Darksoul26 Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 If you recently had three good dates with someone (aside from no physical contact?) Is it worth it to try to ask the person what went wrong ? I mean I doubt the would reply since you have been ghosted but why does ghosting hurt so much Link to comment
notalady Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 It's only been 3 dates, it shouldn't "hurt" at all. A little disappointed maybe. I think you need to manage your expectations a bit. I doubt you'll get a useful answer. But if you want to use it as an opportunity to learn and grow, you could ask nicely, and phrase it that way, to see if they can offer perspective on what you might be doing wrong in dating. That is, if you genuinely want to know and want to improve (if there's anything), and not use it as an excuse to convince them to go out with you again. Many times it's just a lack of chemistry. It might have seemed good to you, but not to them. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 Why would you embarrass yourself to ask that? Let it go it was 3 dates not a full relationship..... Things happen, people change their minds or chemistry is not there even if you thought it was, obviously he didn't feel it. That's what dating is for, to get to know someone and see if there is possibly some potential, nothing more, don't make it into more. Link to comment
faraday Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 If this is a pattern in your life...the last 6 women you've went out with have made it to three dates and then disappeared...sure. Ask. But if is just one? She's just not that into you. Move on. Sorry Link to comment
schilller Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 The 3 dates weren't as good for her as they were for you. I went out with a girl 3x. She was nice, somewhat attractive, we got along, but I just wasn't feeling it. I gave it 3x, then we kissed on date 3 and I REALLY wasn't feeling it so that was the end of that. You could just go with that as a reason. She thought you were nice but wasn't feeling it. Sometimes there's nothing more too it than that and even if you were upfront and asked her she couldn't tell you any more than I just did. Unless you did something really inappropriate on the 3rd date like try to force your hand down her pants or said something way off base. Link to comment
lilygirl Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 If you contact this person I would guess that they would not respond, however if they did respond they would probably give you a lame excuse, and I doubt either outcome would make you feel any better. I would think that anyone who would "ghost" you is not someone who is going to give you a straight answer. I am sorry that this happened to you, rejection is painful even after three dates. And as an aside, I think when a poster expresses how they feel about something, it is counterproductive to tell them how they should feel. This person feels the way they do and it is his/her prerogative. Link to comment
Dottieflanogon Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 No,just move on.H doesn't owe you anything.what would confronting this person accomplish?he lost interest or wasn't that interested. He might have met someone new he's more attracted, or she might have decided she doesn't want to pursue you, who knows. What you do know is that this guy has lost interest, whatever the reason, and you should do the same. Go find someone else to date. Unfortunately, this is very common, and I'm really sorry it happened to you. This is the same guy in your previous thread right? He's clearly not interested. move on Link to comment
Realitynut Posted November 10, 2015 Share Posted November 10, 2015 I had a few guys tell me I reminded them of their ex-wife! Link to comment
exesandohs Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 here's the thing, a person only ghosts because of the following 1. they are not interested 2. they don't see you as compatible and most importantly, 3. if they just vanish from thin air with no indication of why, it's actually pretty good indication hes just not into you and why dwell on what one guy may or may not like about you? why would you care at any of them? trust me, if a guy likes a girl, he doesnt just take off. he may have a "legit" excuse or reason, but if he doesn't even care enough about you to follow up, is he even worth your time? i mean, realistically? some people are just not compatible. what you saw as "great", he obviously didn't. i know that's hard to hear, but in the long run, it's highly beneficial. you don't date people to meet your soul mate every time. the entire point of dating is to find out what you like/what you don't, who you're compatible with/who you're not. I know you're probably wondering why and what went wrong and that's normal, BUT does it actually really matter? The fact is, for whatever reason, it didn't work out and more times than not, it's something on their end, not yours, so why subject yourself to whatever criticism he may say about you? Its not worth it, truly, trust me. Link to comment
faraday Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 If this is a pattern in your life...the last 6 women you've went out with have made it to three dates and then disappeared...sure. Ask. But if is just one? She's just not that into you. Move on. Sorry Sorry, I thought the OP was male. Do you get this invested after three dates regularly? Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
catfeeder Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 I would chalk it up to two peoples' lenses that didn't align rather than anything 'wrong'. Most people are simply not our match, so the odds of any given person viewing our fit together through the right lens are pretty low. It's supposed to be that way--it only takes one good match, and most of us need to filter through a lot of people to find That One. Head high. Link to comment
Darksoul26 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Share Posted November 11, 2015 Yes. Which I don't think is a good thing and I'm not sure why I get so invested Link to comment
faraday Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Yes. Which I don't think is a good thing and I'm not sure why I get so invested Generally if it's a pattern it means that you need to find more fulfillment in your own life. I used to get over invested too. Really attached. It wasn't good. So I developed my own life to the point that...meeting a man for a date was a very small part of my day. I packed my weekends full of hobbies and friends- snowshoeing, hiking, beer making classes, knitting classes, painting, reading, dyi projects (I always have at least 5 home Reno projects on the go lol)...and during the week when I had my daughter- I would go bike riding with her, bake cookies, host dinner parties, do crafts...we had lots of stuff going on. To the point that...when I met a man for a date, I generally coming from something else, and going somewhere else after: I didn't have time to think about him before I met him. If I liked spending time with him, I would meet him again...if I didn't, if plan another date. It gave me another focus, you know? I will say...it's not easy to be busy like that...its tiring...but once you get into the groove, it's a lot of fun. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 No. .because by doing so suggests you might let what ever they say define you. Their reason doesn't really matter in the scheme of things. So what if they didn't care for chunky boots and curly hair? It may be the very things the next person loves about someone. Besides. . you don't know why they went dark. It's hard to not take it personally but it's very likely that it has nothing to do about you. They may have terminal illness, they may be married, or wanted by the FBI. You just don't know. I get there is a large unknown reason at the moment. But rather than fill it in with something personal or painful (of your choosing, because after all you don't know the real reason) fill it in with something that makes yourself feel better about the whole experience. Besides, they just freed up your valuable time and didn't waste one minute more of it so you can focus your search someone who's absolutely crazy about you. Shake it off. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 If you recently had three good dates with someone (aside from no physical contact?) Is it worth it to try to ask the person what went wrong ? I mean I doubt the would reply since you have been ghosted but why does ghosting hurt so much If you are serious about getting feedback then yes, it won't hurt. But if you're only asking to argue with him/her, or trying to convince them they're wrong, then no. Tell them you won't take it personal, or get defensive. And LISTEN, don't talk. Then thank them for their feedback. You may not get a response, you may not get an honest response. People generally don't like to hurt others. Link to comment
Darksoul26 Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 How has dating been for you after this? Probably alot better? Link to comment
catfeeder Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 How has dating been for you after this? Probably alot better? It depends on how invested you want to be in one person's opinion. Going back to seek answers from someone who ghosts you rather than moving on ahead to find more potential dates smacks of that singular investment you've already noted as 'not good'. If you become too invested in people too soon, that's usually is signal that your own interests aren't fulfilling enough. People who own a foundation of happiness and contentment not only make the best partners, they're resilient. They're fine with not being everyone's cup of tea. We're not marketing ourselves to the masses, it's about finding one good match. Trying to change yourself for mass appeal is like neutralizing the decor of a home you want to sell in order to avoid turning off potential buyers. That doesn't work when it comes to your Self, because the very traits that make you unique are exactly the things you seek to match with another--not hide. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.