inloveconfused Posted November 21, 2014 Author Share Posted November 21, 2014 ^ fair enough..... You are correct. I need to change my number. Link to comment
inloveconfused Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 I've seen her a few times this past week. Each time my feelings are less and less as I see the "real" her. I'm far from healing from this completely but I'm well on my way..... what a fool I have been. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 ..... what a fool I have been. No, sweetie...many of us have been a fool for love. Sometimes we just have to see things through and get the ending to the story. We hang on to every hope, even when the odds are not favorable. It is all a part of being human. chi Link to comment
patterned Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 OP, you're triggered. This isn't about her. This is your own addiction. You're avoiding your own pain and emptiness. Sit in your discomfort for a bit. Let it ride. Link to comment
inloveconfused Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 I got a new phone and number yesterday. You were all correct imo, although I don't have 100% of the facts, I feel now that this was simple me being taken for a long painful ride. She used me up for all I was worth. Since we've been back from her treatment she almost immediately relapsed. She's not a full on heroin addict again, yet, but she will be I'm sure. She uses a bunch of other drugs though. Xanax mostly, Roxy's, weed, alcohol, etc etc etc...... I see her now for what she truly is and always will be. I did all of this for love, a dream that only existed in my own head. I'm not ashamed and I honestly would go through it all again because it did teach me a lot about myself. Yes there is a lot of pain in my heart, yes it will take me a very long time to heal from this completely but I know I will. She can not contact me and I can not contact her. I'm trying to keep myself busy and focusing on my own health, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. This next year of my life is dedicated to me. I'm taking a break from dating for the time being. I really need to get my own head straight. It's all coming along and the really bad days are fewer and fewer but I know now and then there will be very hard days. I just have to deal with it and let myself grieve and move on. Thank you all for your helpful advice and support through all of this. Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Good for you ---- it will get better. Link to comment
WithLove Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 We're pulling for you, OP. Keep strict rules. Don't see her again, and don't let her in if she shows up. The only way to heal is to remove all contact, which you've done. Keep with it. It'll get better. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 27, 2014 Share Posted November 27, 2014 OP, you're triggered. This isn't about her. This is your own addiction. You're avoiding your own pain and emptiness. Sit in your discomfort for a bit. Let it ride. Truer words haven't been spoken. You have to focus on your own addiction to the drama and deal with the pain of withdrawal. We wish you luck. Link to comment
inloveconfused Posted November 30, 2014 Author Share Posted November 30, 2014 It's been one week since I've seen her in person now, and about 5 days since NC. Overall I'm doing well. It's getting easier each day. Still sucks but better...... Link to comment
inloveconfused Posted December 2, 2014 Author Share Posted December 2, 2014 Not a good day......sitting here having Jack and Miller for dinner..... Link to comment
chitown9 Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 Not a good day......sitting here having Jack and Miller for dinner..... Don't self medicate....please. [-X chi Link to comment
inloveconfused Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 Been two weeks and a day since our last contact. It's getting very slightly better. IE. I'm not balling and screaming like a blithering idiot everyday anymore, but I still have my bad moments.....God I miss her though.....life sucks. Even tried a quick rebound relationship, yeah that didn't really help... Still drinking a lot and can't seem to help it. Link to comment
overthemoon86 Posted December 12, 2014 Share Posted December 12, 2014 Holy guacamole!!!! This is like a soap opera!! I just spent the last 20 minutes reading through this whole thread.... First of all, OP, I am sorry that you are going through this...what a roller coaster! I do not have much experience dealing with a loved one or family with a substance abuse problem, but it sounds like this is all centered around her addiction. There is really no way around that. You don't want that type of negative energy and activity in your life. You are robbing yourself of stability, happiness, and health if you continue to see her. She is going to pick her addiction over you every single time without fault. It is a hard pill to swallow, but in order for you to be happy and for her to get clean on her own accord, you need to let her go. While she has these issues, you cannot be with her. It is not good on so many levels. I know everyday of no contact in the beginning can be extremely difficult but it is really the only way to heal. It sounds like you were/are "addicted" to her in a way. You need to let go of that desire and focus on yourself and turning to drinking to numb the pain is only temporary relief. (Same with the rebound relationships.) You need to be comfortable with yourself before you can be in a healthy relationship. Best of luck! Link to comment
chitown9 Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 The drinking really concerns me.... Please get help for it if it persists. chi Link to comment
inloveconfused Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 Hey everyone following my saga..... Just wanted to update. So this Saturday will be one month since I last saw her in person. To be honest I'm doing fantastic. I'm in such a better spot in my life now I can't even believe it. For anyone else going through a break up I can not stress enough how well No Contact works. It's the only way I can see to get over someone this quickly. As you all know, it was very very tough on me in the beginning but things are so much better now. I still have the odd moment or a few hours here and there where I feel miserable or whatever, but overall my feelings are fading very fast. Some keys to success: No contact at all. Stop looking at pictures of her and I together, etc..... Stop listening to the music we used to enjoy together. Stop thinking about just the good times. Write. Write. Write. Journals have saved my life really...... I have put down everything. Talk to everyone you can who loves you and who will support you. Doing all of that ^ has really helped me. And of course the biggest thing is just simply time. It takes time to let the feelings fade, and it takes time to process all that happened. It takes time to heal any wound. Two days from now it will have been a month and I'm already feeling so good, I can only imagine how I will feel in a year. I won't hardly remember her or the feelings I had. I will say this, love never dies. It can fade, and deep emotions can grow cold but I don't think real love ever dies. I will always love Lonnie. That will never change, but I know I can never be with her, and I know that it was always an impossible dream. No one can save anyone else, no one can change anyone else. Only the person can change themselves and well....that's just the truth. I'm doing well, thank you all for all your advice and help and mostly for your listening ear. It helps me very much when people comment and encourage. Thank you all. Link to comment
Misssy2 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 OMG do I feel for you...replace the girl...add guy...replace the heroin...add crack/cocaine and I am you......I have been reading these posts tonight. I can't let go of my crack addicted guy either...same thing financially and emotionally draining me....I've aged 5 years as well in the last 2 years.....and I'm 50....I have less time W*F Link to comment
chitown9 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 With an addict, their true love will always be their addiction and it is what they hold as the most important thing in their life. chi Link to comment
inloveconfused Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 OMG do I feel for you...replace the girl...add guy...replace the heroin...add crack/cocaine and I am you......I have been reading these posts tonight. I can't let go of my crack addicted guy either...same thing financially and emotionally draining me....I've aged 5 years as well in the last 2 years.....and I'm 50....I have less time W*F Missy, I'm so sorry....it's terrible I know but you just have to get out. You have to end it and let him go. It's the only way. Like Chi said just now, only the drugs are important to these people. If you are enabling him to get drugs then of course he will always "love" you, but he doesn't just like Lonnie didn't really love me. They might love us in some twisted way, but the truth is they are not in their right minds while on drugs, and we are the fools for believing it. Go no contact and get him out of your life while you still can. Before it's too late. You will find true love, real love, but you have to cut him loose. End the dream, because it's really a nightmare. Hoping for the best. Link to comment
Misssy2 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Thank you for responding to me. You know exactly how I feel. Im not ready yet...need a little more torture. Link to comment
Misssy2 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 I just want to add one more thing. He was not using the first 3 months of us getting together....because he was being drug tested. So...the foundation was made sober. Which I know it is there. I don't want to continue on your string..just wanted to add that. Link to comment
Amie Walker Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Being a dancer for almost 15 years myself (no longer of course) You need to walk away. I'm sorry. You are just dollar signs to her. The men in those clubs are strung along and told anything and everything that you want to hear. These women have lives outside of these clubs, with men and children and families to take care of, addictions to fuel, debts to pay off. The customers, the gentlemen, the suit and ties that go into those places are not desirable, in fact more often than not, they are looked down upon. It's a job and nothing more to the women that twirl around those poles. I was addicted to the life, the money, the party and the drugs. When I wanted to meet men, it was NOT in the club... I strung men along. I got them to pay my rent, take me on vacations, spend money on shopping sprees etc. The other girls were doing it too. One of my friends married a man, just so he would pay to get her breast implants, buy her a house etc. She divorced him and moved a new man in. Be careful, you have no idea what it is you are playing at. I wouldn't trust her for a second! Not all dancers are bad. In fact, I have had the privilege of knowing many great ones. But, let's be real here, you are a paying customer and they are there to do their job. Their job description is to take your money and look good while doing it. Just sayin' Link to comment
inloveconfused Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 Harsh reality there ^ and I totally get all that. I've been going to clubs for many years I'm not proud to say. I've seen it all trust me, and I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I'd fall in love with a stripper. I've seen plenty of great manipulators, and many many dancers who put on a good game, I know the game. What Lonnie and I had was real, real in some messed up way anyway.... But you live and you learn, the bigger issue was her drug use. There is nothing I nor anyone else can do to change anyone else, changes has to happen within and a person has to really want it and make changes in their life to move towards that goal. Unfortunately this was my first go round with a drug user, and I was woefully unprepared in every respect. I see that now. I would never attach myself to another drug user in the future, and honestly I got caught up way before I knew the whole extent of her addiction and at that point I made the conscious decision to try and "help" her in anyway I could and to see it through to the end. Why? Because I truly loved her, I still do. Love made me do all that I did, and I honestly would not change any of it. I needed to go through this experience. It's helped me to grow in so many ways and I'm still learning lessons from this every day. All I can say about the whole situation of dance clubs and prostitution etc...is that I will never be a part of that world again. I'm done with it. For me it was always just a fantasy, a stress relief, something fun to do with the boys on the weekends, etc..... That fantasy is completely shattered now that I know the harsh realities of it first hand. As for dancers and ex-dancers like yourself ^ well all I can say is shame on all of you. Shame on anyone who willfully uses and manipulates others. It's disgusting. And yes I'm pointing the finger at you and there are three pointing right back at me, I'm just as disgusting myself for having lived that life too. I used those women. I got off by looking at them, talking to them and getting a thrill at their expense. It's shameful and destructive to life, lives and society. I am ashamed that I was ever in that world. But I've seen the reality of it and I'm a changed person. I can no longer live that way and I'm moving forward and giving myself time to heal. I will one day meet a "real" woman and will have a real relationship with it's own issues to work through but they'll be based on real love and will lead to real happiness and fulfillment. All the best to you and your own issues with your man. (Yes I read your other posts). Link to comment
chitown9 Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 May we all say a silent prayer for the afflicted and the affected. May we all find peace. chi Link to comment
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