Is It Manipulation?

[Ambient]

My boyfriend constantly gets been out of shape whenever I talk to friends on Facebook, and claims that I don't give him any attention. I've been going places with him, doing things with him and practically ignored my friends for about a month now. Now whenever I say I just want a day to relax and chat with friends, he gets pissed and says I never do anything with him.

 

Just this morning, since he worked graveshift, he calls my phone to wake me up, since it was already 11 in the morning. Me, being half asleep and I groaned trying to wake up, he took that sound as 'something else' and accused me of cheating and forced me to get on skype.

[BigKK]

So he sounds insecure and controlling. Yes it's a form of manipulation.

 

He's trying to cut you off from friends so he can isolate and control you. If you are an individual who is constantly on their phone then I could see how it is annoying...but the "get on skype" story shows that he is controlling.

 

Don't ignore your friends, you'll lose them and lose yourself. Might want to reconsider this relationship.

[Ambient]

Reality is, he's the one who's mostly on his phone. He has an iphone, I have a LG verizon phone though i don't have the all data plan so i can't use the internet regardless.

[poetryandlyrics]

Major red flag.

 

Controlling, jealous, wanting to isolate you, and ignoring boundaries by waking you up with his mind games instead of actually talking.

 

I second rethinking this relationship.

[DancingFool]

Yes, he is being controlling and manipulative. Beware.

 

You can't make an insecure controlling person feel secure....ever.... It doesn't matter what you do, what you say, etc. Their demands just become less and less rational and more and more binding on you. It is very much a way to isolate you to the point where you don't know black from white anymore and what they say becomes your only reality and point of reference. That can really destroy you as a person. So listen to your instincts telling you that this behavior is wrong and reconsider continuing this relationship. At the very least be very aware of him escalating the little ways he tries to control you. What your gut is telling is correct - he is being manipulative and it is wrong.

[Ambient]

Now I just have to find the right time to end it.

[poetryandlyrics]

There is never a right time to break up, especially for something like this. Quick and easy like a band-aid is best. Don't prolong your well being.

[Snny]

Just this morning, since he worked graveshift, he calls my phone to wake me up, since it was already 11 in the morning. Me, being half asleep and I groaned trying to wake up, he took that sound as 'something else' and accused me of cheating and forced me to get on skype.

Time to find a new boyfriend and drop him now. This guy is too much drama to put up with and it won't get better.

[JGintheOC]

He's being controlling, possessive and manipulative. He's a scared little runt.

 

Those type of men become verbally absuive...maybe physical.

 

You don't need that drama.

[HeartGoesOn]

^

Agree with JG, this is only a small taste of what lies ahead. Get out now.

[lukeb]

We don't actually really know, I think we are jumping to conclusions a little, but you don't actually need us to tell you are right and that he is wrong for you to break up with him, you can break up with him just for the simple reason you don't want to be with him anymore. It doesn't make you a bad person.

[poetryandlyrics]

We don't actually really know, I think we are jumping to conclusions a little, but you don't actually need us to tell you are right and that he is wrong for you to break up with him, you can break up with him just for the simple reason you don't want to be with him anymore. It doesn't make you a bad person.

 

Dude. I've seen you posting on similar topics about women in abusive or could be abusive relationships and you take the "well, we don't know for sure" stance. If that's the case, then why are you posting if you don't know how to respond? This OP said he would get upset if she wanted to hang out with her friends. That's a clear sign. Just as another topic confessed that her bf urinated on her (in a topic that's asking for help about his behavior). That's another clear sign. I really don't get you but I find "let's not jump to conclusion" and examining what urinating really means or his boyfriend's issue of getting upset at her hanging out with her friends are not constructive. They can be harmful. These women clearly post in help because they know their boundaries are being violated. If there are any other issues leading up to why the boyfriend was so upset about her hanging out with her own friends, then clearly those issues are not helping. He clearly doesn't have the communication skills or they both don't have the right relationship skills to be with each other. All answers point to a no, this is unhealthy, get out and learn to be healthy.

[Snny]

We don't actually really know, I think we are jumping to conclusions a little, but you don't actually need us to tell you are right and that he is wrong for you to break up with him,

Seriously? And you don't think the boyfriend jumped to conclusions by demanding the OP to get on a video chat (I.E. "Skype") to see if there is somebody in her bedroom because she yawned on the phone? You don't think he's micromanaging the relationship?

[notalady]

Thank you for pointing this out. I applaud you.

[lukeb]

To me the original post sounded too much like a vent of two people who aren't a good match, it is completely different topic of what I was commenting on before, so my response was different. In the end our advice is the same but there is no need to get bent out of shape on who is right and who is wrong when two people just aren't a good match. Some people want to be with someone where they are doing everything together and some people like space and have their own group of friends.

[poetryandlyrics]

To me the original post sounded too much like a vent of two people who aren't a good match, it is completely different topic of what I was commenting on before, so my response was different. In the end our advice is the same but there is no need to get bent out of shape on who is right and who is wrong when two people just aren't a good match. Some people want to be with someone where they are doing everything together and some people like space and have their own group of friends.

 

Getting bent out of shape? My response to you was very civilly done so there's no need to project.

I do not see how they are "just" two people who are different from each other if he would demand her to Skype with him so she can prove she wasn't f***ing anybody else due to her "suspicious" yawn. That's telling of his insecurity and controlling tendencies. This relationship is unhealthy, point blank. It's not a case one being a homebody and the other a mad traveler/explorer social butterfly.

[CeeLambrini]

First of all, however long it takes to get out of this relationship - whether it be 5 minutes from now, or a month from now - stop enabling the behaviour. Like DancingFool said - insecure people aren't 'cured' from their insecurity when their 'needs' are met. If you hadn't answered the phone at all, you would have still been accused of cheating. If you had answered the phone, not yawned but still sounded sleepy you would have still been accused ("Late night? WHO WERE YOU WITH?"). Cutting out friends, dressing head to toe in full fabric, getting rid of your phone, staying in one room for the rest of your life - you will still be accused of cheating somehow as long as he does not address his insecurity issues.

 

If you are secure in the fact that this relationship is on the rocks and meeting it's end anyway, you have nothing to lose with a "No". As soon as he corners you again, asks to check your phone, makes you go on Skype - "No". It won't work. He'll be on Skype and still accuse you of quickly hiding this secret lover you have before he answers. Next, a warning - "Your insecurity and accusations are pushing me away - please seek help, and call me when you have decided to work on yourself". When all else fails, leave him. Because you are being isolated and controlled. If he genuinely has insecurities, genuinely worries that your behaviour indicates cheating then there will be something in him that will make him snap out of it. However, if he is using 'insecurity' as a manipulation tactic, he will refuse to change, to get help, to work on the situation. He will become more and more frustrated with the fact that he can't control you, and you will walk away with no regrets.