Is match.com this bad for anyone else (guys)???

[musicman777]

Thanks kpak. That has been my strategy for a while to meet people for a while, I would hugely prefer face-to-face interaction. You know there's this old fashion thing called "chemistry" people have when meeting face to face that you don't get when browsing through online profiles! I don't know about any of your venues. I'm not a book reader, my dog doesn't like to walk as much as pull me. The gym, I've had more than one suggestion for that. I personally like working out at home, I have weights, equipment, everything I need. I also sweat a river just warming up, I don't know if I would be all that comfortable approaching people like that.

 

But one of mine that a family member suggested (not sister), she said I should go out to this local cafe/bakery every day for lunch to meet someone. She said people have to eat lunch, and it is a time where I could potentially find a young adult with a good life. I usually eat lunch at home or something, but she said to try it.

 

I have to say, it's not a terrible idea. One day in particular only a couple days after trying this strategy a very attractive girl sat right next to me outside the window. She wasn't making any eye contact or anything, though. But still, if I made a pattern of going there every day and seen familiar faces I may meet someone that way. One more than one occasion I have seen good looking women come in and out of the place. What do you all think of this??? It is the kind of traditional setting where you meet people as well...

[camus154]

I think going out to a local spot for lunch or coffee is a great idea. It's a two-for-one, really, because you can bring your laptop and work from there. I used to do this during the summer all the time, because I also work remotely and it was the only way I could stay sane. Eventually you'll become a "local", the staff will get to know you, other remote workers might start recognizing you, etc.

[Ms Darcy]

I did POF years ago, believe it or not I had more success on that site, I actually talked to two decent looking girls and got a phone number there. I never have any success on link removed. It's suppose to be for more serious people but no one wants to communicate with me. I feel like in any of the cases I have to often undersell and devaule myself and the online dating is a complete joke. I never felt this was the right way to find someone. But I don't have many other means to meet someone. I'm about done with college and I work remotely from home in my career already.

 

1. You sound a little entitled. Like, just because you have a decent body and a job and nice pictures, women that you like are supposed to be interested.

 

2. Online dating doesn't scrub away the stank of real life. If you are having trouble getting dates in real life, online dating isn't magically going to make it easier. It just makes it easier for YOU to reach out to more women. But it seems like your batting average online is the same as it was in real life.

 

3. In other words, it seems to me that guys who can get dates in real life can get dates online.

 

4. If you don't like online dating, don't do it. It's not for everybody. No reason to do stuff you don't like dude.

 

5. You are 25 and in college? Is that a little old? I suspect there might be little nuances like this that might be allowing some folks to not be interested.

[musicman777]

Whoa, that sounds a little like ripping me to shreds, sheesh. Gotta defend myself a bit here... your first point - no, I am not "entitled", and I don't expect people to just come to me for those qualities. I was trying to get the point accross that I am in a good position in my life to be trying the online dating, and then I actually made an effort to make it work by making a decent profile. And from my attributes I was expecting to not have such horrible luck trying to date. I don't expect having any of those qualities to magically land me someone. But I felt like I had some odds in my favor to say the least, is that such a bad thing?

Number two and three... really? You realize that dating both online and in life just have a lot to do with pure luck and circumstance? I am just one of the unlucky ones. You wouldn't believe some of the things that have happened in my past with women. It is a miracle I overcame a lot of it. I don't expect online dating to be some magical miracle, why do you think I was so hesitant about it? I don't exactly sit in my house all the time. I go out every day for lunch & dinners, go out with friends. I've been in a karate club for 15 years with a huge social circle. I just don't happen to meet anyone in real life or through colleagues/friends. The few times I did this year all the women already have boyfriends. And also, regarding "gyms" and things, certain places I feel are inappropriate to be approaching women. Also I'm not desperate.

 

Number four - that's why I generally avoided it, if I don't like it don't do it. Like I said, my sister talked me into it, and it was my decision to try it again, not hers. It certainly wouldn't hurt (well, anything besides my wallet). So I gave it a shot and don't like it so far, sue me. Beside the point, I only been on the site 4 or 5 days, maybe after a month or two I will see some results. Who knows?

Finally point number five. What if I told you I am still in college because I am extremely skilled, talented, and successful in my career field already, and I wasn't in a huge rush to finish college? I am in information technology and security, and I specialize in server side programming and database management. I work on the front-end websites of major corporate retailers and I also do animation work for Hollywood film studios including on the big screen and their websites. I promise you there are not many people in the entire world that do the work I do. If you go to the movies, you may see some of my work on the big screen and my name in the credits. I know how to sell myself, I know how to make connections, and I'm a VERY dedicated worker. I've been offered work at Google and a genetics company at one time. I'm also a huge scholar, I have a 3.8 GPA, so I'm not some college freak up. And I will be done with schooling in spring anyway.

 

How is any of that a turn off for a woman? I don't have any "nuances". I have a great career, a car, I will be done with college soon, and I am even in the process of buying my parents house so I will own my own house. Most women don't even get to know this much about me because they are taken and automatically deny me. I am in a good place to date someone and would like to, I'm not looking to get married off the bat. But I would like to to be DATING, and I'm just struggling a bit at it, and it's not for a lack of trying. I'm not afraid to approach women or try new things to meet them. I don't want to be a sleaze ball or pain in the in doing so. Going on a dating site you know you want the same thing and it isn't putting pressure on someone that isn't looking for a boyfriend.

[Helpexpressme]

Don't worry about Point 5. Mrs Darcy has always voiced that a man who is "white collar" is the criteria that she looks for.

[Ms Darcy]

Whoa, that sounds a little like ripping me to shreds, sheesh. Gotta defend myself a bit here... your first point - no, I am not "entitled", and I don't expect people to just come to me for those qualities. I was trying to get the point accross that I am in a good position in my life to be trying the online dating, and then I actually made an effort to make it work by making a decent profile. And from my attributes I was expecting to not have such horrible luck trying to date. I don't expect having any of those qualities to magically land me someone. But I felt like I had some odds in my favor to say the least, is that such a bad thing?

 

It probably does sound like I am ripping you to shreds and if so, I apologize. My viewpoint is that I get very disturbed when some men start pairing their good looks, great job, and lack of online dating success with "attractive women" with male/female ratios online and women online not being serious about dating. I simply do not understand why one things that they should be getting more responses/dates that there is something wrong with online dating, women, the world, etc.

 

I also don't hold the worldview that stuff mostly has to do with luck. My male friends, for example, who 1) have pretty good social skills and 2) ask more women out tend to have more girlfriends then some of my other male friends. Maybe they have some lucky genetics, but they work hard (job, health, friends, etc) and making more of an effort seems to be working out for them.

 

I love my sister, but she could never talk me into doing anything I don't want to do anymore. If there is something I do on her suggestion, I own that I kinda wanted to try it.

 

My husband is in IT and finished college when he was 26. It's a fine career and he's done very well, but he was an older student than most at graduation. And it impacted his dating life. So, that point isn't one to offend you - it's just a clinical point that it may have been a flag that you may or may not be aware of.

 

I think given that you don't like online dating and you are still relatively young, Bulletproof's points about finding opportunities to be near women through the events she mentioned (who are single of course) is a good one.

[Ms Darcy]

Don't worry about Point 5. Mrs Darcy has always voiced that a man who is "white collar" is the criteria that she looks for.

 

Well, to correct your point, it is one of probably a dozen criteria I mentioned and based upon my own lifestyle and experiences. But, yes, the "white collar" one - which I guess is how people interpret college educated and ambitious in career -- and "the height one" are the ones men seem to remember the best lol.

 

I don't see that criteria as any different than your preference for a lady who cooks.

[Helpexpressme]

Well, to correct your point, it is one of probably a dozen criteria I mentioned and based upon my own lifestyle and experiences. But, yes, the "white collar" one (and the height one) is the one men seem to remember the best lol.

 

I don't see that criteria as any different than your preference for a lady who cooks.

 

Hahahaha! I am impressed. I remembered something from you, and you remembered something from me.

[Ms Darcy]

Hahahaha! I am impressed. I remembered something from you, and you remembered something from me.

 

Yes indeed dude!

[ParisPaulette]

Online dating is simply one more way to potentially meet someone. Just as taking your dog out to the park or signing up for a dance class or even yes going to the grocery store are all methods of potentially meeting someone. And over the years I have observed the OLD community getting more and more crapped up with scammers, shills, and people who are just...well I never did figure out why they were there or what they wanted, but I don't think it was to find love. I did OLD when it was still in its infancy and it was much more kind of this almost club for people who even knew you could do that online. Oh to be so young and sparkly again. (Laughs) And then years later I did it again and it had changed and not for the better, frankly. Sort of like a certain website where you used to be able to score great deals and now you don't go on there half the time, because the fear of meeting some murderer just makes the deals seem not so shiny anymore. But I digress.

 

On the other hand OLD gave me some great new places to go hang out with friends. And I met a few cool people, a few not so cool, and got a world of standup comedy material from the experience. I also hear those "I know a friend who knows a friend whose third cousin met a guy and they're married now." But for me, no it never happened that I met any guy I dated for more than a month online. I met them the old-fashioned way, doing activities and hobbies I enjoyed then being able to talk to the guys and take it from there. My current husband and I met in an art class after I'd given up and fled the OLD scene convinced I would be single forever and not really minding by that point.

 

Bottom line, I think you have to have many options and OLD cannot be your only source for dates. It can be one source, but you don't want to rely on it by any means. Good luck though. I did find my favorite bar and country western club through an OLD date, so I never considered it a total loss. Look at it as potential fun and an excuse to get out of the house and you'll probably have a far better time than if you view it as the sole source to find your next serious relationship.

[Racer82]

I wish every girl who has ignored/deleted a well written message where it's obvious the guy took some effort should read this. When they do this, it conditions the man to stop trying. Why put forth 20 minutes to read a profile and mention her interests or stuff you have in common when it's just going to be ignored? To a guy, it's much more effective to message 100 girls in that time with a copy/paste "hey, how's it going?". And you complain about generic messages...

 

The real tragedy is when guys who make an effort and get shutdown watch other guys at bars/clubs pull a girl home because he bought her a few drinks and she's drunk/making some poor decisions, we stoop to that level because it works.

[bulletproof]

 

Online dating is not designed to succeed. If it worked these companies would be out of business real quick.

 

Actually, that isn't necessarily true. Any business that offers a service or product could say that if they made a good enough service or product, they would eventually run out of customers. But that doesn't take into account the fact that there are 7 billion people on the planet that are all maturing at a different rate and will come to use that service eventually. Plus, breakups, divorces, and death all mean new customers.

 

I think the OP should not rely solely on online dating, but he can certainly keep it in his arsenal.

[John John]

and "the height one" are the ones men seem to remember the best lol.

 

Probably because there are a good amount of high quality guys on this site that are under 5'10" (OMG END OF THE WORLD!!!!!) lol

[musicman777]

Hey everyone,

So one of you suggested I try out "plenty of fish" simply because it is free and it doesn't hurt to have it. Also, in the past I seemed to have more luck on there than link removed. I made a profile and basically copy/pasted my content from match along with made a good headline. Well, I have been on there in less than 10 hours and I have six girls that wanted to meet me through the "meet me" feature.

 

I don't know if anything will come of any of these, but I have to say I am more happy with the progress on here so far than link removed which I ditched out 80 bucks for! At least you know people see you pictures and find you attractive or not through that feature. I feel like link removed is getting me nowhere, infinitely messaging people and they don't answer.

 

Racer82, thanks for understanding my point about a more serious dating site message. I'm glad I am not alone in that thought! You know, when I did this years ago, I had a couple less-appealing women message me. But one time, this one girl, she wrote me a very long message, and she took interest into all my hobbies/activities. In particular she talked about one of my favorite movies which is also a video game and she was talking about the video game and she played it when she was younger. I answered the girl even though she wasn't necessarily my thing looks wise because she wrote me a very long and sincere message. It wasn't just a "hi what's up And I actually almost went on a date with her as well but she was a bit too far of a drive for me.

 

The point is, sometimes if someone really is that interested and writes you something besides a generic "hi how are you", you should maybe, I don't know, answer them?! This girl I recently wrote that sincere message, I'm still mildly upset about. She read that message and I don't know how she could have the GUTS to blow it off over the others, even if she didn't find me super attractive. When people do that it tells me they are paying money to have their ego boosted or have some kind of other personal issues. I'm sure 9 out of 10 guys did not write her a message like I did.

[camus154]

The point is, sometimes if someone really is that interested and writes you something besides a generic "hi how are you", you should maybe, I don't know, answer them?!

This girl I recently wrote that sincere message, I'm still mildly upset about. She read that message and I don't know how she could have the GUTS to blow it off over the others, even if she didn't find me super attractive. When people do that it tells me they are paying money to have their ego boosted or have some kind of other personal issues. I'm sure 9 out of 10 guys did not write her a message like I did.

 

I think Ms Darcy was spot on: you're suffering from not a little case of entitlement here.

 

You seem to think that women owe it to you to reply when you take the time to write these super clever and insightful messages to them. And when they don't, it clearly must be that they're simply in it for the ego boost!

 

Get a grip, guy. You're not nearly as special as you seem to believe you are. None of us are.

[Rosti87]

I think Ms Darcy was spot on: you're suffering from not a little case of entitlement here.

 

You seem to think that women owe it to you to reply when you take the time to write these super clever and insightful messages to them. And when they don't, it clearly must be that they're simply in it for the ego boost!

 

Get a grip, guy. You're not nearly as special as you seem to believe you are. None of us are.

 

To piggyback on this...

 

Life has no guarantees. I liken this to when you are on the highway and someone is struggling to merge in and you slow down to allow them in or someone has come to the end of a lane that is merging and they have no more room and you stop to let them in instead of moving on and they don't thank you when you went out of your way. When one decides to go beyond what is required one may be rewarded and one may NOT be rewarded with appreciation.

 

The name of the game is "That's Life."

[kpak]

Actually, that isn't necessarily true. Any business that offers a service or product could say that if they made a good enough service or product, they would eventually run out of customers. But that doesn't take into account the fact that there are 7 billion people on the planet that are all maturing at a different rate and will come to use that service eventually. Plus, breakups, divorces, and death all mean new customers.

 

I think the OP should not rely solely on online dating, but he can certainly keep it in his arsenal.

 

Sorry man its totally true. Online dating is a scam. It makes dating 10 times harder. It makes it waaaaay to easy for a man or a woman to just hit next when they see a tiny flaw. I know this because i do the same thing. If i see a girl who is slightly overweight i can easily hit next. If i saw that person in real life i might have spoken to her. Too many choices is not a good thing. Women have to screen through tons of emails and many just get frustrated. They think out of all these messages at least one can fit everything they are looking for. Which encourages women to have even more unrealistic expectations which was ridiculously high to begin with. Unattractive women are ignored just as much as men. This gentleman out in the UK did a non professional study on this. He made 8 fake profiles on match to see how much attention people garner. He found out what most of us already knew. The two attractive women had their inbox filled to capacity in a matter of days. The most attractive man had like 10 messages in a week (initiated by a woman). This was less than the average looking woman. Of course this has a lot to do with culture where men are expected to make the first move still but you should get the idea of why its so hard to do online dating. It gives you faaaaar to many choices as a woman and your ignored as a man.

 

Someone said on here that it should be used as an additional avenue to meet someone. Thats true, but it should be the one you spend the least amount of resources on. Do the free sites but dont pay them. You don't owe any money for their services that wont work. Be weary of the sites that try to entice you to joining their premium subscription by having fake profiles email you. This industry is heavily sketchy and has malicious ways of marketing to your lonely needy side. They will take advantage of you. Throughout my dating life i would bet i have dropped at least a couple of thousand on dating sites over the years. I've gotten only a handful of dates and during the times of my life i did look for relationships, they delivered none. I've had a lot of success online. None of it came from dating sites. I hooked up with a girl who advertised MJ on craigslist after i bought a sack from her. I hooked up with several women over the years from chat rooms. But the furthest I've ever gotten on dating sites was a second date with someone. I can count on one hand how many girls actually went out on dates with me from these places. On the other hand, ive dates hundeds when i meet and greet them in real world situations.

 

You can try and counter it all you want, but no matter how hard you try to convince me, my own personal experience will trump your arguments. Same goes for the OP.

[kpak]

link removed

 

Here is that study i was mentioning. I had some details confused but the basic gist of my argument is reinforced by this guys experiment.

 

Actually, that isn't necessarily true. Any business that offers a service or product could say that if they made a good enough service or product, they would eventually run out of customers. But that doesn't take into account the fact that there are 7 billion people on the planet that are all maturing at a different rate and will come to use that service eventually. Plus, breakups, divorces, and death all mean new customers.

 

I think the OP should not rely solely on online dating, but he can certainly keep it in his arsenal.

[kpak]

Yeesh this one sounds like a real winner please tell me where i go so i don't sign up with the likes of you. The stench of entitlement is strong with this one.

[kpak]

I think Ms Darcy was: you're suffering from not a little case of entitlement here.

 

You seem to think that women owe it to you to reply when you take the time to write these super clever and insightful messages to them. And when they don't, it clearly must be that they're simply in it for the ego boost!

 

Get a grip, guy. You're not nearly as special as you seem to believe you are. None of us are.

 

Are you a man or a woman? I get no sense of entitlement from the OP. He sounds like a guy looking for a relationship, not a man who feels like he's entitled to one. You're awfully judegemntal based in little information.

 

Your last statement is not true. We are not all made alike. There are people who rises to the top and are the cream of the crop. The OP may or may not be one of those but how can you judge based on so little information.

[Ms Darcy]

Probably because there are a good amount of high quality guys on this site that are under 5'10" (OMG END OF THE WORLD!!!!!) lol

 

My husband is under 5'10" too!

[Racer82]

I think Ms Darcy was spot on: you're suffering from not a little case of entitlement here.

 

You seem to think that women owe it to you to reply when you take the time to write these super clever and insightful messages to them. And when they don't, it clearly must be that they're simply in it for the ego boost!

 

Get a grip, guy. You're not nearly as special as you seem to believe you are. None of us are.

 

I think what he was trying to convey was how superficial these online dating sites have made women and how shtty that is. If a guy made a great effort and worded a very well written message (I'm not talking about "oh I c u like pizza too") then it's just cold of you to delete it and ignore him. Even a thanks but you're not my type would be better than nothing.

 

Do we owe anyone anything? Are any of us really special? I suppose society is gravitating towards that kind of attitude and anonymity. 99% of people will just ignore beggars on the street, not make eye contact, pretend they don't exist, etc. I bet if a homeless guy was bleeding out on the sidewalk most people would just walk around him rather than call an ambulance. I'd still like to think that no matter how repulsive, if a girl approached me in real life or online and said something nice, I would not ignore her existence as a human being. Something that women have seem to become really good at these days.

[camus154]

Are you a man or a woman? I get no sense of entitlement from the OP. He sounds like a guy looking for a relationship, not a man who feels like he's entitled to one. You're awfully judegemntal based in little information.

 

I'm a man, if that makes a difference for you.

 

I can make this judgment because of what the OP tells us here. He is a clever, exceptionally talented and successful and good looking guy, and he's wondering why he's been so unlucky with link removed because he hasn't gotten any replies in less than a week's time.

 

He thinks it's downright rude that he's taken the time to write such clever messages to women and they haven't even bothered to respond.

 

That's called entitlement.

 

Your last statement is not true. We are not all made alike. There are people who rises to the top and are the cream of the crop. The OP may or may not be one of those but how can you judge based on so little information.

 

I didn't say we're all made alike. I didn't say no one is exceptional. What I said is within the context of online dating. And in online dating, no one is special, any more so than the other. Doesn't matter how much you earn or what you look like (despite what you say)....if you go about online dating expecting that women owe you responses just because, wow golly gee, you took the time to write them, you are going to wind up with a severely bruised ego.

 

I think what he was trying to convey was how superficial these online dating sites have made women and how shtty that is. If a guy made a great effort and worded a very well written message (I'm not talking about "oh I c u like pizza too") then it's just cold of you to delete it and ignore him. Even a thanks but you're not my type would be better than nothing.

 

Online dating sites haven't made women superficial any more than they've made men superficial. You are extrapolating this out of nothing more than an expectation that one person's endeavors deserve a certain response. They don't. No more than a woman is somehow obligated to give a random dude hitting on her at the bar the time of day. Just because it's online and men make this enormously hard effort to string words together in a message doesn't mean women are these cold evil B's for choosing not to reply.

 

Guys, listen up. Women don't owe you jack squat. Whether that's in person or online. Stop acting like you're Jesus carrying a cross just because you made some extra special effort to reach out to someone and got nothing in return. The gents who have figured this out already are the ones happily married or dating. The ones who haven't spend their time complaining about how horrible online dating is.

[Racer82]

yes, we get it. Nobody is special, women don't owe men anything. That doesn't make the people not responding any less rude, just because it is standard (and awful) behavior. Take this out of the context of dating. Say you (male) are golfing. I am teeing up behind you and walk over, say "hey that was an impressive drive, you play here much?" You ignore me, turn around, and walk away. Am I the one who hasn't figured out how to make friends, or are you just acting like an a-hole? Tell you what, next time someone you don't know greets you and asks how you are, why don't you tell them it's none of their business.

[Rosti87]

yes, we get it. Nobody is special, women don't owe men anything. That doesn't make the people not responding any less rude, just because it is standard (and awful) behavior. Take this out of the context of dating. Say you (male) are golfing. I am teeing up behind you and walk over, say "hey that was an impressive drive, you play here much?" You ignore me, turn around, and walk away. Am I the one who hasn't figured out how to make friends, or are you just acting like an a-hole? Tell you what, next time someone you don't know greets you and asks how you are, why don't you tell them it's none of their business.

 

Call me cynical but that is the 21st century. As a matter of fact randomized events like this have been quite prevalent for a good 10 to 15 years. Some people have manners and others simply do not. In cyberspace all bets are off. Lowered more reasonable expectations are needed. Modern life is not an episode of "Happy Days."