faraday Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 ] One of my mom friends just made a new board on Pinterest "being a better mom"...and she's awesome at momming....and it kind of broke my heart that she thinks she needs to do better. We do need to ditch the guilt and tap into what makes us feel powerful. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 That's the thing I find women are the worst for giving other women mom guilt. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 That's the thing I find women are the worst for giving other women mom guilt. I agree! Therapist and I talked about this previously, it's just a societal expectation. Men(mostly) don't worry about guilting each other because there is and never had been an expectation that they 'should' do that. And I feel in this respect we can learn a lesson from dads. I honestly have never, ever heard from a father that he felt guilt for letting his kids eat a slim jim, cheese stick and slurpee for lunch. To them that was a successful day. The kids ate(something), spent time with their parent and no one got hurt. I mean, sounds pretty okay to me. We should be free to have days like this and not worry about it at night. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 5, 2016 Author Share Posted February 5, 2016 I agree! Therapist and I talked about this previously, it's just a societal expectation. Men(mostly) don't worry about guilting each other because there is and never had been an expectation that they 'should' do that. And I feel in this respect we can learn a lesson from dads. I honestly have never, ever heard from a father that he felt guilt for letting his kids eat a slim jim, cheese stick and slurpee for lunch. To them that was a successful day. The kids ate(something), spent time with their parent and no one got hurt. I mean, sounds pretty okay to me. We should be free to have days like this and not worry about it at night. Absolutely! R has never guilted me about my parenting , ever. And like you said he figures if we are all alive at the end of the day it was a good day. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 9, 2016 Author Share Posted February 9, 2016 Please please please stop the stupidity. If I hear one more half baked idea about what " causes " autism I am going to lose it. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 Yesterday I read a story where a mom felt her child getting chickenpox gave them autism. First it was vaccines give kids autism now having the actual disease gives them autism. Please people take your head out of your butts. Autistic people are BORN autistic. They are finding it's pretty overwhelmingly genetic, meaning that the genes play more of a role than the environment. NO, your six-year-old just did NOT suddenly become autistic because they had chickenpox. Maybe they spiked a huge fever which could've left some brain damage which has autistic like symptoms but they are NOT autistic. You do not CATCH autism. What part of neurological developmental disorder do you not get?????? Developmental means that you are like that before you were born. Sometimes I just want to grab people by the head and smack it into the floor and tell them they are stupid. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 Currently about 1% of the population of the world is autistic. So I'm not sure if it's this massive epidemic that everybody claims that it is. I'm sure there is an increase but it is probably more likely due to the fact people are having children when they are older and older and older. There are always going to be autistic people because it is a natural human variation but the increase could be due to the fact that people are having children in late 30s and early 40s. Some of it is I think due to the fact that we never saw these people before because they were put in institutions and didn't go to schools. Many thousands of people who didn't fit the mold went into institutions. Yeah ,humanity is sick. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 But there is no one certain thing to pinpoint. I don't believe we have the sophistication to do so. Speaking of, I went for a blood draw yesterday as part of a genetic research study. Would have done it for M too, but the children have to be at least age 4. The uncertainty is very difficult for people to grapple with. As is the nature of ASD, children can develop typically then regress. So with something like that, yeah I think that's why people have so many doubts. M didn't regress but he stalled. I personally believe that it isn't that we have "more Autism", but that many people weren't properly diagnosed and instead were labeled as having an ID. And then we didn't mainstream a lot of those kids, either. I don't believe there's actually an epidemic at all. I think science just started catching up a little bit. Link to comment
faraday Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Yesterday I read a story where a mom felt her child getting chickenpox gave them autism. First it was vaccines give kids autism now having the actual disease gives them autism. Please people take your head out of your butts. Autistic people are BORN autistic. They are finding it's pretty overwhelmingly genetic, meaning that the genes play more of a role than the environment. NO, your six-year-old just did NOT suddenly become autistic because they had chickenpox. Maybe they spiked a huge fever which could've left some brain damage which has autistic like symptoms but they are NOT autistic. You do not CATCH autism. What part of neurological developmental disorder do you not get?????? Developmental means that you are like that before you were born. Sometimes I just want to grab people by the head and smack it into the floor and tell them they are stupid. Lol I love you. I feel like many people are too emotional about things and tend to ignore the science. Science is there whether you believe it or not. It changes as new data is presented...it's not based on fear. But we suck at being impartial. All humans. We suck at being rational. Hence all the fear around causes for things. Even if vaccines did cause autism...I'd 1000 times rather have my child get autism than die of polo. But people are irrational idiots. We forget what it was like when families would have 6 children and only 2 would make it to adulthood. We are so blessed...and we have no idea. Link to comment
faraday Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Currently about 1% of the population of the world is autistic. So I'm not sure if it's this massive epidemic that everybody claims that it is. I'm sure there is an increase but it is probably more likely due to the fact people are having children when they are older and older and older. There are always going to be autistic people because it is a natural human variation but the increase could be due to the fact that people are having children in late 30s and early 40s. Some of it is I think due to the fact that we never saw these people before because they were put in institutions and didn't go to schools. Many thousands of people who didn't fit the mold went into institutions. Yeah ,humanity is sick. I agree with Cheet that people were misdiagnosed...but also, our population has exploded! We've doubled the population on the planet in the last 30 years...so of course there are more people with autism, more people with Down's, more geniuses...more genetic anomalies. It's like how people think the world is less safe than it was in the 1950s. It's actually safer now. Kids are abducted WAY less now....we just hear about it more. And there's more of us, so stuff does happen. But we're safe. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 But there is no one certain thing to pinpoint. I don't believe we have the sophistication to do so. Speaking of, I went for a blood draw yesterday as part of a genetic research study. Would have done it for M too, but the children have to be at least age 4. The uncertainty is very difficult for people to grapple with. As is the nature of ASD, children can develop typically then regress. So with something like that, yeah I think that's why people have so many doubts. M didn't regress but he stalled. I personally believe that it isn't that we have "more Autism", but that many people weren't properly diagnosed and instead were labeled as having an ID. And then we didn't mainstream a lot of those kids, either. I don't believe there's actually an epidemic at all. I think science just started catching up a little bit. I think though the are finding more and more it is a genetic base rather than environment or that environment plays a very minor role when compared with genetics. R does not care what caused his autism and he does not want anyone to research him at all. He believes there is nothing " wrong" to be researched. But that is likely my influence because I have told him he is perfect as he is. My mom gives me flak for that view incessantly . He did regress a bit after 19 months but caught up again. I agree in the past they were labelled intellectual disability and not part of mainstream school. I don't really believe there is a large increase either. I will agree people WANT a concrete definitive unchanged cause but it is such a complex issue and they in a panic when they see an issue with their child and want something ANYTHING to blame. I can totally see that. I think because I have had years to think about the issue maybe I have a hard time relating to the panic ? I dunno, maybe I am a little harsh but I find this issue SO frustrating. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 Lol I love you. I feel like many people are too emotional about things and tend to ignore the science. Science is there whether you believe it or not. It changes as new data is presented...it's not based on fear. But we suck at being impartial. All humans. We suck at being rational. Hence all the fear around causes for things. Even if vaccines did cause autism...I'd 1000 times rather have my child get autism than die of polo. But people are irrational idiots. We forget what it was like when families would have 6 children and only 2 would make it to adulthood. We are so blessed...and we have no idea. I think I get frustrated because people don't get the basis of developmental disability. The basis is from before birth. So NO, someone did not suddenly " get" autism at 6. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 I think I get frustrated because people don't get the basis of developmental disability. The basis is from before birth. So NO, someone did not suddenly " get" autism at 6. But that's not necessarily true. Causes and Risk Factors Developmental disabilities begin anytime during the developmental period and usually last throughout a person’s lifetime. Most developmental disabilities begin before a baby is born, but some can happen after birth because of injury, infection, or other factors. ASD is, as my son's neuro says, a "sexy topic". It's also confusing. I feel like I can read things all day every day about ASD and still not really understand it. I want to know more. Which is why I do participate in research studies. Probably won't know in my lifetime, or maybe we will - But I think every parent desires to understand and possess knowledge. And it's just...still quite a confusing disorder. When I ask my son's OT questions, I feel like I am endlessly "why"ing her. But why this? Okay, but why does that happen? Okay, but what led to THAT? She doesn't have the answers, no one does yet. I'm more concerned with the intricacies of it than the cause, per say. I don't blame anything because I have no concrete evidence of what caused my son's ASD. We ruled out TBI, which was a huge worry/concern for me. Now it just is. I'd still like to know, though. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 Yeah, see I am a big picture seer. I am not an expert in anyone else's expression of autism but I have my own son down to a science. I think with most autistics the symptoms were there long before the parents noticed. My son's symptoms were there from 7 weeks on now that I know what to look for. So they may get a vaccine or illness and shortly after the notice differences they attribute it to that. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 I would have to say too the head nurse in charge of the newborns the night my son was born noticed he was " different". She said he was very easily overwhelmed and very very high maintenance . And told me " good luck with the King of Siam." Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 10, 2016 Author Share Posted February 10, 2016 I think I am an osmotic learner. My mom and teachers used to say that I just seem to suck up knowledge from out of the air somewhere. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 Went to the group ... So tired of my life and my son's experience not counting. Link to comment
Venny2900 Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Hi, I just read your entire journal And honestly all I have to say is this; you are a wonderful and strong person. I admire you. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 Thank you. My hope is that people learn more about Autism and accept those people who are autistic. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 ] A book I plan to order. It might help deal with compulsive gaming. And it might help me with transition. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 It is very very hard to fathom that just ten years before my son was born developmentally disabled people were still being institutionalized. It makes me sob in distress. I just saw a show on Pennhurst state school and Asylum . It is on the same level as residential schools ,totally horrifying. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted February 20, 2016 Author Share Posted February 20, 2016 Soooooo , I am ready to talk about what made me angry at the last meeting . The special needs co ordinator told me I was very lucky that my son does not take aggression out on me like these other parents have and so my speaking my experiences with my son is not the same. The other parents starred at the table because they were uncomfortable. I was flat out stunned at her rudeness and I am not going back. Link to comment
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