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The Random Thought Thread, Part 6


TechResQ

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I am really at my best and worst when alone. Granted I haven't been truly alone in a physical sense, but aside from Saturday I have really been alone quite a bit this year, even around people in close settings. I hate being this far inside my own head, as I feel so lost and directionless (no matter what I get done).

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Created a new (to me) term. Bacherlorosis, like sclerosis of the liver; but affecting one's heart. Reading through all the posts Bacherlosis is best described as a scarring of the heart and the turning to anger and frustration; as opposed to moving on or finding self improvement.

 

Yes I can be that bored at work.

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I love the little Quail couple that have started hanging around my house, so fun to watch. The little female is very independent, very bold. Her mate though beautiful, is a needy little boy. She was walked behind him for a good hour today while he freaked out with a cry that sounds suspiciously like, "Where are you? Where are you?" Over and over again while he raced around looking for her and she just calmly kept walking around behind him picking up seeds and very content to watch him have a meltdown.

 

Finally after my peeking at them for an hour out the window she slowly and casually walked off to one side then in front of him. He bolted for her like he hadn't seen her in a year, crying and then running by her side and fluffing his wings in a dramatic show of concern.

 

This is a little love drama that unfolds nearly every day at my place now. It's gotten to where I'll hear his little "Where are you cry," look out my window, and yes there she is and he's in another part of the yard or on the fence or sometimes behind my house totally flipping out about where she's gone.

 

It's very obvious who wears the feathery pants in that relationship.

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i should be hitting acceptance stage any time now...where is it already?

 

The old viper might not be so bad- compared to the sadistic power obsessed beotch.

 

He is hurt and resigned. I didn't do well this time. I really didn't at all.

 

Mary won't always be there.

 

They will be at the receiving end of Anne's tyranny.

 

I'll never be allowed to speak the truth.

 

The kid is an utter idiot and a nuisance and an exhausting annoying prying stinking burden.

 

The world doesn't give a damn about my musts and shoulds. Noone said I get justice or reward or recognition in exchange for good morals. If i'm really that ethical, I won't mind the ego sacrifice so much.

 

I think if i can let go- it might just sort itself out. Or Birdie will squeeze them into a really tight corner until the wrongs are righted. Go Birdie. Go patients. Go sublimation. yay. i'm so effing exhausted i'm trippin ballz.

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the quail couple sounds gorgeous paris!

 

They are. Now if I could just get the roadrunners to come back. Sometimes I'll go sit in the brush somewhere with binoculars just to spy on the animals. I'm trying to get some pics of them to post, but the little ens usually move too fast.

 

Will keep trying. In the meantime here's a great video of quail running and yes they really do move like that. They crack me up, because they're so pretty but at the same time so silly in how they move. [video=youtube;HHLOeNT511E] ]

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i thought i had recovered 99%. i am sick of trying. this must have been like the 1000th try. nothing helps any more. just want to pretend nothing exists. I am starting to wish i could drink or toke or...dunno, something.

 

their reactions when Christian died. Ha. Disgusting bleeps. Pieces o'.... Thanks for your bleeping bleep, bleeps. Sick twisted bleeping bleeps. Have i said bleeps yet?

 

send me a hello Kiki. Ephraim could use one too. Luv you darling.

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

I'm nearly in despair, the world just keeps getting darker by the second and my youngest child is determined to follow the glory of battle for his country. There just may not be a country left to fight for by the time he joins the military.

 

I've told my husband to just turn the news off from now, because it just puts me in tears every night. I need a drink, which is exactly the reason I won't be taking one right now.

 

Going out for a ride, maybe that will clear my head.

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Pizza is a gateway food. I was doing so good, eating healthy-ish and then I gave in. Now I'm sad because I don't want to eat boring oatmeal rn, I want in n out, a burrito, those mac and cheese bites from Burger King, carne asada fries, and an oreo shake

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