The girl I'm seeing has major trust issues? Is there anything I can do?

[bigray826]

I've been seeing this girl for about 3 months now, and she's been really cool. We have gotten really close, and she told me a lot of things that happen in her past relationships. She was once engaged with a guy she really cared about, but the guy ended up to be con artist and stole money from her. I really like her, and after I told her how I felt; she felt the same way but didn't trust me? We cuddle, kiss, and spend a lot of time with each other but it feels like there is this blockage to make the relationship to go even further. She's been single for about 9 months, before we got connected. I don't know if there is anything for me to do; to make her more confortable? Or I should wait it out, but recently she has been more distant than usual? I'm just a bit concered? Any advice?

[Movingforward3]

Just be yourself and be consistent. Don't give her any reason to doubt your sincerity. Take it slow and don't crowd her.

[Dottieflanogon]

She should get some professional help with her issues before attempting another relationship. Or else she'll putt a wedge between and will only get bigger till the two of you break up in bitter separation. You might be wasting your time with her if she doesn't realize her own worth.

[Hollyj]

She should get some professional help with her issues before attempting another relationship. Or else she'll putt a wedge between and will only get bigger till the two of you break up in bitter separation. You might be wasting your time with her if she doesn't realize her own worth.

 

Agreed. Nothing you can do.

 

If she has trust issues , she won't let you in- as you're seeing now.

She needs counseling to deal with her issues.

[Evelynn]

Just give her some time and she'll give you her trust.

I don't know what sort of a con artist her ex fiance is, but I know a highly-intelligent gambler who'd sell his own family for a few more hours at the poker table. He legitimately faked death threats so we (his friends) would give him money. The hell you go through with those people is devastating. They play with you mentally and then you're left feeling like a fool.

I can't even imagine how being engaged to someone like him and having my trust broken would feel like.

No worries. Just don't be pushy and oversensitive on that matter (e.g. do not constantly tell her how it's not her fault or how she can trust you because you're not like that, etc.). Be supportive, but let her overcome that fear all by herself. Only then she'll be confident enough and ready to trust you (or anyone else) fully.

[SophieGrace]

Agree with Holly and Dottie. A person who has self-proclaimed "trust issues" isn't relationship material. Don't put yourself through that wringer.

[SooSad33]

it could be that she's not ready, mentally/emotionally to be dating again. She still sounds damaged.

To not trust someone your dating, right off the bat does not sound good, at all.

 

Nothing you can do, but be yourself. It's her who's got issue's. Maybe she needs some prof help?

[Stay_home]

A wise man once told this to me and I'm going to say it to you.... never date a scarred woman. She has to be healed first before you decide to get serious.

 

When you reveal what's on your heart to somebody and they take a step back, that's not a very good sign. There's a time and place for everything, but we're adults and you should be able to say that without having her pulling the plug or disappearing all of a sudden. That's the sign of an unavailable, immature or emotionally damaged person (in my opinion) that doesn't feel comfortable confronting those kind of feelings. I understand that she's had problems in the past with trust, but be considerate, don't waste other people's time. If you're not interested or ready to date then be honest and say that.

[hyden]

A wise man once told this to me and I'm going to say it to you.... never date a scarred person. She has to be healed first before you decide to get serious.

 

When you reveal what's on your heart to somebody and they take a step back, that's not a very good sign. There's a time and place for everything, but we're adults and you should be able to say that without having her pulling the plug or disappearing all of a sudden. That's the sign of an unavailable, immature or emotionally damaged person (in my opinion) that doesn't feel comfortable confronting those kind of feelings. I understand that she's had problems in the past with trust, but be considerate, don't waste other people's time. If you're not interested or ready to date then be honest and say that.

 

There, I fixed it for you.

[jobelle]

If everyone who is scarred would stay away from relationships there would be no relationships. We are all scarred in a way or another. Issues with family, body image, bullying, childhood, relationships, you name it... we all have emotional baggage and it's a part of us.

 

Be patient with this girl. Keep communication open, do not give her any reason to mistrust you, put her in her place if she goes overboard (boundaries are important). Be yourself. And take care of yourself too. Tricky but it might be worth it. You clearly care about her or else you wouldn't create an account here for the sake of the relationship. Good luck.

[Ms Darcy]

"If everyone who is scarred would stay away from relationships there would be no relationships."

 

Not true. There are people who are not scarred from past relationships. There are people who do work through it. And there are different levels of scarring. So, even I someone has SOME level of damage, can be somewhat healthy.