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deadmareish

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  1. deadmareish
    I wish I did things differently.
  2. deadmareish
    Day 12 Getting easier not to give in, but I still want to give in.
  3. deadmareish
    Got it wrong and miss counted - Today is Day 10 Today is a hard day. It's all hit home. 3 months broken up. 2 years wasted. 10 days NC. Even with my friends around today I feel lonely. Today I miss him.
  4. deadmareish
    Today it has been exactly 3 months since he broke up with me. I don't necessarily feel sad about either. Day 8
  5. deadmareish
    Getting harder to resit messaging him already. Having a rubbish week and I want him to be the one to comfort me. I think it's nothing more then out of habit and no one else seems to be around... Day 7
  6. deadmareish
    Posting early, don't know what today will bring. Probably not much. Although I have not been chatting to him, I still have my ex on Facebook. I've been trying not to check up on him either, although it's not hard as he doesn't really post much etc. What I've found myself doing though is always checking to see if I have a little red notification on my messages and if I do my heart jumps thinking it could be him. I also check the side chat bar a lot to see if he's online (I don't know why cos I'm not planning on contacting him) I am thinking of deleting him, but can't bring myself to. I have no phone until the end of next month so if I ever wanted to get in contact with him, Facebook would be the only way. Also don't know whether to tell him I'm deleting him and why (So he doesn't take too much offence) or if I should do it out right and not say anything. It sounds like I'm being silly I know, but it's one of the hardest decisions I've had to make Day 6
  7. deadmareish
    Realised today i can't remember the last time i had a dream where he was in it. He was always in my dreams. Day 5
  8. deadmareish
    Some parts of this weekend have been bad, but all in all i've stayed with my friends doing stuff to keep my mind of things. Went into town for 5 minutes and ran into him and his 'friend' ... was odd. My heart sank when i saw them. Had to walk right past them too. It had be down for a bit, but i soon managed to get past it. I don't know how long she's staying for, i hope not much longer. I also wonder if he'll reach out to me as before. Though i did tell him not to. Meh. Keep trucking i guess. Day 4
  9. deadmareish
    Can't stop thinking about him. Day 3
  10. deadmareish
    This weekend is going to be so hard. I cannot cope with the thought of some girl staying around his at the weekend, whether they're best friends and whether he says something will not happen. My plan is to just drink myself to death and not have any memory of this weekend at all. Day 2
  11. deadmareish
    Day one This will be the final time I need to start over!
  12. deadmareish
    I give up.
  13. deadmareish
    I'm gunna bump this up to day 3 as i realised i havent had any contact with the ex since sunday. My ex loves classic horrors and i watched Psycho last night. Wanted to tell him about it. I have no real urges to contact him, however every time i logg into Facebook i check with a little hope to see if i have an unread message from him. Can't wait for the feelings to be gone. They just keep dragging me down. I always feel sad.
  14. deadmareish
    I'm weak. I saw him on Thursday. He messed with me, as he always does. He took me out for dinner, slept with me and stayed the night in my bed with me. I asked him the next day if it all meant he was ready to try again, he said it meant nothing. Spent the weekend out, drank my sorrows away. Thought I'd start no contact again today for a new week and all that. 100% NC now, no semi 'I have a friend excuse' I feel like I can do it, after all it was always him to break the NC first. I feel down and out. I feel hopless. I feel like i'll never be happy again without him. But this is for the best. Day one.
  15. deadmareish
    Day 5 Today has been hard. Feeling very unwell and I wish I had him to cuddle me and make me feel better. Feeling very sorry for myself indeed. Was tempted to ask him if he would come hang for a bit. Haven't though. Just going to sleep it off the rest of the day. Hopefully be feeling like my old self tomorrow.
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