screech Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Reading through your post I can't help but reflect on my own situation. I have been Married for almost 19 years. The past 5 years have been Very trying. We have two busy teenagers and own 3 businesses so we are business partners ( but I work mostly he stays home with the kids). In any marriage people change. Some couple grow together some apart. When we met we loved doing many things together....now he does not. I have always been very athletic , he used to but is now s couch potatoes. Two years ago I seriously was looking at leaving. Our relationship was non-existent as far as being a couple , and we had only had sex maybe twice in two years ( not something I was happy with). If I had not had children I would have left at that time. We have not gone for counselling but we did start talking more. I stayed as he is a good person, great dad and I love him. I know he loves me and will always be there for me. He is working at being more attentive to me. We still have a longest to go but when I look at my friends that left their husbands , they are all struggling. They often say they should have stuck it out. I'm fortunate that my husband allows me my independence ( I'm a very strong person), he supports me travelling on my own or with friends ( he does this as well) and persueing my challenges and sports activities. I am fortunate he is not jealous as I do interact with males routinely with the sports I play ( I get a lot of attention but I make it clear I'm married). Guess I'm saying the grass is not always greener. I still struggle with out relationship as a couple , but as a family , and business partner we are very good. We are more like business partners in our relationship but we are working on trying to fix this. Take time to remember what attracted us to start with. Good luck with your journey. Everyone should be happy. Just be careful not to chop off your foot because of an itch Link to comment
Baily Posted August 26, 2015 Author Share Posted August 26, 2015 I see your point and it's funny I see your post here as I just replied to yours prior. I left my wife due to intimacy as a major aspect. I didn't want just a partner around the house and a friend around....I want someone to love, someone who likes sex, someone who likes to kiss...along with being my friend and partner. To me it was simply settling to stay in that relationship...no thanks. I only have so many days to live and I want love!!!!!!! I can't stay married because of a 'partnership.' Na! Not me! I can already see while it's been very tough I made the right decision...and please please note I gave up a ton to do this. Time with my kid, a ton of money, and the loss of a good girl.,.but we are still good friends thank god! I could easily go back...but I won't. I desire love. Link to comment
Baily Posted August 28, 2015 Author Share Posted August 28, 2015 Wife keeps saying, "it's so easy for you while I'm in misery." Man I'm sick of these statements from her. It hasn't been easy for me, but I'm making due the best I can. My pops said, "always keep your cool" regarding this split, but at times I'm getting frustrated. I've been extremely nice to her...and I want to be friends with her. I know she's not ready, but it's just hard. O well keep marching on. Found out today a coworker who was someone I talked to every now and then was in a bad car accident and now in a coma....it's sad. Link to comment
meat50 Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 My two cents is that because you have a little boy, be sure to work things out (whether you stay together or not) in a respectful manner. If you stay together - great. If not, your son needs to know that you both love him and that the issues you and you wife have have nothing to do with him. Keep heated discussion, if any, out of earshot from him. Link to comment
Baily Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 Just got my new pad yesterday!!!! Weeeeeeeeeeee!!!! I'm happy. I got a nice 2 bedroom condo. I'm excited to have my own pad. My new nest! O It's a good day! Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Finally getting something that is all yours, that you can make your own with your own tastes and likes is nice. A sanctuary of sorts. These are all steps towards a happier life for you and your son. Having him help decorate his room is a cool project you both can do together. Lost Link to comment
Baily Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Lost - That's the plan! Link to comment
Baily Posted September 4, 2015 Author Share Posted September 4, 2015 We now have a custody situation where she has our son for a week then I have him for a week....I like it! I'm going to have a good day Link to comment
Baily Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 Ex (even though we are still married) jumps between ok and weird with me...but that's understandable.... I hope to have a talk with her and get her to calm down. I plan on talking to her and letting her know it's not the end of the world that we are splitting up. People break up...it happens. We had some great memories together and we have a great son for the rest of our lives. We did good. Now a new chapter...she'll be successful and I'll be successful. We'll see how that goes I got my new pad a few days ago and I'm loving it. Getting more and more of my stuff in it! Ordering stuff online and having fun! Link to comment
chitown9 Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 Getting more and more of my stuff in it! Ordering stuff online and having fun! Yes, and it can be quite addicting...... chi Link to comment
catfeeder Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 I hope to have a talk with her and get her to calm down. I plan on talking to her and letting her know it's not the end of the world that we are splitting up. People break up...it happens. We had some great memories together and we have a great son for the rest of our lives. We did good. Now a new chapter...she'll be successful and I'll be successful. We'll see how that goes... I'd be careful about that. You're the one having a ball, not her, so this statement coming from you will likely come off as unsympathetic and dismissive, and not very likely to 'calm her down'. I wouldn't use that approach. When someone is down in the dumps, it's pretty infuriating to have one who's on top of the world come along and tell you to cheer up. Try empathy. Put yourself in her shoes and tell her what you'd hope to hear from an ex in her shoes--yes, this is difficult, and yes, I'm struggling without you. I also know that in the long run we can help one another and build good lives for ourselves, and we can be good models for our son in how we deal with one another. I'm really glad to hear that you're doing so well. I'd be careful not to rub the nose of ex with that or run her over when she's down. It's not your job to try to coach her up to your level--that's just a salt rub into her wounds. Ex may not always cope to your liking, but it would be wise to respect her pace rather than to show off your own efficacy and prescribe that she 'should' own it, too. Link to comment
Baily Posted September 11, 2015 Author Share Posted September 11, 2015 Cat- I will use your advice. Thanks for taking the time to write it. Link to comment
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