I am in love with a heroin addict....please help

[BoredUp]

RUN!!! When/if they recover from their addiction, you can talk, but for now, get far far away... it'll be best for everyone.

[DylanMaxwell]

One word I have to say is RUN!

[inloveconfused]

Update.

 

After 6 weeks of no contact with her she found me. She's been using Xanax still and some heroin but not as much as she was before. If you've been following this thread you know that I have been an absolute mess for a long time. The first three weeks for me without her were miserable, but I was dealing with it. Not in a positive way, drinking every day, but I was doing my best. The last three weeks were better and I was moving forward a little bit but still drinking a lot.

 

After seeing her and talking to her several days ago (for the first time in 6 weeks) I came to a profound and stark realization. She is who she is and she does not truly want to change. That's just how she's always going to be. My absence in her life did nothing to make her change. Thus I conclude that while she may love me on some level, it is nowhere near the love I felt for her. I also realized that my feelings for her have changed. I am no longer in love with her. I do still love her as a person, I care very much about her and what her life will become, but I am no longer in love. I have passed that stage and I know I simply got caught up, much to my own surprise. But that's life and who can know the heart? It is truly treacherous.

 

I will admit, we've talked a few times since that first re-connection but I am not helping her in any way. She has asked me to, but I have refused. I figure in time she will stop contacting me at all, especially once she realizes that I won't give her money or do anything for her drug related.

 

It's really sad....to see someone you love and care about so much waste their life the way she is.....to throw every chance at happiness away all because of drugs. I do not pretend to understand the pain and the terrible things she has gone through in her life, no one can understand that but her, and honestly I don't even think she knows. She's simply stuck in a cycle that feels normal to her, and she's been doing it so long she knows no other way to live. I did everything a human being could possibly do to help her, and now I am at this point.

 

Here is some good news. Since I've started talking to her again I've not had any urge to drink. That caught me very much by surprise. I was so broken up over her, I was self medicating my own pain and it was leading me down the road to alcoholism. By re-connecting with her I have been able to put my feelings in order. I see everything much clearer about her now than I ever have before. I am no longer sitting here every day re-living our time together, I no longer see our "relationship" in the same light as I did before, everything in my heart has changed and I feel like I'm finally able to let her go, not just physically (cutting her off) but emotionally too, and that is the biggest and best change I've had.

 

Love does not die, I will always love her, but only as a human being.

 

Just wanted to share.

 

PS. I'm limiting my contact with her. When she texts me she's usually just complaining about stuff and I reply curtly and offer helpful advice, that is the extent of my contact with her. I will not let myself be roped back in by any means. And as I said, my drinking has stopped. My biggest advice for anyone else out there who is just starting a relationship with a drug addict is this: GET OUT while you still can. If it's early you need to leave immediately, everything these fine people on here have said is true. Drug addicts only care about one thing and that's getting what they want, they don't love or care about you, it's all a lie, so do yourself a favor and leave before you're hooked.

[chitown9]

Whatever works for you...anything anyone said I this thread was in hopes of helping you.

 

I do wish you would attend an ALANON meeting. You will find kindred souls there and you will better understand what your roll was in relation to her. You still have more to learn about yourself as a result of this experience, and ALANON will assist in that manner.

 

 

Thank you for your update, and glad that you are doing better. chi

[inloveconfused]

Thanks Chi, I have seriously considered doing just that but I have a lot of time constraints with work and my personal business and there are no convenient meetings near me. I also prefer to learn things in my own way, probably dumb of me but that's the way of it.

 

I've seen her again twice this week. It's always an eye opening experience. I feel really bad for her, but not in any kind of love way, just sad for her depressing choices. She could be so much more but chooses not to be. Every time I see her I feel less and less for her......It's hard to believe I got so caught up at all now. So all in all seeing her now is very good therapy. She's asked me to help her every single time I've seen her and every time I refuse. Eventually I'll stop getting calls and texts from her I'm sure.

 

In the mean time I'm just focusing on my own self improvement and doing very well. I've stopped drinking for the most part, I'm eating right again and working out and focusing on my business, all good things. I want 2015 to be the best year of my life. I'm also working on my spiritual side to some degree, which I've long neglected.

 

Thanks again for all your help to everyone here.

[inloveconfused]

Little update. Short synopsis, so I didn't see her for 6 weeks back from Nov. 15 to around new years. Then I broke down and answered one of her texts. After a very short re-connection period things were back to normal for her. She did pretty well after the ibogaine treatment. She stayed off the junk for a good couple of months but now she's right back on the dope sick train.

 

I never text her first, she texts me, and invariably there is much drama and a begging attitude for me to come see her. Sometimes I do and when I do it's always the same ol . "Oh my god I've missed you so much....." then we kiss and hang out for a while, maybe have sex, maybe just snuggle in her bed, then the hammer drops "I'm so sick...." etc etc etc....

 

Every time she's asked, begged or pleaded for money I've denied her. I've tried to offer positive solutions to her problems, ie. Get to a Subboxxone clinic, get on Methodone, etc..... always an excuse or a promise. It's so very sad. Nothing can be done for these people. They chose this life for themselves and they are stuck there to forever go through the cycle.

 

I no longer have any feelings for her whatsoever. I do still love her as a human being but as for my heart, it's got a huge amount of scar tissue around it that will not let her in anymore. I know 99% of what comes out of her mouth is utter and complete bull. I needed to go through this to learn a lesson in life, and a huge lesson about addiction. But I battle my own addictions. I'm addicted to sex. I see that now. I'm not going to pass it up with her. She's still a 10, still super hot and I will still have sex with her whenever it's offered, sober or not, I don't really give a . I know it's not healthy, but hell, I'm a middle aged man with no desire for more children or a wife, so it.

 

All I know for sure is this, I can never trust her. I will never ever let myself get involved with someone else who does drugs. I highly suggest to any of you who may be in a similar situation to get out now before you get into a heap of trouble. I'm proud of myself though, through all of this I stuck to my guns, I went through it and came out much better off on the other side. I now know about a side of life that I never knew about before. A side of life that's terrible. So damn sad....... I've learned a lot about myself that's for sure.

 

I am immune to pain now as a consequence of this experience. I cried so many oceans of tears over the past 6 months for this woman, I am emotionally drained and spent, well I was, I'm coming back slowly. Nothing phases me anymore. I see through everyone's bull almost immediately, where before I was a fairly naive person. No longer. Life is crystal clear. Know what you want and go for it. What do I want? Honestly, sex. Pure and simple. And that's all I get.

[Seraphim]

You are HOOKED again. Period end of.

 

It's sad.

[overthemoon86]

Such a vicious cycle. It won't end unless you want it to.

[HeartGoesOn]

She's still winning...sad!

[chitown9]

Methadone is really not the answer either. Drug addicts use it adjust lower their tolerance for heroin so that they can get high on a lesser quantity, thereby costing them less money. It is a well known game played by addicts.

 

However, you, on the other hand, are now using her just as she used you. How does that make you feel about yourself??? chi