The problem with today's people - just my 2 cents - please share your view

[Crunchy]

Hey everybody,

 

In the past year I realized/learned something that I think would be crucial for people to understand. I've travelled a lot in my life, especially in the past year, and wherever I went this has always been an issue.

 

I think one of the main problem with today's world is that people never actually stop for a second and think about what is happening around them, thus are unaware of a large number of important things.

A classic example is that media is brainwashing people, but that has been heard so many times that most people are aware of it even if they don't know all the hows and details. Well, at least they are AWARE that something is going on.

Concerning what I said, I'm mainly thinking of PEOPLE: relationships, friendhsips, colleagues you name it. We are surrounded and dealing with people on a day to day basis, work, school, in the store, on the phone, on the street, well basically everywhere, and whatever kind of person you are or whatever your workline might be you can never fully cut yourself off from people.

Many of my experiences with this issue include people not realizing another's insecurity (and these kind of people can do more harm than good to you), not realizing somebody's constant aggressive attitude, taking a story for granted just because somebody said this is how it is, or even making the same mistake that somebody else made before them, without even noticing that they fell in the same trap. In a nutshell I see people falling into idiotic traps, and bonding with the worst people.

 

If we all stopped for a second and thought about what's happening around us, I believe most of us would come to shocking conclusions. We often have doubts in other people, but most of the times we sweep these under the rug because we are afraid of dealing with reality...but at least there's a doubt, a spark that might induce something...but as I learned many people don't even have that, and I don't think you need a high IQ, or have read many books in your life to realize some of the things that are happening to you.

Anyone should have enough time and energy to just think for a moment, because even the ones who claim themselves extra-busy with work and such happen to have a very active Facebook wall on the side.

 

I do not consider myself fully aware of everything, and I don't think that's even possible, it's something that needs to be improved on as much as possible through the course of our lives. (hence why I chose this subforum to post this on)But this whole improvement process starts only when one starts thinking, because that is what separates us from robots, which I think many people have become by now...seriously.

 

I would love to hear anything from you guys! Your take on this, do you agree or not? Perhaps you would like to add your own perspective, or maybe even share an experience of yours?

But most importantly, if you agree, what measures would you take to get at least your friends, family and loved ones to go a bit in depth concerning their experiences and relations with people?

 

Thanks for reading, I'm eagerly awaiting your responses!

[agent1607307371]

This is not a new problem. This is basically the human condition as it has been since we crawled up out of the primordal ooze. I actually think more people are more aware of things around them these days.

[Willywagtail]

It only takes one person to be aware though. We can live consciously or unconciously.

 

What you're describing is a populace that largely lives unconsciously. We get sucked into the daily humdrum of life, the things we need to do to survive. For some people surviving is not thinking.

 

The thing is, most of us do think - what we don't do is analyse or question what's around us. For example, questioning the media etc. the other thing is, what framework do we use to structure our questions or analysis! Conservative? Liberal? Religious? Political? Humanitarian?

 

It's really complex.

[Coily]

My personal opinion is that these underlying problems are exacerbated by personal technology and social media. For example I remember the first time I really encountered this phenomena was in University around 2005 and going to and from class people would immediately delve into their iPods rather than interact with others. Then the smart phone advent made it even more easy to escape where you were and who you were dealing with face to face.

 

Things became less about finding your place in the general society, and how to warp society around the "Me" mentality. You could block the uncomfortable with such ease now; you could insulate yourself against things that challenged your way of thinking with the snap of your fingers.

 

To add to your thoughts on slowing down to smell the flowers, I again point to technology. The world expects everything NOW, and if that isn't possible then why waste your time on it? Fewer and fewer appreciate putting passion into something that they need to cultivate skills for the way previous generations did. Whether it's a relationship, or getting a meal, or getting to point B; no one wants to be patient.

 

And yes I'm a happy Luddite, with a 50 year old car, a 60 year old house, and a "dumb phone."

[melancholy123]

Coily I like your post a lot. I think too many people are in too much of a hurry to do whatever it is they think they absolutely must do at that moment. It's almost like they dont know how to slow down. Life is not a sprint, there's no need to be racing from one thing to another and barely taking a breath. My son is a marketing grad with a big interest in internet commerce and he's always telling me that people dont like to read, they dont have time, they want to see a visual, a graphic, a photo, rather than words to learn about or understand something. I, being older than him, like to read, and I like to take time to digest information. His generation doesnt appear to do that. Too much of being in a hurry.

 

I see kids on here so worried about their relationships and who said and did what to whom, and often times sound almost frantic. You can't have everything you want immediately, the best things in life take time to develop/acquire. They say with age comes wisdom and I think that's true. I'm not often in a hurry for anything, I prefer to stop and smell the roses along the way. I do the things I have to do, and I make time for me and my family and friends. It's so much nicer when things are in harmony and balance.

[jesus83]

Do you have any personal experiences to share OP?

 

I like what you're saying, I often feel like the media distracts us from more serious political issues. I'm just having a hard time pin pointing exactly you think people aren't noticing.

[journeynow]

We only really know about our own awareness, cannot assume about others. We're all learning as we go, sometimes by stopping and observing, sometimes by listening to others, sometimes through mistakes, sometimes through luck… Few of us are born knowing it all.

[avpol]

The fact is, lots of people - and even entire nations - don't hurry at all (for example, the Thais). But they have their own problems that are often more severe then those of the Westerners

[Hermes]

Yes, Crunchy.

 

"I think one of the main problem with today's world is that people never actually stop for a second and think about what is happening around them, thus are unaware of a large number of important things.

A classic example is that media is brainwashing people...."

 

IMO a vast number of people seem to have lost the ability to think, have almost become robotic, lack of awareness and self-awareness, sort of "going around in a daze syndrome". Maybe the Borg are already here among us LOL.

 

link removed

 

Excerpts:

 

 

"But have you ever heard the axiom, “It’s not what you think but how you think it?” Probably not. And yet how you think has a huge effect on how you are in the world."

 

"Differentiate thinking from obsessing.Thinking includes reasoning, reflecting, pondering, judging, analyzing and evaluating an idea or decision. It’s using your mind in a creative, effective manner. Thinking tends to be productive, goal-oriented, action-oriented. Obsessing, in contrast, is having your mind excessively focused on a single emotion or event. It hinders your ability to relax, let go or decide. This is not merely an unproductive process, it’s counterproductive.

If you find yourself obsessing, take a deep breath and see if you can make one small decision about your dilemma. It doesn’t have to resolve the whole problem, just take you to the next step. For example, if you are obsessing about whether to leave your job, you might simply decide to contact a headhunter to get her assessment of what the job market in your field might be."

[Hermes]

Once again Crunchy, I agree:

 

"We often have doubts in other people, but most of the times we sweep these under the rug because we are afraid of dealing with reality...but at least there's a doubt, a spark that might induce something...but as I learned many people don't even have that, and I don't think you need a high IQ, or have read many books in your life to realize some of the things that are happening to you."

 

But you know what, an awful lot of people don't WANT to think, or worse still, are afraid to think.

[Crunchy]

agent:

"This is not a new problem. This is basically the human condition as it has been since we crawled up out of the primordal ooze. I actually think more people are more aware of things around them these days."

This is certainely true. The "today" stands more for the fact that I feel more comfortable talking about my experiences from my time and the generation I'm mainly surrounded by (~20-35 y.o., 24 myself). This is what I can relate to. Not to say past centuries haven't possibly have had this problem.

 

Coily: I like your approach a lot.

Although what I was getting at with my original post is slightly different, what you are talking about goes somewhat hand in hand IMO with the issue I adressed.

The Internet, as much great can it offer, is having a terrible impact on our society and our way of thinking.

...and although as agent said, what my original post points out is not a new problem, I feel free to say that it has taken a new form with Internet/technology/social networkimg, which is having a great impact on basically everything nowadays.

 

I'm going to rephrase my original post in a different way, probably a less vague one:

Many people have bad intentions, are wearing masks, or simply have a personnality by nature that is better to avoid on the long term. There are also some good people, people that might be flawed, but people who can be great friends, lovers or simply a great companion to your personal growth. It's easy to be trapped in the wrong situations and between the wrong people if you do not take the time to separate the good from the bad. In my opinion people would recognize most of these traps, if they simply thought about their surroundings for a while, sat down to briefly break down one's character - the higher the chance that you'll be forced by your environement to having interactions with this individual some more times, or even on a regular basis, the more crucial this becomes. But many people don't stop to think for some reason or another.

There ARE people who have tremendous ways with others, and well, can basically achieve almost whatever they want (most of them are obviously heads of companies and such) but most people aren't like that. What I see though, is a lot of amateurs of this craft who get away easily with what they do because they are surrounded by, well, idiots who do not take a time to think through others' possible intentions, don't take a few moments off to deduce with pure logic some important aspects of one's personnality.

I'm quitting if this came out even more convoluted than my first post haha.

 

jesus83:

Here are two examples, I shortened the stories as much as I could:

 

A very good friend of mine has had a sociopath as a best friend for many years now. My friend has endured some very harsh verbal and some minor physical attacks from this person in the past. She finds comfort at times her friend is not aggressive (can be periods of weeks, months), but what she doesn't seem to understand or doesn't seem to accept is that when someone's a sociopath, that's all there is to it, meaning periods like this from somebody with such mental disorder cannot mean that the person has changed, has entirely calmed down and that everything is peaceful. It rather means that when sh*t goes crazy again, my friend, the victim won't care as much about cutting the strings off from herself because she is ultimately reminded of these peaceful times and sees less good outcome when thinking of finally making a move. (Who knows entirely how a sick person thinks and works out things to their own advantage, but still is a more legit explanation considering the behavior she has shown on a regular basis)

I did, and as much as possible still doing my part in helping her, and she does know deep inside that she is tangled in strings, but from what I'm seeing the way she believes problems are getting solved is now past the point of her lying to herself to make herself feel better...she genuinely seems to believe things have changed.

Her lack of thinking results in her not seeing that the many good things that her friend has done to her, is seemingly of good intent but is in fact giftwrapped raw selfishness and ultimately pure bad intent.

Again, just my take on it.

 

 

Another example: met sombody recently, a type of person I'm sure you've all encountered before. I noticed about this person:

-Very quiet when around new people, or more competent people.

-Looking to be the center of attention when weaker people are around, ultimately becoming loud and assertive

-Becomes more quiet when a person talks about their achievements

-Is highly concerned with conserving the image of himself he is showing to people, has no tolerance for mistakes and awkward situations.

 

My take on it: insecurity. But nobody seemed to notice, or behave in a way that shows that they did.

 

If you don't know this person well, when you are dealing with him, for instance you might be bragging about something to him without any bad intent, while not realizing that you are adding fuel to the fire of a deeply insecure person, who will be having a sort of a grudge against you for weeks, months or forever depending on how insecure the person is, and it can go deep. On the other hand, a brief analysis of him could have told you to select your words carefully when talking to him, and to limit interactions with him.

 

This latter example might not sound tragic or worth debating, but it shows the concept I'm talking about, not to mention that it can be related to more easily than the first one, especially since these people are extremely common.

 

 

To clear things up if any misunderstanding happened:

Understanding the people around you will help you categorize them, so you know how far can you go with them, and how much trust can you put in them...just some thinking can save you from a lot of trouble. Of course at the end you might be wrong, of course some things might go unnoticed anyway, but if you don"t take some time off to think about it, you are basically asking to be blind, choosing to be hurt and deceived.

I'm not saying be paranoid, I'm not saying think about others wherever you have free time. I'm saying take a few moments after an interaction with somebody, to think through what happened. It might trigger an interesting thought, idea. You might be reminded of somebody else you know of that nature, which might make you see a pattern of people. These helps termendously on the long run. OR take 10 minutes off every saturday morning to go through who exactly are these people that surround you on a day to day basis. At the end you might even learn a lot about yourself.

 

Hermes: absolutely loved that quote. Great addition!

 

Thank you for all the answers so far, and sorry for the long post!

[Hermes]

Another thing, Crunchy, reading your post, and the remark about lying to oneself.

 

It's bad enough lying to others, but when a person is lying to him/herself, well, that person is in deep trouble. To which we might add "none so blind as those who do not wish to see."

 

You remark:

 

"Many people have bad intentions, are wearing masks, or simply have a personality by nature that is better to avoid on the long term. "

 

The operative word in there is the "mask" as in a mask of goodliness. (Refer to "Mask of Sanity").

[Pixels]

Your primary assumption is that others are simply less aware, less contemplative, or not actively thinking...

 

This implies a sense of self-superiority, as it infers that you have refined, or noticed an ability most people don't...

 

So instead, I would propose that your opinions and observations are limited to the scope of your perspective which has been shaped by past experience... Likewise, so is everyone else's.

 

You speak of categorizing people, and encourage others to think about our interactions with people... Yet it has been shown that not only do our interactions with people shape our future interactions, but we even subconsciously pick up cues that influence our opinions and interactions with them.

 

Instead, I'm inclined to say that we all pick up on the same behaviours, but our interpretations are shaped by our experience, expectations, and stakes in the interactions.

 

The 'problem' isn't that we lack some ability, the 'problem' is that we learn through experience and our past experiences shape future reactions... We have limitations, yet we expect everyone else to be on-par with us in every way, ignoring where we aren't on-par with them...

[Man with Dog]

I've been around longer than most and maybe all. The very things you describe have been around for ages. Me: did you know that millions of people are dying in Africa very year? Mum: don't bother me now, the cooker's not working!

 

From a personal perspective, I have (maybe) the saddest view of all: As a species we're . I'm only really close to 2 other people in this world. I don't socialise. I've not stopped caring but I've stopped being shocked. I no longer see myself as an active participant in the human race: more a spectator or commentator.

 

The regulars on this board are a notable exception but I don't think other people as a whole have been particularly kind to me. Whilst some of that may be due to certain things about myself, it's a fair assumption that they are not kind to others, either.

 

My wife is in poor health and will probably die before her natural lifespan is up. I would not want to put myself on the dating market for the 3rd time. I read so much about it here and would simply prefer not to get involved.

 

If the worst nightmare happens and my daughter goes before me, I will be completely alone and my absence will only be noticed by my lack of social media activity.

 

About 100 people attended my dad's funeral. I will get about 10% of that. Frankly, I don't really care.

[Lucia Amman]

I think I life very consciously. Yet I know for a fact that I appear to be unconscious for a lot of people. A few years ago I made the decision not to follow the news anymore. It made me feel depressed and locked. I'm not going to live my short life with worrying about everyone and everybody and the whole earth to think about. It is too much! I only follow two organizations that try to help. One is trying to help our oceans and one are about doctors helping in third world countries. Why I follow only them is because they bring positive news! They let us see the beauty and benefits of their work. It's inspiring instead of terrifying (how most non-profit organizations seem to work nowadays. At least from what I see). And it might be ignorant to some but I choose to be living my life with happiness and not with depressing facts about how our earth is dying and what the human race is doing to themselves.

 

 

I must be surrounded by humans who are aware.

 

When I feel any doubt about a person I move away. I don't like to use the word 'being sensitive' but I guess I am. And I've always thought everyone was this sensitive and could feel if someone has the right intentions or not. Starting to rely on your senses is another thing tho. I was 14 when my mom had a new boyfriend. Before she brought him to our house she told him; 'I like you very much but if my youngest daughter doesn't like you I'm calling it quits.'

I never knew she said that to him of course. He later told me. Apparently she trusted my judgement more than her own. It only took another couple of years before I started to trust my own judgement too!

 

I've never really encountered persons who wanted to take advantage of me. Maybe I did but I run away before it got ugly. Unconsciously. I was and still am very sensitive in large group settings. I can feel uneasy for no apparent reason. And I can immediately trust a total strange and I never was not right about such a judgement either. I don't believe it can be all just based on good luck. I've done some pretty silly and irrational things. I've trusted people way too fast and yet they all where very trustworthy.

 

On the other hand. When I was an expat for 8 months, in the first week my wallet got stolen. I was at a college with a lots of expats and we formed a large group. I knew right away who stole my wallet. I didn't had any proof. I didn't really know her. But I knew it was her. Of course, because I didn't had any evidence I didn't just pointed at her. I hold my mouth shut and just watched my back more around her. Five months later she got caught by someone else of our group. She had stolen more than 100 things: wallets, underwear, camera's and everything you could imagine.

 

So I do really believe it isn't just luck. And I know a lot of my friends have the same sensitivity. I know my boyfriend has it too and quite few of his friends. I don't believe it is anything special. I do believe not everyone is as in tuned with it tho.

[Man with Dog]

I'm not naturally a good judge of character and have been let down by many people in the past. I have some degree of autism but may not be autistic enough to count as autistic. It's bad enough that I have gradually become more cautious around people recently.