Lolligirl Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Hello. Some guidance would be nice on this matter, because I feel really bad about it. My boyfriend and I have been together about a year, and moved in together a couple of months ago. He has a very large, shaggy dog that means the world to him. He sees the dog as his child, maybe even his angel. He's been through a lot with this dog, and I'm very glad he has the dog to relieve his stress. The dog, sadly, had a rough start. She was neglected and possibly abused. My boyfriend rescued her when she was about a year old. The dog can be very sweet, but especially since we've moved in together, she annoys me for many reasons. First, she snapped/snarled at my one-year-old daughter on several occasions. My boyfriend has nothing but excuses for her, and even comforted the DOG after she snarled at my baby! Now, we've taken to barricading the dog away from my daughter whenever we're not going to watch the dog with 100% of our attention. This is my #1 problem: the dog may be dangerous to my daughter. Second, she eats my cat's food, and she's sneaky. This is typical, I know, and we've had to barricade her out of the bedroom (where we keep the cat's food), so she doesn't slink in there and eat it when we leave. Small problem, but it doesn't help Third and not least, she is aggressive and untrained. She walks wherever she wants on walks, tangling us up in the process. My boyfriend is NOT going to train her. Not only does he not have the ambition, he claims to "not want to brainwash her." He likes her better "untamed." She leaps out and snarls at other dogs on walks without provocation, and it's scary since we live in the city, and there are lots of dogs and narrow sidewalks. My boyfriend has nothing but excuses for this behavior, indulging happily in self-delusion. Fourth, she doesn't listen to anybody, least of all my boyfriend. He can call her in his soft, non-commanding voice, and she just ignores him. He loves this dog to death, and despite the fact that he's broke, spends a fortune on care and feeding for her. He buys her only very expensive dog food, expensive supplements from the expensive pet store downtown, and $30 dollar bones despite the fact that he can hardly cover his own rent. It's kind of ridiculous. So there you have it. The dog is aggressive, untrained, lazy, and expensive. I'd never ask my boyfriend to get rid of this thing, but how can I reconcile myself to living with this beast? Haha. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 The dog is not your problem the boyfriend is. A happy dog is one who is trained and confident. His dog still lives in fear so she is not happy. It sounds like she has some fear aggression and territorial issues. These are not her fault but they can be fixed. For the safety of your daughter it is probably best for you to maybe attend training classes or talk to a dog trainer. If he is not going to do it you have to do it for the safety of your daughter. Link to comment
Lolligirl Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 I don't have a lot of money, but I may have to make the trainer thing happen for, exactly, my daughter's sake. For now, we use barricades. It's doubtful my boyfriend will ever see the light about this dog. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 The trouble is dogs work on the pack system and there's always a leader and he's not being a good leader therefore she's nervous. He's expecting her to be the leader when that's his job. He thinks he's being kind to her but really he's causing her distress. And that the stress and fear is coming out as aggression. Link to comment
WithLove Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 It's for your daughter's safety. If he can't understand that, then I'd seriously reconsider your relationship with him. You're not saying "no" to a dog, or even that dog - but you are saying "no" to its unpredictability and its aggressiveness. I think getting the dog trained is a good plan, but like Vic says, it's all about your guy being the alpha. He's going to have to compromise, or you're going to be forced to make a decision. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 No dog should ever be left alone with a child - trained or not. He can call her in his soft, non-commanding voice, and she just ignores him. That's because he's calling her in a soft, non-commanding tone. And hasn't trained her. My dog will come to me because I know what tone to use to let her know I'm in charge. She knows I am in charge. And she can be a relaxed, happy animal because she knows I am in charge. My Mum, who asks her to do things... she will be asking and wheedling the dog all day and not get her to do what she wants. The fact that she's been neglected makes it even more important that she's trained. The way your bf is going about handling her, there's probably someone getting bitten in her future. And if that happens, it will probably be the end for the dog. If your bf hasn't tried to train the dog, he is not being a good, repsonsible owner. And the dog deserves better than that. Link to comment
BrianH46 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 It is a rescue that grew up abused, they often carry baggage that is quite honestly unsolvable for a lack of a better word. If humans with our occasional levels of self awareness have trouble overcoming our issues with the aid of drugs and therapy imagine a dog. However when it comes to bad habits, just as with humans, dogs can overcome them with repetition and consistency. You and your bf should sit down together and spend time learning how to rehabilitate a dog then finally do it together. There is a large wealth of knowledge out there. Link to comment
relevart Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 First, she snapped/snarled at my one-year-old daughter on several occasions. My boyfriend has nothing but excuses for her, and even comforted the DOG after she snarled at my baby! Now, we've taken to barricading the dog away from my daughter whenever we're not going to watch the dog with 100% of our attention. This is my #1 problem: the dog may be dangerous to my daughter. His reaction toward the dog in tis case would be a no-go in my book. But I have to ask: how was the dog before you moved in? A lot of these situations come about for one real reason -- people who are not married and making decisions together try to live together. The dog didn't just wake up one day and decide to be bad; you had to know this about the dog then. Not living together would have helped if not solved the whole problem. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 She sees your daughter as a territorial risk. An interloper who invaded into her space. And this is very normal for a dog or a cat. Introduction to a small child has to be done in a proper way. Not just throw a kid in there and expect the animal to accept it. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I wonder how he will feel when he has to put the dog down, after it hurts someone. The fact that he will not have the dog trained after acting aggressively to your daughter, is disturbing and selfish. he does not deserve a pet! Link to comment
Heather Dawn Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Why wasn't this addressed before you moved in? Link to comment
Tanzi Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Personally, if I had a young baby or child, I wouldn't have moved into a house where there was an untamed dog. I would only move in if the dog were trained. Under the circumstances, I would have thought he would have wanted to. It must make you wonder why he doesn't see it as a priority or necessity. I mean there is a child's safety at stake here. Plus, doesn't he want you all to be one complete happy family instead of it being you and the baby, him and the dog ... which it kinda seems as though it is at the moment. Link to comment
journeynow Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 If your boyfriend is not going to train the dog, and the dog is a danger to your child, the most reasonable thing to do is for you and your boyfriend to live apart. I'm a dog lover, but would not risk my child's safety with an unpredictable untrained dog. This could be a red flag of overall incompatibility. Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 This dog definitely needs some training. If your bf is not going to do it and you don't have the money for a trainer then you should work with the dog. It's your child you want to protect so make sure the dog knows when you say "no" you mean business. Sometimes you just have to find their motivator and for a lot of dogs that's food or treats. My dog was a rescue too and she will lunge and bark at other dogs on walks too. She's been getting better though and my trick was to take treats on my walks with her and when I see a dog in the distance I stop and distract her with treats and by the time the dog is close enough that she would normal go ballistic she's too interested in the treats to over-react. Now sometimes when she notices a dog she looks for treats instead of going ballistic.....it's funny and much better than having a noisy aggressive French Bulldog in the city. lol I agree no dog should be left alone with a small child. I think that over time though this dog will get better around children (remember children are new to this dog) it's only been a month right? Give it time and train the dog and the child both. You have to teach the dog and the child to be gentle. You also have to teach the child what not to do certain things- pull the tail or ears, go near his food if he is food aggressive etc. Yes, the dog needs to be better behaved as well, but it's like teaching your child to stay away from a hot stove or a swimming pool. This dog can be a danger and your child needs to learn how to deal with it correctly. Link to comment
Capttrae Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Not trying to be mean here, but if the gf had a problem w/ my dog, the gf would have to go. Simply bc all the dogs I've had have been way more loyal than any female I've had around and women are a lot easier to find than a good dog. I know I'm prolly going to get chewed out for this one but it is what it is. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Simply bc all the dogs I've had have been way more loyal than any female I've had around and women are a lot easier to find than a good dog. That isn't the issue here though. This is to do with the fact that she has a baby and the dog doesn't respond to basic commands. Link to comment
relevart Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Not trying to be mean here, but if the gf had a problem w/ my dog, the gf would have to go. Simply bc all the dogs I've had have been way more loyal than any female I've had around and women are a lot easier to find than a good dog. I know I'm prolly going to get chewed out for this one but it is what it is. Be that as it may, not sure tis guy has a good dog. Link to comment
MisUnderstood9 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I used to train dogs for a living and still do on my spare time. The way she is acting is strictly fear aggression and its not a matter of IF the dog will attack and bite someone, its WHEN she will. Because she will. If she is not trained and someone doesn't start becoming the pack leader this dog is going to get really bad really quick, barricades won't hold her forever and the last thing you want is for her to attack ur daughter or you coming home to a dead kitty and that dog will need to be put down. Go find a good trainer to help you before something major happens. Your bf is not being a good owner to her. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I agree this is about your boyfriend's mistreatment of his dog and his immaturity/lack of responsibility. If you two have a child together will he refuse to discipline your child/set limits and blame other children when your child acts out? Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I used to train dogs for a living and still do on my spare time. The way she is acting is strictly fear aggression and its not a matter of IF the dog will attack and bite someone, its WHEN she will. Because she will. If she is not trained and someone doesn't start becoming the pack leader this dog is going to get really bad really quick, barricades won't hold her forever and the last thing you want is for her to attack ur daughter or you coming home to a dead kitty and that dog will need to be put down. Go find a good trainer to help you before something major happens. Your bf is not being a good owner to her. Not saying they don't need help, but I don't think you can make this assessment without ever seeing the dog in person and how it reacts to different things. There's no need to make her think this dog is a monster that can't be rehabbed (which BTW is very rare even in abused animals)....not without an experts in person opinion. This dog may only be fearful and aggressive with other dogs - that's how mine is she would not bite a person that didn't blatantly attack her even a small child who gets hands with her usually just gets a lick in the face or ignored. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 This dog may only be fearful and aggressive with other dogs - that's how mine is she would not bite a person that didn't blatantly attack her even a small child who gets hands with her usually just gets a lick in the face or ignored. The OP has already stated that the dog has snapped at her child, so I would be treating this as something that needs to be sorted out right now and with the utmost urgency. Both for the childs safety and the dog's life. Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 The OP has already stated that the dog has snapped at her child, so I would be treating this as something that needs to be sorted out right now and with the utmost urgency. Both for the childs safety and the dog's life. Oh, I agree. Something needs to be done and quickly. The dog shouldn't snap at the child at all. But snapping and biting aren't the same thing. How many times have you snapped at people perhaps verbally vs actually physically smack them in the face? In dogs a snap or a growl is about the same as a verbal attack or a warning. You can't stop dogs from doing this 100%. You can, and should temper the dog and teach them not to do it as much but also teach the child what to do if the dog does snap or growl....which is back away and tell mommy. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 The daughter's a year old. This is just too much of a bad mix. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I would not have a baby near a dog period. But that's just me. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 I have trained many dogs and helped friends train their dogs and all of this is easily fixed. Most of the time it is the owner that needs training, not the dog. Snapping at children is all to common, especially strange children that have come into the dogs pack. The dog sees the 1 yr old as a puppy that needs to know the pecking order in the pack. You are all very correct that dogs want/need a pack leader to feel secure and not tense or nervous. Someone has to be in charge and it doesn't matter who. It is his dog but you live there and if you plan on being in a serious relationship with this guy that means that the dog is yours as well. Let's leave the whole dog thing out for now. Let's talk about some red flags we all saw. 1. Not responsible. 2. Bad with money. 3. Doesn't have empathy for others or their safety. 4. Has put his dog above you and your child. 5. non apologetic. 6. Lazy The dog is the easiest thing in this whole equation to fix... Lost Link to comment
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