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Dating questions. (Men a little insight from you would help termendously!)

deadmareish

By deadmareish
in Dating Advice

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deadmareish Contributor

deadmareish

Posted
Posted

Me and my Ex have been broken up for nearly 3 months now (Wow. That seems weird.)

We've been keeping in contact for two (Me hoping to get back together) ...

 

Although I've been hoping to rekindle with my ex, I've been chatting to someone I met on a dating app. He seems like an real cool person. His messages always make me laugh and I generally feel excited when I see he's replied, he makes me feel good about myself. We've been talking for the same amount of time my ex and I have been broken up. We have not exchanged phone numbers, in fact things have been going terribly slow. We've only just added each other on Facebook and that's only because I lost my phone. Before you jump to what I presume you jump to I know he is who he says he is because we also Snapchat.

He has previously said to me 'he's looking for fun' ... But what exactly does that mean?

 

About 2 weeks ago, I took a big leap and asked to if we could meet. In all fairness to the guy he said outright that he had only just gotten out of a relationship and so was not looking for anything as such. I am fine with that, as I am in the same boat. I just wanted to meet the guy as he seems like good fun (maybe hopefully of us really liking each other enough to see if it can go anywhere

We got real close to arranging something right when he went on holiday for a week.

He's back now and we're back to talking, only the meeting up thing seems to have disappeared... Should I ask him again? Or should I wait until he says now? Or do you think he's only really interested in a 'pen pal' sort of thing?

 

He often can take days to reply as he seems to keep a busy lifestyle. Which I admire about him. I can 'see' that he has read my messages but he prolongs reply's? He also spends a lot of time away with work and holiday, he has a girl as a roommate and a lot of pretty girl 'pals'

Does this mean anything? Should I just pack up hope now? ... I've only ever had one boyfriend - my ex, and we got together quite young. I've never done the dating thing and I've always had a lot of guy friends but other the pursuing my ex I've never taken friendships further.

 

Any advice is great appreciated!

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happyplace Apprentice

happyplace

Posted
Posted

He doesn't sound too serious and if you're both just chatting I wouldn't get your hopes up. I say just play it by ear and see what happens. Don't go out of your way and don't invest or read too much into it. Just set your mind on cruise control and you'll figure out what to do.

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hodgeheg Enthusiast

hodgeheg

Posted
Posted

What are you hoping to get out of this?

 

If it's no strings attached sex then sure, ask him to meet again.

 

If you want something more (which the tone of your post suggests) then back away now.

 

You said that "he makes me feel good about myself" and whilst I can completely understand that after a break up, you need to find that feeling by yourself before you can have a successful relationship IMO.

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Sportster2005 Mentor

Sportster2005

Posted
Posted

Here is a male perspective.

 

Not all, I suspect most men don't just want to get the panties of off every women they meet. Fun is not a euphemism for sex. Revelation time. Men like to have fun too. We like to dance, joke, smile, go for rides, listen to music etc. This guy just might want to hang out without any relationship commitment. Sometimes men just want to go out and enjoy the company of a woman. I know, shocking isn't it.

 

As far as your situation goes, he is behaving like someone whose interest has waned. There are many reasons why. The popular reason around here is he is a cheating lying btard. Men aren't allowed the luxury of losing interest like women are.

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JGintheOC Contributor

JGintheOC

Posted
Posted
Here is a male perspective.

 

Not all, I suspect most men don't just want to get the panties of off every women they meet. Fun is not a euphemism for sex. Revelation time. Men like to have fun too. We like to dance, joke, smile, go for rides, listen to music etc. This guy just might want to hang out without any relationship commitment. Sometimes men just want to go out and enjoy the company of a woman. I know, shocking isn't it.

 

As far as your situation goes, he is behaving like someone whose interest has waned. There are many reasons why. The popular reason around here is he is a cheating lying btard. Men aren't allowed the luxury of losing interest like women are.

 

That's not what I said at all. What I said in fact is he was probably looking to have fun in the way YOU said. Don't generalize women and we won't generalize you.

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BigKK Collaborator

BigKK

Posted
Posted

You guys are penpals, and the chance of you two meeting up is slim to none. You're still talking with your ex, so it's not like you're that available either.

 

This guy will just continue chatting with you until he gets bored, which can be a very long time...don't expect anything though. I know this from experience, trust me!

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SooSad33 Grand Master

SooSad33

Posted
Posted

"'he's looking for fun'"

- He's just looking to hook up..sex.

 

"he had only just gotten out of a relationship and so was not looking for anything as such."

"He often can take days to reply as he seems to keep a busy lifestyle."

- He's not wanting any more than an occasional FWB. He finds no need to keep up, as a 'real' involvement.

If this isn't what YOU want. best lay off this one.

 

Maybe YOU aren't quite ready to go down this road again, as you've so recently has a relationship end. Are you not dealing with that? Are you not 'feeling' anything from that BU?

It's good to take a good few months away from getting involved so quickly again..

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deadmareish Contributor

deadmareish

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Here is a male perspective.

 

Not all, I suspect most men don't just want to get the panties of off every women they meet. Fun is not a euphemism for sex. Revelation time. Men like to have fun too. We like to dance, joke, smile, go for rides, listen to music etc. This guy just might want to hang out without any relationship commitment. Sometimes men just want to go out and enjoy the company of a woman. I know, shocking isn't it.

 

Well if that's the case, then that's all I really want too. Not to commit but to have some fun male companionship, in which there's no worries about whether the other is looking for more!

 

Tbh, we hadn't talked for a while and I feel asking him to meet may have scared him, so he probably has lost some Interest! ... He's fun to talk to though and if that's as far as it goes then I'm not really bothered

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deadmareish Contributor

deadmareish

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Here is a male perspective.

 

Not all, I suspect most men don't just want to get the panties of off every women they meet. Fun is not a euphemism for sex. Revelation time. Men like to have fun too. We like to dance, joke, smile, go for rides, listen to music etc. This guy just might want to hang out without any relationship commitment. Sometimes men just want to go out and enjoy the company of a woman. I know, shocking isn't it.

 

Well if that's the case, then that's all I really want too. Not to commit but to have some fun male companionship, in which there's no worries about whether the other is looking for more!

 

Tbh, we hadn't talked for a while and I feel asking him to meet may have scared him, so he probably has lost some Interest! ... He's fun to talk to though and if that's as far as it goes then I'm not really bothered

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notalady Mentor

notalady

Posted
Posted

Tbh, we hadn't talked for a while and I feel asking him to meet may have scared him, so he probably has lost some Interest! ... He's fun to talk to though and if that's as far as it goes then I'm not really bothered

 

You phrased that the wrong way, he was never that interested, that's why he was "scared off". If he was interested, he would have been more than happy to meet you or even asked you out himself.

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eskimobobseal Explorer

eskimobobseal

Posted
Posted

He does not sound interested in meeting up, therefore I would move on to someone else. The first thing that would be on my mind after a vacation is getting back to that meeting I had set up with a pretty girl. If he didn't even mention it, you're not important enough for him to remember and there's not much there on his end.

 

You'll find someone else. Please, when you do - make sure you're over your ex.

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