Men have variety but.......

[Dougie_D]

Or don't online date.

Meet women in real life.

But I am pretty sure we've covered that too

 

I feel like that women who I met in real life are not very nice. We can have a great conversation and then I'll ask for their number. If I do indeed get the number , I realize later on they have a boyfriend or they just see us as friends, or they keep saying they are "busy" that weekend.

 

The reality is that I'm not making whatever the "cut" is for these women to want be with me.

[boltnrun]

I feel like that women who I met in real life are not very nice. We can have a great conversation and then I'll ask for their number. If I do indeed get the number , I realize later on they have a boyfriend or they just see us as friends, or they keep saying they are "busy" that weekend.

 

The reality is that I'm not making whatever the "cut" is for these women to want be with me.

 

Dougie, we've given you a TON of advice, to which you've given excuses why none of it will work.

 

No one has anything new to add that we haven't said to you before.

 

I'm not sure what you're looking for, honestly.

[Dougie_D]

Dougie, we've given you a TON of advice, to which you've given excuses why none of it will work.

 

No one has anything new to add that we haven't said to you before.

 

I'm not sure what you're looking for, honestly.

 

I'm looking for what part of my physical appearance is the main turn off. And if it's something I can fix. I am working on losing weight but there are many dudes who are chubbier than me who seem to get women. But I think it's because they have a prettier face.

 

I think my smile can be a turn off. And that's rather disappointing

[boltnrun]

I'm looking for what part of my physical appearance is the main turn off. And if it's something I can fix. I am working on losing weight but there are many dudes who are chubbier than me who seem to get women. But I think it's because they have a prettier face.

 

I think my smile can be a turn off. And that's rather disappointing

 

But no one can tell you that!

 

For some women, facial hair is a turn-off. For others, it's a requirement. Some women love tattoos, others hate them. Some women want a man who has some meat on him, others want one who is lean. I could go on and on but I hope you get the point.

 

No one can look at your picture and say "I got it, Dougie! It's your KNEES!!!" And I'm not trying to be facetious, but the fact is, there is no way that anyone can tell you if it's a particular physical feature that's holding you back.

 

I still agree with others...it's not your appearance. Maybe you come across as overeager. That's way more unattractive than a pot belly or a hairy back.

[HeartGoesOn]

I wish someone can pin point what part of my body that is not attracting women. My ears? My nose? My lips? My chin? its really getting annoying

 

Dougie....It's none of the above. It's the manner in which you see yourself that others can pick up on. Why not accept who you truly are, rather than try to change your body, looks, etc?

[Capricorn3]

Dougie....It's none of the above. It's the manner in which you see yourself that others can pick up on. Why not accept who you truly are, rather than try to change your body, looks, etc?

 

This post nailed it. I had to log in just to rep this post. =D>

[Dougie_D]

But no one can tell you that!

 

For some women, facial hair is a turn-off. For others, it's a requirement. Some women love tattoos, others hate them. Some women want a man who has some meat on him, others want one who is lean. I could go on and on but I hope you get the point.

 

No one can look at your picture and say "I got it, Dougie! It's your KNEES!!!" And I'm not trying to be facetious, but the fact is, there is no way that anyone can tell you if it's a particular physical feature that's holding you back.

 

I still agree with others...it's not your appearance. Maybe you come across as overeager. That's way more unattractive than a pot belly or a hairy back.

 

Why do women swipe no? I've literally seen it with my own eyes ( woman roommate) how often they dismiss guys. I'm looking at those guys thinking they are average men and they aren't getting love.

 

I feel like I'm below average based on the lack of messages and "visitors" I get.

 

On cupid, I average one "like" every 3 months. My friend averages 2.3 every day!!!

 

So why am I being consistently passed over? Do I seriously have NO part about my appearance that is attractive? That's how I feel.

[Dougie_D]

Dougie....It's none of the above. It's the manner in which you see yourself that others can pick up on. Why not accept who you truly are, rather than try to change your body, looks, etc?

 

I have. But majority of people have said that having a better appearance would help. Then throughout the years I've been dissecting every part of my body to come up with reasons why I'm not gaining ground.

 

Yes, I have a unique look. And I feel it's that uniqueness is somehow turning women off. Like, I feel women want to be with men who they can somewhat brag about. I'm not going to be the most handsome, but I will definitly be the one that stands out of the crowd.

 

I get coined as the "sweet guy". And lots of women think I'm a "nerd" but I'm not. I'm not into comics or video games. I play games but mostly football. I don't look athletic, but I can pull my weight by being that guy who can shoot a 3 well in bball. Out of all my friends in Highschool, I'm probably the most athletic and I have friends who look like they should!

 

I don't enjoy accepting that out of 10 men, I'll always be picked last.

 

If I'm not ever a candidate to be a potential husband to a woman, that really really hurts inside.

 

It sounded like you are asking me to accept the fact that I won't be any value to women. Why would I want to accept that?

[Moontiger]

I have. But majority of people have said that having a better appearance would help. Then throughout the years I've been dissecting every part of my body to come up with reasons why I'm not gaining ground.

 

Yes, I have a unique look. And I feel it's that uniqueness is somehow turning women off. Like, I feel women want to be with men who they can somewhat brag about. I'm not going to be the most handsome, but I will definitly be the one that stands out of the crowd.

 

I get coined as the "sweet guy". And lots of women think I'm a "nerd" but I'm not. I'm not into comics or video games. I play games but mostly football. I don't look athletic, but I can pull my weight by being that guy who can shoot a 3 well in bball. Out of all my friends in Highschool, I'm probably the most athletic and I have friends who look like they should!

 

I don't enjoy accepting that out of 10 men, I'll always be picked last.

 

If I'm not ever a candidate to be a potential husband to a woman, that really really hurts inside.

 

It sounded like you are asking me to accept the fact that I won't be any value to women. Why would I want to accept that?

 

Dougie, please go back a re-read all your threads. This one is going around in circles yet again. You have already been told several times that women have different physical preferences in your past threads, already been told that its your mentality/attitude that is holding you back (again in many threads), etc. etc.

 

We cannot help you if you choose not to take the help we are offering. There is no magic wand, bullet, postion, hat, book, or spell we can point you to because dating is HARD and each person, male or female has different wants, needs, and desires, even if I were to say to you, for example, "It's your nose, I hate noses like that." 10 other woman would completely disagree with me.

 

Life is hard, you can put in the hard work or choose to keep seeking a magic solution to your problems, the choice is yours.

[Blue Spiral]

Dougie....It's none of the above. It's the manner in which you see yourself that others can pick up on. Why not accept who you truly are, rather than try to change your body, looks, etc?

 

I agree...and yet, self-acceptance is no guarantee that people will be attracted to you. I'm truly being myself, but that hasn't made it easier to get women. In fact, it's made it harder.

 

It sounded like you are asking me to accept the fact that I won't be any value to women. Why would I want to accept that?

 

Yeah, that tends to be the implicit advice that women give to men they perceive as being low-value. They want us to quietly give up and go away, so we don't rock the boat and scare the others. You'll note that female posters who are extremely demanding (in their own lives) suddenly turn around and expect us to accept next to nothing and be thrilled about it. A woman that demands a six-foot-tall guy with a master's expects the likes of us to be happy with some hideous, overly-medicated woman that no other guy wants.

[Realitynut]

My feelings Dougie (from a woman who can't get a man! lol) That maybe you are trying to get the women that your good-looking roommate gets. Let's face it....I never went after the jocks or super attractive guys in high school...and they never went after me!

 

Now that I'm 60 and went to my 40th class reunion...I can honestly say, I was in the top 10% in looks. BUT, I still didn't get the attentions some of the girls got. WHY? Because I'm self-conscious, lower self-esteem .....and tend to socialize with those I know. My ex husband was the ultimate politician....loved to work the room.

 

So Dougie...you said you liked the hipster look. Maybe the 'hipsters' don't like YOU! What about focusing on the lower Percentile of the female population in the looks department. I often found, that the plainer girls had the better personalities. They had to WORK at making themselves personable.....rather than those women who just could navigate thru life by their beauty. Maybe get to know someone who you aren't initially attracted to and work on your communication skills. Think of it as a practice lesson. Who knows...if it doesn't work out with her, she has a friend.

 

Find someone that likes to do the same things you do. I know you want to play in a band. And not just a cover band. Your own band, playing your own music. Seems as if you have some unrealistic expectations in your life.

 

Kinda like asking a 5 year old what they want to be in their life....and they say a Doctor or a scientist. Great. But guess what...most don't make the cut.

 

Sit down with a pen and paper. Think of what you want....and write it down. Then think...is this a realistic expectation? or a pipedream.

 

Quit acting immature. I always did that. Thought I was fun. It quit being 'fun' (or funny) after 16.

 

Stop thinking of all women as a prospect to date. Start talking to them as friends....and get comfortable talking to them as a friend. Don't ask for numbers etc....that puts them on the spot. Don't come on strong...or needy. But then again...you know this.

 

Find a woman....who WANTS to find a man. You like to party and go to bars. You won't find her there. She won't be a hipster. There...I just whittled 90% of the women you had been pursuing...out of the running.

 

it's called finding your equal Dougie....Finding someone who would be GLAD and excited to be with you.

[Dougie_D]

My feelings Dougie (from a woman who can't get a man! lol) That maybe you are trying to get the women that your good-looking roommate gets. Let's face it....I never went after the jocks or super attractive guys in high school...and they never went after me!

 

Now that I'm 60 and went to my 40th class reunion...I can honestly say, I was in the top 10% in looks. BUT, I still didn't get the attentions some of the girls got. WHY? Because I'm self-conscious, lower self-esteem .....and tend to socialize with those I know. My ex husband was the ultimate politician....loved to work the room.

 

So Dougie...you said you liked the hipster look. Maybe the 'hipsters' don't like YOU! What about focusing on the lower Percentile of the female population in the looks department. I often found, that the plainer girls had the better personalities. They had to WORK at making themselves personable.....rather than those women who just could navigate thru life by their beauty. Maybe get to know someone who you aren't initially attracted to and work on your communication skills. Think of it as a practice lesson. Who knows...if it doesn't work out with her, she has a friend.

 

Find someone that likes to do the same things you do. I know you want to play in a band. And not just a cover band. Your own band, playing your own music. Seems as if you have some unrealistic expectations in your life.

 

Kinda like asking a 5 year old what they want to be in their life....and they say a Doctor or a scientist. Great. But guess what...most don't make the cut.

 

Sit down with a pen and paper. Think of what you want....and write it down. Then think...is this a realistic expectation? or a pipedream.

 

Quit acting immature. I always did that. Thought I was fun. It quit being 'fun' (or funny) after 16.

 

Stop thinking of all women as a prospect to date. Start talking to them as friends....and get comfortable talking to them as a friend. Don't ask for numbers etc....that puts them on the spot. Don't come on strong...or needy. But then again...you know this.

 

Find a woman....who WANTS to find a man. You like to party and go to bars. You won't find her there. She won't be a hipster. There...I just whittled 90% of the women you had been pursuing...out of the running.

 

it's called finding your equal Dougie....Finding someone who would be GLAD and excited to be with you.

 

When it comes to finding women more like me as far as "looks", I do that all the time. I have pursued these women, and funny thing is that they are more straight forward sometimes. You think these women will give me a chance? Nah.. It feels worse. My guy friend makes fun of these women about their looks behind their backs... And ask "do they really think they have a shot with me? And the answer is yes.. Because a drunk cuter guy will pursue a lesser attractive woman or will give up and allow the woman to pursue him and allow it. Basically, many women can get hotter men. But you never see unattractive men going home with a cuter drunker female. If that happens, people think the dude drugged her.

Even the dating sites will feed you matches based on how many visitors you get. For instance, the girls that are matched to my friend (hotter ones) will never show up for me.

 

I allowed my hot friend to find and even message girls he saw would be a good match for me using my profile.He got the same results I did. He even tried to hook me up with a friend . She was overweight and had social problems. I tried to make it work. Like to get to know her more... But all she did was talk about our hot friend. She was only interested in him.

 

So it's not that I'm not lowering my standards per say... But women who should be in my dating pool think they can consistently date out of theirs.

[Man with Dog]

Maybe those woman who should be in your dating pool have somehow managed to attract hot blokes.

 

And "overweight and with social problems" should not be an immediate turn-off. It probably describes 30%+ of the population in the UK, including me.

[John John]

Dougie, haven't others on here or your friends in real life given you frank advice about how you can improve your appearance? I agree with you - in today's world, where most dating is done online, looks matter more than ever. And it's only going to get worse.

 

Over the years, I've done all I can to "max myself out." I got Invisalign while I had a gf (because I just wanted perfect teeth for myself), had my teeth professionally whitened (and have worked hard to maintain them), go to the gym to get a fit body, worked on my wardrobe, grown my hair out a bit. The only "plastic surgery" I ever had was to remove some moles on my face, but that was when I was pretty young.

 

Have your friends or any women said to you that any particular features you have are considered "unattractive?" I ask only because I'm trying to identify what the "problem" is, if there is one. I know you said you were trying to lose weight, and that's a great step in the right direction that I applaud you for. But how about your teeth, skin, hair, wardrobe, etc? I mean, I'm not pushing you into surgery, but you've said I think in a few threads that your chin is very weak (I think, I could be wrong). You COULD get a chin implant if you really wanted you and were sure that this (for instance) would improve your appearance and help your confidence.

 

I dunno, just throwing things out there...

[TMifune]

Maybe those woman who should be in your dating pool have somehow managed to attract hot blokes.

 

And "overweight and with social problems" should not be an immediate turn-off. It probably describes 30%+ of the population in the UK, including me.

 

Gotta be closer to 55% in the States.

[Realitynut]

hahaha....overweight and social problems...fits me to a T! After 2 large kids in my 30's (almost 10 pounds and I'm 5'3") and was never skinny, last year with my inheritance I had a Tummy Tuck. Yep....lots of money. But I knew if I was out in the dating world, guys DID pass me by because of my weight. Social Problems??? ummm....talking about ex's too much? There is another thread on here about 'over-sharing'. Never in all my 'old' life did I know that was a problem til I read about it on here! Do I still do it? Yep....work in progress!

 

Gotta find your weak points and work on them. Of course, we know you're on here asking us how to 'fix' you.....but only YOU can fix yourself!

 

I would start with losing the 'hot' roommate! lol

[Dougie_D]

Dougie, haven't others on here or your friends in real life given you frank advice about how you can improve your appearance? I agree with you - in today's world, where most dating is done online, looks matter more than ever. And it's only going to get worse.

 

Over the years, I've done all I can to "max myself out." I got Invisalign while I had a gf (because I just wanted perfect teeth for myself), had my teeth professionally whitened (and have worked hard to maintain them), go to the gym to get a fit body, worked on my wardrobe, grown my hair out a bit. The only "plastic surgery" I ever had was to remove some moles on my face, but that was when I was pretty young.

 

Have your friends or any women said to you that any particular features you have are considered "unattractive?" I ask only because I'm trying to identify what the "problem" is, if there is one. I know you said you were trying to lose weight, and that's a great step in the right direction that I applaud you for. But how about your teeth, skin, hair, wardrobe, etc? I mean, I'm not pushing you into surgery, but you've said I think in a few threads that your chin is very weak (I think, I could be wrong). You COULD get a chin implant if you really wanted you and were sure that this (for instance) would improve your appearance and help your confidence.

 

I dunno, just throwing things out there...

 

I know that most people say I look better with a beard..but that's because I think they don't want to admit that my facial flaw is a weak chin. I need people to say it exactly. I'm not here for a back rub. I'm here for a push down the stairs.

[boltnrun]

Dougie...the problem is NOT a facial flaw!!

 

I had a HUGE hook nose...I mean, Al from Happy Days huge. I mean wicked witch of the west huge. And I attracted men! They overlooked the massive schnozz because I dressed well, was fun and acted confident.

 

I don't know how else to convince you...

[Capricorn3]

What makes you so sure it's your body that is turning women off? What if it's your mannerisms, personality, or sense of humor?

 

^ .................

[boltnrun]

I also have bad hair, crooked teeth, smallish breasts and skinny legs. Men still approach me.

 

It is NOT your chin!

 

Don't be timid or self deprecating or apologetic. Be fun!

[Moontiger]

I know that most people say I look better with a beard..but that's because I think they don't want to admit that my facial flaw is a weak chin. I need people to say it exactly. I'm not here for a back rub. I'm here for a push down the stairs.

 

So,you were given advice on how to look "better" (side note, I'm a beard girl, love them. I have plenty of friends who cannot stand them). You have chosen to ignore. The question is why? I suspect that you are happy to play the victim.

[journeynow]

I know that most people say I look better with a beard..but that's because I think they don't want to admit that my facial flaw is a weak chin. I need people to say it exactly. I'm not here for a back rub. I'm here for a push down the stairs.

 

Take a look at this post by faraday.

 

 

She talks about how people need to not only accept themselves, but believe in themselves as well. (I suppose it could be called magnetism?) She says it better.

[agent1607307371]

I'm not here for a back rub. I'm here for a push down the stairs.

 

Dougie, you say this every time you post. Then you spend countless pages ignoring advice or arguing about why it wouldn't work for you.

[Sportster2005]

I wish someone can pin point what part of my body that is not attracting women. My ears? My nose? My lips? My chin? its really getting annoying

 

You're attitude. Not trying to be harsh, but that's the most honest answer I can give.

[boltnrun]

Dougie, you say this every time you post. Then you spend countless pages ignoring advice or arguing about why it wouldn't work for you.

 

OK, Dougie, are you at the top of the stairs? Here goes...

 

You come across as ornery and argumentative. You ask for advice, then expend tons of energy dismissing ALL of it. You refuse to believe anything anyone says, then you complain that you can't find a woman. You insist it's a physical trait that is holding you back despite so much evidence against that. I mean, have you EVER seen a man with a "weak chin" with a woman? I'm sure you have. I know for a fact that it is NOT a man's "weak chin" that prevents him from succeeding with women. Yet, it seems easier for you to blame your "weak chin" than it is for you to accept that maybe, just maybe, it's your methods that are flawed. And your attitude.

 

I wrote this in the hope that you meant it when you said you wanted a push down the stairs. Whether or not you'll take any of this to heart is another story.

 

PS: I could sit at home and complain about how it's my skinny legs that are preventing me from dating men. But it's not. It's ME. I sit at home instead of going out places to meet people. It's MY fault, not my frizzy hair's fault. If I got my (somewhat round) butt out the door once in a while, I'm sure that my personality, intelligence and confidence would draw men my way. But, I need to get out there and DO it. And NOT at clubs or pool parties where the young, hot kids hang out, but at places where I'm likely to meet a man who could be a good fit for ME.