" In a box not a bottle" Asperger's revealed

[faraday]

Good god, that's appalling. Everyone should be able to save....save for a big purchase (maybe he wants to buy an apartment at some point) or save for retirement...wth government?!?

[Seraphim]

Good god, that's appalling. Everyone should be able to save....save for a big purchase (maybe he wants to buy an apartment at some point) or save for retirement...wth government?!?

 

Yup. I have been refused by the federal gov 3 times. I am ready to bang my head on the floor.

[annie24]

Would a trust work?

[Seraphim]

A trust is only allowed to give him $5000 a year or again you lose your disability.

[Seraphim]

So it's not just my son that's behind handing things in but 60 some odd other students . I went with him and talk to the program director today . Basically they have two weeks left of school . So I told him to put your ass in gear and get your stuff handed in and then you have four months to mess around and do whatever you like . But if you fail anything you won't be doing what you like you will be coming to work with me . You will be herding toddlers all day ,wiping their noses taking them to the bathroom . And I tell you now it is something like herding cats . So you take your pick what you want to do . Get.your. Shyte.handed. In. Or this will be the ugliest summer you have ever seen . And you won't be going to Florida with your aunt .

[Seraphim]

I also told him don't waste my time and don't waste my money . I said if you waste all the days I've driven you back-and-forth to school and the money I saved up for nine years I wont be the happiest mother you've ever seen.

[Seraphim]

I have to say when I saw that email I started to cry . I was crying for him and myself . Why does everything have to be such a struggle and such work . I think it didn't help that I've been sick for a good month and a half and just couldn't take anymore . I was out for a walk with my husband holding his hand and just burst into tears . Asking him if he felt that our son could really do this . Or if I was pushing our son too hard . And he said no ,L ,he just can't sit in his room and go to cards . That is not a life . Even if he can't go on after college he still has that . And I just started to cry harder and said yeah I know but this is all on me all the time . And he said yeah I get that but I can't just quit my job and go to the college to help him out . I know you're tired but this is our life .

[thejigsup]

I still say you should give a couple of years to mature more. I like the idea of him working with you. Some time doing that and I do believe he will relish the idea of college. With the stubborn ones, you sometimes have to give them what they want and let them see the reality of that. R is just too immature for the pressures of college. It breaks people without social disabilities. Let him really work for awhile. See what happens.

[Seraphim]

I still say you should give a couple of years to mature more. I like the idea of him working with you. Some time doing that and I do believe he will relish the idea of college. With the stubborn ones, you sometimes have to give them what they want and let them see the reality of that. R is just too immature for the pressures of college. It breaks people without social disabilities. Let him really work for awhile. See what happens.

He won't work . I can guarantee that. He has very very very low frustration level. We also live in a very economically small area. 19,000 people. A lot of people here are on some kind of assistance. He would need an employer that would realize he needs breaks and a place he can go to during meltdowns. The only thing would be volunteering on the days I work.

 

I know for sure if he leaves college now he will never go back. Once he has built a routine he will never leave it. He looses his mind. He just goes into complete apoplexy, screaming and throwing things. He is the most stubborn human being I have ever known. Even the psychologist who talked to him for a half hour had him pegged at utterly and completely rigid who WONT be reasoned with or feels any need whatsoever to be different.

[Seraphim]

He suffers really really bad anxiety if he's forced out of his routine . He also has separation anxiety which they are consider to be mild at this time .

 

I know it probably looks like I'm arguing all the time . I just don't know how to explain my son other than people meeting him . Lol. Or maybe I'm just making excuses who knows . It's not like I can really be objective because he's my child .

[Seraphim]

I would say his biggest issue is his extremely severe rigidity . A lot of his assignments were in class assignments that the professor just needed to mark at that time . So really he just needed the professor to come over take a look at his work and tick off that he'd seen it . But instead my son would turn off his computer and say my mom's waiting for me I'm going home this is my time to go home . I mean holy hell I would've waited for the professor to mark his work . What does he think I drive him there for a day after day . But nope for him the class is over he's done goodbye . So now we have to deal with this .

[Fudgie]

Would he benefit from a program like Project Search? (They have Canadian sites too)

 

My sister went through it and it helped her SO much, not just in terms of job seeking and social skills, but it boosted her confidence too. And it helped her land the job she has today. For her, my parents always made it very clear: you have to work. If you don't, you can't live here. People here either need to work, go to school, or volunteer. No other option - you HAVE to do something. Doesn't have to make a lot, if anything, but it has to be SOMETHING. So she learned that and she works - doesn't always like it but that's how it is because she knows that she has to. I know someday when I'm overseeing her, if she lost her job, I'd help her get a new one but in the meantime, she would be volunteering. She can't sit at home. Increased socialization has helped her a lot and with her speech too.

 

Volunteering may be a good option in the meantime. I am not sure what opportunities you have available. I volunteered regularly in a soup kitchen when I was in HS in the summers because it was something to do and spent most of my time chopping things up, arranging trays, or making coffee for the folks waiting.

 

I think he will have a fit regardless because it breaks his routine but he may ultimately push through if you are willing to stand your ground and make it known to him that he doesn't have a choice - he must do something. Take away internet/cards if you want. My sister understands now that there are some unpleasant things in life but sometimes you have to push through and do them in order to enjoy the good parts.

[Seraphim]

Would he benefit from a program like Project Search? (They have Canadian sites too)

 

My sister went through it and it helped her SO much, not just in terms of job seeking and social skills, but it boosted her confidence too. And it helped her land the job she has today. For her, my parents always made it very clear: you have to work. If you don't, you can't live here. People here either need to work, go to school, or volunteer. No other option - you HAVE to do something. Doesn't have to make a lot, if anything, but it has to be SOMETHING. So she learned that and she works - doesn't always like it but that's how it is because she knows that she has to. I know someday when I'm overseeing her, if she lost her job, I'd help her get a new one but in the meantime, she would be volunteering. She can't sit at home. Increased socialization has helped her a lot and with her speech too.

 

Volunteering may be a good option in the meantime. I am not sure what opportunities you have available. I volunteered regularly in a soup kitchen when I was in HS in the summers because it was something to do and spent most of my time chopping things up, arranging trays, or making coffee for the folks waiting.

 

I think he will have a fit regardless because it breaks his routine but he may ultimately push through if you are willing to stand your ground and make it known to him that he doesn't have a choice - he must do something. Take away internet/cards if you want. My sister understands now that there are some unpleasant things in life but sometimes you have to push through and do them in order to enjoy the good parts.

That's the thing making him do it . The last program I try to take him to he refused to get out of the vehicle . He was screaming and yelling at me and people were staring . We only got two days out of that . I don't know what to do because he literally won't get in or out of the vehicle . And he doesn't care who he has a screaming hissy fit in front of .

[thejigsup]

Wow. Just wow. My son will do just about anything I ask him to. My saying is, "You want to live by yourself?" I don't argue, I threaten. It works, believe me. I am also ready to back it up, though. Both our sons are going to have to live in the world on their own someday. We HAVE to prepare them for it, even if we have to get a little mean.

[Seraphim]

The thing is my son would not even have the first clue how to even find a place to live , who even call, or even have a friend to call. If I did that he would be literally begging on the street. I could never do that to him. He is co operative with most of life. Just never never never ask him to be " typical". He sees NO reason to be anything other than autistic , nothing wrong with it . Don't like it get out of his face. Being he was only diagnosed at 17 not much chance at changing this. My mom tells me my teaching him pride in being autistic is my fault for making him stubborn.

[Fudgie]

Do you think he would actually leave and be begging? Because I'd think he would be upset and would break down but leaving home on his own would be a monumental change of routine on a huge scale that is scary for people who don't even have autism. I'm not saying you should toss him on the street. But if he knows that staying home is always an option if he does nothing, then where is the incentive to change?

 

At the end of the day, we all have to do something, autism or not. My sister works but if she didn't, she would qualify for disability. I would still make her go out and volunteer or something for that socialization and stimulation. We all need that. If he feels that he doesn't have to do that, then he won't.

 

Slightly off topic, but what do you do when he has meltdowns? I'm just curious. My sister has them on rare occasions now. Even if it's in public, I tell her that I will talk to her again when she has calmed down and then stand by and keep myself occupied (maybe look at my phone) as she calms down and can communicate again.

[Seraphim]

Oh he would never leave guarantee you that. He would be too terrified. But I would never have him leave my house without contacting his disability worker. She made that absolutely clear if he is not being looked after by us she has to know to get him housed. He is far too vulnerable to be unhoused.

 

Absolutely he has to do something whether school or volunteer or what have you.

 

When he is meltdown it is best to just leave him be and let him retreat to be alone. Let him process .

 

He is a very very young 18. His social maturity might be more 14 or less sometimes.

[Seraphim]

A lot of this is growth pains into adulthood and just regular teenage shyte. I really gave my mom a run for her money when I was 18. Hell, I got on a plane and said screw you a holes to my parents and flew to the other side of the country. Teenagers are always going to present with some issue. He is just getting into " teenage " if that makes any sense.

[Fudgie]

My brother is definitely in his "teenage" phase. He is at school - Phd program for math (his interest and passion) and they give him a place to live and a stipend so he never has to worry about shelter/food. But he's getting into the "My parents suck" phase for sure. A lot of autistic individuals go through adolescence at an advanced age.

 

I am wondering if you made the threat "If you don't go to school or go to this program or try out volunteering by x date, you're out of the house" would push him to do something. He'd probably throw a fit and give you pushback but would he eventually, grugingly, do something afterward?

[Seraphim]

My brother is definitely in his "teenage" phase. He is at school - Phd program for math (his interest and passion) and they give him a place to live and a stipend so he never has to worry about shelter/food. But he's getting into the "My parents suck" phase for sure. A lot of autistic individuals go through adolescence at an advanced age.

 

I am wondering if you made the threat "If you don't go to school or go to this program or try out volunteering by x date, you're out of the house" would push him to do something. He'd probably throw a fit and give you pushback but would he eventually, grugingly, do something afterward?

 

I think he'll probably continue in school .

[Seraphim]

So we have come to an agreement created by himself . He said there are a lot of long-distance competitions coming up in May and if he has everything in and passes everything he would like to go to those . I said if you give me your best effort hand everything in and everything is passed you have a deal.

[renaissancewoman101]

Glad you guys have come to a mutual solution for the issue at hand.

 

I hope everything works out

[Seraphim]

Glad you guys have come to a mutual solution for the issue at hand.

 

I hope everything works out

Thanks Renny!

[Seraphim]

Yesterday for the first time ever in 18 years we had no problems buying clothes and shoes . Buying shoes used to reduce me to tears and send him into apoplexy. Thank God for huge victories.

[annie24]

yay!!!!!!!!