Girlfriend broke off perfect relationship with me.

[Trapezoid]

Alright, so here's my story:

 

I moved to the city in 2011 for school. In 2013 I got a job working at a restaurant as a host. I instantly had an attraction for one of our bartenders. She's about 5 years older than me. I was 19/20 and she was 24/25 when I started, now I'm 21 and she's 26. She's a single mother with a little girl who will be 2 in a couple months. I knew she had a kid and it didn't bother me.

 

We would talk all the time at work and when it was slow Id be up at the bar talking to her or if she needed help Id be behind the bar putting stuff away or helping her clean at the end of the night. we were really good friends at work and I flirted with her all the time but I didn't know how she felt and I was afraid to ask. she had a boyfriend at the time who would occasionally come in at the end of the night and sit at the bar and wait for her. I would play it cool with him and not show my jealousy.

 

I had a couple girlfriends of my own during the time but it was nothing serious. A year had gone by and one day she said she'd bake me cookies for helping her out. she was having problems with her boyfriend, he was acting shady and turns out he was cheating on her. so a few weeks before my 21st birthday we had finally exchanged numbers. she was still just my friend but we texted all the time. during the course of a week her boyfriend of the time texted her once and I had been talking to her everyday almost all day. I was helping her with her problems.

 

One day told her I had date and she hoped I would have a good time. I went on this date and halfway through the night she texted me telling me she was jealous. it was right then and there that I knew I wanted to be with her over the girl I was on a date with, so I ended things nicely with the girl. It was storming really bad that night and I had a long drive in the highways to get home. she said she was worried about me driving and I just couldn't help but get butterflies because I had liked this girl and befriended her for a year and I was finally getting a chance.

 

A few days later we went out on date after work and had a wonderful time. we went on a few more dates, shared our first kiss and started a relationship. We dated for 6 months and we fell in love with each other. we saw each other almost everyday either at work or outside of work. I fell in love with her daughter who loved me too. we went and did all sorts of amazing things together. we went to the Zoo, Six Flags, Football Games, ect. it was an all around amazing experience.

 

There wasn't a thing wrong in the relationship. we never fought or argued once. We were talking about getting a place together in a years time and I was thinking of proposal ideas. she fits the description of my dream girl and I couldn't ask for a better soulmate. She's helped me get through some rough patches financially and emotionally. When my car was in the shop, she let me borrow hers for a week, when I was low on money for bills, she snuck $100 to me and when I found out about it she told me not to question it. when I needed something for school, she showed up and brought it to me.

 

As time went on, everything felt more and more like we were a family. But then I ran into problems with school. I wasn't doing so well and my grades were slipping and I was put on probation. She was there right by my side through the entire process. she helped me gather all the information I needed to show why my grades would have slipped and even helped me write an appeal letter. she was worried about me getting kicked out and moving back home. I didn't want that either. The school told me they'd give me 2 quarters to fix everything. after the first quarter ended the refused me a second quarter so I didn't even have a chance to fix it all and so I had to leave school and the city and move back home.

 

She cried for days and even gave me a card that says every time I see a star twinkle in the sky, it's her saying "I love you, I miss you, and I can't wait until your back here with me.". I tried so hard to get back up there. I had to start from scratch though. I had to leave my job so I didn't have enough money. a few weeks after I had to move back she told me it was working and that we were at 2 different points in our lives. she wanted me to get myself figured out and she said she needed to get her stuff figured out.

 

She was swamped with school, it's her harder semester so far, she's stressed with work because she works super hard and gets treated badly, and she's stressed with life at home because her mom is mean to her. I tried to do everything I could to show her that I was fine and that I did have everything in order, but she said she made her decision and she isn't gonna change it. I was so heartbroken, I didn't know what to do with my life anymore.

 

I had a job opportunity at home that was going to pay me very well. I decided to give her space and stopped contacting her. I worked on myself and eventually managed to move back up to the city and get my old job back a month later. During the time that I was back home I was getting news of what she was saying about the relationship and about me

 

She was telling people she didn't want it to be over but that she just wanted space. and when she would be talking to someone she would randomly change the subject and start talking about me, nothing bad though only good things. she'd reminisce on all our amazing memories but then say something like "But I don't think I'm gonna get back together with him.". it makes no sense to me.

 

I would also post Snapchat Stories of things I was doing back home and the progress I was making and she'd screenshot a few select ones. mainly things that related to her.

 

Everyone at work thinks she'll get back together with me but the way she's been acting towards me it doesn't look like it at all. I catch her looking at me at work all the time. I still help her out at work with some things. she rarely tells me thank you now. whenever I try to make small talk with her she gets an attitude and rolls her eyes or gets that "I don't care" look on her face and tone in her voice. Nothing makes sense with what is going on. she knows I love her and she knows I want to get back together with her.

 

I've done everything she wanted me to do and she's only become more distant from me. She refuses to talk about anything with me so I don't even know why she's doing anything she's doing, I don't know what's going on in her life right now, and I don't know why she randomly went one day telling me she loves me and can't wait for me to come back to not wanting anything to do with me. I've only ever treated her with the up most respect and now she's starting to treat me like crap.

 

I want to be a least friends with her, and she even said we could still be friends (don't they all) but she doesn't give me the time of day. she use to say side comments to me about stuff going on at work but now she ignores me and tells other people instead. she doesn't even say hi to me. she'll say hi to the person next to me and give me the cold shoulder.

 

I've been trying to get as much advice as I can about what to do and so I started talking to other girls and going on dates. I'm happier but I still ant get her out of my mind because I don't have closure and I don't know what went wrong. I'm dying to know. I asked her if I could at least get closure and she said we could do lunch sometime this week (we'll see if she follows through on that one). Just recently I got a date for later this week lined up. I posted another Snapchat story about it and she screenshot it! I don't know if she's jealous or what. she hasn't texted me. I even texted her asking if she decided when she wants to do lunch and I didn't get a reply.

 

This girl has been putting my mind and heart through a bunch of loops and I just need some insight and advice as to what's going on.

 

Thank You.

[Capricorn3]

Can you edit your post into readable paragraphs please? It is really difficult to read through a wall of text and most people will pass it by.

[mhowe]

It appears that you not being able to commit to getting your act together for school gave her a look into your motivation and future and she decided she didn't want to hang in there any longer.

[shessofly]

You posted a snapchat story of a date you had lined up? I can only guess but for me that would be the final nail in the coffin of the relationship...you are playing games. But honestly in skimming your post it does like it was over anyway for the reasons listed by mhowe. She is 26 with a child to raise.

[Trapezoid]

Hmm, I just don't understand why she wouldn't just tell me what's wrong. and why she has been taking snapchat screenshots of specific things I post. If she doesn't want me anymore, why keep tabs on me?

[dave_1966]

You're 21, put it down to experience as difficult as that may be. She has a host of issues you can't even begin to understand, and you'll never get closure off anyone because they'll do their best to spare your feelings rather than be totally honest. You give yourself closure in these situations. You'll feel better with every passing day, and at your age I can assure you that you'll have plenty more experiences like this before you meet that special person. Concentrate on your studies, and get yourself that job or career you deserve. That's way more important at this point in your life than this woman.

[Willywagtail]

Sounds like you are at 2 different points in your lives, you're still very young and the fact that yoiu weren't able to complete your school may have put a different perspective on it for her. Distance sometimes gives people time to reflect and reconsider things.

 

Don't take her coolness to you now personally. When people say they want to be friends it's usually bull-sh*t. It's not that they are lying, it's just that they don't understand how to make the transition form lovers to friends - it's actually very hard, and it takes time.

 

I think she's behaving the way she does because she doesn't want to give you any hope. She's made her decision, and now that you're working with her again, it's hard for her as well, and she's reacting the only way she knows how - by being distant. I understand that it really hurts, and that you're noticing all the interactions she has with other people that she used to have with you.

 

Try and keep it friendly and professional. Maybe once she understands that you've 'moved on', or don't hold a flame for her any more she'll relax and you can have a friendlier interaction.

[Sarah691607309662]

A woman needs a man who will protect her and the one she can lean on. Not for emotional support but for the moment when she falls apart there would be a man who will carry it through. Especially when a woman has a child. She needs a good example as a parental figure.

 

Unfortunately you falling out of school had messed up these hopes, in my opinion. She realized that you most likely are not focused on your studies, career and therefore is not reliable and not a good partner. She obviously loved fun times but she realized that she needs more sturdy man in her life. She has lots of issues to deal with and she is a mother. Her attention spread between other people and it seemed that she had to support you as well. She just did not want that.

 

To tell you this as a closure probably is cruel in her eyes, so she did not.

 

If I were you, I would learn from this lesson and focus on school.

[Trapezoid]

@Gollum

We have had small friendly chats at work. it's rare but it will occasionally happen. I do have hope still, and I do really want her back. But if I can't have her back than I will move on. Some of my friends tell me that they think she is jealous of me for having a date in a few days and her seeing me post that I have a date makes her think that I've moved on and that'll it'll only make her want me back.

 

now it could play out just like it did when we first started talking about a relationship. I had the date and she didn't show much signs of interest leading up to the day of the dat, but on the day of the date is when she realized she couldn't hold back anymore because she didn't want to lose that opportunity with me. I won't know until Wednesday about that scenario.

 

@Sarah69

I've been there for her both mentally and physically throughout our relationship. I understand what you mean about me leaving school possibly causing her to see me as someone who doesn't have focus in the long term. I've explained to her the situation with school though and there's nothing I am so at the moment. I want to go back and finish but they are refusing to give me my transcript.

 

Also, I feel like I've shown a good fatherly image to her daughter and proved that I can parent the child. I'm very good with her and she absolutely adores me. if she's crying all I need to do is pick her up and she'll stop. I've watched her while my ex had to run errands. I'm very responsible for my age.

 

She's been trying to finish college for about 6/7 years. she doesn't have a degree yet but she's a year of classes away from a degree in teaching high school.

 

I'm very focused on my future and take a step forward in it everyday. how do show her this though. how can I make her see what really is there and not just what she thinks is there?

[BrokenGator]

You're 21, put it down to experience as difficult as that may be. She has a host of issues you can't even begin to understand, and you'll never get closure off anyone because they'll do their best to spare your feelings rather than be totally honest. You give yourself closure in these situations. You'll feel better with every passing day, and at your age I can assure you that you'll have plenty more experiences like this before you meet that special person. Concentrate on your studies, and get yourself that job or career you deserve. That's way more important at this point in your life than this woman.

 

I agree with what everyone is saying here. Just move on from her. You tripped a bit during your studies but you can definitely get back on track and finish strong. What is your major by the way? Don't let someone, especially someone who doesn't want you in their life anymore, to discourage you from focusing on your school. If anything, use this as motivation to get that degree and career you have your eyes set on. From reading your story, you seem like a very dedicated person with a good head on your shoulders. March forward and kick some arse! Trust me, it's not worth looking back!

[kbbcoop77]

Can u return to school? This is the time and age where u need to get that education nailed down. Forget her for now, trust me and get that education. After that the other issues fall into place.

[Trapezoid]

The problem is I do have hope still, and I do really want her back.

 

As to what everyone is saying. I'm dedicated to my studies. the school I was at was a bad school and the teachers had a habit of not grading my stuff and the administration didn't do anything about it. and I want to go back and finish but they are refusing to give me my transcript.

 

My degree is Animation. I work on my portfolio everyday and I'm very dedicated to what I do. I wish she would she that. The crazy thing is, she's been struggling to get through college for the past 6/7 years and she's only a year of classes away now from getting a degree so she can teach at a highschool level.

 

In regards to the child, I feel like I've shown that I am a father figure. the girl absolutely adores me and always got super excited and shy when I came over. we would play little games all the time. I've even taken care of her while my ex ran errands. I love that little girl and I love the mother too. It hurts that I'm being taken away from hem. I looked at her like she was my own and I feel like My kid has been taken from me. it's extra hard to deal with a breakup when there's a kid involved and love both of the people to death.

 

I just wish that I could show her that the wY she is seeing everything is not the way it actually is and that I'm doing fine and I'm not struggling. I have a well paying job, I live on my own, I have my own car, I pay my own bills. I'm mature for my age and quite frankly I'm ready to settle down. If I have to give up, time will allow that, but right now it bothers me and Id much rather her tell me how it is than leave me scratching at the door.

[boltnrun]

I just wish that I could show her that the wY she is seeing everything is not the way it actually is

 

But you see, the way she sees it IS the way it actually is. For her.

 

It's not the way YOU want her to see it, but you can't change her perception of reality. Only she can do that.

 

I think working at the same place as her is a mistake. You can't move on seeing her several times a week. I mean, I get that you don't want to move on but she's not really giving you any other option. We can't insist someone take us back.

 

I'd get a new job lined up and take your portfolio to a new school. My son changed majors midway through and it took him an extra year, but he did graduate and has a great career. It can be done.

[Trapezoid]

I can handle working at the same place as her, I can keep it professional (we kept it professional at work the entire time we dated, no body knew until we told them) what I can't do is see her ignore me outside of work and expect me to be ok with the drop off from her. a lot of my co-workers think that me being back up here and back at work here might help put things back on track with us. if they don't than do be it, she'll just have to see me be happy with some other girl. whether it bothers her or not. I'm perfectly content working with her as I'm just happy working at this place in general.

[BrokenGator]

I can handle working at the same place as her, I can keep it professional (we kept it professional at work the entire time we dated, no body knew until we told them) what I can't do is see her ignore me outside of work and expect me to be ok with the drop off from her. a lot of my co-workers think that me being back up here and back at work here might help put things back on track with us. if they don't than do be it, she'll just have to see me be happy with some other girl. whether it bothers her or not. I'm perfectly content working with her as I'm just happy working at this place in general.

 

Make sure you don't make it seem like you're flaunting the girl in her face, otherwise she'll think you're being pathetic. Just act cool and collected like you own your own world. She left you because of your issue with your school. You want to "get her back"??? Go back to school, graduate, and get an awesome career!

[Willywagtail]

I don't sense that there is any hope. I know you say you want to get back with her, but it sounds as if she's reconsidered and has made her decision. She's working, studying and has a child. These are her priorities, I would suggest and you've got still some growing up to do (I say that in the nicest possible way, not as a criticism). Meeting other women is part of this, as is studying and finishing your degree.

[pippy longstocking]

now it could play out just like it did when we first started talking about a relationship. I had the date and she didn't show much signs of interest leading up to the day of the dat, but on the day of the date is when she realized she couldn't hold back anymore because she didn't want to lose that opportunity with me. I won't know until Wednesday about that scenario.

 

all this and the snapshot stuff will back fire on you , if she does get jealous it will only be a case of " I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you" ..you could be running round in circles for ever with this one ..because the fact is , if she did want you , she would be there ...

 

More likely though she knows you are playing a game and it will push her further away . The best thing you can do is keep your private life private .

[Ms Darcy]

I think she meant it when she said you are at different places in life. I get the sense she sees you as more of a boy than a man. You can't change her perception right now. Just accept and let it go.

[Trapezoid]

I want to to thank everyone for their advice. Even though everyone had the same advice of telling me to let it go and that I'm young and will have more opportunities like this. I want to say that just because I'm 21 doesn't mean I'm not mature enough to settle down. I've dated a lot of women, and have been looking for a soulmate since late highschool. I'm different, I just want to be done dating and start a family.

 

She's the most mature women I've ever dated and she was so much like me. I will keep you all updated on the progress as I have been able to get contact with her about everything. I'm learning a lot of important things from this. and I just needed her to let me know why she's been acting the way she's been acting. I'm finally getting the closure I need.

 

Stay tuned

- Travis

[saluk]

I can relate to the brush off big time. Friends, then short but intense relationship that looked like it was going somewhere, seemed serious, then "oh, actually we aren't meant to be, goodbye! Oh and by the way, we can be friends... but don't ever try to talk to me or even look at me ever kthxbai"

 

After about 1.5 years we could have some communication occasionally, after about 3 years we are more or less friends. Not close, but the wall is gone. We were able to apologize and forgive each other for all the weirdness.

 

But it was a long haul. We also had a little bit of an age difference - close enough to FEEL like it could work, but perhaps far enough away and each in a certain place in our lives to make it not feel realistic on her side perhaps.

 

It's less a matter of you not being mature and ready to settle down really. 6 months is about where you can tell the difference between a fun fling and something that will last. She decided it was the former. Tough breaks. Obviously the attraction is still there, but she is following her head over her heart; any appeal from you is going to reinforce those walls she is putting up.