Stories of moving on when you thought you wouldn't?

[Heartbrok3n445]

Okay so I'm really interested in stories of people moving on completely even when they thought they wouldn't or that it would take them forever.

 

And also stories of people who were so devostated by the break up but actually looked back eventually and was happy that it happened.

 

Could be personal stories or of friends/family. Or stories you've heard.

 

I have taken a step forward where I do NOT have hope that my ex will come back although I have hope that I MYSELF will move on completely and realise this really was the best thing to happen for ME.

 

So any stories would be great

[melancholy123]

I was married at 19 which was a huge mistake, tho you could not have told me that at the time. I thought I knew what I was doing. But I was too young, as was he. It took maybe a year before I knew I'd made a mistake. We were not getting along in any way, I came to the point where I didn't even want to look at him. After 3 yrs I knew I couldnt keep doing this. After yet another stupid fight I decided I was leaving. I packed some clothes and went to stay with a friend and then I got my own apt. with two other girls my age.

 

He was devastated and would call me in the middle of the night, drunk, and tell me how much he loved me. Too bad phones back then didn't have the ability to shut the ringer off! I had no desire to go back to him and I never did. We got divorced, he married someone else a few yrs later and I got married again about 7 yrs after leaving him. I've been married to a great guy for a really long time and we have two grown kids.

 

If a person is in a relationship that is not mutually happy and healthy, and you see no hope for the future, it's time to call it a day and move on. You can't make someone love you if they dont. If your personalities are very different, you may never find common ground.

 

It's not the end of the world or a sign of failure to end something that isn't working and you see no hope of it working. I haven't seen that first guy in such a long time, I probably wouldn't recognize him. I hope he found happiness with his second wife, I know I love my husband and got it right the second time.

[LovelyDani87]

My ex and I broke up in March and it was the hardest thing I have experienced so far. We were together for a a little over a year. I never ever thought I would get to the day of feeling wonderful again but here I am. I spent weeks crying, depressed and venting to friends and family. The sooner I accepted the reality of the break up and no longer held on to hope, expectations and wishing for a call/text I started to feel better. My ex eventually started texting and asking to call. We have laughed and actually spoke of people we have met since the break up with zero arguments. Once you leave the expectation of the past to hopefully come back around things will get much easier. I told myself over and over. "I am taking C of this pedestal, she is no different from any other ex and I will not waste the energy it takes to ignore or avoid her" that would only make her feel like she actually had some sort of hold on my life. I prayed a lot as well. Things will get better once you let go. Stay strong!

[rich46]

Probably almost every person on this site has a story to tell.

 

Mine, in brief. I met my first love after a month of starting at University, went out with each other for almost four years, but moved away after Uni so we were a LDR. She eventually found a job, new friends, interest from guys, etc and dumped me. I was without a job, money, at home with my parents, completely depressed. However, after losing plenty of weight and my parents being worried about me, I suddenly decided to do something I had thought about doing since graduating, namely to go backpacking around New Zealand for a year. This gave me a goal to work towards. Got a crappy warehouse job and worked worked worked for 6 months to save up, and eventually had the most amazing year in New Zealand. It remains the best year of my life, and NZ will always be close to my heart as its immense beauty helped to get me over the break up.

 

I made a lot of friends from around the world during that year, and ended up doing so much backpacking in the following years, before settling down in Korea and now Japan.

 

None of this would have happened if it wasn't for my first girlfriend dumping me, and I will forever be grateful to her for doing so. It taught me the value of setting goals for yourself after a break up, looking forward, and making the most of the opportunity to do something you couldn't whilst in the relationship.

 

2nd main break up: four years ago. Decided to study part time for my Masters afterwards, and about to graduate on 1st september.

 

3rd and most recent break up: a few months ago. Kind of on hold at the minute due to the aforementioned Masters, but got trips to England, Taiwan and New Zealand to look forward to before the year is out. Going to be an amazing Autumn!

 

Set goals for yourself and look to the future. You will get there, but you have to work at it and be patient.

[ghostgirl116]

well, I have a story. I had posted here about this guy several years ago. we met online and things were going super for a while. we met one another's families, etc, and it was a real relationship, or so I thought. well, after the holidays, around February, later in the month, he started getting really distant. he said he had a lot of stuff going on, and told me that he was going to need some time and space. I couldn't understand what was going on, but I found out rather inadvertently that his ex wife was stalking me, and began doing so when he told her about me because he wanted to introduce me to their son. so. she had been stalking me for quite some time. but, like I said, some time in February of that year he essentially broke up with me claiming he had too much going on and needed some time.

 

needless to say, I was devastated. I spent months mired in heart ache, and to make matters worse, about six months or so after he broke things off with me he came back into my life, and I stupidly slept with him. DOH! then he disappeared again, and I was right back at square one.

 

after about a year or so I finally decided I needed to move on in my heart (as my heart had not yet caught up with my intellect), and I joined a dating website. I met a really nice guy that I liked a lot, and realized at this point that I was pretty much over the other guy. I don't normally advocate getting over an ex by finding a new love interest, but in this case, it pretty much worked. when things didn't work out with THAT guy (he had been divorced for over two years when we met, but he was clearly still hung up on his ex, and needless to say this caused a lot of friction, at which point he came out and admitted that he still was in love with his ex wife)I did still have some residual feelings for the first ex, but they quickly dissipated.

 

now here's the crazy thing. the ex that I had such a hard time getting over, more than four years later he came knocking on my door (metaphorically, that is) claiming that he had made a huge mistake in letting me go, and wanted to try again with me, if I would ever consider it. after a lot of basically begging on his part I figured what the hey... I wasn't dating anyone at that time and said ok, I will go out with you.

 

well, I was so completely over this guy by now that I really didn't feel anything and eventually broke up with him. and so, this guy that I thought i'd never ever get over? yeah, I was over him, but now he was begging to have me back! in fact, he begged for almost a year after I broke up with him! he still contacts me to this day, well, ok it was last week, telling me that it was the stupidest thing he had ever done to let me go. but, the guy that I would have given anything in the world to hear from at one time was just annoying me with all of this... because I am over him!

 

so there's my tale of getting over someone I thought i'd never get over

[Mariana345]

Woah rich46, I have a similar story! I was with the guy who made me come here for around 5 years with a history of 9 years and we were about to live together and get married when he decided to cheat on me, left me and BLAME me for that. So one of his "reasons" for breaking up was that I didn't need him and that my dreams were too big, that he just wanted a simple life (dreams that I already had left behind for his sake)... so after grieving and when I finally knew what was really going on I told myself, yeah, let's show you how big my dreams are! and came to live to China, where I've never been happier, and now I am planning to move to my dreamland, korea!

 

I was devastated, it was about 3 years ago and in retrospective is the best thing that happened to me. Since the pain and the desire to move on was so big I did everything I could to go out of my country and do EVERYTHING he always prevented me to do and I've been having so much fun ever since! And exactly today I was reminiscing old times and noticed how happy I am without him, how far I've come and all the opportunities I have in front of me, and all of that thanks to him staying out of my life! (actually when we got together I was planning to go study to London but after some situations I decided to stay with him, so all my problems began there...)

 

Even though I am single at the moment (after some other crazy and funny relationships) I know what I really want and need in a man, and if I ever decide to share my time with someone else I will make sure he is worth it! So all in all, even though there was pain and sorrow, is all good now and I can tell I am sooooo glad its over!!!

[Clinton]

My ex wife who I was with for 12 years left me for another man. It was brutal because we had to stay in close contact for our kids sake. I was devastated. But slowly I started to rebuild.

 

I still remember the moment about a year or so later when I knew it would be OK. I was out at a bar, leaning up against the bar rail and just watching the action around me when I thought, "Ya know, this is gonna be all right".

 

And it was. It took me about another 6 months or so to be really OK and maybe three years in total to be at a point where her presence didn't bother me in the least but life was good again.

 

I was single, no dating, for those three years. And I still look back at it as some of the best time I've ever spent. I travelled, I was beholden to no one but myself, and if I wanted to pick up and go somewhere at the drop of a hat I did. It was a really special time in my life surprisingly enough.

 

And when I felt I was ready I got back out there and met someone. Which also didn't work out after 13 years but that's another story.

 

But here I sit today totally happy and engaged to be married. Life's great. It just took some time to get here.

 

And in retrospect I wouldn't have changed anything. Because there was a lot of joy mixed in with the pain. And without the bad times, I wouldn't have gotten to the good and be so appreciative about it.

 

Life's a journey, not a destination. It's a bumpy ride but the trips where the pleasure lies. Good, bad, pain, joy, it's all worthwhile. Enjoy it while you can.

[Lysflower]

Many thanks for your post, I found it very inspiring and encouraging as it resonates with my current situation. Long story short my ex gf broke up with me 3 months ago, I think it's the classic "potentially right person at the wrong time" situation and this is the first time I am experiencing this. I feel much better and have no intention to contact her but fear I will always feel nostalgic about that relationship; and still hope in a way that we can "resume" our RS in a few years once we both have grown.

[ghostgirl116]

Many thanks for your post, I found it very inspiring and encouraging as it resonates with my current situation. Long story short my ex gf broke up with me 3 months ago, I think it's the classic "potentially right person at the wrong time" situation and this is the first time I am experiencing this. I feel much better and have no intention to contact her but fear I will always feel nostalgic about that relationship; and still hope in a way that we can "resume" our RS in a few years once we both have grown.

 

 

it's funny how those things work! I would have never dreamed that I would feel way if he ever walked into my life again. I was so heartbroken when he pulled the disappearing act and I didn't ever think i'd be over it, but it happened. and I did all the wrong things at first, too! texting him, emailing him, expressing my ire and heartache. geesh... and then one day, out of the blue there he his... but in my case, i'm truly over him and feel like, after the second go at it (and I did so dragging my feet, too), we really weren't compatible. plus, the fact that I was dragging my feet told me I was quite over him!

[Dcgent]

Some of the toughest challenges in life will be the most rewarding and memorable. It is your decision on how you want to live your life and grow from the experience. While it may feel like the world is burning down around you, it is actually just you growing out of the skin that no longer fits you and developing into something even more strong and resilient. I have gone through a few break-ups from long term relationships, and yes there were tough moments. My first long term relationship was also with my first "love". I felt great when we broke up, as the relationship had turned toxic in many ways. The toughest part was still being in touch with her after the breakup or hearing about stories she was telling from mutual "friends". Well with many relationships, you don't only shed the person, but friends that don't really turn out to be the type of friends you need in life. Funny enough, I miss that time, even though it was one of the most difficult moments in my life. It is a great feeling when you grow a set and say "i am no longer going to feel like this any more, or be treated like this any more." Essentially it is nice to gain control of your life. The pain you feel...FEEL IT and then learn from it and grow from it....but don't let it consume you. Welcome it for a limited amount of time then kick it out the door and get on with life.

[ParisPaulette]

Yup, in brief. I was in a very toxic and dark point in my life when I met him. We had a very messed up toxic thing for six years on and off with this pattern:

 

Him: You are the love of my life, I can't live without you and other lines that yes, I later found he did steal from badly written romance novels. I was that gullible and messed up myself.

Me: I'd give him another chance telling him okay, but he couldn't do what he did to me before.

Him: No, never. I have you now and will never let you go.

 

Then one day radio silence, "I'm busy, I'm stressed, I'm not ignoring you..." then just nothing for days, weeks, months, once even a whole year. Rinse and repeat for six bloody wasted years.

 

Me: one day on our sixth go round, I just up and had it after a very bad day in which a number of catastrophes decided to hit me all at once. I called him up and I ended things, which shocked him. Quit my stress factory of a job, dumped anyone toxic out of my life, (mind you this all took place over six months of blundering through my recovery like a bull in a china shop in public and a mountain of kleenex and pain behind closed doors) and then moved my family to the middle of nowhere and spent a good long while renovating an old ranch. I got blisters, heat exhaustion, stung by a scorpion and scared by a mountain lion. And it pulled me out of myself and my head and my drama long enough to realize just how BS my life had been, how much being a people pleasing yes girl had gotten me exactly nowhere. And what parts of my soul I had sold off just to be with someone who didn't appreciate me anyways. I kind of fell out of love with the whole idea of Cinderella and happy endings and such pretty quickly through all of that.

 

Met my current husband in my eighth month of my new state of independence and fell in love. It took him a couple of years to talk me into marriage again, but so far it's good. Like better than any other relationship I've ever had good. Oh, and I've kept the ranch and everything that I built up even after marriage. We share each others lives, we aren't each others lives, if you know what I mean.

[captcha45]

my breakup wasn't that long ago and I can't say I'm completely over it...but it does get better!

planned a trip to spain and decided to finish my masters in france. Both things my ex would have never allowed me to do! Feels like a dream come true

[johnnib24]

My ex left me for someone else and it sucked bad. I truly would have done anything for he but noticed she started to pull away each day. That's when i should have know. she left me for another guy at work so it sucks having to see with her and deal with that but what helped me move on was just the idea of me being independent and finding myself. I know the right person will come along and be there for me when I am really in need of it. Cant rush or force love. Its a two way street.

[chamachama]

OP are you still in contact in any way with your ex? FB friends? Pics? It can definitely seem like moving on will never happen unless contact and reminders such as social media and pictures are no more...

 

I was with one of my ex's for 10 years. Once I went no contact for real and got serious about not allowing anything else that can possibly hurt me more than I already was off of the ground (pics deleted, social media defriended etc..). I started to really move on at a healthy pace. Now I love my life and I am so happy that that part of my life is over and done. I've had some incredible experiences with new girlfriends since her and I can honestly tell you that I am much much happier for it.

[ForestofDreams]

Met the guy of my dreams at 22. Everything about him was "perfect" in my opinion. He was like an angel....sent down from heaven just for me (and I'm not even religious) but I felt like life did something good for me lol. Dated him for about 4 years...everything was perfect. I was so obsessed over him. Would jump in his arms...couldn't stop thinking about him. We broke up.

 

I thought I was going to die, it hurt so bad. Did I get over it? I never thought I would...not ever, but today I never think about him, and if I do...even just for a moment I think "Ewww!!! What was I thinking???" I'm 29 now. It wasn't perfect at all! He was a drug addict, cheater, and he's not even a good looker lol! He looks kind of like a bum to be honest...not sure what happened..but I can guess...drugs? I cringe just thinking about it. His friends were all just plain creepy. Forgot to mention he once said something like "if we ever had kids...I'd be scared I'd rape them" ...after that things definitely went downhill. He's been in jail. At the time I didn't believe anything negative about him, because I was like "no way, he wouldn't ever do that," I was young, blind and stupid to be honest. " Today I remember 8 years back I told the police what he had said. I'm happy I did. You're preception will change over the years, and you'll see them for what they really were eventually. You'll date people A LOT better. He actually did contact me just recently, and ..before I would have been jumping over the moon in love...today, I am getting a shiver down my spine, and trying to make all my online accounts not open to the public so he can't contact me. Absolutely no interest what-so-ever.

[ForestofDreams]

Another one, that wasn't as bad, but it hurt a lot as well, was when I dated someone when I was around 25. He was normal, thought he was great! Something was always off though...for some reason he always kept all his exes on his facebook. I ignored it because I usually kept my exes around for a bit. He had like 17 though but I still shrugged it off, since I thought he was amazing...anyway. He cheated on me. At the time I was crushed. It took 2 years to get over him because I really fell for him. He wanted to get back together a few times but I just couldn't. Today I am happy I never went back

[jphcbpa]

Just happened and is happening now....I got to a place where I was good with me and me. My heart felt open and expansive...I wanted to hug her and thank her for ending it. I send my Spirit to do that for me and stay in gratitude. When the shift happens it is a real awakening. What I noticed first was other people noticing. My mom saying "you seem good and less desperate". Friends would comment "I see a change in you....and cannot put my finger on it". Then, I observed women at the store or airport looking at me differently. People wanted to all of the sudden introduce me to others. New people men and women were arriving. I was asking more questions and asking for what I wanted. My mom in fact just last week asked me if I had heard from her...in the past that would have bothered me. My response this time was asking if she meant her name (ex) and I started to laugh.

 

Last night I spend time with a woman...coffee and conversation...very light. I felt great and strong in myself...I was candid and said to her "I am not out looking to date and I would like to get to know you at the same time". Her response was "cool...sounds like the start of a great friendship". In my heart I feel grounded and solid in who I am woman or no woman. It is all cool and clear.

 

It is amazing what comes along your path once you reach a place of fully letting go without needing anything to fill that void your ex left. It gets filled up by the love you have for yourself and the joy of being free to create the life you truly want. This process took me 18 months after an 18 month relationship. It is a process that I am very thankful for and would do it all over again.

[boltnrun]

I got dumped years ago by a guy who I declared was "the love of my life!!!111" and swore I'd "love him forever!!!111"

 

Well...many years (like, 12) later, he resurfaced in my life. He suggested we "hang out". I said, OK. So we did. Twice. The first time was OK...meh...yeah, we did sleep together but it wasn't that great (and, to be honest, the sex was blah when I was dating him years ago, but I tried to ignore that fact due to my extreme infatuation with him).

 

The second time, I couldn't get away from him fast enough. Gah, he was so annoying! Talked about himself exclusively, went on and on about one topic and one topic only, even when I finally got fed up and told him "that doesn't really interest me". He just continued on, for about 2 hours. Then he invited me back to his place and proceeded to fall asleep after insisting "you can stay, I told you you can stay!" I left anyway with a great sense of relief at getting away from him.

 

So much for "I'll love him forever and ever and ever!!!111"

[ForestofDreams]

It is amazing what comes along your path once you reach a place of fully letting go without needing anything to fill that void your ex left. It gets filled up by the love you have for yourself and the joy of being free to create the life you truly want. This process took me 18 months after an 18 month relationship. It is a process that I am very thankful for and would do it all over again.

 

This is what I noticed as well. It took me several years to reach that point. Basically I stopped dating for a 3 solid years because I felt like I was too consumed in the whole "dating" agenda, that I was barely even focusing on myself. I didn't understand, at the time, why anything would ever work. When I finally took that break from dating, to finish college, work on a few health problems I had (acid reflux which made it hard to eat and also hurt my teeth, so I went on some medications and started to eat healthier) I started to really enjoy my life. I went out bike riding every day, and got into the hobby of taking pictures of wild birds and animals, while at the same time working hard on my studies. I realized..."wow, I actually wake up in the morning and feel happy, motivated and excited!" I would stay out all day long from morning until night going on my little adventures. I got asked out a few times but never went on one date. I wasn't even tempted ...it was weird. Normally I'd at least give it a shot, but not this time. I'd almost laugh it off...lol, and think "are you kidding..." but I never said this. I would just politely decline or pretend I was already dating someone. Really I wasn't. I was just enjoying my life for the first time in a long time and didn't want to risk another failed relationship. I had spent enough time dating, it was now time to do something else. I wanted to see what else there was in life, and so far I was really enjoying it

 

After about 3 years of exclusively not dating.. I noticed I was getting asked out by men who I found really attractive almost every week. Maybe it happened a lot sooner but I never noticed it. When I did notice it I was actually a bit shell shocked really. Normal guys asking me out...whenever I went outside..it was weird to me. Guys who had good careers, dressed really decently, ..guys I'd think about for a few weeks after they asked me lol...thinking about "if I had said yes scenarios" but I was completely happy and even proud of myself that I didn't say yes. This never happened before except maybe at bars. I felt like maybe it was the coat I was wearing lol or something weird..."maybe this coat I bought looks good..I don't know"..it was winter when this started happening. I was baffled...I didn't get it. I remember texting my brother "What the heck is going on, guys keep asking me out?...It's making me nervous lol". I'm not used to actually being ...well...asked out. I was used to crying in despair after a billion failed relationships. I wasn't used to normal guys who I actually would have said yes to in a heart beat...asking me out, and then me declining. What was going on. My brother replied "it's because you are just being you. People can tell if you are happy and motivated. People are attracted to that even if you don't realize it."

 

I continued to politely decline ...staying focused on my path. I was actually scared of dating because I got so used to not dating, where-as before that's all I ever did. It was a really huge shock to me that my life was actually great for once. One day I am sure I will date again, when it just feels "right" but for now, I am just going to live my life and continue to work on my goals. There's always time for love, as long as you are here on this planet. The best thing, in my opinion is letting go, being yourself, following your interests and passions, goals, and work ethic. Eventually, love will come again, but in a healthy form. That's what I have learned through all my unfortunate experiences...which I am glad that happened because if they didn't I'd never realize my strengths. I would also do it all over again....where as 8 years back I'd rather erase my memories of all the heart breaks ...today I want to keep them They happened for a reason.

[WithLove]

OP are you still in contact in any way with your ex? FB friends? Pics? It can definitely seem like moving on will never happen unless contact and reminders such as social media and pictures are no more...

 

I was with one of my ex's for 10 years. Once I went no contact for real and got serious about not allowing anything else that can possibly hurt me more than I already was off of the ground (pics deleted, social media defriended etc..). I started to really move on at a healthy pace. Now I love my life and I am so happy that that part of my life is over and done. I've had some incredible experiences with new girlfriends since her and I can honestly tell you that I am much much happier for it.

 

I worked and fell in love with a guy when I was 21. We dated for 3 years and I made him the first priority in my life every day of those 3 years. For the first time I felt that marriage wouldn't be such a bad thing.

 

Then he cheated on me with a fellow coworker and I kicked his as* out.

 

We reconciled once after that, but I never trusted him again. I ended it completely, blocked him from contacting me in every possible way, and haven't heard from him in 8 months. The memory of him is still there, of course, but preventing any contact from him is what truly allowed me to let him go.

 

I'm having fun with friends and bettering my life. I wouldn't change any of those times of heartaches for anything. I've learned a lot about myself that I never would have otherwise.