Post here instead of texting ex

[beanpot]

The only way I break through the painful cycles of loss and longing... is to hope for a reunion with you. I continue to work hard on myself to become a more patient, more empathetic, more loving partner. I have read so many books on anxiety now... and I have a much better understanding of how it affects an individual, and how it can affect a couple. I can see how everything that I ever got upset about and thought was unfair boiled down to not understanding how anxiety affected you. Its all-consuming nature. The constant physical, mental, emotional strain... You are the bravest person I know... because you wake up every day tackling things that are terrifying to you. I am here... to walk with you on your journey if you will have me as a companion... though I know my track record so far has been far from exemplary. I wish I knew what I do now about anxiety when we first started dating, but hindsight is 20/20. Can you believe me when I tell you that these are the growing pains that I needed to go through to better understand you and your struggles. Can you reach out with a tentative pinky, and let me win back your hand and your heart. I don't love you despite your anxiety. I love you because of your anxiety. Because of your struggles. Because I see the person that you are. Because you are so damn brave, so damn strong, so damn capable, fighting for happiness and growth with all your might, despite all the pain that you have suffered, including the ones caused by me.

[beanpot]

I know I've asked you to show me with actions that you love me. That's not because I have expectations of you. It's purely because I have times when I need reassurance that I'm important to you. I know I've brought up examples of things I've done to try and show you I love you. I'm sorry I tainted these memories by using them as examples. I didn't bring them up asking you to do similar things. I brought them up to show you how I try to show my love. I don't know if any of this makes sense. But we all show love in different ways I know this. I was trying to meet your love languages and I was hoping you could meet mine.

 

In all honesty I don't get the greatest joy when you do things for me. Those do help me feel loved though... I appreciate all of your actions and words and thoughts I do. But my greatest joy comes from seeing you happy. Seeing your smile because of a gift I brought or a date I planned... that's the best thing in the world. You have no idea how true it is when I say that your joy is my joy... and your pain is mine as well.

[icantsay]

I am so sorry for everything.. So sorry for how i behaved and how I made you feel. I just wish I could undo everything I did. I wish we could have another chance. I just want to hug you tight and tell you how much you have meant to me. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I can't let go of us, just can't

[beanpot]

I want the pain to stop. But the pain won't stop without giving up hope. And I don't want to give up hope. But I want to stop the pain. Why is it so easy for you to leave me.

[rlhuk]

Miss you beb x

[IAmFCA]

Wow. The freighter is slowly turning into the channel. Keep those engines firing. Glad we love each other, and glad we are going on about our business. Toodles.

[acnlds]

You know what, I did this and we'll the days continued on we continued living together being friends together doing everything and anything together slowly but surely falling into the relationship path but it being purely friends with benefits now. As time went on I thought nothing of it but he was back on the scene texting girls and putting me aside still being there mostly but never quite 100% present. I joked about it and teasing but then one night all my friends turned against me at a party I attended and I had felt as if I had lost everything. Anything and everything was always my fault for people pain going into a spiral of depression I realised. All this time we weren't together we were in the back of my head that surfaced I had never actually fell out of love with him I just forgot how to appreciate him and being with him. All the memories I made that I barely have time to make now I was all so selfish and ungrateful but in this all k realised he's the one who will never leave me never not be there and who I could trust the most. Then when I told him how I felt. Nothing. I had lost him. For sure it was done gone I spent the rest of my time in a real state of depression and he took care of me anyway but it felt like him being there made it worse so I was horrible mean trying to push him away but It was getting worse so I tried to love him again as if nothing was wrong eventually his heart was found he still loved me but after all the pain found it difficult but found the clarity to forgive me through time. Yesterday he called me his girlfriend again after months of rejection as it not quite being the right time for forgiveness. I am back in my honeymoon period of the relationship and we couldn't be happier.

 

He's the one.

[Chasing Peace]

I think you are completely defiled for f*&king that particular guy. I know you cheated with him before we broke up. I despise the day your path crossed mine. To me, you do not even exist. you are ridiculous to think I'd want to stay friends with someone that I despise ever knowing or touching. You think you can have it all and I am that gullible. I do not believe you nor in you. Ever since you got with him, you have lied, manipulated, and played the victim. How many others did you cheat with that I do not know about? You have no shame and have surpassed the reputation of the of babylon. Still, I gave you money when you needed it--without you even having to ask. How much of my money went for you to further that dimwit, weak ? You don't seem to understand that I do not call him a dimwit as name calling. I call him that because of you and all that you have told me about him and what you do. YOU researched for him how to cut his child support payments. Stealing money from women that raised those kids. Women that did not want to raise them with him, yet you want to get pregnant and be number four. You are blind and obsessively infatuated and have no understanding of what love is. It is not a country song. You brought him into every place that I held precious to my heart. You gave him everything that I worked so hard for. I bent over backwards for you like I have no one else. And you are about to lose even that! What is your final cost before you see that he came after you because you purchased him, you bought him everything. Hell with you. You do not exist to me. I was single for the last seven years. I never met you. Your path never crossed mine. You no longer exist to me...ever! Go away and stay away..You that are defiled

 

This is your and him:

"The worst part about giving too much is that the other person probably won't just drop you. At least then you'd be free to start over. Instead, they will keep you on a string and not take you seriously, and you find yourself in "crazy love" relationship. "

and

"....it certainly sounds like he is enjoying someone buying him stuff and paying his living expenses, and getting steady sex....he will ride it as long as he can."

 

Now it is done. You do not exist.

 

Sorry, I needed to vent this. I didn't want to send it to her. I don't want to be mean or cruel, but I needed to say it. To let the anger out and hopefully be done with it. I learned a lot from the break up about myself and what went wrong and my role both during and after. I am ashamed that I think like this. but I am angry. Please excuse.

[saluk]

Came in her thinking I have things to say. I don't Guess I'll wander back out.

[Chasing Peace]

The thing is, I'm not angry that we broke up. As it turned out, it was the best thing that we did. I needed to grow up and meet myself. I needed to understand what it was that I really wanted and needed in a relationship. My anger is because you chose him. I encouraged that friendship. You didn't waste time from the very moment you woke on the first day of the break to call him. I know when you wake. There was no hesitation or thought. You called him. You started this well before the break. With over 60k people in that city, you turned to him. Every thing you've said and the choices you have made indicate it. Slim to no chance it is otherwise. You did shatter me. No doubt. But what you don't understand is, I am angry, but I stopped wanting you back because I knew what that one decision you made meant. The one just a month after our break up. And it was huge. No one does that for someone that just became a "friend" that they supposidly don't really know only that he was a good friend to you during the break and the initial weeks following the break up. Lie to yourself all you want. He's got more baggage than any other the others you dated prior to me. I just wanted you to find someone else. You are typical. A girl that can't not be in a relationship. I told you that from the very start that I knew that about you when you and I first started. You keep chasing your white rabbits down that hole. As for me, the anger will eventually go away and then there will be nothing, not even a thought. And I will be happy with my new family and the life I had planned to share for you and our children, I will give to her and ours. Go heal you. Ultimately, I do wish you well. I never meant to hurt you. But I know that I did. You hurt me too. You might not think that it was as harsh, mean or cruel. But it was. Just because I used words, your actions did the same. Break ups are never good, but it didn't have to be as bad. I know had I given you space, chances are things would have been different. But I wouldn't have grown. Hopefully you will too. I do wish i could take back all the pain that I caused you. But you going to that particular guy, made you not worth the energy or pain. Enjoy your life, you, for I think you will always struggle while you are with him. Maybe you will understand one day that there is better out there for you. Be good to yourself. Never look back. Breathe, heal, and have peace. You can say you have regrets for not being able to give me a future. No one can promise anyone that. I told you that when you said you would love me forever. Your regret, when you finally decide to take a deep look inside and face yourself, is what you have done to yourself, not me. Deep down you are a scared little girl who is still sitting on that stoop with a glove waiting to be asked to play.Yes, I think you started with him well before our break. No one else has to believe it. You said it yourself, you are good at manipulating your girls and, if they really don't know, you did more than a great job. As stated, you have turned out to be typical and a waste of energy. Enjoy.

[rlhuk]

You look so cute in that picture on FB I just want to kiss you all over your face. x

[ellyrie]

Dear X

 

I never understood what a broken heart was until that cold September night. I already knew all day that you were going to break up with me but it just didn’t seem real until you told me face to face that you no longer loved me. I can’t believe how upset and sad I feel and I guess it only further confirms to me that I was deeply in love with you. You said you had to make a decision and I wish it was another decision I really do. I have so many fond memories and I have tried to list as many as possible below. Ever since we first met you have always been genuine and never fake, you have always put other before yourself and shown empathy to others. I could always rely on you to cheer me up or to help me out of problems. You always had the right solution. You helped me enormously and helped me change my lifestyle and life. You are extremely beautiful and very independent. You cared for me, my health and general wellbeing. You were always there to talk to and when we both had from people around us we could talk to each other and make things better. You are the best thing that ever happened to me and I thought for a long time we would be together for the rest of our lives and I guess I was just waiting for the rest of our lives to begin ASAP. You were my girlfriend, my lover but also my best friend. If I find someone else it will never be the same for either of us, we have both learnt so much about ourselves and the deep and unique relationship we shared will be very hard to emulate. You put up with a lot of from me, maybe not always my fault but things seemed to follow me. I tried my best to make you happy and feel loved all the time but I forgot the simple things. When you would tell me you feel crazy I would often write it off or even question you instead of listening and trying to solve the problems. Had I of done this maybe we would be still together. September 14th 2015 will be a day to forget but March 2014 – September 13th 2015 will always be beautiful and treasured memories. I still wish it was March 2014 – March 2114 but I know you have made your decision and now it is just up to me to accept it and try to move on. I love you x and we shared a love which will echo through the ages, no matter what happens in the future you will always have a special place in my heart.

 

Best wishes and much love

 

Y

 

Memories

 

Talking for ages after Halloween Rosebery

Inviting me to nandos

KoKo

Our first kiss in the corridor at Antonios and the 1 zillion later that night

Regents park when you bought me orange juice, mango and crisps (which you ate!)

British museum with Lewis chess pieces

Harry Potter world and keeping it a surprise to the very end

Pointless

Billy Elliot

Having sex for the first time

Every time we were intimate

Showers together at Carr-Saunders

Masala Zone

Visiting your parents for the first time, going round Norwich, watching them in concert and having lobster pasta in Prezzo (first ever prezzo)

Massage in Mayfair

Cheese Fondue near oxford street

London Aquarium

Afternoon tea in south Kensington

Scuba diving hand in hand

Hop on and hop off bus

Tennis Bonanza

Mini golf in Norwich park

Long walks with your family

Fish and Chips in Cromer and walking along the beach

Watching films and TV with your family with biscuits and tea

Sending you food when you were hungry to your house

Boots marathon shop

Meeting you at the station with flowers

Hawksmoor and the Ballet

Bringing me hot chocolate at work

Lincolns inn chambers secret room

Birthday cupcakes in Hyde park

Baking me a delicious chocolate orange cake

Edinburgh Christmas market

Arthurs seat conquered

Edinburgh Zoo

The hobbit marathon

Taking care of me after my operation

Canal boat in Bruges

Romantic walks and meals in Bruges

Walking tours and costa coffee in Warsaw

Awesome pizza at Collete’s

Awesome food always made by your mum

Lovely gifts through everything

Burns night with Jenny

Commonwealth games with Irn-Bru and shortbread

Judge john deed, apprentice, house of cards and Poldark

Nights in at Remington with co-op food

Dinner at Liverpool street with Jenny and your parents

Greenwich observatory

Richard triathlon and drinks after

Brighton day out

Peterborough tour

Walking the dogs with you

Science museum and natural history museum

Swan Lake and queuing to get inside

Barbican library and 4th floor café

Park run

Cooked breakfasts, fajitas and chicken curry

Snuggling in bed to keep warm while watching TV

Skype conversations until you fell asleep

Gym sessions and swimming together

Thorpe Park

Watching you brilliantly at the orchestra concert LSE

Bus rides around London i.e. kew gardens and Greenwich

Picnics in Greenwich and highbury

Writing you poems by text and whatsapp

Your beautiful valentines card

Christmas card from Rosebery

Dancing to enrique iglesias

[Chasing Peace]

Thanks to whoever decided to start this thread. It was very cathartic to get all the negative crap out. I know it sounded harsh, but I think because it is being seen and possibly read it helped to get over that last hurdle. Much thanks!

[Movingforward3]

I miss talking to you about many things, some silly and some serious. We always had fun. I am ur best friend. I love u dearly. U said I was the only one that listens to u. Finding u was so unexpected and wonderful. I looked forward to having a life and children. That's the worst of it all, that u made believe children were possible for me and You. Ur coldness and leaving and already moving on broke my heart. I will never understand u leaving or falling off the face of the earth.

[bluekb]

I am really starting to dislike you. Everything is about you. I am trying to cut off contact with you because you hurt me. Can you please get out of my life, like now. I don't need constant reminders of you and you are a jerk for feeling the need to give me them. Let me move on. You dumped me, don't you remember that?

[erasing hp]

I wish I never knew Holley P. ever existed.

[sheldon]

I'd like to say that I'm sorry for all the mean and cruel things I said and did once we broke up, but I realized something: you were already with him before we went on break and officially broke up. You used to tell me everything and who you were going to go out with and such--not that you ever had to, because you knew I wasn't jealous and I trusted you. You betrayed and disrespected me. In your arrogance, I wonder if it ever occurred to you that I never asked you to come back? In fact, most of the times I said breaking up was the best thing that we did and that if you asked to come back, I wouldn't take you back because I knew that I needed to work on me. The breakup was hard, especially due to the choices you made, but it made me realize just how imperfect of a match we were and if I had my head on straight, I'd never have chosen a girl like you. I must admit you have your charms. But, you were right, I did leave well before we actually broke up. I just wished, I'd have realized that I wasn't in love with you anymore. I worked so hard to ensure our future was financially secure so that we could have the family and life we wanted. To give our kids the best experiences. I was blinded and didn't realize that I had fallen out of love with you. For that I am sorry that I didn't catch it so much earlier. I never wanted to believe what I think of you now. Nor did I ever think you could ever make me feel like I do about you now. I loved you to the stars, the moon and the ends of the universe once upon a time. Now I am filled with disgust, and I think you are defiled inside and out and wish I could go back to prevent our paths from ever crossing. I must say, I am glad that you are out of my life and I am not going to look back. Thank you for the lessons, however, you were not worth the pain.

[Miffycat14]

I have really missed you the past few days really badly

[bluekb]

Oh god man, I miss you. I miss you so much. I just want to call you up to say hey how are you doing. It doesn't matter how you treat me or what you do for some reason I'm just stuck on you. I would give just about anything right now to go to the movies with you, hold your hand and then head home together. I'm so tired of trying to be strong. I want you. I love you. I miss you. i don't know how I'm going to do this life without you. I can't stop trying to fix things in my head and it hurts so much that you are moving on with your life. How am I supposed to handle this? I just don't know how to do this. I'm sorry I haven't written back, there are no words for me to say. I don't like how you treat me, and you did that in the relationship too. You put yourself first so much that I became diminished. I didn't stand up for myself so I'm just as much as at fault. But how much of this was just mental issues you were dealing with? That just makes me sick. It's a disease and it took you from me. So here I am, having the worst day yet, pain in my chest all day long, suffocating thoughts, wishing things were different somehow. Missing you missing you missing you. What I would't give for one more chance or even one more hug, just to feel your arms around me. Why did this happen? Please don't forget me. And this biz thing, I can't come see you, I can't work with you right now. I see you and it just blows my heart to bits. It takes days to recover. It hurts so much. Please stop asking. I know I always seemed so strong, but this pain is really bad and I can't handle intensifying it.

[bluekb]

I miss you. I worry about you. I can't believe you left me. It's all really starting to hit. A month ago I had one life, a month later something completely different. I don't want anyone else but you. You. Love. you.

[Khalil]

You were very emotionally abusive toward me, you manipulated me on everything and neglected my feelings so many times that I was unsure I had feelings. You're bragging on your Tumblr about having sex with the person you cheated on me with, its all for attention and anyone can see that. I was finally able to come to terms that you were abusive to me today, but why do I still miss you? Why do I wish you were here in my arms? You messed me up big time and I have to go to counselling because of you and your selfish acts....but I still love and want you!

[sheldon]

I still have moments when I despise the day that our paths crossed. But I am working through it and one day, it wont even be a thought. I know you and your friends think that I still am not over you. That's not it. I am well past being over you. But it was the situation and how it all came about. I know you will never admit it. Your friends stand behind you as they should. But I truly believe this entire thing with that guy started well before we broke up. Else, you wouldn't have done what you did for him or moved as quickly. I wonder if that is what your depression was really about. Were you waiting for me to do or say something that would make you change your mind before we broke up? Or is it all about the guilt you had that no longer is there now? I wonder, do you even realize what you did or what you are doing? Do you not see that you are still trying to make yourself happy through someone else? I don't know, even with therapy, if you will ever realize what you are doing or that that guy took advantage of you. I know you don't care right now. I do wonder if you will ever see what it is that I know you saw but chose to ignore about that guy. It's your life. I want no part of it ever to touch mine again. I will tell you, just like you, I never could have imagined we'd be living separate lives and it does sadden me at times. I just know that I just wished you would not have tainted and defiled my memories of you and you and I by the choices you made when you really shouldn't have been making those choices. Then, again, maybe you knew what you were doing all along. I don't know. I just know that I will be happy again and I will be even happier when you no longer pop into my mind never again. If I could go back in time, your path and mine would never intersect. For the moment, I truly despise that you shared any part of my life. For the moment, this is where I am at.

 

You who once were the sun, the moon and the stars, who I loved to the ends of the universe and to God's feet, I now despise to the the ends of the universe and to God's feet. I am sorry, but you have made it thus. Again, I never could have imagined, you of all people, could ever make me feel this way about you. I hope you are happy.

[LovelyDani87]

I miss you but I am fully aware you could care less.

[RiverDust]

You always said that we have met at the wrong time. I never believed you, I believed that i was put here in this time to help you get through the hardest parts of your life, then continue on to our next chapter. I wasn't patient enough.

 

I had a dream about you, it took away all of my pain in my heart because you were there with me again, it is the first and only time i felt peace again since things changed. in this dream we hugged, we cried together said the sweetest things. we told each other that no matter what happens in life that here we never have to let go and that this is only for a short time. I started to wake up, I tried to go back to that dream and you were gone, and after my eyes opened the pain returned.

 

You stubborn B**** call me! lol

[stayingstrong1]

Dear ex,

 

I feel so stupid and heart broken. How could you do this to me? You knew exactly what you were doing and you didn't stop to think about my feelings once. You broke up with me after a stupid fight and left my heart in a million shattered pieces. You kept sleeping with me and giving me false hope that one day we would be able to make things better.

When things got hard for you I let you move in with me, I helped you when you broke your leg, I supported you when you lost your job, I was there for you every step of the way and I know we fought about things (because we moved in together too quickly and I was starting to feel unappreciated for everything I was doing for you) but we could have fixed all that, you know we could have, you just didn't want to. Why? Why wouldn't you ever just talk to me and help me fix our issues? They were always so stupid and small but you never wanted to resolve them, you would rather ignore them and pretend they didn't exist. All I ever wanted from you was to communicate with me. Why couldn't you just do that? It would have been so easy.

When you broke up with me you moved out and moved in with a friend, and every time we spoke you sounded annoyed at me like i was wasting your time, yet I still held on to hope. You went on holiday to your family's beach house without me (even though I had always desperately wanted to come with you), yet I still held on. You decided that you were going to move there, without me, but I still held on. You came back here for 3 months to get everything sorted and sold and pack up your life ready to move, yet I still waited You contacted me to catch up once a week while you were back, and every time we had an amazingly incredible fun night together and it all just seemed so perfect, yet you would walk out the next morning and I wouldn't hear from you again for another week... but I still held on. When you came to visit me for the last time, I still held on to hope. I didn't cry, I didn't make it hard for you. You got up, showered and made a few jokes while my heart was breaking into a thousand pieces. I watched you gather your things, I walked you to the door, you hugged my dog who you once loved and adored, we hugged and kissed, and you left. Without a backward glance at what we had or who you were leaving behind. And now you are gone, and I still hold onto hope You have moved interstate, to the beach and to a better lifestyle, away from me and my shattered heart. You seem so happy about your new start and it kills me. My house is a living breathing memory of you. Every time I walk in the door I think of you, every time I open my eyes in the morning I think of you, I go into my garden and think of you, I look at my dog and think of you. On the miserable train ride to my miserable day job every day I think of you. You are everywhere, but I am nowhere in your mind and it is tearing me apart. I loved you so much it physically hurts. My chest hurts and I can't breathe. You have no idea what you have done to me and even if you did know, you wouldn't even care. I am so angry at for you for being able to walk away so easily. It makes me sick, to think of you with other girls and know that you will be so much happier in your new place. You are a selfish, self-centred, narcissist, but I love you so much. When things were good with us, they were amazing, perfect. But when things were bad, you ran I was always willing to stick it out to work through our problems and hopefully become closer as a couple, I wanted that so badly. But you couldn't have cared less

I hate you for this. I hate who you have made me become. I used to be a confident, successful, happy and bubbly person, but you have reduced me to nothing. I hope you don't find a job up there, I hope you struggle for the rest of your life. I hope you never find true love because of your inability to care for anyone but yourself. I hope one day you experience the misery you have left me in. I know this sounds awful but I needed to get it off my chest, because it's something I would never say to your face, because I still love you so much.

 

You are heartless. But I will always love you.