localvet Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 So we broke up after a stressful week of bringing our relationship out to her family. We where hiding for 7 months because her family wanted her to date within her church. I couldn't take it anymore and insisted we come out. so it happened. They didn't care too much! She was shocked and happy. But next day she didn't make time to see me, as she normally didnt. In the past I attributed this to her hiding us. So now when it happened we had a talk and broke up. Ok so...we started talking again. She came over and we picked up where we left off, very tight, very close saying she loves me, missed me etc... (no sex) Ok, two separate days of this. So I asked both time if she wanted to get back together. She said she needs time. Second dy I asked what are we doing, she said we are working things out. We had no fight, just one stressful week! so we should be able to up and run. Here is the issue! Today she gets off at 6. I ask if she wants to come over...she says no, and tells me she doesn't want to come over Saturday after work, she wants to go prepare for a trip with her brother and sister on Sunday. She could have also come by before work, asked to see me at lunch etc... She finally said she wants to see me when she has longer than 2-3 hours. This all seems strange to me. Why wait if she loves me, and why doesn't she MAKE TIME? So I don't understand why she is so comfortable not seeing me for so long, but when she is here she is soooooo loving and all over me and loving. My friend, female ones, say she is crazy and I need to run. HELP!!!! Do I wait or move on? Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Move on. Her words and actions don't match. First it was about her parent....truth is, her parents didn't care. Hiding your relationship for nothing. Now, she can't see you because she is going away...Sunday! Time to find someone who actually wants to be with you. Link to comment
JustWishing Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Your female friends are right: RUN! Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 You're her dirty little secret. If that girl isn't proud to step out into the world and show you off on her arm then you have nothing my dear, but someone who is using you. Most likely until she finds someone more "suitable" in her eyes. Not very nice of a churchgoing girl I think. And your friends are dead right. Link to comment
AllwnGoodNMyLf Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 I see her as highly selfish. She has decided to not pursue a relationship with you yet she still hovers around you to keep you "simmering" on the back burner. When she's doing these things, she is not able (or at least won't acknowledge) that her actions are negatively affecting you. She appears to lack empathy. It's all about her and what she wants. She wants to do her thing, look for someone else, and have you as back up. Honestly, is she really all that to go through this emotional back and forth? Does she make you feel that good when you're with her? She does not appear to value you, your feelings, your time, your emotional well being. Eventually, what she thinks of you will begin to rub off on you, and you may begin to feel lower value if she continues treating you that way. I'm sorry you're going through this. IMO, if she was the right one, she wouldn't dare disrespect you like this. If it were me, I'd never contact her again...no matter how much you think of her. I would go through the motions and have coffee dates, stay active, distract myself, and cry in the fetal in position if it came to it...but I would never contact her again. Unless she came back in full force, apologize and commit to a full-on relationship with you, she's not worth it. However, I'd venture to say that even if she did that, it'd just be a way of stoking her ego, exerting her control over you and boosting her ego that she can get you back. Actions are the key, and based on your feedback, a lack of empathy seems apparent. If I were you, someone like that is a REALLY bad idea. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 She finally said she wants to see me when she has longer than 2-3 hours. This all seems strange to me. Why wait if she loves me, and why doesn't she MAKE TIME? Because she's been allowed to do this without having to experience any consequences. Why not call her bluff, and tell her you'll consider that if you're available at the time? She'll either sink or swim... Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Move on. Her words and actions don't match. First it was about her parent....truth is, her parents didn't care. Hiding your relationship for nothing. Now, she can't see you because she is going away...Sunday! Time to find someone who actually wants to be with you. erm, yeah. I skimmed your previous threads: first she was texting her ex back in May, then she said her parents wouldn't approve of you. I think that this girl is actually "just not that into you." I would move along now... Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 IMHO - I may be going out on a limb because I don't know either of you.... but I think she may be keeping you on the "back burner." If she does not have her green card or permanent residency, she may be keeping you around as an option to marry to stay in the US. Now, I don't know if there is another man she has her sights set on, or if she is still actively looking, or if she is still in contact with her ex hoping for a reconciliation. But there are definitely people who would use you to get citizenship. Link to comment
crowleysgirl Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 If she wanted to spend time with you, she would. Link to comment
localvet Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 Awesome replies. Thank you all. I am going to keep dating. It is strange that I am still entertaining the idea of her, yet I am not sad or feeling crushed. I only want her when she is here. I think she killed my feelings a couple months ago. I just don't know why I still talk to her. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Actions speak louder than words. She's using you. Don't ever be someone's secret. It is devaluing. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 "I think she killed my feelings a couple months ago." If this were true, you wouldn't waste your time with her. I think you need to value yourself more. If you did, you would cut all contact. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 In the past I attributed this to her hiding us. So now when it happened we had a talk and broke up. Who initiated the breakup? Link to comment
localvet Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 Who initiated the breakup? I did. I told her I can not do it anymore, be with someone who doesn't make time for me, allows exes to text and lirt. I told her if she can be better we can try if not we should be done. I asked her what she wants then after a bit she said she thinks we are done. So she now has told others she broke up with me, I don't know who gets credit, but the results are the same so I don't care. Link to comment
localvet Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 Because she's been allowed to do this without having to experience any consequences. Why not call her bluff, and tell her you'll consider that if you're available at the time? She'll either sink or swim... twice in the past week this happened and I told her no problem I have plans. She asked if I had another girl I am looking at, I said no...I don't but I am dating now. I do not text her at all those evenings or respond. She sends texts about how happy she is I am enjoying my evening and so on. I am not a game player, so this is very strange to me. Again, if you want someone just go! Link to comment
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