Snow93 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I received an email from my ex today after aroud 2 months NC. In my last topic I was asking about some gifts I'd got her that she had to leave behind when she moved back overseas and I was going to send to her (while we were still together). 2 months ago after we broke up she asked me to send them. I kind of ignored it and was conflicted on what to do. The consensus was to not bother sending them and I stand by the decision it's the best thing to do. But now she's emailed me asking me if I've sent the gifts yet. I don't know how best to respond. To be honest, I thought she'd just got the hint by now and cut her losses. I don't know why she feels the need to email me this far down the line. I could just ignore it but she'll probably just email me again and again. It's not really what I want to do but the quickest and easiest way I can see to get her of my back is to just say I sent them and they probably got lost or something. I don't feel right about lying but I really don't want to send the stuff (it's nothing irreplaceable to her) ;there's sentimentality attached to some of it for me as well as her. It's either that or telling her I don't want to send it which is just going to make her reply and I really really don't want to acknowledge her existence anymore, let alone talk to her. So yeah, I guess I'm seeking moral guidance on if it's acceptable to lie here? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Why don't you block her????? Why are you putting yourself through unnecessary drama? You should not spend any more time or money on this woman. If I remember correctly, she treated you terribly. Link to comment
Snow93 Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 I have blocked her on everything I thought was possible. is it possible to block emails? Also I don't really want to go through a headache of calling up my phone company to block her number. Edit: Okay, blocked her on email. It slipped my mind that she'd find a way through the cracks to contact me again. She'll likely contact me by text though and I'm not finding anyway to block her on google, not without having to install dodgy apps or whatever though. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Just send her stuff and be done. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Have her email go to spam. Upu should be able to block her through your contacts . I believe all services allow this. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I think you're making this more difficult that what it is. It would be easier to send her these items, rather than jumping through hoops and finding ways to avoid her, IMO. Problem solved... Link to comment
Snow93 Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 Hollyj: I had to update my phone software to be able to block numbers. So I finally had to give in and get ioS 7 but I guess it's worth it. Mhowe & HeartGoesOn: I understand that I probably am making it harder for myself. But the fact is she lives on the other side of the world; sending things there is expensive. I work long days and study/go to uni on the other days so it is actually really hard to have any time to go to a post office during working hours. Sure, I probably could fit it in if I really tried but I'd rather jump through hoops and keep the stuff rather than jump through hoops for her. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I think you're making this more difficult that what it is. It would be easier to send her these items, rather than jumping through hoops and finding ways to avoid her, Problem solved...[/quote She's international and treated him very badly. Personally, I wouldn't lift a finger for someone like her. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 It is very petty and just keeps you connected in your mind. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 It is very petty and just keeps you connected in your mind. If he blocks, then there's no connection. There was serious betrayal in this relationship. Why would you do anything for someone that had hurt you? Maybe, I'm petty, too. I prefer to not waste my time and money on people who have screwed me over. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 He has been fixated on this for more than a year. To move past..he must exorcise her...which means returning her property...which he is keeping for sentimental reasons. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 They're gifts YOU got her. You're broken up now. Why does she think she has the right to something you bought her as a gift when you're not even together anymore? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 A year????? Time to move on!!!! Link to comment
Snow93 Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 It hasn't been a year... We broke up in January. My relationship with her was off on because of a multitude of things that she refused to work on. I haven't been fixated on anything; I've been moving on and blocked her on everything that was, to my knowledge, possible. I am moving past it quite well. I think there's a difference between sentimentality and not moving on. I'm not doing this to be petty, I'm doing it because I have no inclination to bend over backwards for her. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 The last paragraph of your original post says they have sentimental value to you. Link to comment
Snow93 Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 That's why I mentioned that I think there is a difference between sentimentality and not moving on. Would sending them away hurt? Yes. But I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Maybe it's true that I'm associating the gift intrinsically to her but I don't feel particularly held back by it either. Link to comment
JA0371 Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Throw them out....and keep her blocked . Link to comment
shessofly Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Since it is your choice to make I guess the question is, is it morally acceptable to you to lie? Why not either toss it or send it and be done with it all? They are just material things...why not detach that sentimental value and get it and her out of your life? It's just gonna keep lingering until you remove it from your presence. Whether or not to lie is up to you... Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 No, don't lie. Either send them or don't, but why would you volunteer to send them and then not do it? If it weren't for the volunteering, I'd have just cut her off with NC and sold them on eBay--but you set yourself up for this. Link to comment
Snow93 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 It was more like my arm was twisted into agreeing to it. She knew she had a hold on me and I acknowledge the fact I let her control me. I guess it I did set myself up for this because I loved her so much. But now I want to break away from that. I appreciate the honesty in this topic by the way. I acknowledge that to people looking in it doesn't seem like such a big deal to either send or throw but to me it's more than that. I don't want to send them and that's that really, I really was asking about the best way to approach telling her that. I don't feel like I owe her anything really after what happened. Link to comment
Lady Amalthea Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I wouldn't send her a thing. If you want to keep them or toss them away, go ahead, block her from wherever else you can and keep ignoring what gets through. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 You're still in the mindset that you owe her something. Let go, block, threw them in garbage and move on with your life. Hon, you're making too much out of this!!!! Link to comment
chickadeedee Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 This relationship is clearly over. So what you need to focus on is putting it firmly into the past and not your present, so that you can focus on looking for an finding a new partner. So don't lose focus on your task here, which is letting go and moving on. Anything that pulls you into the past needs to be jettisoned to set you free. Regarding her stuff, i hope you see the irony of trying very hard to hang onto something that is 'sentimental' related to her, at the same time you are trying to avoid her and punish her for treating you badly. there is no logic there other than the logic of finding another way to not really let her go. Whether you send her the stuff or not really doesn't matter. What matters is you obviously need to get rid of this stuff because she is no longer with you even as a friend, and the stuff is a source of a connection to the past that you don't need that is causing conflict. So send her the stuff or throw it out or sell it or give it away. then it's a simple task if she contacts you again. You tell her you no longer have the stuff so can't send it to her. End of problem, and you've freed yourself of your last connection to her and the past and can begin truly living in the present and focusing on finding a new partner and forgetting about her. Link to comment
okiedokiestomp Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I think your best bet is to just be point blank honest with her, something like "when I said I would send them we were still together as a couple. Since we are no longer together and no longer are really a part of each other's lives, I don't feel right about sending gifts that I bought for you while we were a couple. I wish you the all the best." leave it at that--don't apologize for not sending them b/c you have nothing to apologize for. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Well, she didn't twist your arm. You chose to say that. You could always respond, say that you changed your mind and block her. No matter what, I would advise against spending the money to send it. Link to comment
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