What to do if he does not answer?

[MissSunshine]

Hi.

 

This is the situation :

 

I recently moved to another city. In the place I lived before there was a man in my circle of friends, that I really like.

We have been knowing each other each other for about 3 year now...but we were never dating or anything alike.

There was texting messages and we spent a lot of time together...but with our cicle of friends. I started having feelings for him.

I miss him and think a lot about him. Since the day I have moved, the contact to him is very unfrequent. He is not writing back.

 

I wrote him a message...he did not rely.Then i waited,,, It was his birthday and I send him a birthday-message, to which he quickly replied,

thanking me for for the birthday congratulations and asking me how i am doing, I have replied to that message.

Then he replied saying "Hi. Sorry, I am busy and I will answer your message the upcoming days"....It has been over a month ago.

So, you see... he used the "I am Busy"-excuse. I still haven´t heard anything from him.

 

I have two options now: ignore him and get bitter and frustrated....or confront him. The thing is..

he is a good friend of mine and not someone I barely know.

So the level of relationship is a different one from someone you just met and do not know that well.

 

I would like to confront him and at that point I am affraid of making a mistake.

I would like to confront him without accusing him and without disrepecting him.

 

What would you think about the following message? (especially a man´s view would be very appreciated!)

 

"Hi. How are you? I just quickly wanted to say, that I see you as someone that I can trust and that I can rely on your word. This is the way I got to know you and it is the picture I have from you. So when you say, that you will answer me the upcoming days...you know I am trusting you with that, right? "

 

 

It that too dramatic? Could he view that as disrespectful?

 

If yes: What do you suggest?

 

 

best regards and thank you for your answers!

(I am a female, by the way...i did not mention it earlier)

[gdgfx]

Hey MissSunshine,

to be honest, me being a guy and everything and from what you said, he sounds like he just wants to be friends. He doesn't owe you an explanation, you have been friends for a while as far as I can tell from what you said and perhaps that's the way it's meant to be. You could contact him, you could mention how you feel but at the same time, you could ruin a perfectly good friendship. It's seem like you are hung up about it, you seem to like him more than he likes you and the best way to go about this is to just continue to be friends. It can happen, you meet people, you become good friends and sometimes you get feelings for them that surpasses friendship but sometimes it's right and sometimes it isn't. Either way, he's not meeting you in the middle here, perhaps he knows that you are interested in him and this is his way of backing off without trying to upset you.

 

Just carry on being friends, you don't have to explain yourself to him. These feelings you have are natural. It happens sometimes, just carry on with your life

[mhowe]

You have no basis to confront him. He does not owe you a reply. And he clearly is not interested in being anything but friends.

[Clinton]

Don't send it, it's too clingy and desperate. You started as friends qnd it seems that's where he'd like it to remain. Plus, you are in two different cities now and long distance rarely works.

[mhowe]

What you want to text/email is BOTH accusitory AND disrespectful.

[HeartGoesOn]

It would be way out of line to confront him. Of course, it would get his attention, but it also has a good chance of backfiring, resulting in him ignoring you completely.

 

If he wants to be more than friends, he'll make that clear.

[BigKK]

You've known him for 3 years, so why don't you cut him some slack? Accept people for who they are. He obviously sucks at maintaining long distance friendships...so do I. I tell all my friends that, and they know that, and some of my friends suck at it too. Life gets busy and "let's catch up soon" turns into 3 months down the line. It doesn't mean we're not friends, it just means that we're not integral parts of each other's lives anymore but when we reunite it's like we saw each other yesterday.

 

So yes you're being dramatic and that's a great way to burn bridges. What do you want to accomplish by this? for him to tell you sorry he's busy and you're not the number one priority in his life?

[Batya33]

I agree with Mhowe that it's way out of line - he was vague in his response -the "upcoming days" could be 5 years from now. He doesn't see your friendship the way you do -sorry! What he did might not be the best manners technically but it's within the realm of acceptable. Leave him alone.

[faraday]

If someone was not one of my besties, and I got a message like that...I would probably ignore them from then on.

 

You like him. He doesn't like you. It's probably best that you quit waiting around hoping he'll change his mind about you.

 

When we are crushing on someone...they know. And they don't want to hurt our feelings...so they distance themselves hoping we'll take the hint...he doesn't want a big confrontation...just let the guy go.

[missmarple]

I agree that you shouldn't send that message unless he was your best friend or something..which he wasn't. He was just someone you went out with...your circle of friends.

I think he only sees you as one of his friends and not a close one, either. Save your dignity and don't contact him again until he does.

[reinventmyself]

You really don't need to confront him or ask him questions.

His actions are giving you the answers you seek.

You may have nothing to loose by reaching out again at a much later date. Something light hearted.

If you get the same reaction (or non reaction) you have your answer. . no more wondering.

[ParisPaulette]

Sweetheart if he's not writing you back then that's a very clear message that he isn't interested. And possibly you're starting to creep him out a little with your persistence when you two didn't even date and he likely only saw you as a friendly girl in a big circle of friends. And has probably picked up you have a crush, but isn't interested in return. You want him to run the other way as fast as possible from you? Send him a message rebuking him for not responding when he owed you no response in the first place.

 

You need to move on and let this one go, this guy isn't interested.

[Stay_home]

"Hi. Sorry, I am busy and I will answer your message the upcoming days"

 

I think this is a clear indication that he's not interested in you. If that's not the case than you're probably on a laundry list of prospects and he put you at the bottom of that list. So either way you cut it or slice it, he's shafting you.

[offplanet]

Don't confront people, it's a turnoff.