What a Fool Am I

[Kensico22]

I was dating a gal almost 8 months - pretty intense - around Valentines Day I said some of her erratic (sometimes violent) behavior must stop.

She did indeed get help - we remained friends though stop sleeping together due to her medical situation and advice from others.During this time I was extremely supportive - she moved in briefly and again I confronted her (she was texting him the day before in waiting room while I was with her for her Dr.s appt.

Fast forward I had asked her MANY times if she still had interest in her ex and she unequivably said NO. I found out this was false - she "admiited" she had communicated/seen him (they have no kids together)-A COMPLETE LIE, SHE HAD BEEN IN CONTACT/COMMUNICATION THRUOUT OUR TIME TOGETHER. i FEEL HURT/ANGRY.SAD - moreover, I feel like a complete idiot. I just cannot believe how deceitful/manipulative a person she was - she "said" she loved me.

I was used big time and my self esteem took a big hit. Intuitively I felt this for quite a while, I thought thru my actions that she would "come around". I dont play games, hard to get etc., I'm straight up. She had said he was abusive to her many times - I just dont get it. Sometimes people want what they cant have. Anyway, we r done - I just wish she was upfront and not dishonest - I am deeply hurt and run into her in town which is awkward. Anyway, any advice/suggestions would be appreciated.

[Movingforward3]

It happens, man. Sometimes you just have except she is no good and move on. Not contact and focus on you! Here is to wishing you success

[SooSad33]

Sadly, nothing you do can change her.

By sounds of it, she wasn't ready for you. To have to lie, etc and still be in contact with her ex.

 

When Im done with my ex's, I'm done. But of course, some time is always needed to work on accepting & healing, BEFORE moving on again.

Sounds like she NEEDS some good down time on her own! To still be involved with an ex who was abusive? Crazy. Yes, she needs her own time to deal with her past still.

[DoF]

DO NOT get intimate too early (it blinds you/makes your mind cloudy and makes you miss red flags)

 

And never EVER stick your penis into crazy.

 

She had said he was abusive to her many times - I just dont get it.

 

Actually, the reason why she continues to talk to him is most likely because she likes it (in some way or form).

 

Enabler IMO is MUCH worse than the OFFENDER. Why you might ask? Without enablers there would be no offenders!!!

 

 

 

Accept her for who she is, ignorant, naive person that invites and allows abuse to linger and flourish.

 

STAY AWAY, no contact/friends NOTHING. Next few months just focus on yourself and recover. Do NOT engage with opposite sex during that time.

 

Good luck

[SpottiOtti]

She sounds nowhere near ready for a healthy relationship. When a person's gotten accustomed to crazy and violent in a relationship, it becomes their new normal; things that make us shake our heads and say, "Are you kidding me??? Why stick around for this?" are just par for the course. It generally takes a lot of time away from abusive relationships to heal and process and relearn what "normal" is in a relationship, and of course, if she never stopped contact with him, she never would have gotten any distance from the "crazy normal".

 

I think in time you will come to see that you dodged a bullet, once you find a healthier person to have a relationship with. Hang in there, it gets better.

[Dottieflanogon]

What your feelings sounds normal. Give yourself time, do things for yourself, like yourself.

I think many of us see those red flags and "overlook" them. One here, one there, Regardless, it still stings.

Hugs

[Kensico22]

Thank You All - it re-affirms what I thought