn how to stop the white knuckling--which serves nobody.