BHarris Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I've been dating this girl for almost a month and we agreed to take it very slow when we started. Being that we are both very religiously conservative, we haven't even held hands quite yet, which we are fine with. She moved here last July from out of state and does not have a single friend to her name other than me. She's beginning to get to know a couple of other girls from our church, but only because I invited her to things my group of friends from church does together. She has been trying to schedule lunch with my best friends wife and says that she wants to get her perspective before moving from dating to a relationship. The thing is, she barely knows my best friends wife, so it seems strange that she is waiting for her opinion before moving forward. Is that normal for girls or is she having doubts/looking for a way out? A few other facts: -I am 24.5yo, she is about to turn 23 -Christianity is a focal point and we take turns saying grace before every meal together. -She is extremely shy and introverted. -We both posses IQ's around 160. I believe her's edges mine out. -This is the first time either of us has EVER dated. -She plans to introduce me to her parents when they visit here in early May. -We have done nothing physical other than hugging hello and goodbye. I lift her up during these now and she seems to like that. -We have a lot in common: religion, books, disappointment in the promiscuity of our generation, nerdy, over-logical assessment of the silliest things, etc. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Since she doesn't even know your best friends' wife, it is odd that she wants her opinion on dating you. Why di she move to your area? Link to comment
jimthzz Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 So if the two of you both have an IQ of 160, maxing out on those tests, why are you asking us anything at all? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Your previous thread alludes to having a woman spend the night in your arms.....so you clearly have passed "hugging hello" with another woman. Link to comment
jmange22 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I wouldn't be too concerned, as she's very inexperienced it's quite normal to seek advice from another woman. All you can do is wait and be supportive, if you cant date a meaningful friendship can eventually blossom into something more. Best key is to be patient and respectful, but also let her know that you do care about her. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 The thing is, she barely knows my best friends wife Yes, but she might be thinking of it from the perspective of your best friends wife knowing you. Link to comment
BHarris Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Your previous thread alludes to having a woman spend the night in your arms.....so you clearly have passed "hugging hello" with another woman. That wasn't dating, that was an encounter followed by an awkward mess of texts that lasted 3 days. When I said no contact, I meant between the two of us. That one evening was a mistake. Most people would say making out and falling asleep on the couch fully clothed with no touching is no big deal, but it is a regret of mine and why I want to wait a while before any physical contact with this girl who actually has potential. Sorry for any wording confusion. Link to comment
BHarris Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 @Agent: So if she wants to "verify" me, I should see that as a good sign, not her looking for a way out? Link to comment
j.man Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 LOL, why did you throw your IQs in there?? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 She seems very isolated and unsure. What caused her to move to your area? Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I find the whole seeking the opinion of the best friend's wife a little odd, personally. Getting to know one's friend and family is part of the process, eventually, but for the express purpose of asking whether a relationship with you is a good idea? Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 If she's that smart, I wonder why she doesn't realise that someone who's married to your best friend and doesn't even know her, would only say good things about you. Unless she meant she wants to discuss the process with someone who's experienced since she's married and all. Link to comment
BHarris Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 She moved here for work. I brought up IQ because it's one of my relationship needs. I don't know any of you personally so I'm not trying to impress you by saying that my IQ is high. I submit that fact to improve the accuracy of your assessments, which I am grateful for. Intelligence is one of my needs right after Christianity and as arrogant as it sounds, I get frustrated trying to find people at my level. So her being slightly above me makes her very appealing. Also standards like virgin til marriage and IQ 140 or greater knock out 90% of my age group EACH. So I not only value these things, but have a high understanding of their rarity. In other words, I am at a disadvantage. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 She is inexperienced, doesn't know anyone in the area, and likely sees your friend's wife as a possible mentor - married (presumably knows something about relationships) and involved in church (shared values). Also the wife knows you so is a good source of information about you. I think it makes sense. Link to comment
BHarris Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 That all makes sense, I just think its weird how much stake she is putting into my friend's wife's opinion. It's one thing to want consultation on HOW to move forward, but to want another opinion on IF to move forward is too much. Communication and trust are huge. That's a conversation she and I should be having, not she and my friend's wife. Its ok to ask for perspective on how to move forward is fine, but not if to move forward. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Is it possible she has another motive for wanting to delay moving forward with you? Could this be a stall tactic? Link to comment
BHarris Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 That's what I'm afraid of. She does not avoid me and continues making plans. She also references future events such as meeting her parents and other things. That makes this quite confusing. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I moved to a new area and knew a total of one person there, a former work associate. He introduced me to his wife. I didn't know this woman from Eve. Now she's one of my best friends...in fact, I'd put her at number two behind my bestie. The two of them may hit it off. As for advice regarding dating, maybe she (sadly) doesn't have anyone else to ask? Link to comment
BHarris Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 I know they'll hit it off and I know she doesn't have anybody else to ask. My friends wife and I are good friends, I should just trust her to find out this girls intentions. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 @Agent: So if she wants to "verify" me, I should see that as a good sign, not her looking for a way out? You shouldn't assume anything either way. It's going to happen. Let it happen and then go from there. Take her on her word until she gives you a reason not to trust her. There is very little standard agreed upon 'normal' in the world. Link to comment
wilyone 11 Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 I don't think it's unusual to want to talk to people who know you before getting more deeply involved. Similar to people doing google searches on potential dates. What's unusual is that she told you about it. But she's only 22 and never dated before so naturally she will do unusual things! You two sound like a perfect match. How many women have IQ's above 150? It must be a miniscule percentage. To find that, plus someone who shares your values, this truly sounds like a match made in heaven. Don't blow it. Link to comment
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