Is match.com this bad for anyone else (guys)???

[musicman777]

hi everyone,

I'm 25, so several years ago (around 21 or so) I tried the online dating scene and absolutely despised it. I sweared on my mothers grave I would never ever EVER try another dating site because the experience was nothing but terrible. Mind you I did meet some girls but never went on dates with any of them and overall I felt the experience was a massive waste of time.

Recently I met someone in real life but the situation dragged on for a very long time and I never got to go on a single date with the person. My sister ended up convincing me to try the online dating again after this because one of her friends met her husband on there. I was extremely reluctant but I ended up trying it.

 

Not to my surprise, I am completely hating the experience so far. I made a very nice and honest profile, I took great photos of myself including close up face shots, photos of me doing things I like, and photos of me standing and things to see my whole body. All my photos are just of me, not stupid/confusing pictures with friends/exes/family members. I am in good shape, I am told by friends (including some I met on here) I am "hot".

So far, I been on the site for about 4 or 5 days, I have messaged (no joke) 35 women and haven't gotten a single reply yet. The reason I do this is I know from past experience most people don't answer and it's not worth deeply analyzing or getting your hopes up over one person. Well 21 of those messages didn't even get read. The rest read them, did not reply and 95% of them didn't even visit my profile. I take about 30~ minutes a night to browse the site and pick 5-10 girls I am interested in. I read what they are looking for and skim through their profiles. I write them short and simple messages showing an interest in their lives based off their profile. I try simple ideas, I try direct approaches, I try confidence, I try making jokes. NOTHING! I don't even have very high standards with women.

 

Now I know I haven't been on the site that long yet. But these are some pretty crappy odds. I always messaged people that are active on the site and things and not dead profiles. I don't get it. Is link removed this bad for anyone else on here? From what I have researched, there are like 10 guys to every 1 girl, and even "ugly" girls get dozens of messages, is this my problem? Should I try a different site/service or just drop this all bullcrap together?

I did POF years ago, believe it or not I had more success on that site, I actually talked to two decent looking girls and got a phone number there. I never have any success on link removed. It's suppose to be for more serious people but no one wants to communicate with me. I feel like in any of the cases I have to often undersell and devaule myself and the online dating is a complete joke. I never felt this was the right way to find someone. But I don't have many other means to meet someone. I'm about done with college and I work remotely from home in my career already.

[camus154]

hi everyone,

I'm 25, so several years ago (around 21 or so) I tried the online dating scene and absolutely despised it. I sweared on my mothers grave I would never ever EVER try another dating site because the experience was nothing but terrible. Mind you I did meet some girls but never went on dates with any of them and overall I felt the experience was a massive waste of time.

 

Why didn't you go on any dates with them? How much time did you spend talking to them online/on the phone? Did you try to set up dates immediately?

 

Recently I met someone in real life but the situation dragged on for a very long time and I never got to go on a single date with the person.

 

Why did you let it drag on for so long? The point of dating is to date, so you should be angling to set up that first date almost immediately after having met someone you're potentially interested in.

 

What you say about the man to woman ratio with online dating is very true, and sadly what you're experiencing is pretty typical. That said, though, if you're not getting any replies whatsoever, then perhaps your profile needs some work. How much time did you put into your profile?

[Raminco]

If you don't like it, don't do it. It's probably coming over somehow. Or maybe get your sister to write your profile for you? She might think of something you're missing.

[Sportster2005]

I have had success with Match.

 

It's obviously not for you. Don't do it.

[j.man]

I tried paid sites, including Match, a long time ago but found that the women were generally looking to jump into something a little quicker than I'd prefer. I like a much more relaxed approach to dating and stuck with OKC.

 

But different people have different experiences.

[PH Suite]

I have had fantastic success with Match. Some things you need to know. Many profiles are outdated or made from free trial periods so they can't read messages unless they pay. Probably they abandoned the account long ago. On most dating sites, plenty of profiles are fake. The more reputable and well-known the site, the less that's the case. Few profiles on Match are fake, at least in my area.

 

Of course some women won't be interested in you, and any decent-looking ones are overwhelmed with messages from dozens of guys daily. 5 days is not much. Give it time. I've had replies back from fantastic women 5 weeks after I sent the message.

 

Good luck.

[Patrick974]

I tried paid sites, including Match, a long time ago but found that the women were generally looking to jump into something a little quicker than I'd prefer. I like a much more relaxed approach to dating and stuck with OKC.

 

But different people have different experiences.

 

My experience too. Usually paid sites are considered a bit more serious, if these sites can be considered serious.

 

The OPs take on free site and POF specifically interests me because the longest RS Ive had came from free sites whilst Ive had hook-up from paid sites. Theres always a counter argument.

[Rosti87]

I've heard that it depends on where you live. I've heard link removed is great in a city like LA. I have heard that it is a hook-up site in other cities. Depends on the demographics and the individual's preference as stated by other posters here.

[John John]

I've had a good amount of success with Match and with online dating in general. I'm on OKC and Match right now. I get plenty of emails/winks/likes, but I guess I'm picky myself. I've had some girls ignore me when I've written them after they "liked" me. Whatever. Just par for the course.

 

Online dating is (arguably) a bit more rough for men in terms of getting responses sometimes. It's not only you.

 

All you can really do is to try to have as awesome of a profile as you can:

 

1. Pictures are paramount. Make them awesome and stand out. No selfies/shirtless pics (not saying you do, OP). Perhaps use a professional one as your main pic to draw attention to your profile, or one of you doing something awesome (like you in front of Niagara Falls). Use pics where you look your best, but also be honest (show different looks, hairstyles, facial hair/clean shaven, etc.)

2. Grammar must be perfect. Obviously, we all make mistakes when texting or posting on ENA 24/7, and no one really cares as much in real life outside the office. But people are very snobby when it comes to grammar online, so you can't lose any points here. Proofread your profile several times.

3. Try to crack some jokes in your profile, but don't overdo it. Show who you are...but know when to dial it back.

4. Talk about your interests and hobbies, what you do for a living...sell yourself without making yourself seem like "product" (I never list my salary even though I'm quite proud of it, that's no woman's business by my future wife's).

5. If you're on Match, do what I do...make subtle updates here and there to keep your profile in front of as many women as possible. This is how I get a lot of my winks/emails/likes (doesn't work on OKcupid though, there you have to actually answer more questions or upload a new pic).

6. Be patient and stay in the game with a cool head.

 

Hang in there bud!

[j.man]

What I didn't like about Match was that all but a couple dates ended up feeling like a job interview. It was like the women had memorized a list of questions and if I were unfortunate enough to do well enough on them, I was suddenly husband material. It was literally, "So, ever been married? How soon into a relationship would you wanna get married? Want kids? How many kids do you want? etc., etc., etc."

 

I mean, yeah, these are important questions... but can I at least sneak in a couple sips of coffee and crack a j.man original joke and gauge your sense of humor before you grill me? I definitely prefer a more low-key, fun approach.

 

I do get it, though. Some people aren't paying $40 a month for coffee dates and taking it slow. They want that relationship.

[John John]

I do get it, though. Some people aren't paying $40 a month for coffee dates and taking it slow. They want that relationship.

 

I guess I'm somewhere in between, hence why I'm on OKC and Match right now. Match does tend to be more serious, and I am at the point where I'd like something serious. Although, Match has resulted in hookups too while OKC has introduced me to some great female friends. You just never know.

[Rosti87]

What I didn't like about Match was that all but a couple dates ended up feeling like a job interview. It was like the women had memorized a list of questions and if I were unfortunate enough to do well enough on them, I was suddenly husband material. It was literally, "So, ever been married? How soon into a relationship would you wanna get married? Want kids? How many kids do you want? etc., etc., etc."

 

I mean, yeah, these are important questions... but can I at least sneak in a couple sips of coffee and crack a j.man original joke and gauge your sense of humor before you grill me? I definitely prefer a more low-key, fun approach.

 

I do get it, though. Some people aren't paying $40 a month for coffee dates and taking it slow. They want that relationship.

 

LOL! That's like the Spanish Inquisition!

[kpak]

Seriously why not pull this rug out before it gets worse? Online dating is a scam. I just made this post on another thread.

 

link removed did a study from a 3rd party to find out how many relationships start online. The study came back with roughly 33% of new couples meet online. So it sounds like im full of it right? Well when you dig past the numbers that match advertises you find out that most of them aren't meeting on dating sites at all i think only like 10% of these online couple met on dating sites. Most actually meet from online classified sites where people were looking for other things like cell phones, cars or other items. They happen along the way meet a cool chik/dude and sparks happen. Which falls more in line with how people met traditionally.

 

If you're serious about meeting someone go meet them in person. Its much harder for women to reject in you in person. Join a club that you're interested in. Go volunteer somewhere. You can make the world a better place while you meet new and like minded people. Avoid the online trap. Unless you make a significant income and look like Channing Tatum, you will be glanced over and passed on when doing the online dating thing.

 

Online dating is not designed to succeed. If it worked these companies would be out of business real quick.

[musicman777]

Hi everyone, thanks for the replies. I should have trusted my own judgement instead of listening to my sister but now I am stuck on here with a three month subscription, I might as well see if anything comes from it but I'm not going to obsess over it. I almost feel like just leaving it hang and see if anyone messages me first.

 

To confirm with everyone. I have very nice pictures of me, including with my dog, playing guitar, etc. I don't have any stupid muscle pics/shirtless pics. I would even avoided a pic in my tank top I almost posted. I don't want to be another meathead. I made a nice profile, I had a few people read it over for me too. I think I have done everything right in that aspect.

 

I always try witty/fun messages with people as well to get their attention. For example, what girl said something like "I love adventure and always answer to it" so I said "hi, my names adventure, now you have to answer me", lol. Another one said she plays a handful of instruments, so I said "you must play very small instruments if they all fit in your hand." I try anything, even if it's lame joke, if it shows I read their profile and has some originality and humor in it. I don't do this with every message but I try to mix it up to get some kind of response and stand out. But it doesn't work!

 

Online dating is not designed to succeed. If it worked these companies would be out of business real quick.

 

Totally agree with you. I am in the web development industry and all I see with these websites is bullcrap. I only see them as a money making gimmick. All of you ask , join a club or something. What kind of "club"?! I've thought about this a while. A co ed sport or something. I just don't know what to do. I would even try ballroom dancing if it worked. You see, the online dating appeals to me in one way that, I work from home remotely and I don't get out to meet a lot of people unfortunately with my work.

[camus154]

I always try witty/fun messages with people as well to get their attention. For example, what girl said something like "I love adventure and always answer to it" so I said "hi, my names adventure, now you have to answer me", lol.

 

Clever? Sure. Playful? Sure. Guaranteed to get you a response? Of course not. There are no guarantees in dating, whether online or traditional.

 

Another one said she plays a handful of instruments, so I said "you must play very small instruments if they all fit in your hand." I try anything, even if it's lame joke, if it shows I read their profile and has some originality and humor in it. I don't do this with every message but I try to mix it up to get some kind of response and stand out. But it doesn't work!

 

Gotta give this one to you, it made me laugh.

 

Maybe you're too clever with your messages? I know you said you don't do this with every one, but is it possible you're trying too hard? Given the disparate ratio of men vs. women in online dating, imagine how many clever lines these ladies receive on any given day?

 

Totally agree with you. I am in the web development industry and all I see with these websites is bullcrap.

 

Being a web developer (or designer, or whatever you do) has absolutely no bearing on the business model of these online dating sites. Before you listen too closely to kpak's advice, consider that a handful of us in this very thread have had success with online dating. I'm willing to bet none of us look like Channing Tatum or make an unusual amount of money.

 

All of you ask , join a club or something. What kind of "club"?! I've thought about this a while. A co ed sport or something. I just don't know what to do. I would even try ballroom dancing if it worked. You see, the online dating appeals to me in one way that, I work from home remotely and I don't get out to meet a lot of people unfortunately with my work.

 

Take some more responsibility for your own success here. Don't ask us what kinds of clubs. Figure that out based on your own interests and what's around you. You seem to be looking for some magic bullet where scores of single women will throw themselves at your feet. No such place exists.

[SoulTaker]

So far, I been on the site for about 4 or 5 days, I have messaged (no joke) 35 women and haven't gotten a single reply yet. The reason I do this is I know from past experience most people don't answer and it's not worth deeply analyzing or getting your hopes up over one person. Well 21 of those messages didn't even get read. The rest read them, did not reply and 95% of them didn't even visit my profile. I take about 30~ minutes a night to browse the site and pick 5-10 girls I am interested in. I read what they are looking for and skim through their profiles. I write them short and simple messages showing an interest in their lives based off their profile. I try simple ideas, I try direct approaches, I try confidence, I try making jokes. NOTHING! I don't even have very high standards with women.

 

That's the problem that gets overlooked. Everyone talks about how important it is to have a well written profile, but what good does that do if 95% ("33 or 34" out of 35) don't even visit your profile.

 

As others have mentioned, paid sites are better for serious daters, and link removed is one of the better ones. Here are my observations based on your update.

 

1. Only visit the site once a week, twice at the most, or you'll drive yourself crazy. Sign up for a free site in order to increase your odds without paying more money.
   
2. With "Match", you can check to see how active they are. Don't bother with women who haven't been active for over 3+ weeks. You can later contact them is they become active again.
   
3. Pay attention to the women's "age range". They're pretty strict about that. You can go after someone whose range doesn't include your age, but don't expect for them to contact you.
   
4. Understand that online dating is just one option in finding a date, so don't place all of your marbles into it. It's a numbers game, so expect a high rejection rate.
   

[kpak]

Being a web developer (or designer, or whatever you do) has absolutely no bearing on the business model of these online dating sites. Before you listen too closely to kpak's advice, consider that a handful of us in this very thread have had success with online dating. I'm willing to bet none of us look like Channing Tatum or make an unusual amount of money.

 

So because a handful of people have success at online dating we should ignore the vast majority who fail at it?Call me crazy but i prefer to see results. I'm not much of a gambler so when i see the odds stacked against me, im not betting. If the odds were in my favor sure ill out my money out there. For this very reason i have shunned getting into a relationship with women in general. Relationships and marriage is a stacked deck against men indeed. But this is another topic in general.

 

Consider that men pay for these sites because of false hopes that people like you put out. Do you work in the daring site industry? You're certainly plugging it like you do.

[camus154]

So because a handful of people have success at online dating we should ignore the vast majority who fail at it?Call me crazy but i prefer to see results.

 

Now it's you who is playing with numbers. It's not a handful of people who have had success, but a handful of people within this thread.

 

I'll leave it to you to add up how many unique posters are here, and how many of those have indicated some level of success.

 

I'm not much of a gambler so when i see the odds stacked against me, im not betting. If the odds were in my favor sure ill out my money out there. For this very reason i have shunned getting into a relationship with women in general.

 

So the chip you seem to have on your shoulder extends beyond the world of online dating to women in general.

 

Do you think that might have something to do with those odds of yours?

 

Relationships and marriage is a stacked deck against men indeed. But this is another topic in general.

 

Not really. Women want and need relationships just as much as men do. There are slightly more women than men in the world, so theoretically they enjoy a slight advantage in terms of pure numbers, but so what?

 

Consider that men pay for these sites because of false hopes that people like you put out. Do you work in the daring site industry? You're certainly plugging it like you do.

 

It's interesting that you think I'm "plugging" the online dating industry simply for pointing out the sweeping generalizations you've made here. Do you normally think in extremes?

 

And by the way....women pay for online dating too.

[bulletproof]

If you're getting frustrated with it, then use it simply as one of many tools to meet people. It can't be your only one, but it doesn't have to be completely ruled out either.

Get out and find things that you like to do. Take a class, volunteer, join a team, whatever. And then check in with your profile once a week, shoot off a few emails of people you're really interested in, and leave it at that. Continue to change and update your profile for the better. And try other sites; sometimes that can make a difference, too.

 

I think you're giving up way too easily, and also depending on it way too much.

[Patrick974]

Kpak: To put it simply, online dating require to have a long experience with it to be actually effective for you. Just like dating irl. I mean. We have grown-up people still coming here once in a while asking how does OD works, what are the best sites etc. They are usually genuine and well-meaned people and we want to help them. It didnt take me just two days when I started OD many years ago. Having good pics. A well written profile. A sense of humor and good retorts. It takes time. The one who set up a wonderful online dating profile in a hour and gets 5 dates the first week is a genius really. Online dating does work. The number of marriage and babies born from it is astounding worldwide. Consider this as a post from someone who occasionally rants about it.

[kpak]

Now it's you who is playing with numbers. It's not a handful of people who have had success, but a handful of people within this thread.

 

I'll leave it to you to add up how many unique posters are here, and how many of those have indicated some level of success.

 

It is only a handful of people who find love on dating sites. Most couples find each other online when they are doing other activities. This includes chat rooms, craiglist ads, and any other reason to meet someone without the intentions of meeting someone. Only a small number of online couples actually meet on dating sites. You just need to get past the bs numbers match tells you. As told you, if online dating actually worked, it would never be a multi billion dollar industry.

 

 

 

So the chip you seem to have on your shoulder extends beyond the world of online dating to women in general.

 

You got it. I would never wife up a liberal or an egalitarian. They have every mindset to make your life miserable. I do however respect conservatives because they understand that men and women have their own roles in society. However, most women have been infected with the feminist mantra which does not make them marriage material. Especially for a tradcon like myself.

 

Do you think that might have something to do with those odds of yours?

 

Who says i have terrible odds? While i will never get into a relationship, i do however have no problems getting dates. I meet women through friends, going out and being active and other things. I'm jusy not afraid to walk up to a attractive woman and strike up a conversation. I still date because i love sex and women. At the moment i have several young ladies i can call on when my need arises.

 

 

 

Not really. Women want and need relationships just as much as men do. There are slightly more women than men in the world, so theoretically they enjoy a slight advantage in terms of pure numbers, but so what?

 

And because women want relationship we are the gatekeepers of it. It's time we stop giving that card away to women who wont appreciate and stay with us. Especially since women nowadays are giving away their own precious card which is sex. Most women aren't worth the card anyways. Marriage is for life, not till you get bored.

 

 

 

It's interesting that you think I'm "plugging" the online dating industry simply for pointing out the sweeping generalizations you've made here. Do you normally think in extremes?

 

And by the way....women pay for online dating too.

 

The sweeping generalization has come from millions of men who have failed at online dating. Of course you have success stories from online dating. Millions of people participate. You're bound to have success. But lets not ignore that your like 10 times more likely to fail than succeed. Its not a generalization, but a fact. When you dont aknowlede it, you do indeed sound like your plugging that industry. I've done both, online and offline dating. I have a MUCH better chance offline. Online im shunned just like everyone else. I don't have a chance to use the biggest tool i have, my wits and charm.

[Rosti87]

Kpak: To put it simply, online requite to have a long experience with it to be actually effective for you. Just like dating irl. I mean. We have grown-up people still coming here once in a while asking how does OD works, what are the best sites etc. They are usually genuine and well-meaned and we want to help them. It didnt take me just two days when I started OD many years ago. Having good pics. A well written profile. A sense of humor and good retorts. It takes time. The one who set up a wonderful online dating profile in a hour and gets 5 dates the first week is a genius really. Online dating does work. The number of marriage and babies born from it is astoundinshing worldwide. Consider this as a post from someone who occasionally rants about it.

 

Although I'm not as 'negative' as some on this thread about online dating, it is more favorable for some demographics than for others (mileage varies depending on region/country/city). There is a looong thread here that discussed it at length last month.

[musicman777]

Checking back in on my post, I see both sides of the argument on here. Camus, thanks for reading my response. Yes, I'm sure other guys try clever messages and etc. I try both like I said. I don't think I am trying too hard so much as I want to get noticed over the other generic responses (I see a lot of inboxes with girls that have "hey" and "hi" with generic messages/questions). Anything to stand out a bit.

There are definitely the "disheartening" ignored messages though, though. One girl in particular I found really interesting, a cute red head. She wasn't a 10/10 but I thought she seemed like a really cool girl. She was in the same career field and she had a lot of similar interest to me and was looking for someone within my description. I wrote her a very honest/sincere message, longer than the typical dating site message and I said she seemed really unique and I was really interested in her because we seemed so alike. She read my message and never responded like all the others. That is the kind that really infuriate me sometimes. Even if someone is butt ugly, there has to be a message once in a while that really stands out from the others, that they showed a genuine like and interest in you. I think it's ignorant to blow off everyone when they put some serious though into a message.

 

I don't know. Well, I am stuck with this subscription, I might as well make the most of it. One of you said maybe I should only check it once a week, I kind of agree. Unless I get an email alert that someone actually messaged me, I shouldn't bother because it gets to be depressing/obsessive behavior. One of you said sign up on POF as well just for the heck of it because it's free, I may do that.

Do I like online dating so far? Hell no. But, I do realize it is part of the reality we live in, and it DOES work for some people. I went to college online, I work and learned my career online, why can't I find love online? It's worth a try at this point. I'm not going to make it my one and only strategy but I don't see it as hurting to have it.

[kpak]

Kpak: To put it simply, online dating require to have a long experience with it to be actually effective for you. Just like dating irl. I mean. We have grown-up people still coming here once in a while asking how does OD works, what are the best sites etc. They are usually genuine and well-meaned people and we want to help them. It didnt take me just two days when I started OD many years ago. Having good pics. A well written profile. A sense of humor and good retorts. It takes time. The one who set up a wonderful online dating profile in a hour and gets 5 dates the first week is a genius really. Online dating does work. The number of marriage and babies born from it is astounding worldwide. Consider this as a post from someone who occasionally rants about it.

 

I never said it doesn't work. What I'm saying is that it doesn't work often enough. When you do a cost/benifit analysis on it you'll see that you are spending countless hours on it only to get stuck going nowhere. This isnt just mine and the OP's experience this is millions of men. You've said it yourself, it takes years to find someone online. Wouldn't it be better to just meet people face to face and increase you chances? Currently i have a profile on POF that is rarely visited. I only use it because its free and i have hopes it may catch the eye of someone who would catch my eye. However i get very few responses from it. I stop trying to be active on it once i realized how much of a waste of time it is. Instead when i focus my efforts on actually meeting women face to face, my dating activity has jumped up ten fold. Online dating really is for lazy people or people with little self confidence. These dating sites are scamming these people left and right in the tunes of billions per year. They could easily develop a system that actually works and pairs people but if they do that then they shrink their subscriber base. Personally i would rather not feed that machine.

[kpak]

To the OP:

 

The places i go to meet women are the gym, dog parks, classes i take ro advance my career, libraries, book stores etc. The places i dont go to meet women are the traditional meat markets like clubs and bars. There women have their guard up and its hard to break through. Plus the loud music makes it very hard to talk.

 

Heres how i strike up conversations without coming off as a creep:

 

Dog park: I try to steer my dog towards her dog in hopes i have an opportunity to strike up a conversation. If that doesn't work, looking at her and smiling while saying hello works a lot too.

 

Gym: If I see a pretty lady there and she is working out i try and look to see how i can improve her workout. Maybe ill suggest she brings her hand closer as shes doing a move. This gives me the open door to talk further with her. Or once again the tried and tested "hello" with a smile works here too. Actually that works just about anywhere.

 

Class: well this one is easy. You pretty much have a captive audience and you can take your time to evaluate if said girl is worth your efforts.

 

Libraries and book stores: try commenting on her book shes reading. Say things like man that author rocks. Put focus on what she is doing and not on her. Its how you have to navigate this climate where women will be offended at the drop of a hat.

 

These are places I go to have success. But you can go just about anywhere where there is people and you'll be surprised how easy it is to smile and say "hello" to someone. Sure it wont work all the time. I still strike out more often than i succeed. But my success rate is MUCH MUCH higher than online. You just need to not let it bother you when a woman says shes not interested. But women will respond much better to you when they can actually see you. They respond to how you talk, walk and you're much more to them than a profile online that she can just click next on.

 

Hope this helps. Good luck out there.