aloha55 Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Long story short, my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two months. The problem is, he had a girlfriend for the past two years but he fell in love with me during the relationship. Instead of leaving like he should, he cheated on her multiple times with me, and I've tried to stop it but I love him too. Eventually she left him after allowing him multiple chances to stop, in which he didn't. I understand what happened was completely wrong, but in his mind he wasn't hurting anybody if he loved both of us and treated us the same in his heart. They've obviously broken up and he and I are dating. He texted her a few times apologising and asking to be forgiven so he can have closure and move on from her completely. She doesn't respond to anything he says, which is the hint that she wants him to leave her alone. However, his family are a factor and pressuring him to text her and beg for forgiveness. They don't like me in any way because of the whole situation, which is understandable, but they don't know me at all and have even gone as far to say I'm not allowed in their house or at any family events like his ex was.My boyfriend openly admitted to me that his family loves her and they still talk to her asking her how she is and how she's feeling. They also get replies. If I were to text one of them and ask for help or to talk, I would most likely get blocked or ignored. I barely even got a second glance when I first met them too. They've said she was practically married in to the family and those two were made for each other. He says he is happy with me and wants us to work, but I can't help but feel so hurt because of his family and him wanting to remain friends with her even if he knows it upsets me. He doesn't want his family knowing he and I are dating because of this entire thing, and in his words, "They'll find a way to break us up." He's also said they have no control over who he dates so I'm confused by this. He says she hates him, which I wouldn't know. He's a very sensitive person and gets upset easily. The fact that she doesn't reply upsets him because all he wants to know is if he's hated for sure. I know people will say he's playing me, but I really know he isn't. He's so sweet and loving and I've never dated anybody like him before. I personally feel he's my soulmate but as I've stated, his family thinks his ex is his soulmate. My family knew he and I would end up together in the end, so they tell me to give his family some time to get over that he and her aren't together. I truly do want to fix what I did and I would love for his family to come around and try to accept me. Even just being allowed to go to family events would be nice. It just hurts and doesn't seem very fair considering my family loved him when we were friends and still love him now despite the cheating. Do I have a right to feel hurt as much as I do? I don't want to leave him and the idea of me leaving has him in tears every time it's hinted at. Will his family eventually come around? Should I just ignore the things they say? How can I get over the pain, the panicking, the jealousy, and the anger over her still being involved in some way in this relationship? And finally, would it be better to leave? I truly don't want to because he's the only person I can ever say I truly love and am happy with, but I also never get answers from him that help my pain and anger over his family and ex. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 His family will not come around. They know that he broke her heart by cheating with you. You will always be the tramp and she will always be the sweetheart. Link to comment
saluk Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 You can't change people. In the same way that you seemingly couldn't leave the situation when you realized you were "the other woman", the family that was close to his ex is not going to suddenly be friendly to you when you played a part in damaging that relationship. Of course they are still talking to her - it sounds like they were all really close. And now that's ruined. That's not going to just go away. In 10 years they may come around - and they might hate you forever. Dating in secret though is not going to win you any favors. And if he could do this to her - falling in love with a new person while dating another - what makes you think he won't do this to you later? How over his ex is he really, considering that he was in love with both of you at once, and is sooo concerned over how she feels about him now. If he didn't want her to hate him, he shouldn't have gotten involved with you! I would think long and hard whether this relationship is worth the suffering that is going to be involved to withstand all of the conflict that is going to be involved. Maybe it is worth it. You are the only one who can answer that for yourself. Link to comment
Missed Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 What makes you think you can trust this guy in the future, what is to say that he won't do it to you and find someone else and string you along..?? You will always be the 'bad guy' in the eyes of his family. Why would you want to live with that for perhaps the rest of your life? Get out and go about finding someone the 'right' way. You are as much in the wrong as he is. Link to comment
dave_1966 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 'She doesn't respond to anything he says, which is the hint that she wants him to leave her alone' You don't say? A word of advice, I have no idea how old you are, but if he can do that to her he can most certainly do it to you. Believe me, I've been there. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 How was he being "sweet and loving" when he was cheating on his girlfriend with you? Sounds like he would have continued having his mini-harem consisting of her and you if she hadn't broken up with him. Sorry, I don't see "sweet and loving". I see selfish and manipulative. Don't expect his family to accept you. They will maintain their relationship with him because he's family. You? You're the one who caused the breakup with the girl they loved and considered family. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 "However, his family are a factor and pressuring him to text her and beg for forgiveness. They don't like me in any way because of the whole situation, which is understandable, but they don't know me at all and have even gone as far to say I'm not allowed in their house or at any family events like his ex was.My boyfriend openly admitted to me that his family loves her and they still talk to her asking her how she is and how she's feeling. They also get replies. If I were to text one of them and ask for help or to talk, I would most likely get blocked or ignored." - Geeze, you've only been dating for 2 months! What do you expect? "He says she hates him, which I wouldn't know. He's a very sensitive person and gets upset easily. The fact that she doesn't reply upsets him because all he wants to know is if he's hated for sure. " - he is not over her. he shouldn't be texting her.. asking for forgiveness etc. he chose to cheat & move on. Do I have a right to feel hurt as much as I do? I don't want to leave him and the idea of me leaving has him in tears every time it's hinted at. Will his family eventually come around? Should I just ignore the things they say? How can I get over the pain, the panicking, the jealousy, and the anger over her still being involved in some way in this relationship? And finally, would it be better to leave? I truly don't want to because he's the only person I can ever say I truly love and am happy with, but I also never get answers from him that help my pain and anger over his family and ex. - No. I dont feel you have any right at all to be feeling anything for all that has occurred in only 2 months. You've happily moved your way into a family & relationship that was already present before you came along. I'm sure it will take his family a good while to 'come around', after their break up. That al takes time. " How can I get over the pain, the panicking, the jealousy, and the anger over her still being involved in some way in this relationship?" - Leave, is all I can think of. They're not completley over each other or the relationship by sounds of it. As for YOUR pain & anger over the family and the Ex.. you really shouldn't have any, as you are expecting way too much being how quickly you've moved into his life. Be careful... have you ever heard of a 'Rebound relationship'? Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Is there some reason this gem of a man couldn't have broken things off with his girlfriend, waited long enough for everyone to calm the hella down and then have dated you, you know like when you weren't the woman he was cheating on his former girlfriend with and dumping her over? I'm sorry, but you are asking the absolute impossible here in how to make it so his family loves you, he doesn't feel like the turd he is about what he did, and it's all puppies and roses. Not.going.to.happen. Chasing down a unicorn would be easier, frankly. Sorry sweetie, the other woman, is a really bad fit for anyone. All I can tell you is to dump him and learn the harsh lesson that you don't ever want to be "that girl" again. And can I just say it one more time--this guy is an a((hole deluxe. And you didn't cheat because you "love him too much," you cheated because you have crap impulse control. If you'd really loved him, if you did really love him, you'd have told him to come look you up six months to a year down the road AFTER he ended things with the girlfriend, not been an enabler. Sorry, if you have enough control to just say no to crack, which I hear is massively addictive, then you can say no to cheaters too. You just have to do it. Link to comment
overthemoon86 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 No offense, this guy sounds like a total scum bag. He cheats on his ex girlfriend with you and then expects everything to be roses afterwards. Not to mention, he is still talking to her and trying to get her to forgive him. And on top of that, his family knows everything?? This relationship is doomed. You really should find someone who won't cheat on their girlfriend to be with you. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I predict your bf will start talking to his ex again, start cheating on you with her, then dump you & start dating the ex. His family will be ecstatic Drama anyone?? Link to comment
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